Slow, messy and painful! Surely a movie headlining Kirsten Stewart and the iconic Ed Harris had to have some punch to it. Or so was I led to believe from that 7.5 IMDB rating. Not my cup of tea after all, oh well.. The director did a poor job at developing his characters. Fine, Ed Harris is a bad guy, but what is it that makes him so? The score was terrible too. The focus was on creating some form of tension midway through the movie through eerie, stringy tones, but it gets old and boring after a while. I guess the movie poster is to blame somewhere. The chiseled physique, the handgun, all the makings of an intense thriller. Not so much in the end. Think of this movie as Superbad, with blood and tits. Well intentioned heroes just having a bad day. I'm sorry but this one really missed the mark.
Reviews
9 Reviews
I feel sorry for Void Cheque
24 August 2023
His promotion was in transit, until Dracula the vampire did a number on him...
He lost his life in the end. Or did he? Perhaps we ought to double cheque...
His life was cut short on account of a poor business decision at the onset of the voyage...
He was aboard a ship sailing towards Loan-done...
He should have foreseen the looming disaster given the zero interest rats had for staying on the ship...
He couldn't cash the blood sucking vampire but we'll give him credit for trying...
He was survived by an infant son, Direct Deposit "DD" Void Cheque, who would go on to become the storied sea captain behind the England-Cape Town trade route, famously making both ends meet in two weeks.
He lost his life in the end. Or did he? Perhaps we ought to double cheque...
His life was cut short on account of a poor business decision at the onset of the voyage...
He was aboard a ship sailing towards Loan-done...
He should have foreseen the looming disaster given the zero interest rats had for staying on the ship...
He couldn't cash the blood sucking vampire but we'll give him credit for trying...
He was survived by an infant son, Direct Deposit "DD" Void Cheque, who would go on to become the storied sea captain behind the England-Cape Town trade route, famously making both ends meet in two weeks.
Crimes of the Future
(2022)
A salad bowl of contradicting themes that blend to perfection
8 June 2022
This is a drama and a horror movie, two genres at odds with each other generally speaking. The story takes place in a technologically advanced society but surprisingly, the architecture is for the most part bland and retro, reminiscent of those detective movies from the 90's with dusty and cheaply furnished police stations.
The main protagonists are a couple of renowned scientists turned artists, engaged into some sort of surgical sado-masochist practices that seem to be all the rage then. We anticipate the two, or one of them at least, to flip to the dark side eventually, but they arguably remain moral characters until the end.
Dialogues felt too long and convoluted at times, however a few well placed elements of surprise provided that light touch to keep you into it until the credits roll. Like casting a teenage looking African guy into the role of a Vice squad police detective. Like cutting short what had the makings of a sex scene by a hilarious self-admission from the main actor: "I'm not good at this".
You can tell the creators behind this movie meant for it to explore ethical dilemmas but careful at the same time not to take itself too seriously. The ending was a bit too abrupt for my liking, but overall this movie provided for a really enjoyable experience.
The main protagonists are a couple of renowned scientists turned artists, engaged into some sort of surgical sado-masochist practices that seem to be all the rage then. We anticipate the two, or one of them at least, to flip to the dark side eventually, but they arguably remain moral characters until the end.
Dialogues felt too long and convoluted at times, however a few well placed elements of surprise provided that light touch to keep you into it until the credits roll. Like casting a teenage looking African guy into the role of a Vice squad police detective. Like cutting short what had the makings of a sex scene by a hilarious self-admission from the main actor: "I'm not good at this".
You can tell the creators behind this movie meant for it to explore ethical dilemmas but careful at the same time not to take itself too seriously. The ending was a bit too abrupt for my liking, but overall this movie provided for a really enjoyable experience.
Top Gun: Maverick
(2022)
How Not To Botch A Sequel
1 June 2022
Step 1 - Sell outrageously the idea of America. Ride a hog, sail with your flame, aviator sunglasses on, cool wind in your hair and you have yourself a Polo Ralph Lauren poster. Don't forget that shirtless beach football contest. It'll come in handy for the trailer.
Step 2 - Pass the baton. Do not monopolize the screen. Keep calm and watch emerge the new class. Spot a younger, cockier version of yourself, and chuckle in silence. Take a trip down memory lane but don't linger. Kick ass when you have to. You're still the alpha male, although you see no need to advertise it.
Step 3 - Throw in the tried and tested, universal gender equalizer, hormone harmonizer, common denominator theme out there. A beautiful love story. Now go ahead and American pie it a little bit.
Do all of the above, and you got yourself a solid sequel to a classic and easily one the best movies of the year.
As far as I'm concerned, Tom Cruise is the real Captain America. I'm even willing to overlook his jet black hair at age sixty. Can't say as much for Val Kilmer. Why he elected to resemble his counterpart at Madame Tussauds is just beyond me.
