phaylen Reviews

Deep Blue Sea 3 (2020 Video)

There is no excuse

[1/10 · 13 August 2020]

Not even a glass of wine could make this worth it.

However, I will say that as a lover of monster moves and creature features, this eve fails to provide the campy fun of those. This does not provide the tension of the original Deep Blue Sea nor the ridiculous fun of Sharknado. Instead it one of those movie where you stop and say "I cannot believe a producer paid money to make this." There is little to salvage from it. The acting is terrible, the script is horrendous, but the actors make the most of the abysmal soap-grade writing, so let's hope their careers survive this bloodbath of a horror film.

The Final Wish (2018)

Massively disappointing

[1/10 · 15 February 2019]

I love the wok of Jeffery Reddick, Lin Shaye and Tony Todd. With this brilliant, powerhouse trifecta, I believed that The Final Wish would be the high caliber horror films we've come to expect from the legends of the genre. Recently, Blumhouse has dominated the field with incredible entries with the Conjuring universe films, we've also been treated to the incredible Happy Death Day and some genius indies like the VVitch and Hereditary which joined Insidious and Sinister along with the remake of IT in the reinvention of horror. But no...

The Final Wish was what you might expect from a screenwriter desperate for an idea appropriating a handful of familiar tropes and overbaked concepts, a director fresh out of college who doesn't understand how to compose a story and ultimately a film that as barely worthy of the digital direct release it as given.

In spite of all the unforgivable flaws, Lin Shaye and Tony Todd still manage to remain icons in their talent alone, even when working with abysmal, unoriginal material. And Jeffery Reddick, the mind that brought us the Final Destination franchise seems to have gone completely cold, uninspired and bored with writing which is so desperately sad. I know he can do better than this. The Final WIsh is not something that will be a gleaming addition to his resume given it would have been best left on a slush pile as it needed massive reworking to succeed on any level.

My advice? Skip it. It's a monumental waste of time and an embarrassment to the incredible talents that it had to make use of and failed miserably.

Glass (2019)

Brilliant, original, future classic

[10/10 · 3 February 2019]

The snob-critics of glossy magazines and aloof newspapers with the third section devoted to a snarky review by some tight collared, middle aged failed filmmaker will never- read again- NEVER give a review on the entertainment value of a motion picture. While they hoist up Victorian war dramas and grandiose adaptations of uppity novels of yore by long dead authors, they will rarely appreciate a modern, original masterpiece. Their bogged down egos simply will not let them. This is why critics flog every M. Night film in favor of Queens in petticoats speaking old English and the Academy awards costumery over creativity.

Let's be real. Glass is a powerful, imaginative film that packs just as much punch as any of the dozens of remakes, rehashes, reimaginings, reboots and sequels in the Marvel and DC universe, if not more. It dares to create a limitless, reshaped landscape separate from the think-hive that gives weight to the storytelling rather than simple optics.

Watch Glass. Watch all of M. Night's films... and Guillermo Del Toro's. There are few filmmakers who are crafting works that will be tomorrows classics like them.

The Nanny (IV) (2018)

I gave this 10 stars- and it deserves it

[10/10 · 2 June 2018]

In this era of remakes, reboots, dozens upon dozens of comic book adaptations, this little story was an absolutely surprising gem in the rough.

What I expected? A terrible D-list movie that would inevitably make me, a screenwriter, wonder how people get absolute crap made. Who gives these people money? Where are the talented writers and filmmakers who get that opportunity to tell us an original story. I figured this would be full of trite dialog, terrible acting, cinematography done by a youtuber, a weak plotline and I'd be bored in 20 minutes. Another direct-to-digital film funded by a rich uncle by an uninspired individual who made a movie just because they could. Suffice it to say, my expectations were low.

What I got was something pretty extraordinary. A charming, enchantingly dark, but fantastical story that stood on it's own two feet. Stellar performances that really do rival that of any major studio film, and an original, high concept film that offered something new and refreshing to a dying genre. I actually enjoyed the film from start to finish and it dashed all of my skepticism.

It deserves a better score than others have given it, but I imagine, like me, so many are jaded by the low-budget vitriol we're bombarded with by indie run-and-gunners without a shred of imagination, that it's just become too easy to write off a non-hollywood film as reductive to it's genre.

This film runs in the vein of The Hallows and the Guillermo Del Toro produced film "Don't Be Afraid Of The Dark." It as a wonderful infusion of fantasy and splash of horror without relegating itself to an unwatchable gorefest to distract from shortcomings elsewhere. In fact, if you enjoy the TV show 'Once Upon A Time" give The Nanny a fair chance.

Marrowbone (2017)

Powerful, Unique and Sophisticated Storytelling

[10/10 · 21 March 2018]

If you give one indie film a chance this year, it should be Marrowbone.

There is a gentle tension to this film, unlike most in the thriller/horror genre, that carves out it's own niche as this exquisitely written and performed story unfolds before the viewer. It is not a film for the impatient, or blood and gore fans; There is no instant gratification of body counts and high octane chases, but just the absolutely breathtaking, fly-on-the-wall perspective that realizes itself in layers. Very few films can claim to be at once terrifying and simultaneously soul-crushing by the sheer poignancy of the foray into the fragility of the human being.

