pv_kuhns Reviews

Big Ass Spider! (2013)

Intentionally Cheesy, Yet Elevated By A Great Pairing

[7/10 · 24 October 2013]

First and foremost, if you are giving this film a go, you already know what you are getting yourself in to. 'Big Ass Spider' leaves little to the imagination, and paints a very clear picture that this isn't a film that is taking itself all that seriously.

The film has all of the tropes you'd come to expect of a Syfy Original, despite the fact that it is in fact, not. Slight spoilers will follow from here on out, so you may want to skip to the last paragraph if you don't want to know any plot specific details.

Getting back to those tried and true Made for Syfy tropes, you've got the giant insect run amok. The military running around, seemingly clueless and two steps behind at every turn trying to stop it. You've got the hapless victim kills you see coming from a mile away. You've got military technology that looks near Commodore 64 in quality next to the average smart phone.

Now, typically, these things would be the kiss of death for any film, be it intentionally cheesy or not. What sets Big Ass Spider apart from that Made From Syfy ilk of films though, is the quality of the performances from the two leads. Slightly dimwitted, but well meaning exterminator Alex Mathis (Greg Grunberg) and hospital security guard Jose Ramos (Lombardo Boyar).

Grunberg can do the likable, non assuming hero in his sleep. He made a name for himself on Heroes. However here, he's showcasing great comedic delivery and timing. Lombardo Boyar is, as he says, 'The Robin' to Grunberg's Batman in this film, and Boyar really runs with it, creating an instantly likable chemistry with Grunberg that makes for something unique to this sort of movie fare, a good nature run wild buddy cop type pairing. Their on screen chemistry alone helps elevate the film as a whole, and may help those that would typically not enjoy this type of film feel a bit more invested with two characters that are actually fun to watch, and easy to root for.

Big Ass Spider has something else going for it as well, a budget. It may not be a huge budget by any means, but it is wisely sunk in to the spider effects. The CGI rendering of the spider, while not Hollywood blockbuster quality, is still very passable, and actually seems to improve as the spider goes from over sized, to 'Big Ass' as the film progresses. Yes you've got a lot of tech equipment and computer hardware that doesn't seem nearly as sophisticated as it's made out to be, but that seems almost intentional, playing on the cornerstones of the genre.

Big Ass Spider is a check your brain at the door type of film. It is pure popcorn fare, and it's not asking you to take it seriously, only to enjoy it for what it is. Fans of Greg Grunberg will probably find themselves quite happy with the film, and I have a feeling a lot of people are going to be looking for more to come from Lombardo Boyar after seeing this.

You'll also get a chance to catch Lin Shaye, strangely at home in this type of film, and if you don't blink, you'll even see the master of schlock himself, Lloyd Kauffman making a brief cameo.

Big Ass Spider is by no means a classic, but it is a superior installment within it's own, niche genre. Big on spiders, big on cheese, but surprisingly big on laughs, it's well worth taking a leap of faith with.

The Boogey Man (1980)

About As Bad As It Gets ***Review/Comments Contain Spoilers***

[3/10 · 29 May 2008]

Boogeyman is such a mashup of clichés and moments from other horror films, it's almost hard to review without touching on each of the films it tips it hat, or steals form, depending on your point of view. However, In the interest of time, I'm going to try and not concentrate on those films, rather on Boogeyman itself.

From this point on there ***will be spoilers*** Boogeyman is a film about a brother and sister, Willy and Lacey, how grow up in an abusive and sadistic home, with their mother, and her lover. One night, after being bound and gagged to his bed, for watching his mothers elicit affairs with her lover, Lacey brings him a knife and cuts him loose. Willy then goes into his parents room and proceeds to stab his mothers lover to death, while Lacey looks on, viewing the events from the reflection in a mirror.

The film then picks up several years later, Lacey now with a son and husband, Willy a mute, living on a farm. Lacey and Willy are both haunted by the memory of the murder of their mothers lover, and it is brought to the surface after receiving a letter from their ill mother.

