Eric_In_Cleveland Reviews

Star Trek: Nemesis (2002)

That's it; I've HAD it with the Star Trek Universe!!!**SPOILERS**

[11 January 2003]

***SPOILERS***

I used to be a big fan.

I wanted to continue to be a fan. Now, I have no more hair.

Did someone write a script for this block of interstellar head cheese? I cannot ever, EVER suspend my disbelief for another Star Trek film. EVER! Out of sheer frustration, I shall now fire all of my quantum-photon-feng-shue torpedoes at this very, very bad movie!

1. First of all, Data is just a human being with aweful, flaky gold makeup on his wrinkly face. I can't believe for a minute he is an android. On TV, yes. On the BIG screen? Come on! And this whole thing about finding his "brother?" Hasn't anyone heard of "LORE?" Been there....

2. I don't believe in dune buggies in the 24th century. Not on Earth, not on Planet U, not no how! And the whole Data-with-the-remote-control-to-put-the-shuttle-in-front-of-the-buggy scene was just plain goofy!

3. "Mr. Troi!" Hands? How many saw that coming from three hundred light years away? The love birds from Star Wars Episode II had more chemistry than "Troi" and "Riker". Will looked sick, and Deanna looked frightened when the two middle-aged actors did their (yuk) fleshy love scene. Doesn't Paramount have a gym?

4. The reappearance of the Genesis Device. Yes! It's a RIP OFF of "The Wrath of Khan"! The only difference was that Data didn't give Dr. Crusher a Vulcan stun grip and say "REMEMBER!" (...and Shinzon didn't get a chance to "STAB AT THEE.")

5. Data doing his "Superman" impression, flying from ship to ship, looking like a bad, local "Appliance Man" TV commercial! I'd say I'd had enough right here, but I just couldn't overlook...

6. Nosveratu. The Remans are vampires, folks. Too bad the creators of Star Trek have run out of original concepts. What's next? LaStatians? Desmodosidaeans? Buffyites? Please!!!

So, now, I bid a fond adieu to my once beloved science-fiction playground that was the Star Trek universe, whose spirit went to the great beyond with the Great Birds of the Galaxy,Gene, DeForest and Mark. The magic is gone. It's all commercial technobabble now.

The Lord of the Rings: The Two Towers (2002)

FINALLY! Film that's BETTER than the hype! FIVE STARS!!!!!!

[20 December 2002]

YES! THAT'S how its done! So what if LOTRTTT adds a little more spark to the (epic)battle scene than is portrayed in Tolkien's masterpiece; THIS IS EXQUISITE CINEMA! I learned long ago not to expect much from films that receive a lot of hype (see Independence Day, Phantom Menace, Air Force One, Red Dragon, etc.) Believe me: THIS ONE IS BETTER THAN THE HYPE! ***** (and that's rare!)

8 Mile (2002)

Yes! Realism! No over-the-top movie crap!

[20 November 2002]

It's refreshing to see a film that stays as close to realistic as possible. For example, I really expected the paintball scene to deteriorate into a clichéd, hollywoodized chase scene, complete with exploding fruit carts, unbelievable ramp jumps (a la "Speed"), kerosene fireballs and knocked-over hydrants. Didn't happen! It stayed real, which is a breath of fresh air for this movie goer.

Also refreshing was how Eminem handled the rap battles. He actually ACTED like he was making it up on the fly, and he was quite convincing! On my movie scale of "MANOS-THE HANDS of FATE" to "CITIZEN KANE", I give this one a robust "PATTON"!

Journeys with George (2002)

Excellent Piece of Propaganda!

[17 November 2002]

I saw this film on HBO, and I felt like I just watched a 1-1/2-hour Leftist propaganda piece. It doesn't feel real for some reason. It looks like it was made only to slam Bush and Republicans as much as possible, rather than to entertain or enlighten. Every character (real person) is irritated, as well as irritating (including the Governor-cum-President Bush, who has to stick his eye into the camera lens every other scene). If the press corps is so uncomfortable with their assignment, QUIT and go to the other side!!!! (I'm sure the Gore campaign was a hell of a lot more bearable for people like this, but I digress). Smarmy and condescending; unpatriotic to a fault. I feel like s**t for being an American because of this presentation. It did, however, show a lot about how much power the press has in shaping public opinion. Scary.

Red Dragon (2002)

I miss Scott Glenn.

[7 October 2002]

***SPOILERS*** ***SPOILERS*** Keep in mind, I haven't seen "Manhunter"; this review is based on my "Silence of the Lambs" bias.

