mildlyintrusive Reviews

Rebel Moon - Part Two: The Scargiver (2024)

"It's called the The Scargiver because that's what it does to your soul"

[2/10 · 20 April 2024]

After seeing the first film on its release date, I was quite underwhelmed. It was advertised as this unique space-opera with interesting ideas and all we got is a dull affair with a creator who relishes in his self-indulgence. Though, I was somewhat looking forward to this film, seeing if Snyder can finally learn from his flaws but alas, this continues to be a pale imitation of better, more interesting ideas. Do note that this is a straight-up continuation of the first film. It serves as this extended climax so it is recommended to watch them in order.

That's not to say some aspects aren't decent. For one, the main characters play a larger role here and DO interact with each other, something that was not present in the previous film. Cinematography-wise, this movie looks amazing in some shots, showing that Snyder is a capable director and knows how to make events feel epic.

Other than that, there's not much here than is worth noting, at least to me. As I mentioned, Snyder can make moments feel epic but he uses this techniques in moments that have any meaning to them, making these shots feel redundant and pointless only to feed into Snyder's pretentiousness and so on which is why, for me, the epic final battle sequence didn't really gel to me, it didn't feel epic.

This movie also has an issue of having too much, as in it can't handle the own weight of its story. For example, one of the main characters was supposed to have this tragic death but there was no build-up to her character, she had no personality or emotional attachment to other characters aside from a background character we know nothing about. It's the same thing with other scenes in that things just happen without any prior buildup.

Another aspect I want to focus on is the "edgy" vibe that Snyder gives all of his movies. I was never deterred by it in his other films but here it was glaringly corny to me. The villains all act and talk with a stoic personality with a one-dimensional feel to it. It comes off as extremely lamentable especially with the backstories of the characters, which I kid you not, the exact same story just with different settings. Maybe I'm missing a bigger picture but to me it just felt repetitive.

There are other aspects that are equally as lamentable but I wont cover them here as I've already did with my review of the first movie. Overall, a bland waste of time that doesn't really tell anything new and the social commentary it tries to conjure up is laughably shallow.

Also there was this grain harvesting scene that lasted for a solid 7 minutes.

Woody Woodpecker Goes to Camp (2024)

For the kiddies

[6/10 · 12 April 2024]

I'm not that familiar with the Woody Woodpecker franchise so if I state some inaccuracies with the characters. Woody Woodpecker has been kicked out of his forest. Finding solace in Camp Woo Hoo, he soon helps the camp overcome obstacles and soon uncovers a plot to get rid of the camp itself.

This is an average movie all around- the presentation is acceptable, the characters are likeable enough, CGI is surprisingly decent and Woody Woodpecker is appealing. I would've wished for the villain to be more menacing but he's slimy enough to root against him. I was initially not bought into Woody's character. I found him annoying and arrogant but he does become a more likable character later on.

Overall, good quality fun for the whole family. Nothing too special, more of a disposable movie dare I say. Recommended for ages 4-10. No suggestive material or serious violence throughout.

Spaceman (I) (2024)

The (Emotional) journey of a Spaceman

[6/10 · 1 March 2024]

I've known nothing about this movie before seeing it. I'm not a cinephile so this definitely subverted my expectations.

This is a case of substance over style. It's funny, it's emotional and incredibly original. I appreciate original ideas and execution. Despite the space setting of this movie, it's certainly not centered around it. It's more of a self-discovery of Jakob. Speaking of Sandler, this is probably the most dramatic he's been. Hanus, his arachnid companion, despite appearing early on as somewhat of an entity of Jakob decaying mental health turns out be an extraterrestrial creature who provides solace for Jakob and allows him to reflect upon himself.

A few nitpicks here however, anyone in the cast besides Jakob are underdeveloped and solely exist when the plot needs them to. The Czech Republic setting is not given much definition and relocating it to other nation wouldn't make much of a difference. Despite it's originality, the film isn't prone to veering into clichés once every while. The score, despite sounding unique most of the time, descends into sentimentality later on, and the over-explanatory script irritated me.

Overall, as much as I praise this film for its visual style, heavy-handed themes and soulful performances, it does lack in some significant aspects that weigh down the overall weight of the central story. Check it out if you want.

The Taking of Pelham 123 (2009)

Subway Madness

[7/10 · 5 January 2024]

The Taking of Pelham 123 is the 2009 remake directed by Tony Scott to the 1974 classic. I have not seen the original version so I'll not be comparing the two here. The basic synopsis follows a train dispatcher (Washington) who is forced into a situation involving the hijacking of a subway car.

