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Reviews
Lyle (2014)
Not worth the money.
This movie masquerades under the guise of woman-driven horror movie, but the reality, as they say, cannot be farther from the truth. This clumsily shot film centers around a main character, a pregnant lesbian woman, who loses her toddler when said toddler falls out a window. She then spirals downward into deepening insanity as she is determined to protect her unborn child from everything and everyone, and everyone, she thinks, is out to get her.
It sounds like a fair premise, but the way it is told is very poorly done. The story is dull, hold no rhythm, and makes no sense. There is no rhyme or reason to her thought process or actions; even insanity must give some kind of twisted reason, but in this movie there is none of that. It tries to go into a five minute introduction to perhaps some kind of supernatural deal with the devil, but without explanation or further study it becomes pointless and confuses the viewer.
As a horror movie, Lyle fails in a spectacular fashion. There are no scares, at all. There are no jump scares, no psychological thrill, and, perhaps worse of all, not even a single tense moment. The boring camera views and bleak colors do nothing to help this movie either.
I am sad I wasted my time viewing this during free time better spent on virtually anything else. I would not give a single dollar to their next movie if this is the best they have to show for their lazy, half-baked efforts.
Sucker Punch (2011)
Somewhat Refreshing
Zach Snyder has continuously wowed his audience with extremely fast-paced action scenes coupled with impressive camera angles and theatrical slow motion. The stories he works with are simple, relying heavily on action and intrigue. It is no different here.
Sucker Punch is in fact an enjoyable movie with highly gratifying action and a fitting soundtrack. Music goes on and on, one new piece about every ten minutes or less. It honestly could be said that this movie is a long music video. All the special effects, at least concerning the swarms of enemies, are surreal; they don't look too realistic, but then again, they are not supposed to. Baby Doll's imaginary world is comprised totally of nightmarish villains almost or entirely lack humanity. Let is be noted they do not look cheap or fake, either. Those who say the action scenes have no connection omit the fact Baby Doll is envisioning a world, any world, where she controls the deadliest of situations. She is traumatized, essentially locked up. It not so much the images but the situation as a whole and the insanity she is imagining.
The storyline is simple once again. However, it comes with an end that is in fact refreshing to see and makes the movie worthwhile. The acting, when not focused on stalwart fighting, is good, even well done. However, I can't say the movie connects very well on all ends. It has little do with the beginning; while the movie makes sense, it seems derailed from what it presented its own plot to be.
If one is looking for a movie that is simple, innovative, philosophical and makes total sense, don't see this one. If you're looking for a simple to complex, action-filled, adrenaline-pumping movie with a surprise, do go see this movie. It's not the best, but I for one enjoyed it immensely.
Flu Bird Horror (2008)
Epic Failure
Lo, for the genius of humanity reveals itself in Flu Birds, the most awe-inspiring movie ever - before it's over you'll wish you were playing solitaire on your computer, it's just that grabbing. As this abomination progressed, I found myself gaping, gasping, laughing, crying, even shivering - all in agonizing pain. The epic fail this movie is, is riveting. Surely it is the horror equivalent of Beverly Hills Chihuahua, which we all know is the best film ever with its Bottom 100 rating. The only thing scary about Flu Birds is the blatant discontinuity and the idiocy of the characters, all of whom are either exceedingly stupid or just plain assholes. You'll hate them all and wish them dead. The "birds" look more like pterodactyls than anything; the idea that they are even mutated doesn't fly. Their CGI was okay, although there were many scenes that were sickeningly fake. Scientific and logic flaws are so numerous there's just no counting them. Indeed, you will shed many tears of disappointment and despair that this movie could even be put into production, if it doesn't burn your eyes out first. Do yourself a favor and rent a documentary about rocks. It'll be better than this movie by far, and you're far less likely to kill yourself at the end.
Mirrors (2008)
Not a BAD movie...
Ben Carson is a washed-up depressed ex-investigator whose self-proclaimed mistake led to the death of a fellow partner. With his marriage broken up and living with his sister, he attempts to get back on his feet by taking a job as a night watchman for an old, decrepit building burned up some time ago. It doesn't take him long to realize that something is very wrong with the absurd amount of mirrors lying polished about the ashy site.
The movie gets off to an average start - it's nowhere near as impressive as, say, the Sixth Sense, but it's not something that makes you want to walk out. The movie progresses in a fair fashion; the mysterious mirrors play well, with no extremely cheesy special effects. For those who know about superstitions involving mirrors, it's quite interesting and fun to ponder what's really going on.
You feel sorry for Ben Carson, although you're more interested in the mirrors. His wife was an average actor; some was rather misplaced, such as appropriate tone of voice and reactions. Some parts of the story, particularly having to do with Ben's shooting accident, falls a little behind and never really pops up in any true significant value; perhaps it should have been left out completely.
The only part where the movie truly falls flat is when the mystery of the mirrors is revealed in a really bare-bones kind of fashion, although at the same time you're thinking, "well, what else?" Those who have seen this movie and rate it poorly on the basis of the mystery unveiled were expecting way too much out of a horror movie - still, the movie could have done better, and thankfully, the mystery can be ignored because the movie overall was not that bad.
It is true that Mirrors wasn't fantastic, but neither was it bad. It deserves a higher rating than what is so far has, like Lady in the Water, which was much better than what people had to say about it. Simply sit back, relax, and grin as you see what becomes of Ben Carson and the wrathful mirrors.
Beowulf (2007)
Pay attention!
Everything I hear about Beowulf focuses on graphics, graphics, graphics. Stop it, please. We all know the graphics are rather spectacular, and if you see it in 3d as I did, it's so spectacular it might make your eyes hurt. The CG is tops - at first I thought it must be a blending of real life and CG, not entirely the latter.
Before I get too carried away singing its praises, however, let me tell you - it slaughtered the real story of Beowulf. I read the story in high school (or was it middle school?) and the movie was so utterly inaccurate to ANY degree, that I started remembering that story. Grendel looks awesome in the movie poster. He looks like a large leper in the film. I thought I noticed some scale change as well - video games do better than that. For the informed, Grendel's mother is monstrous. She's not the sexy babe you always have to see in every movie. Nor does she give birth to the dragon - and on that note, how does such a thing happen anyway? Even if you've never read the story, the movie still won't make sense.
When the dragon... wine... thing gets lost and returns, it's never explained. Watch how Beowful slays the dragon (by the way, in the actual story, he didn't slay the dragon; one of his loyal knights did). If you want a real action-filled story that leaves you entranced, then um, go to the library and pick up Beowulf. If you just want eye candy, then go see the movie.