shervinv Reviews

The Twilight Saga: Breaking Dawn - Part 1 (2011)

worst move ever made?

[1/10 · 25 November 2011]

First I had to contemplate whether this rating would have a "spoiler"... It was a tough decision, because that would imply that there's some sort of plot line that I may ruin inadvertently... rest assured, there isn't. I mean we knew Bella and Edward were getting married, and the previews showed there may be a baby in the works, and well, there you have it. But after sitting through this.... thing....for two hours, I thought that I simply MUST write a review. I haven't felt this motivated and energized to write a review in ages! I simply had to start typing as soon as I got home! My goal: to stop just one person from seeing this film. If I do, I will have done my good deed on this earth, and my work on this planet would be done. I know, it's such a minor thing, but hey, it's the little things that count.

The movie starts by a few excusable facial closeups as we see one actor after the next sigh, or smile, or look wistfully or longingly here and there, while the camera lingers on them 30 seconds too long; sometimes with a sarcastic smile which says "I'm really sad inside, but I'm putting on a brave face for you", or a mirthless smile that says: "I'm thinking about a grilled cheese sandwich right now, but I'll just smile and look past you to give the impression that I'm really deeply moved by what you're saying". Now and then the REALLY good actors get to throw in a little knowing crooked half smile to add some REAL gravity to the scene! I could only imagine what deep ironic thoughts they must have been projecting, but alas, it's one of those things that if you have to ask, you're just not cool enough to know. Well! Just when you think you've seen every possible mellow dramatic look and cheesy music combo possible... the director decides to do it again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and again, and just when you thought it couldn't possibly happen again, it does! And then again, and again, and again, .... Oh, and once in a while the director gets in his helicopter and does a senseless nature flyover scene just to break things up a little, and to get a way from the set.

Since I had lots of time during the film to contemplate life, the universe, and everything while I listened to the cheesiest musical scores to ever accompany a film while actors sulked, and stomped, and pouted, glared, and tried to out-overact each other, I wondered, why would this director resort to this inanity? It then hit me! The entire plot could easily be filmed in 30 minutes, and he had a whole hour and a bit to fill! I then empathized with the director as I imagined his moment of panic... it must have been a spot of genius when he realized he could fill the rest of the film with meaningless nature shot after nature shot, and the above-mentioned "let's throw in another drawn out look" scenes.

At various points in the film I drifted, and started to fantasize that sudden weird things would happen to change up the deadening tempo to spice up the film: like Bella would trip over her wedding gown, or Edward and Jacob would profess their love for each other and leave Bella to quiver lip herself into oblivion on her own while nobody cared, but sadly nothing like this happened to save the day.

There was one saving grace, I must say. Even though the theatre was filled with teenage girls, about halfway through the film, one, then another, then another started to laugh out loud! Pretty soon those of us who weren't comatose or brain-dead, joined in. It was something akin to a Christmas miracle! It was just like it happened in Whoville when everyone started to sing together! We the brave, and the few, in our darkest hour, we came together in laughter, and through our laughter whispered to one another: "it's OK, we're in this together, we can make it"! And we did.

When you get to the very end of the film, there's this nail-biter to end all nail-biters.... you'll go through five to ten minutes of nail biting dramatic mastery, there's changing camera angles, and zoom ins, and zoom outs, and music, and really really bad effects ... all inching towards the final finale and the answer you must know: will she live, or is she dead? Don't worry, I won't spoil it, the real spoiler is this: when you get there, you just... won't... care!

So you, standing there getting a last review in before deciding what to do with the evening... don't do it... you know who you are, just... don't... do it!

Chronos (1985)

Horrible!