Tony Scott's over-exaggerated direction is on full display here; the shaky cam; slow-motion; the ADHD induced color-grading in some scenes; swooshing cameras, you name it. It adds to the material while distracting from it in some aspects however it's not as bad as in Man on Fire or Domino. The performances by the ensemble cast is serviceable; Denzel Washington is typically great but it felt weaker than his other outings while John Travolta hams it up as the villain of the piece but he's too over-the-top in some scenes, I'd like for Travolta to be more restrained here.

The film has a very high 100 million budget however there are very few scenes that actually match that budget throughout, there includes a scene where the hostage money has to be delivered in a short deadline and the amount of predicaments that come along is an example of having action for action sake but the scene where the subway carriage is on the loose is quite tension-inducing. The conversations between Denzel's character and Travolta's are very entertaining instead of being dull. The first half is mostly about the interaction between Denzel and Travolta while the second half is more of a fast-paced action film with tons of chase sequences and a LOT of countdowns leading to events, seriously I counted at least 5. The ending might be a cop-out to some, it would've been better to end in a more downbeat note but the ending they stuck with does have some character in it.

Overall, The Taking of Pelham 123 is a highly entertaining action-thriller that benefits from strong leads and suspense throughout will keep you engrossed throughout even though you'll be left with 3/4 of the brain cells you currently have. I will definitely check out the original in the future and my rating on this will change depending on my view of the former. Worth checking out for a good time.

Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire (2023)

Snyder's Seven Samurai (or less)

[5/10 · 22 December 2023]

I'm not a Zack Snyder fan. I've only seen two films from him and I hold them in high regards. Rebel Moon essentially follows a ex-soldier who goes on a journey to recruit a band of outlaws to aid her in a quest to bring down her former empire after they plan to ransack her village of their needs. Basically Seven Samurai or A Bug's Life if you will.

The story is big, very big. We go through multiple planets to recruit these outlaws and each planet is very distinct from one another. The problem is, with a story this big you naturally have some parts underdeveloped and oh boy, do some characters get massively sidelined here. Our main characters that we're supposed to root for, don't have distinct personalities to begin with, in fact, almost all of them have no personalities at all! I get the sense that maybe Snyder wants to expand upon them in the next installment but this is not conventional storytelling. You have to get us familiarized with these characters in order for us to get invested in them, especially when the movie is trying to have some emotional moments with them. Another point I want to mention here is the acting, there are some really talented actors here, but they all feel very wooden here as if they're just phoning it in for the paycheck.

The VFX are acceptable, I appreciated some of the practical effects here but from an ~83M+ budget (Both films share a 166M+ budget), I've seen better from the likes of "The Creator", which had the same amount of budget as this had. There are some decently handled action scenes and a lot of that trademark Zack Snyder slo-mo that he just can't make a single film without (Except maybe Dawn of the Dead) but not a lot inventive ones. There is a clear visual style with each planet they travel to; There's an industrial planet along the likes of "Blade Runner 2049"; a desert-like landscape that recalls the video-game "Monster Hunter" and the villain here is very nasty, helped by reliable Ed Skrein in the role whose attire recalls a certain group of Germans from the 1940s.

Overall, a wannabe-epic that squanders over the weight of its own story. It fails to distinguish itself by simply not having enough of anything. It's very self-indulgent by Snyder and I do think he's getting a load of himself here but I enjoyed most of it. I am somewhat interested in the extended cut Snyder is planning to release some time in the future that will hopefully fix some of my problems that I had with this version. I'd say check this one out as a no-brainer, it's not peak Sci-fi but hey, its something.

Pearl Harbor (2001)

Pearl Harbor: Michael Bay Style

[6/10 · 1 December 2023]

Pearl Harbor is what Titanic could've been if Michael Bay directed it, cause the similarities are very, well, similar. This one is set during a tragedy, the attack on Pearl Harbor in this case. There's also a love triangle, a very sappy one indeed.

My main issue of the movie is well, the love story. It doesn't serve much in a wider context and feels rote and cheesy, it takes up most of the bloated runtime but there's a satisfying conclusion to it at the end. I must say, I wished the script was more focused on the relationship between the Navy's rather than this, it just screams Titanic to me. Other than that I didn't really have much of an issue with the movie besides the laughable script which I had a chuckle from. The cinematography is crisp and wonderful. The performances weren't half-assed unlike other Bay efforts but Ben Affleck was especially wooden here, as wooden as a log. Josh Hartnett fares better here and I found him more interesting. The action sequences here were mostly positives, there were shaky-cam scenes that were distracting but for the most part, it's typical Michael Bay explosions, its fun explosions especially at the attack on Pearl Harbor, the movies' centerpiece and also its biggest strength. It's a forty-minute extravaganza of special effects and signature Michael Bay firework-explosions. It made the movie for me.