Willy seems somewhat unstable, never speaking, and collecting knives very much like that which he used to kill with as a child. In an attempt to prove to Lacey there is nothing to fear anymore, her husband takes her to their childhood home. There,Lacey takes a look into the mirror which she saw the murder, and beings to see the ghost of her mothers lover. She destroys the mirror, and her husband, in a strange move, decides to take the remnants of the mirror home and piece it all back together.

We then discover that the mirror was containing the evil spirt of their mothers lover, and now that the mirror is broken, the spirit has been released, every piece of the mirror cursed with the ability to cause anyone who looks at or touches it to either kill themselves, or be killed in very strange, random ways.

This film, in concept, has an interesting premise, but it fails terribly from an execution standpoint. To begin with, the acting, with the exception of the always great John Carradine, is universally bad.

The first 30 minutes of this film seem to be filmed almost entirely to recreate the opening minutes of Halloween. Most notably, with the children peering in to their home from a first person perspective, to the first person shots of a young boy holding a knife...even the inital murder itself is shot in a way that seems not so much to take cues from Halloween, so much as it simply copies it.

The second half of the story becauses a supernatural slasher of sorts. The broken pieces of the mirror, glowing read whenever they come into contact or in the vacinity of anyone. The death scenes, while attempting to be creative, often come off looking rather cheap, and all to fake at some points. I know this film was made on a small budget, but all the better reason to rely on the suspense of the kills then trying to exectue shoddy death scenes.

It seems as though Ulli Lommel wanted the pieces of the mirror to seem like their own character in a sense, jumping off the frame, often finding themselves to the most convenient of locations. The presence of a heartbeat when the mirror pieces take hold of their victims is a nice touch, but is throne off by the sporadic inclusion of the sounds of heavy breathing, often from a first person perspective, again using the Halloween formula, but out of place when there is no person with which to associate the breathing to.

However, what pulled me out of the movie, and I don't mean to nitpick, was the music. The music in this film is all over the place. At times it feels as those it is taken from other films, or has suffered at the hands of bad editing. Ominous music seems to play most often at moments in the film where no suspense or tension is being built, leaving the music strangely out of place. It often switches from a heavy synthesizer sound, to a Halloween/Exorcist sound, heavy on a piano. The music also suffers in that it often ends so abruptly throughout many scenes, often times making it seem as though the scene had been editing or cut in some strange fashion.

I applaud the the director for using a unique storyline, it is not often that a film combines both the slasher and supernatural element without losing everything. However, plot holes, along with the mentioned poor acting simply make the film feel awkward and clumsy, sadly falling to typical clichés and a rather unsatisfying ending.

For Horror and 80's Enthusiasts only. I doubt the casual moviegoer will find much here to truly captivate them.

Never Cry Werewolf (2008 TV Movie)

Enjoyable, But Still One of the Most Blatant Rip-Offs

[5/10 · 14 May 2008]

I'm certain this will not be the only review of this film that will declare this, but this film, while enjoyable by the standards set by Sci-Fi channel movies, is one of the most unabashed rip-offs of a film I have ever seen.

To confirm what others have said, YES, this film does indeed borrow every single plot device imaginable from the 80's classic, Fright Night. It does this to such an obvious extent, that it makes the movie hard to enjoy on certain levels. First and foremost, there is no real suspense, or even curiosity when you can instantly tell that you have seen everything about this movie once before. It follows the Fright Night blueprint so closely, that anyone who remembers anything about FN will instantly be able to guess ahead as to where this movie is headed.

This may have been made as an ode to Fright Nite, but no such declaration is ever made, leaving me to believe that it is simply the result of a lack of imagination, and originality on the part of the filmmakers.

