Iron Hand Reviews

Silver Hawk (2004)

better than Yeoh's previous movie

[6 February 2004]

I wasn't expecting much after Michelle Yeoh's last flop "the Touch". "Silver Hawk" doesn't have such a great story, but the action scenes were really well done. the part where Yeoh flew over the Great Wall with her motorcycle was particularily amazing. Jingle Ma once again proves his talent as an action movie director a few years after "Tokyo Raiders" (skip "Goodbye Mister Cool" and "Para Para Sakura" unless you're really desperate). Another good reason to go see "Silver Hawk" is the absence of Ekin Cheng from the cast. That guy seems to star in too many HK movies since the mid 1990s. Worth mentioning is "Yin Xiong"'s Chen Daoming, who delivers a great performance. "Silver Hawk" is by far the most successful HK attempt at adapting a comic superhero to the big screen after "Hak Hap" and the mediocre "Hak Hap 2: City of Masks". Just for that I would give it a 7/10.

The Moon Warriors (1992)

hilarious subtitles

[3 February 2004]

Moon Warriors is pretty alright if you're into the wuxia pian genre. It's much better than most HK action movies from the mid 1990s like the Dragon Chronicles, the Sword Stained with Royal Blood, etc etc... yet it can't compete with films such as Dragon Gate Inn, Ashes of Time (both starring maggie cheung, who also appears as "merlin" (what a weird name) in some versions of Moon Warriors), or the eyecandy swordsman 2. Anyway, I was wondering if any of you guys have noticed the weird subtitles on some copies of the DVD. For some reason I don't understand, Andy's character is called "Philip", and his loyal killerwhale buddy's called "Sea-Wayne" (which ended up being the biggest inside joke among my group of friends). Anita Mui appears as "Moonie". Why is it that some of the characters have such ridiculous names? I mean, it's not very consistent since the rest of the cast got chinese names. Anyway, it's a pretty entertaining action flick, give it a try if you want to have a laugh or if you're a fan of Andy, Maggie and Anita.

7/10

Golden Mask (1977)

Hmmm... mind your own business

[4 April 2002]

Golden Killah is a very special movie. I first watched it with one of my extremely corny friend, who likes to buy cheap dvds that somehow can't be sold. To tell you the truth, i don't really remember half of what happened during those 90 minutes, but i can assure you one thing: it was one of the funniest and crappiest movie I have ever seen. If you like that kind of messed up extremely low budget flicks from the 70s, Golden Killah and The Massive are the best of the genre (yeah right...) memorable quotes from this movie:

antisocial hero: hmmm... random chinese guy with weird beard: hey my friend... antisocial hero: hmm... get lost...i'mnot your friend..hmmm random guy: hey antisocial hero: hmm.... mind your own business

another memorable scene:

random guy #2: hey, did you see a man with a golden mask and a red robe? antisocial hero: hmm... get lost...

or:

inn guy: hmm...my friend...(pointing at an ugly creature girl sitting nearby) beware, she's a cruel bitch... antisocial hero: hmm...

I don't think i need more examples to illustrate the extreme depth of this amazingly complex masterpiece. But i still wonder why the hero was so antisocial. well... maybe you need to watch the movie to find out more about his complex personality. I recall a number of cruel fight scenes (nothing great, but highly experimental), a couple of random people with silly hair, and an amazingly ridiculous assassin. But who is this golden killah? well, as the antisocial hero would probably reply, "get lost... mind your own business", trust me... you should follow his advice Common, do i have to rate this movie????

Fudoh: The New Generation (1996)

Extremely Experimental

[3 April 2002]

Fudoh's got to be one of the most messed up Japanese movies from the 1990s I have ever seen. Forget Akira Kurosawa, Beat Takeshi Kitano, Nagisa Oshima, Masahiro Shinoda, etc... Fudoh is not high art, but don't get me wrong, it is a really fun/funny/screwed up film. A couple of memorable scenes from the movie involve:

1) sexual intercourses involving hermaphrodite freaks and lesbians.

2) a p***ed off Korean reject (great performance by Takeshi Caesar... and no, his name's not a joke) getting mad at Japanese cooks for not preparing satisfying Kimchi.

3) Crunchy noise of Korean pickles inside Takeshi Caesar's mouth (this guy really is a funny dude).

4) genitalia used as lethal weapons (ie: the "blow dart" sequence)

5) scarfication and peculiar tatooes.

6) oh...and the most important aspect of this masterpiece: it's a YAKUZA movie!!!! which implies a lot of gun fights, cruel death sequences, hot chicks, katana swords etc...

If you really want to have a good time, you should definitely rent this movie, but be warned! it's messed up... no really... it is. Don't be surprized if you feel like you're on acid or somethign! Fudoh is above all an experience. it's not gonna make you reflect on your own station in life, but it will sure provide you with really f**cked up memories.

Resident Evil (2002)

Annoying

[31 March 2002]

I wonder why some people bother financing movies like Resident Evil.

Honestly, it had some potential, however it ended up being an annoying and disappointing movie. I thought i should list a couple of reasons why one might not wanna go watch Resident Evil:

1) The amazingly ridiculous flying kick by mila jovovich, fatalizing a messed up leprous dog in the process.

2) Michelle Rodriguez, damn... i don't really know why people employ her in movies, but the way she talks and looks at the other actors is quite irritating...well... some people might really like her attitude, but in my opinion, her acting is pretty much like cheap trance music: repetitive. and ANNOYING!!!!

3) The first video game was such a masterpiece, well... it was slow... but as not as boring as the movie. At least it took place in a haunted house. In RS -the movie, they tell you right away what's causing all the weird evil crazy stuff... and the locations used reminded me more of a pointless van damme sci fi movie than of the house in the original game. [i'm sorry, my arguments might seem pretty weak, but i had such a bad experience at the theater yesterday night... i don't even want to play the devil's advocate here...)

4) Special effects were not that great, and the resident-evilish creatures were pretty sad... well, i felt ripped off...

5) the directors try to freak you out by suprizing the audience every 5 minutes. it was pretty effective at the beginning of the film, but let me tell you, after 25 minutes of false alerts, you get really annoyed... yeah... basically... that's it... the movie is annoying, how many times do i have to write it? if you like action movies, go watch iron monkey or something, if you like sci fi, just go watch, i dunno.... ET... or alien. if you like nice looking girls, well, mila jovovich gets pretty "uglified" towards the end of the movie, and you're pretty much stuck with her and rodriguez, whose sweaty face and greasy hair really ANNOYED me. you're better off renting "bring it on" or some other chick flick if you really want to check out...

actually, i have other good reasons for not wasting time and money watching RE, but i'm gonna sound even meaner, so i think i should stop here.