Im no historian but I found the Japanese reasoning to attack Pearl Harbor especially odd. The context here is that Japan attacked Pearl Harbor because America cut its oil supply. I kept asking myself, would attacking them make the situation better? Does it perhaps, restore the fuel sources?? I don't know, movie never says.

Overall, this movie was serviceable, I didn't hate it to the point where I'd start ranting nor did I love it to the point of being infatuated with it. By all means, its decent. Should've focused more on the Navy instead of that goddamn trite love story, the more I talk about it the less I appreciate it. Check it out, especially for the forty-minute sequence.

The Marvels (2023)

Marvelous Disaster

[2/10 · 13 November 2023]

Once in a while I tend to go to my local theater to check out something new, maybe a new release or a re-run of a movie. Today, I stumbled upon The Marvels, I thought "Hey, I haven't been going to the theater this month that often, maybe I should try this out?" And well, it seems that I'd made the wrong decision. The Marvels follows the titular Marvels trying to stop an evil Kree with one disadvantage however, every time they use their powers, it's Freaky Friday.

Maybe its because of the very troubled production but everything just feels like an amalgamation of three separate movies, its like a ADHD experience. The movie does NOT take itself seriously at all, and as a result, it makes me hard to care for literally everything! Its like a circus act masquerading as a movie, it doesn't work! There were moments where characters were in danger and they start joking about it every opportunity they get. To add insult to injury was the treatment of the character of Nick Fury, who feels like a completely different character altogether, cracking lame after lame jokes every single time! Special effects were decent, but considering the massive 271M+ budget I wished they could've at least cared about the plot and flesh out some if the characters and their motivations instead of relying on action scene after action scene, it gets tiring after a while you know?

Brie Larson herself looks tired and forced in this movie, her character also being this girl-boss who can sweep through enemies in this movie, no weaknesses and no vulnerabilities. It all feels so one-dimensional, it tries to be like a 80s action star with the likes of Arnold and co. But fails because they lack charisma and charm. Because of this I found it impossible to relate to her in any sense of way. Monica Rambeau wasn't trying her best here, and there is no opposing dynamic between the two to the point where I found her virtually indistinguishable from Mrs. Danvers herself. However I do commend Iman Vellani's Kamala Khan, whose child-like personality I was comfortable with and is the standout between the three leads but suffers from being very underwritten and the villain is a copy-and-paste from dozens we've seen before.

Overall, a messy and disjointed movie with not much to offer rather than annoying, dreadful humor and some few flashy action scenes. It certainly feels like homework for the MCU as it struggles to keep a hook in something after the Infinity Saga. Skip this one and play with your action figures instead, Im sure it'll be better than this.

Wingwomen (2023)

My disappointment was, immeasurable

[2/10 · 6 November 2023]

Oh my, I think I've never seen a movie so uneventful, so jejune that I kept on looking at my watch. This French "action-comedy" released on Netflix caught my attention as it was advertised as a French action-thriller, instead of what I got is a tedious "comedy" with no stakes and nothing noteworthy. This film's "plot" essentially follows two thieves out for one last mission.

I will say though that the cinematography is beautiful, with great shots emphasizing the beauty of Europe, that's it. My biggest problem is that nothing feels at stake here, theres no real problem that needs to be solved, characters just hang around for half of the runtime and decide what to do and when and plot points are brought up without any previous build-up to it. The movie didn't make me care enough about the characters, the actors weren't bad or anything but god I cant stand how annoying they were in here! So much of the runtime is spent on them chatting trivial nonsense which is supposed to be funny? The action scenes themselves are too bland and lack any real tension making for a reasonably dull experience with the climax at the apartment being the only one worth mentioning but even that is undermined by one of the worst endings I've ever seen.

Overall a very dull and monotonous movie which is a shame cause the lead actors are wonderful in other movies but are undermined with tedious direction and a script written by high-school teenagers. Skip this one and go outside have whatever.

Halloween (1978)

He's Coming For Ya!

[10/10 · 31 October 2023]

The blueprint for all horror movies, the most influential work of them all, one that spawned an iconic villain, countless other rip-offs and unwatchable sequels, Halloween holds a special place in my heart mainly because it scarred me as a child and I can never forget those restless nights of staying up until 2 in the morning looking out the window (I still do it to this day).

Halloween tells the story of a mysterious person stalking down women on Halloween night, well quite simply isn't it? Rightfully so as its quite refreshing to see such simple premise done the way it should be without over-the-top nonsense (Which is where the franchise went). Theres tension and build-up to the scares (The opening sequence is the best example), we feel like we are with this characters, in the same room, we know whats happening and they don't and when it happens, boy does he do it and lets not forget Michael Myers himself, the father of all serial killers, with his creepy movement, unknown motives and emotionless mask makes him one of the creepiest on-screen killers ever.