Day of the Dead (2008 Video)

Bad In It's Own Right, Awful When Measured Against The Original

[8/10 · 24 March 2008]

The last few years have seen a resurgence in the popularity and overall volume of zombie movies. There have been quality releases, such as the remake of Dawn of the Dead, Forever Dead, and Automaton Transfusion. However, the remake of Day of the Dead may very well rank as the worst zombie movie to come out in a very long time. As a pure zombie movie, it's bad in the context of poor casting and poor direction. However, when viewing it from the more critical stand point of being a remake of the original film by George A. Romero, this film is simply a celluloid mess.

The original Day of the Dead came to screens as something other than what George A Romero originally intended. Suffering from a severally trimmed budget, and problems with Universal Studios, Day of the Dead became a much smaller scale film than Romero had originally intended. However, this ultimately made for a good film, allowing for some good characters, interesting plot, complete with Romero's social commentary, and a memorable villain in Captain Rhoades, and a memorable character in the zombie known as Bub.

In the remake of Day of the Dead, the original concept has been clearly forgotten, as are the themes of social commentary, and well developed likable characters. Ving Rhames turns to the zombie genre, this time out taking on the role of Captain Rhoades. This time out however, Rhoades has been removed as the films true villain, and overall screen time and impact are so short, that it's really a waste of the talents and time of Ving Rhames. Mena Suvari is horribly cast the main hero of the film, an Army Corporal returning to her hometown after the zombie virus as begun to annihilate her hometown. Nick Cannon plays the part of the bad ass, machismo Army Private, and while not giving a particularly good performance, due in part to the horrible script, Cannon does manage to bring some charisma and toughness to the character.

This time out, the Zombies follow in the vain of Dawn of the Dead, in that they run, jump, climb, and yes you will be reading this correctly...crawl across ceilings. Once infected, the Zombies come to life after a momentary catatonic, dead state, and without explanation, begin to rot and deteriorate immediately. It's an interesting idea, but never fleshed out well enough to make sense or impact.

What really drives a stake through the heart of the movie however, is the truly cruel bastardization of the zombie character known as Bub. In the original, Bub was the equivalent of the lab rat, used in experiments to domesticate zombies. Bub was a docile, emotive zombie, who not only expressed memory of things such as music, and verbal communication, but also expressed the capacity to care for living beings. It was in this that Bub truly became to the stand out piece of the film, and arguably one of the most popular characters in any zombie film, ever.

In this remake, Bub is a recently enlisted Army Private with a crush on Mena Suvari's character, Corporal Cross. "Bub" becomes a zombie after sustaining bites...and takes his place as the docile zombie in the crew of heroes. However, no true time is taken to establish Bub's docile nature, other than that he will listen to anything Suvari's character says, acting on the memory of his infatuation with her while still living. Ultimately, Bub comes off as a mere target of constant on-liners and trash talk from Nick Cannon's character, and ultimately becomes nothing more than comedic relief, rather than the cornerstone of the film and concept of zombie evolution.

Another original character bastardized for this film is that of Dr. Logan. In the original, Logan was the lead scientist looking for a way to domesticate the zombies, his prize pupil being Bub. Part of the heart of that film was the relationship with Logan and Bub, in that Bub actually cared about Logan. It was also well established that Logan was not so much eccentric, as he may have been flat out crazy. There is no Bub/Logan relationship in this film, and the remakes version of Dr. Logan strays far from the original. While this is not necessarily a horrible thing, Logan seemed to exist only to ultimately become the 'super zombie' nemesis for the films climax.

Had this movie wasn't associated with the original, it could pass as an admirable, but flawed attempt at a quality zombie film. However, being a remake, while saddled with so many clichés and shortcomings cripples the film. I'm not sure what George Romero himself thinks of this, or if he has even seen it, but I can't imagine he's flattered or all together happy about it.

In the end everyone will form their own thoughts on this film, so I would say only to go in with an open mind, not clinging to the original, hoping to see constant nods and odes to it. Simply view it as a zombie film, and perhaps you will enjoy it. But if you are a Romero loyalist such as myself, this film will probably leave a very bad taste in your mouth.

Day of the Dead it is not, rather it is truly Dud of the Dead.