[3/10 · 9 February 2008]

I purchased this movie on blu-ray because it promised great visuals and music. I was also a great fan of a similar movie... Baraka. The movie is very much styled after Baraka, wide angles, very similar shots with cameras set to capture long time passage in each shot. Even some of the scenes were identical (the street with traffic). Whereas Baraka told a great story, juxtaposing nature, man-made environments, spirituality, and horrors of the world in an engrossing fashion and great music, this movie just jumped from shot to shot with no encompassing story, mediocre musical score, and then.... POOF, it's finished! I thought there must be some sort of mistake! History of the world? Half the movie is Egypt and landscape (looks like Arizona, but I didn't bother to check). Seriously folks, this is horrible, rent it if you must, but do not buy it. The filmmakers should be ashamed of themselves for putting this out.

Disturbia (2007)

This is a remake of "Fright Night"

[8/10 · 12 August 2007]

I enjoyed this movie, it was well made... it is a story of a disturbed teen under house arrest who begins to view his neighborhood through spy glasses and finds comedy, rivalry, love, and murder! The actors were all first rate... Shia did a pretty good job, the chemistry between him and Aaron was great, and there was great chemistry between him and the beautiful Sarah. David Morse gave a first rate performance as the "killer?"... ;) This movie has everything... comedy, romance, and lots of good suspense. I see some people are comparing this film to "Rear window", and some to "Fright Night"...it has elements of "Rear Window"... but unless you've not seen Fright Night, you will not miss the scene by scene comparisons between the two movies. And now spoilers follow... First there's the cast of kids... the serious main teen who sees something amiss in his neighbor's house and his comedic side kick and love interest... all present in Fright Night. When Shia sees the neighbor "killing" someone and looks up to see him staring back at him... Fright Night... seeing the neighbor carrying a "bag" outside at the night of the stakeout... I thought to myself.. OK, this is Fright Night... I bet the next day the "killer" will come over and start cosying up to his mom... bingo! The differences are that there's no vampires, the action in this film is limited to the two houses, whereas Fright Night had more characters and more movement... Anyways, all three movies, Fright Night, Rear Window, and Disturbia were great films. It's often the case that remakes of good films disappoint, but Disturbia delivers. I'm just disappointed the script writers and director did not pay homage to the movies that this is clearly based on... at least they didn't in the special feature "making of" that I watched in the DVD, perhaps they did elsewhere.

The Protector (2005)

A great terrible film

[7/10 · 26 September 2006]

One of the things that struck me 15 minutes into the film, was how terribly awful this film was. Terrible action sequences, terrible dialogue, poor filming, poor film stock (seems to change a few times during the film), and well, just plain bad. I was even getting bored to tears with the very poorly choreographed fight scenes. And then, about the halfway mark, there's a really good fight scene, and all the fight scenes after that are first rate. From that point on there will be oohs and ahhs and it'll all be worth the ticket price. Of course nobody going to this film will expect a good film, but just good fight scenes. I'd say overall you'll be impressed. One warning is that this film is a bit more violent than your typical martial arts film, especially towards the end. If you're reading this you're probably a fan of the martial art genre, so I recommend you watch this film. Just take a magazine with you for the first little while. :)

The New World (2005)

Really didn't like it

[5/10 · 4 August 2006]

I loved thin red line, I thought it was wonderful and poetic, but what the heck was this?? I really didn't get it, and I must say I really wanted to like it. I don't mind slow movies, Thin Red Line was slow, but this was ridiculous. The problem was that it was repetitively slow. There were at least 20 repetitions of a scene that the director said something to the effect of "Colin, you love her, but you're pained by it, you realize your culture is evil and you're going to bring her ruin, so look in love and pained at the the same time", he did a good job the first time, but it got really boring after the 10th. Then let's have her look innocent and childlike, OK, that was poignant the first time, good contrast between their free culture and the dirty Western one, but after the 10th time, that got boring... let's see what else... oh yes, her looking sad and forlorn... yes let's do that 10 times... come on man... this coulda been a 30 minute movie, and it would have been great... as it was... good scenery, good but predictable message, and VERY repetitive, slow, and pointless in all other ways.

And that ENDING??? OK, I won't give that away. Sorry, I hated this film.