Mr. Carpenter uses great camera angles and lighting to make us pee our pants without relying on unnecessary amount of gore unlike other horror movies which mostly relies on the gore without realizing other's , think torture porn. (Which is where the franchise went) and the ominous score gives this eerie and uneasy vibe. The movie also contains believable characters coupled with decent performances is something that's nowhere to be seen in this modern-era of horror filmmaking. Proves that you don't need bajillions amount of money to make a great film, just talented people behind the camera.

Overall, a simple and unsettling movie that doesn't rely on cheap gore to scare the viewer but rather the ominous feeling of it, which stays with you long after. This just might be the most influential horror movie of all time, which is fitting as it inspired a whole genre of films striving to copy the success this achieved. Definitely a must-watch for anyone wanting a good horror movie, just make sure to bolt your doors and shut your windows.

In Time (2011)

Execution matters

[4/10 · 29 October 2023]

In Time by Andrew Niccol is very similar to his previous film Gattaca, even sharing same plot points and almost feeling like a remake. The change here is that time is currency and you die if you lose it, like a strapped-on ticking bomb. Interesting concept it is but I wished everything else is just as interesting.

The movie starts off interesting with a strong message about the corrupt higher-ups abusing the poor but slowly, increasingly becomes less interested in trying to sell that message, becoming a Bonnie & Clyde-type movie that me lose interest and seems like Niccol was running out of ideas. There are several plot holes which I hand-picked around ~20 which detracted from the movie, some of which grind my gears for how stupid it they were. The acting wasn't great either, the two leads have no chemistry whatsoever and Justin Timberlake is as wooden as well, timber but Cillian Murphy does do some good with his role, but one can do so much when deserved more. There are some good things here, the visual style was eye-candy and the action scenes do help the movie get along even if they provide false sense of danger and there was one chase scene which ends in a laughable CG-Model work.

Overall an interesting concept with an equally interesting message wasted on a below-average execution that fails to deliver anything new or interesting as its premise instead relying on reused material to fill in its runtime. Undemanding audiences might have a good time out of this one and makes for a great time-passer but until then, save yourself some time.

Cube²: Hypercube (2002)

Cube Square

[3/10 · 20 October 2023]

This movie is like if Cube (1997) was repainted with more chrome and polish, sloppily. I enjoyed the original Cube, it was a fine slow burner with wit and occasional bursts of violence which is still shocking to this day. The sequel was directed by the guy who was also the director of photography for American Psycho, Pulp Fiction, Reservoir Dogs and the original Cube!! Whereas those movies kept me entertained throughout the runtime, this one is just semi-watchable.

One thing that you'll IMMEDIATELY notice is the very shoddy CGI, I know that 2002 wasn't when CGI was fully matured but hot damn did it distract from the viewing experience. The performances in the original weren't great but the performances here are very poor and the cast is was more recognizable!! This combined with the lack of depth in the writing makes me hard to empathize with them as a result. The sense claustrophobia of the original is truant this time around, eschewing them for the aforementioned cheesy FX. The soundtrack is horrible, with cheesy EDM music that has aged dreadfully. Final mention to the unbelievable clichéd plot, which I guessed halfway through the movie.

Overall this is a poorly executed flick which doesn't warrant anybodies time. However I did find some enjoyment out of it by watching it as a comedy and I did laugh a lot during the runtime. I suggest watching it the same way I did, maybe it'll help your viewing experience.

The Exorcist (1973)

Sleep Deprivation Mode Activated

[9/10 · 14 October 2023]

I haven't got around watching this horror classic for a long time, hailed as one of the greatest of the genre and reportedly causing audiences to faint and vomit! (yucky) I decided to finally check it out on a midnight (How appropriate..), and I have to admit, it wasn't that scary for me! Still made me nervous though.

The movie opens in the most unexpected of places, Iraq, but Friedkins direction gives off this eerie and daunting vibe which never leaves throughout the entire movie. The characters are well developed and the performances are really solid, especially Ellen Burstyn whose performance as the increasing distraught mother is everything I could ask for but lets not forget Linda Blair, who really sells it as the possessed daughter who increasingly says and does things that would put you on Santa's Naughty List (or worse...).

It's always nice to see genuine buildup and suspense in a horror movie instead of cheap jump-scares that have been plaguing modern horror movies (We've been digging our own graves...). The scares, when they come are very effective and stays with you even for a long time. The FX are very impressive even to this day, I still wonder how they achieve that flying technique although I'm not too keen on the demons voice.

Overall, a nail-bitting horror movie which keeps you on the edge of your seat until the tense and chaotic climax which genuinely made me agitated. I wont recommend this to everybody as some people might have more tingly bones than me and it can get quite slow at times with the padded scenes. A certified horror classic that's definitely worth its title and I hope that the sequel will be just as good.