Step 2 - Pass the baton. Do not monopolize the screen. Keep calm and watch emerge the new class. Spot a younger, cockier version of yourself, and chuckle in silence. Take a trip down memory lane but don't linger. Kick ass when you have to. You're still the alpha male, although you see no need to advertise it.
Step 3 - Throw in the tried and tested, universal gender equalizer, hormone harmonizer, common denominator theme out there. A beautiful love story. Now go ahead and American pie it a little bit.
Do all of the above, and you got yourself a solid sequel to a classic and easily one the best movies of the year.
As far as I'm concerned, Tom Cruise is the real Captain America. I'm even willing to overlook his jet black hair at age sixty. Can't say as much for Val Kilmer. Why he elected to resemble his counterpart at Madame Tussauds is just beyond me.
No Time to Die
(2021)
It's time to die..
20 October 2021
Warning: Spoilers
I hate it when they super humanize lead characters. If Spectre wanted James Bond dead, I'm sorry but there are a million easy and effective ways to see to it. Like a sniper at the cemetery while he was totally unsuspecting. Like a rocket on the bridge as opposed to a bunch of bozos on motorcycles.
Oh and please don't half ass it if you say you're badass. If Spectre is the powerful organization it claims to be, they should produce a villain henchman who can do some real damage.
I'll lose it if I see one more time 007 getting machine gun sprayed from left and right and escaping without so much as a scratch, all the while waving some tiny handgun like it was a wand and surprise, villains are falling off the roof like apples.
Oh and please don't half ass it if you say you're badass. If Spectre is the powerful organization it claims to be, they should produce a villain henchman who can do some real damage.
I'll lose it if I see one more time 007 getting machine gun sprayed from left and right and escaping without so much as a scratch, all the while waving some tiny handgun like it was a wand and surprise, villains are falling off the roof like apples.
The Last Dance
(2020)
A gemstone to watch and rewatch..
5 May 2020
If you grew up a Michael Jordan fan, you will relish in every second of this show. The Last Dance goes well beyond the 97-98 Bulls season. Think of it as a time traveling machine tossing you to and from a decade, an NBA season to the next, highlighting every thing worth knowing about the GOAT.
Here is what I like the most about the show. The events depicted here mainly took place in a pre-social media world and for someone like me who grew up in Africa idolizing MJ, this show is a rare opportunity to be closer to the man, it's a glimpse behind the cliches surrounding his persona and an idea of what it must felt like navigating the trials and tribulations of superstardom.
This project is well researched and executed and it's got an authentic feel to it. And if my words were not enough to convince you, a galore of A-listers from all ways of life will remind you that we walked in the shadow of a giant.
Here is what I like the most about the show. The events depicted here mainly took place in a pre-social media world and for someone like me who grew up in Africa idolizing MJ, this show is a rare opportunity to be closer to the man, it's a glimpse behind the cliches surrounding his persona and an idea of what it must felt like navigating the trials and tribulations of superstardom.
This project is well researched and executed and it's got an authentic feel to it. And if my words were not enough to convince you, a galore of A-listers from all ways of life will remind you that we walked in the shadow of a giant.
Giri/Haji
(2019)
Solid 10
13 January 2020
What a breath of fresh air in a world where tv is so uniform and unoriginal that you can predict the next move a mile away.
I'm also grateful that we got to discover a bit of Japan and its culture beyond the usual Hollywood cliches.
Well worth my time and highly recommended.
I'm also grateful that we got to discover a bit of Japan and its culture beyond the usual Hollywood cliches.
Well worth my time and highly recommended.
Parasite
(2019)
Very entertaining until...
31 December 2019
Warning: Spoilers
Make no mistake, this movie is hugely entertaining. Until it turns macabre without a warning. Minutes to the end, things took a sudden twist for the worst, leaving me to wonder "what in the world just happened?"
I naturally rooted for the "parasite" family. They're shameless and wicked to the bone, and some of their tricks were so hilarious I nearly choked laughing.
In this kind of movies, it is expected that the fall is never too far from the rise. I sort of knew that our heroes would run out of luck sooner or later and things would turn sour. Alas throughout the late turmoil, I anticipated some sort of silver lining which, sadly, never came to pass.
Call me naive but how, why should a movie this good leave such a bitter taste in your mouth?
I naturally rooted for the "parasite" family. They're shameless and wicked to the bone, and some of their tricks were so hilarious I nearly choked laughing.
In this kind of movies, it is expected that the fall is never too far from the rise. I sort of knew that our heroes would run out of luck sooner or later and things would turn sour. Alas throughout the late turmoil, I anticipated some sort of silver lining which, sadly, never came to pass.
Call me naive but how, why should a movie this good leave such a bitter taste in your mouth?
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