Miami Vice (2006)

the good and the bad...

[7/10 · 31 July 2006]

I agree with many of the comments I read about this movie... it had elements of good and bad. The story is pretty standard drug movie plot, no surprises, no twists. There's definitely something wrong with the sound in this film, like another reviewer said, I couldn't understand anything people were saying! Either they were mumbling, or they were talking in a loud disco, or were trying to talk with a mouth full of marbles... I think something like this happened on the set: "it appears that half the actors have forgotten their lines sir"... "hmm, never mind, the show must go on... just have them nod and grunt a lot"... The plot of the movie, tries to be more than it is, and just gets very confusing. There is little chemistry between the actors... none of the relationships were believable. Sounds like I must have hated this film, but I left it feeling good. Mostly because of the last gun scene, it was unique, in the way that the scene in Heat was unique, you'll just have to see it. Great action sequence. So I went to be entertained and I was. That's all I can say.

Pirates of the Caribbean: Dead Man's Chest (2006)

boring!

[5/10 · 31 July 2006]

I loved the first film, this one unfortunately bored me to tears. This movie appeared like people got together and shot a whole lot of footage, then some editors got together over a casket of rum and spliced it all together.... yes the editing sucked! Scenes would pop up with no connection to the last scene, and several times in mid acting or expression. Depp used many of the same adoring facial expressions and quirky moves that was so endearing in the first film, but there was almost no context, it was "insert cute expression here", splice, next scene. The movie was loooong, and both my girlfriend and I kept wishing it would end to no avail! There were subplots which made no sense and went nowhere... lovable characters from first movie would pop in with no purpose, parade around and then linger... for the sake of being there. It was like an embarrassing party where people show up and don't know what to do, so they just sit around and shuffle their feet. The visual effects of this film were very good, but I personally found them gross. They obviously tried to change it up from the first film, but while I loved the spectral shapes of I, I got yucked out of the slimy grossness of II. Anyways, I pretty much disliked everything about this film. I may wait for the third on video.

The Hitchhiker's Guide to the Galaxy (2005)

Sam Rockwell made this film

[7/10 · 13 May 2005]

I used to be a big fan of the books, I think overall if you have no familiarity with the history of the Hitchhiker, you may find this film very odd. Of course it's a British based film, with British sense of humor, and smaller than life heroes. Not what your typical Hollywood trained viewer may appreciate. But for us Hitchhikers with the twisted sense of humor, I think we'll mostly love this film. It was very funny, with Sam Rockwell easily standing head over heels over everyone else in this film. His "George Bush" inspired president of the Galaxy was just brilliant. I went to this film first week it opened, and got an extra chuckle out of the few folks showing up in their bathrobes. Nothing like a good cult following I say.

The Interpreter (2005)

This is NO Condor!

[6/10 · 13 May 2005]