Duck Duck Goose (I) (2018)

Yeah, I've Watched Shrek Before.....and Home

[4/10 · 13 October 2023]

Duck Duck Goose (2018), a movie came to my interest after its infamous tagline popping up on several of my internet feeds and as the person I am, I definitely had to check this one out and quite honestly, it's just average.

For a start it's a China/American production and it's portrayal of China is outright flattering. The main character isn't anything special, the ducks are just there for cute faces (Except the fart jokes, I hate them), the girl is practically useless. Voice acting is nothing notable of. The emotional core about belonging didn't warm up to me and ends up falling face flat onto the ground, I don't know if its me being a cruel person or the movie underdeveloped it. Who knows! The animation is fine, if average considering what we usually get with animation these days. The jokes are more misses than hits (Jeez, the Restaurant scene nearly made me turn it off).

Overall, a very average movie that I really did not connect to, this continues my streak of Chinese/American animated production that have let me down (I'm looking at you Monkey King 2023) and one that I'd highly suggest skipping, maybe your younger one will enjoy. All I got to say is, it's better than Norm of the North.

Dawn of the Dead (2004)

Hell's occupied, try Earth instead

[9/10 · 8 October 2023]

Both Dawn of the Dead and its remake are films that I've been wanting to watch for quite some time, now that I've seen the remake, I can safely say that it's one of the best zombie movies out there. Plot follows a group of survivors fending for themselves in a local mall against hordes of zombies.

This is Zach Snyder's directorial debut and its a great one at that, the buildup was well-executed and the zombies were actually terrifying this time, cinematography matches the eerie sense of dread these characters face although the color grading can be too much at times. The characters here are a cut above average thanks to some strong characterization and development and the performances really sell them here. The score can be a bit intrusive at times but for the most part it works and the action set-pieces here are very intense including a scene involving a chainsaw which made me squirm.

It is definitely not for the squeamish as the gore count is VERY high. As with almost every horror movie, there are some plot conveniences and clichés throughout but that doesn't distract from an overall great experience that holds up among the very best zombie films out there and one that's worth checking out. Definitely seeing the original after this one!

Retribution (I) (2023)

Speedn't

[2/10 · 7 October 2023]

Retribution (2023) is a film that I had absolutely no interest in seeing whatsoever, but did since my cousins convinced me to (Damn you!), this is one of many low-mid budget action movies starring Liam Neeson. I gotta say that there's some good gems in there but for the most part, there's not much to mine for. Movie is essentially Speed (1994) but without the speed limit and worse.

The movie tries to be an intelligent and intense thriller but falls flat on both ends, the performances are dreadful, the child actors made me cringe when they spoke and Neeson sounds oddly tired. Theres this opening scene where a car explodes for no reason. Soundtrack was nothing of note, characters weren't fleshed out enough for me to care, there's too many plot holes that irritated me while watching, action scenes that were bland and a twist that was so predictable that it genuinely made me groan.

I'd say that there's some nice explosions here and there but that's basically it. Overall, not a great time and I really don't recommend this to anyone, even Liam Neeson fans. If you want a better movie with a similar premise, watch Speed instead.

Bumblebee (I) (2018)

Rewind-Time

[7/10 · 3 October 2023]

Bumblebee (2018) is a Sci-Fi Action movie directed by Travis Knight and the first in the rebooted "Transformers" franchise. This time around theres no incessant amount of explosions and stronger character work. Movie follows Bumblebee in the 80s trying to regain his memory while being hunted by the government.

This was a breath of fresh air, The Last Knight has anything but tarnished the franchise reputation and this movie rightfully puts it back on track, the action scenes are expertly staged and isn't as convoluted than before, the plot here is more consistent than before, the characters are likable for a change, the acting is generally decent and at times above average and the CGI is as always a technical marvel.

The Transformers themselves do get more screen-time here, the opening scene in Cybertron is marvelous and Optimus Prime is always a welcoming addition, Bumblebee himself is more childish here and allows more character development here that the other movies restricted. Main Decepticons, Shatter and Dropkick have more personalities here and have a clear reason than just being mindless killing machines.

The only thing that I have a problem with is the excessive 80s soundtrack, don't get me wrong I like those era of music more than today but it does get repetitive especially towards the end. It also has an issue of not being original enough to stand out among other films of the genre and the script at times can be a little cringy.

Overall, I'd say that this is a worthy addition to the Transformers franchise, not as good as some people are saying it is (91% on RT is absolutely outrageous) but compared to the previous two it's a change for the better. I'd say check this one out!

Transformers: The Last Knight (2017)

Downfall

[4/10 · 1 October 2023]

Transformers: The Last Knight is the fifth and final installment in the "Bayformers" film franchise. There comes a point in time where all franchise hit a wrong turn, and this is no exception. Plot follows Marky Mark and the Autobots as they try to prevent a rogue Optimus from ending humanity.