I'm not dogging Mr. Keitel here. He did very well in this movie. There was something about Scott Glenn's "Jack Crawford" that perfectly rounded out the cast of the first movie, the 5-Academy-Award-winning "Lambs." I missed him in the role.

Either way, this is better than "Hannibal", or "Ham-ibal" as I called it. Hopkins is back in rare, scary form this time around. He has that mysteriousness he had in Silence of the Lambs, and that sense of morbid humor, too!

What's great about "Red Dragon" is that it isn't uber-hollywoodized like "Hannibal" was. Like "Lambs", this movie has an alomost Altman-like realism, like you're observing real life, rather than scripted gobledegook. There are about three very tiny scenes where an extra seems to emote a little too much (the landlord at one of the victims' homes reads his lines like he's "Cooter" from the 'Dukes of Hazzard', but everything else is worthy of being in this "trilogy").

The soundtrack for "Dragon" is more like "Lambs" as well, which I think was one of the missing elements from "Hannibal" (Not to mention the SORELY MISSED Jody Foster as Clarice).

***SPOILER ALERT*** DO NOT READ THIS PARAGRAPH if you HAVEN'T SEEN THE MOVIE! I had a problem with a plot-hole contrivance involving Dolarhyde's blind love interest. It gave away the ending to about half the audience I was with when I saw this film! Suspend your disbelief a little bit when you see it a second time. You'll know what I'm talking about during the "I have some work to do" scene. The "do you need the sound" question is a little TOO CONTRIVED! ***End of Spoiler***

Anyway, great movie, sans Glenn, of course. Seven-out-of-10. Enjoy!

A Beautiful Mind (2001)

Like waking up from a dream.

[19 July 2002]

Bear with me, because I have to use a personal example to explain the eeriness and absolute genius of the film, "A Beautiful Mind". (Those who have seen this film will understand my analogy)Briefly: ***SPOILERS AHEAD*** I woke up once from a really strange dream. My eyes had been open while I was taking an afternoon nap, and I was looking in the direction of a framed picture of a Corvette on my bedroom wall. In this very vivid dream, there were some of my friends dancing, singing and laughing all around the car. I suddenly woke up from that nap, still looking at the poster. The car remained, but the people were gone. The singing and clapping faded to the dull roar of my fan. The realization that my brain, through simple dreaming, was adding life and motion to the picture on my wall gave me an eerie chill that I could not explain, and would only experience again when I saw this movie. When Mrs. Nash begins investigating the places we first see in the film through the eyes (and mind) of a very awake and conscious John Nash, there's a charge of emotion that, in an instant, ranges from compassion to sheer wonder. Particularly when she finds the "communications shack". Goosebumps! The complexities of the human mind may not be explainable with words; but, through the real magic of cinema, Ron Howard and Russell Crowe (and all others who made this movie, gaffer, key grip and all) seem to have hit it right on the bull's eye! Awesome! disturbingly awesome!

Road to Perdition (2002)

Good movie, but Hanks is Hanks

[19 July 2002]

If you have never seen Tom Hanks in any movie before in your lifetime, this works. If you have, it may not. It didn't for this viewer. Yes, Tom Hanks performs as well as he is known to, but he's too big for this role. He's Tom Hanks,...acting. The character of 'Mike Sullivan' needs an unknown actor to take away from this distraction. Mr. Hanks has too powerful a presence, and is too established as a good guy actor to allow for the necessary suspension of disbelief. Every other element of this film is, however, top-notch. Twists and suspenseful moments are not clichéd here. There are some fresh turns taken in this film, but experienced fans of the genre will find a few things predictable. The misty, Emerald-Isle-ish sound track had me thinking "The Road From Titanic", but it works well. When the big awards are handed out next March, this film should be at least among the 5 nominations for Best Picture.

Men in Black II (2002)

Men in Blah! Please, make with the flashy thing already!

[19 July 2002]

****SPOILER ALERT**** The funniest scene was when Mr. Smith's character finally revealed the truth behind rap beat-boxing. Classic diamond-in-the-rough comedy gem in this otherwise huge pile of recycled rocks. Everything else is re-hash. The little Worm Guys are so cute; you just want to squish them. (It's okay, they'll just re-generate). And enough already with the old-agent-just-inside-the-doorway-with-the-newspaper gag. We get it! It seems like less time (read 'money') was spent on special effects on this one. The whole worm-through-the-nose bit seemed a little too two-dimensional for my eight bucks and popcorn. The one-liners were well-delivered by masters Smith and Jones, but something was missing. It almost seemed like Tommy Lee Jones didn't want to be in this outing. If there is a MIIIB, hopefully more attention will be paid to chemistry. Now put on your sunglasses......