Seeing characters fly, or ridiculously impossible situations is perfectly fine in movies if I go to a Chinese martial arts film or a fantasy of some kind, it's all about expectations. But when I go to see a serious film by Pollack with Kidman and Penn, I'm expecting an intelligent thriller and this movie disappointed on many fronts. Basically the premise that the whole movie runs on and the series of events that unfold could never happen, and no intelligent viewer can be made to suspend their disbelief that they could. *spoilers to follow*: Start with the overheard whisper, the one conspirator is working at the UN as a janitor, the second has no business being there and would never have gotten past security. Second: The interpreter, who is now under suspicion, is casually allowed to go back to work despite the fact that the intended victim is due to appear in a few days?? Impossible! OK, maybe not impossible, but wait, now the investigators find pictures of her carrying weapons, evidence that she once was a revolutionary and her family was killed by the intended victim, surely NOW the impressive UN and US security post 9-11 will at least suspend her from the grounds until after the investigation?? Nope, she's seen day in and day out wandering the halls, not even under surveillance at her work! (impossible). But WAIT, there's more! She's one of only two survivors in a terrorist bus bombing, in one of the most unbelievable accidental mass get-togethers in the history of film... surely NOW someone is going to think to detain her?? Nope, she's given a free ride home by Penn, and when asked what she was doing on the bus she acts snippy and he just lets her go. OK! But WAIT, we're just getting warmed up, this UN INTERPRETOR has an ALL ACCESS pass to one of the most secure buildings in the US??? What the hell?? She's an interpreter, there's NO WAY her security clearance would be CLOSE to that, (not to mention that the fact that she's allowed to walk into the building itself is by now a snore). OK OK, let's say I'm being picky, SURELY someone is going to check the SECURE room, reserved to shield the endangered dignitaries at the UN in case of a terrorist threat?? NOPE. The Interpreter, using her magic pass, casually walks in unquestioned at night, lets herself into this room, and when there actually is a threat, the dignitary is just pushed into the room with no guards and is locked in, with the to-be assassin! RIDICULOUS! Even if there was no hype that room would be thoroughly checked, but in a high security case, with every secret agency in the US on the watch??? For me at least, there's no suspense when what I'm being shown is ludicrous. This entire film was based on one impossible event after another, attempting to make a thrilling and believing whole. For me, it fell pretty flat, I left the theater more mad than anything else.

White Chicks (2004)

Not funny

[4/10 · 21 March 2005]

This wasn't a terrible film, but it's humor will only appeal to certain people. If you think someone saying "oh no you didn't" while waving their finger is still funny, or you find toilet humor amusing, then you'll laugh at this film. Otherwise, stay away! The humor is very unsophisticated and will do little than inspire the occasional smile. The ONLY good thing about this movie was the Latrell character who was perfect for the role and did an excellent job. For the record, I'm not sure who thought this movie was racist or why, it's called satire, get a grip! Well, that's all I had to say, but the guidelines say I must write at least 10 lines... so enjoy this extra line at no charge. :)

Hero (2002)

very mixed feelings

[6/10 · 23 September 2004]

First of all I read several reviewers on this one and I think they really overrated this film. The movie obviously is a Crouching Tiger ripoff, in terms of style and action. I'd say it has much better visuals than Crouching tiger, but it pales in comparison when it comes to plot. There were many amazing visuals in this film (did I say that already? Well, it's because there really isn't much else). I found the story overly melodramatic, even laughably at times. The movie jumped into another long martial arts "ballet" way too many times. It reminded me of a musical, where the actors break into song 10 times too many and you find yourself actually bored by it at some point. Overall I walked out of this film liking it more than not, because of the exceptional filming, cinematography, sense of style, and visuals. Don't expect anything else.

The Village (2004)

Good film, but...

[8/10 · 9 August 2004]

There is much to recommend about this film. It is beautifully shot, and has several very thrilling scenes. The acting is very good, especially by Adrian Brody (sp?) and William Hurt (I think his best). The story is really interesting, but I figured out the plot halfway through, at which time the suspense really dies off. Do yourself a favor, don't read too many revealing reviews. Having read a bit, I knew not to expect a horror, but I can see why people who went to see a horror would give this film a bad review. I think the previews were misleading and hurtful to the film, afterall, horror fans aren't looking for a cerebral slow developing film, which this is, and will surely be disappointed.

I find what you think about a film has a lot to do with what you expect when you go in. See this film expecting a cerebral thriller, with powerfully presented social commentary (none of which is anything new though, I'd say rather cliche...). So.. what's this movie about? A couple of things:

Pure love is the most powerfully moving force in the universe, The ugliness and greed of modern society and it's disconnect with the pure human values and emotions, The impossibility of running away from the above...