One thing that almost instantly took me out of this movie was the inconsistencies, in the end of the fourth one, the Autobots were told they weren't being hunted anymore, guess what happens here then, another is how to Decepticons themselves get captured instead of being killed like in the fourth movie!! Worst offender is the goddamn aspect ratio, which changes every scene, it goes from 1:85:1 to 2:39:1 and ten different ones in just one scene! Theres tons more but I'm not gonna run you through it. Action is so unfocused and clunky that it's hard to keep up everything that's going on and ends up feeling like a massive headache.

The Transformers movies weren't high art but here, the script is godawful, there were three writers working on this movie and this is the best they could come up with?! Shame on you Ken Nolan (Black Hawk Down). Acting is nothing special, only standouts are Cogman and Anthony Hopkins, the latter of whom gives a wildly maniac performance.

The Transformers themselves aren't even in the movie that much, "Nemesis" Prime is just in the movie for 5-minutes and was the most advertised thing about the movie, Bumblebee gets his voice back but sounds like a crackhead, Megatron is back, with a Suicide Squad-type team and they get obliterated in their first brawl, Grimlock and all established Autobots are wasted throughout the movie and the main villain, Quintessa, isn't something to remember.

I'd say that the Third Act is always entertaining and the changing aspect ratio slows down towards the end, the third act takes place in Cybertron which has grass on it which on first viewing, made me think they were in the moors. Only thing that isn't bad in any way is the score by Steve Jablonsky in which this case the film benefits from.

Overall, theres not much to say here that hasn't been said about this movie it has some interesting concepts but they're either forgotten by the or given an unsatisfying conclusion. I'd say skip this one, even Bayformers fans struggle to defend this one.

Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014)

Romeo & Juliet

[7/10 · 30 September 2023]

Transformers: Age of Extinction (2014) is the fourth installment in the Transformers franchise directed by Michael Bay. This time around the CIA are hunting down Transformers secretly? From the US Government? Yeah this movie doesn't make much sense does it? I'll talk about this plot later on.

The reason why this movie was even made wasn't because Bay wanted more, he had enough, he dipped out. In response to this, Paramount put him under contract when they funded PAIN & GAIN (His passion project) and his disinterest in the franchise is starting to show in this installment.

The plot is a convoluted mess. First we have a dinosaur sub-plot which has no relation to the Dinobots themselves to Autobots being hunted by a rogue government agency to the agency working with Transformers to abolish Transformers which mixes just as well as water and fire to the hunted Autobots becoming man-made transformers which suddenly go rogue under Megatron AKA Galvatron in this movie and on top of all that we have Marky Mark with his annoying daughter. I do think that there's an interesting concept to be found here but it seems that all of that have been stacked upon others and crammed onto a 165-Minute resulting in a massive bore fest.

The visual effects are a technical marvel, the best in the series so far. There are more mechanical detail here than ever and the Transformers themselves have a more sleeker design which I appreciate. Cinematography is gorgeous at times, shows that Bay can be an excellent cinematographer but at times the color grading looks like a Saw movie.

The action scenes suffer from poor editing choices and lack any heart to them, and as a result, it gets pretty dull. There are more explosions here and it starts to get repetitive really fast, they lack impact or feeling and here they just feel like dust clouds. The script here is particularly awful, such lines include "I think we just found a Transformer" are particularly cringe-worthy and not the mention the Romeo & Juliet scene, which is the most creepiest scene I've seen.

The performances are worse this time around, in fact, almost none of them are interesting. Mark Wahlberg constant monologuing can get quite grating after a while. TJ Miller is in a refreshingly short role, but that doesn't make his performance less poor. Nikola Peltz and Jack Reynor are miserable. Kelsey Grammer is dull but Stanley Tucci is the standout as the tech CEO guy.

The titular Transformers are interesting, after increasing the cast to a breaking point in the previous movies, the cast here is refreshingly short. Hound, voiced by reliable John Goodman is the chubby army guy who gets things done. He's my favorite, the other two are decent but Hound's the best of the newcomers. Optimus has become a Decepticon at this point. Lockdown is a cool villain if a bit one-dimensional. The KSI "Transformers" are horrible, they feel fake and unconvincing, maybe that's the point?

However, I do still enjoy this movie for some reason, many people have hated it (I myself are starting too) but there's this charm that lingers throughout the movie for me, just me I guess. The third act is entertaining with great set-pieces involving the Dinobots and saves this movie for me. The score by Steve Jablonsky is the only thing here that's not bad in any way, his Lockdown them is great and Dinobots Charge remains my favorite score in the franchise.

I don't like calling movies I enjoy guilty pleasures because what's so guilty about liking something you do? Overall, Transformers: Age of Extinction is filled with cliches and a very poor script, but its constant flurry of action and strong CGI and score might just appeal to a small demographic of people.

Transformers: Dark of the Moon (2011)

Depressing

[9/10 · 29 September 2023]

The Third Entry in the Infamous "Bayformers" franchise. After the critical disappointment of the second film, Bay wanted to improve on it by removing MOST of the crass, juvenile humor that plagued the second one. While it's still bombastic an over-the-top, it's noticeably better than its predecessor. Plot follows Sam and the Autobots discovering a conspiracy involving the 1969 Moon Landing.

One thing that's an improvement over the second one are the human characters, Shia Labeouf is less of a baby here (Ignoring that one scene) and gives a solid performance overall. Rosie Huntington-Whitely makes Megan Fox look oscar-worthy, John Turturro returns but has a lesser role than the previous movie, Josh Duhamel and Tyrese Gibson reprise their roles doing their whole military guy thing. Newcomers include Frances MacDormand, John Malkovich (Is this a Coen brothers movie???), Patrick Dempsey and Ken Jeong, who is a highlight in this movie. Sam's parents, while still present, are here for just 5 minutes.

I also have to point out the incredible 10-minute opening of this movie. It's executed in such a way that it keeps you interested by the get-go. The score is fantastic, Steve Jablonsky does a great job scoring these movies and this might be his best one yet and the title sequence might be my favorite ever.

Now the titular Transformers themselves, which thankfully have more screen-time here than before. Optimus Prime now has his cool trailer (Which may or may not turn into something else) and his axe this time around. More Transformers are introduced here around, notably the Wreckers, who have American and Irish accents and NASCAR cars with gatling guns equipped in them and Sentinel Prime, Optimus's mentor who is by far the most interesting character of them all.

Decepticons are somewhat lacking this time around. Megatron has a more limited screen presence than in the first two but he does sport a badass design for sure. Soundwave is back with Laserbeak in of the more violent scenes in the movie. Shockwave is here and what a massive disappointment he is and Starscream is mostly the same.

However, the majority of the runtime is spent on Sam and his shenanigans, which drags the movie down to a grinding halt and is my biggest complaint about his movie.

Aside from those complaints however, the action in this movie is awesome, from the attack on Chernobyl to the spectacular highway chase scene, it's pure eye-candy. Bay had to film the scenes slower in order for the 3D to process and I think it certainly improved on the shaky-cam of the second film. Third Act however, is something else. A 45-Minute battle set in Chicago where the Autobots have to stop Cybertron from destroying Earth. With awesome set-pieces such as the Driller attack on the toppling building, Optimus mile-long killing spree (Arguably the best part of the movie) and the Fight between Sentinel, Optimus and Megatron at the end might be the most satisfying take-downs I've ever seen.

Speaking of brutality, this movie might just be the most violent PG-13 movie ever. Energon, which are what Transformers are made of, are colored red in order to imitate real-life blood, people getting burned to crisp by Decepticons (Jeez!). The entire Third Act also feels depressing, like a real war. Throughout the course of the movie, we are subjected to normal PG-13 fare but throughout the 1-hour mark, the tone of movie suddenly becomes so dark, innocent civilians getting massacred, it's horrifying stuff.

Overall, Transformers: Dark of the Moon is a improvement over it's predecessor, not oscar-worthy material but good enough to be enjoyed for repeated viewings. I think what makes this a better movie is how it wraps up the trilogy with a proper, satisfying ending, which is not what I can say for others trilogies. I surely hope there's no fourth one which breaks this ending!

Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen (2009)

Over-The-Top

[8/10 · 28 September 2023]

The title of this review really sums this movie up, a over-the-top bloated CGI fest. Loathed by critics and audiences alike when it released (Especially TF fans!), Transformers: Revenge of the Fallen is the infamous sequel to the enjoyable first Transformers movie. Plot follows Sam Witwicky and his friends to stop the Decepticons from activating an Ancient device that could destroy the planet forever. Hmmm.....

This time around theres more transformers (yay), but at the cost of some of them having little screen time (Ratchet has like 2:00 minutes of screen time in the entire movie), and the rest of the movie is centered around the human characters who, except for the military dudes, should all belong in a mental institution. The movie was made in the Writers Strike of 2007 which prevented scripts to be made and it really shows here, countless of scenes are being spent on people doing dumb things, juvenile dialogue and humor which shouldn't belong in a PG-13 movie (Mojo...) and characters explaining the plot to the point where the entire second act is includes a whopping 20-minute exposition dump, wowie.