:)

Harry Potter and the Prisoner of Azkaban (2004)

This movie was awful

[4/10 · 11 June 2004]

I liked the first two potter movies. They had poor acting from the kids, and mediocre plots, but they were visually entertaining and there was a silly adventure that you could follow and be entertained by. This movie was terrible. The child actors are better now, however, considering the depths of badness they started from their new levels are nowhere near "good". The movie was visually interesting with the fades, but otherwise had lost it's "magical" appearance that was so appealing in the other movies. I can honestly say that there wasn't a single moment in this film that I wasn't bored or wondering when it will all end. Finally, the plot can be summarized in one word: pointless. What is really bad is that movie franchizes like this will make money no matter what. We're all going to go see it regardless and it will send all the wrong messages to the producers and studio. If you are a purist and have more self-control than I did, don't go see this movie, make a statement! :)

Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl (2003)

Great film!

[9/10 · 22 July 2003]

This movie begins with very clever and subtle humor that continues through the whole movie. The visuals of this film were spectacular! Excellent special effects and excellent scenes produced just the right atmosphere for every scene. Johnny Depp was brilliant as usual, though I failed to understand what he was saying at times (along with some of the other characters). No, it wasn't the smarmy sea slang, it was just bad sound (or mumbling). The movie definitely dragged on towards the end, not ending several times when it could have. But even though it was late, I found myself hoping that it wouldn't end! It was just that kind of a show.

My only complaint: I went at 11 pm, on a Sunday night, and I was SURROUNDED by noisy children and infants! Is there nothing sacred anymore????

Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines (2003)

a few laughs, a few snores, a few wows

[6/10 · 22 July 2003]

Not much to say about this movie, it was disappointing overall. There was nothing new plotwise. The action scenes are sometimes very entertaining, but not quite enough to keep your attention throughout. Arnold looks old and tired. Hm, I've run out of things to say about the film, it was just that kind of a movie. You will be somewhat entertained while watching it, and totally forget it when you leave. Watch something else if you can.

The Matrix Reloaded (2003)

Video game on the big screen?

[7/10 · 19 June 2003]

I enjoyed the first Matrix much more than this film. This film was a bit too long, with scenes that appeared to be loosely connected to each other without a real flow to them. I was ESPECIALLY disappointed with the special effects. While some of them were spectacular (all car scenes, the evil twin scenes), others (Neo's fight scene with the multiple Smiths, and other scenes where the actors were replaced by computer animation) were extremely bad. I don't know what made them imagine that those graphics were even passable for real actors, but they were not. In short, one minute you have actors facing off, the next minute you are watching a video game on the big screen, which broke any sense of suspended disbelief you had developed till that point. I can still recommend this film for viewing, I gave it a 7 and it was entertaining, but watching the awful animation in this film and others like the Hulk makes me quite concerned about a decidedly bad era of movie special effects driven by the movie maker's belief that their audience is too stupid or blind to tell good effects from a cartoon.

Zero Effect (1998)

watch it

[8/10 · 4 May 2002]

Good acting, good atmosphere, interesting plot. Will be slow for you action buffs, but for those who enjoy a mystery and appreciate subtle humor, you'll definitely enjoy Ben Stiller's comic interjections and pace of this film. I was impressed by Ryan O'Neal's acting in this film which was a surprise because I hadn't seen him in anything interesting (to me) in a long tim.

The Shining (1980)

A masterpiece of horror

[9/10 · 4 May 2002]

I liked the film better than the Stephen King novel. The film is quite simply a masterpiece. The atmosphere of the film develops a building and nagging sense of horror that will envelop you. It is one of few horror films that achieve their goal not from shock value, via sudden jumping or loud music effects which are today's gimmicks as a shortcut to trying to be scary. The images, acting, and atmosphere of this movie will stay with you.

The Thomas Crown Affair (1968)

A classic

[7/10 · 4 May 2002]

The film is really interesting. Faye Dunaway looks stunning, and Steve McQueen.. well he's Steve McQueen. The music is as much a classic as the film and worth seeing the film for if for nothing else: "Windmills of your mind". I would have given this movie an even higher score except some of the late 60's early 70's effects are quite cheesy by today's standards and even annoying. But it's worth a watch.