Shia Labeouf went from a down-to-earth teenager to a screaming crybaby in here, he does however get an interesting character arc in here but even that's butchered up. Megan Fox is okay, not as screamy as Shia is but she's fine I guess. Shia's new friend Leo (I don't know the actors name) is well, something. John Turturro returns and is more crazy than ever, I guess he's the best character out of the bunch and Shia's parents in this movie are intolerable.

I also got to mention the errors in this movie. There's TONS of them, from the Transformers suddenly changing colors mid-scene to REUSING THE SAME SHOT IN THE SAME MOVIE to DEAD CHARACTERS BEING RESURRECTED WITHOUT ANY EXPLANATION?? To major plot points being forgotten, I could go on.... Did I mention the color grading in this movie??? It looks like an ADHD dream to me considering the events of this movie and stuff disappearing out of nowhere. Dare I say, typical Michael Bay...

Now let's talk about the Transformers themselves, the main event of the movie, who have minimum screentime in this movie, as I mentioned before the titular characters either have limited screen-time or just disappear completely but when they're on-screen, I can't even tell what is going on, it feels like a goddamn headache watching these robots fight compared to the first film! Autobots include the previous cast and newcomers, Sideswipe (Damn, he's good), The Arcee Triplets, infamous Skids and Mudflap who, got caught in a controversy surrounding their characterization resulting in them getting limited merchandising, and they got the most screen-time in the entire movie! (Aside, from Bumblebee), but I don't hate them as much. And who could forget! Jolt.

I like the Decepticons. In fact, they're better than the Autobots! Megatron returns for the movie (not a huge spoiler). Starscream is given more personality this time around as he's given back his iconic voice from the original albeit, with more robotic sounds. Soundwave appears. Ravage is an interesting one, I like the sounds of his cannons and he gets his own action scene. However, the titular Fallen suffers from what I said earlier, not having enough screen-time and his presence isn't really felt throughout the movie due to the focus being on the human characters instead. There's also this one Audi R8 Deception that appears, not sure who he is but he's cool i guess.

Despite all this, all the negativity that I have towards this movie, you maybe wondering.... Why the hell did I give this movie an 8/10. Well, to me this movie holds a special place in my heart, I'd regularly watch this on DVD than the first one, and I loved it. I like the over the top feeling of the movie, everything to the characters, the dialogue and the aforementioned action sequences, while seizure inducing, are enjoyable to this day, the Forest Battle is a standout and racks among my favorite movie scene ever and Devastator is something to behold. A monstrous, hulking Decepticon whose body is built from combined "Contructicons" in order to wreck havoc in the most devastating way possible (just see it for yourself) and did I mention that it melted computer trying to render it? That's something to be proud of. I like the Third Act of the movie too, it suffers from aforementioned problems but I like the use of the setting and the chaos that ensues are absolutely brutal, so brutal in fact that Jigsaw would be inspired to make contraptions based off these deaths, Michael Bay can be creative with his actions scenes.

Overall, not for everyone but I still enjoy it, It's fun, weird and is a great time for anybody whose drunk and wants to waste 2h 30mins of his day.

Transformers (2007)

Best out of the bunch

[9/10 · 26 September 2023]

I've been a fan of the Michael Bay Transformers movies, I grew up with them and still watch them to this day and I have to say that this is probably the best one so far (I'm sorry Bumblebee fans). The movie's plot follows Sam Witwicky and the Autobots trying to find the AllSpark before the evil Decepticons.

I have to say that the opening sequence is probably one of the best parts in the entire franchise, the buildup to it and the eventual result sets the tone for the rest of the franchise (Well, not really) and the performances from Shia Labeouf is generally likable and Megan Fox is too, John Turturro is the best human character and Jon Voight is having is paycheck

Well, what about the titular Transformers? Well, the Autobot cast consists of Optimus Prime, Bumblebee, Ironhide, Ratchet and Jazz, all likable and distinct (Especially Jazz) The Decepticons fare less however as they for the majority of the runtime have no dialogue or disappear entirely (They do show up in the excellent Third Act to wreck some havoc). Standouts are Megatron, the Decepticon leader (Superbly voiced by Hugo Weaving). Bad cop Barricade, my personal favorite and Starscream, who has the greatest transformation in the entire movie (rivaling Optimus!). The CGI doesn't disappoint either, it's been 16 years (already!) and the FX look gorgeous than ever.

The action, while messy is very bombastic and typical Michael Bay stuff (firework explosions, etc). Here the action is shot at a lower angle to really emphasize on the mayhem and destruction that these war-mongering robots cause and the Third Act is probably the best part of the entire movie (Watch out for the scene where Starscream takes down the F-22 jets!).

Overall a very enjoyable movie with great effects and overall decent direction from Bay himself, while I can't recommend it to some, due to the frantic editing and juvenile humor (The Masturbation joke is something else), it's an overall good movie considering the direction of the franchise it took. Now let's move on to the second one....