Every nuance of this film is a masterpiece; from the beautiful tableau of cinematography that captures the images with radiant and profound visuals, to the acting, unlike any we have really seen of had the opportunity to appreciate in this genre before, navigating a vast and complex terrain of emotion.

This film would be the result of Emily Dickinson and Edgar Allan Poe, should they have collaborated to create something equal parts poetic, unnerving and deeply touching.

The film is safe for sensitive audiences, leveraging the tool of character driven story intelligently, without the requirement of filler content, such as gratuitous sex and gore.

I cannot recommend this film highly enough. I hope it gets the recognition it deserves for what it has accomplished.

Insidious: The Last Key (2018)

Superb Entry In a Reinvigorating Franchise

[10/10 · 20 March 2018]

Insidious is one of those rare, fully realized franchises that work both as a collective and stand alone films. To put it simply, these films are eloquent, sophisticated horror storytelling that doesn't rely on empty jump-scare techniques or senseless blood and gore, but instead builds suspense leveraging characters you care about and scenarios that feel more real that surreal. It's a tradition founded by Hitchcock and carried on by John Carpenter in his original masterpiece, Halloween. The character of Elise Rainier is perhaps one of the most genuine, accessible heroines of the genre we've had in decades. Lin Shaye magnificently gives life to the beleaguered character and makes her three dimensional for audiences, instead of what could easily default to a carbon copy of the countless psychic based horror films of the past. She's someone the audience wants to know. We find ourselves championing her in each chapter. The delivery of true tension and effective emotional manipulation is where the Insidious films meet and exceed expectation of discriminating viewers. Those looking for the rigid, antiquated blood-fest with a sharp quartet of strings making you toss your popcorn in the air every five minutes despite nothing of any substance happening will be disappointed with the pacing. The Insidious films are a a slow boil, and that's where we find it to be the greatest reward. The best thing about these films, as a whole, are their ability to maintain a consistent theme, without reaching for lazy schtick that so many franchises fall victim to. It uses it's time wisely and avoids insulting the viewers intelligence by overreaching it's grasp. It is a strong, but terrifyingly subtle series of films for adults who value story and characters as much as younger audiences sometimes value clever kills and body counts.

Cherry Pop (2017)

Fun, Frivilous, Campy Film

[7/10 · 30 November 2017]

I sat back at 4am on a Thursday night to watch this film, not expecting much because, while many of the actors are Rupaul's Drag Race Alumni, I had never heard of the Director before. I was curious about what he did with these incredibly smart and undeniably funny drag queens.

He definitely took advantage of the strengths each performer brought to the table, and that was a brilliant move. He let them showcase some really strong acting chops- In particular, Bob The Drag Queen (Here, as Caldwell Tidicu) Allusia Alusia and the spectacular Tempest DuJour who gave a performance so incredibly hilarious and high caliber that she deserve a standing ovation. She definitely stole the entire film, saving it from some pretty bland, unremarkable writing.

The writer and director owe these drag queens a huge debt of gratitude. They carried Cherry Pop with true commitment and fantastic performances. They took their character and made them memorable. There are some uncomfortable moments with the film, unintentionally, but in the current climate it certainly made me cringe watching a straight character walk into a gay bar and physically (Not comedically) attack a gay drag queen character. It demonstrated a tremendous amount of ignorance and insensitivity, specifically because the audience is supposed to love the character doing the attacking.

The main character stays detached throughout the film. He is visibly uncomfortable in the environment- a gay bar. He has no real drive that we understand except to do something that is completely other than drag. It a big "Whaaaa?" moment that left me confused. He also narrates the entire film, which is the first indication of a problematic storyline. The first thing you learn in any film class is that if you have to tell your story through narration, you're not making a film, you should be writing a book. Narration is lazy and does the work on behalf of the writer. True to form, it is often unnecessary throughout the film and proves nothing more than a distraction.

All that aside, while the story itself is problematic, both in terms of execution and cultural sensitivity, the drag queens make it worth watching. You don't have to be a Rupaul's Drag Race fan to enjoy the wit, the banter and the hilarious performances they've turned out. I recommend it, if simply to watch these Drag Queens turn a sour story into a fun, frivolous campy feature.

The Orville (2017–2022)

Further Evidence of the Dumbing of America

[1/10 · 23 November 2017]

I'll be honest, I wanted to love this show. I'm a fan of Seth MacFarlane's biting satire and unsurpassed social commentary through comedy. Family Guy is pure genius on so many levels... but The Orville is an absolute disaster. Of all the problems, from the stiff acting to generic archetypes, the worst is the writing. It would be virtually impossible to come up with a more pedestrian plot, characters and tacky one liners. It's like a group of 40-something buddies got together in their garage to make this up, the only difference to them and the guys who fix cars down the street is the budget and distribution. It lacks originality on every layer; From the common formula of ex spouses forced to work together, to the goofy best friend and the villainous aliens, we've seen it all before, but often done better. There is no redeemable qualities to this series. It is NOT Star Trek, not even worth of being dubbed a derivative, but a reductive piece of tripe that insults any viewer with a modicum of intellect.

The Orville is below basic. It an embarrassing, half-witted effort at appealing to the Trekkie fan base with a comedic twist. Take away the shoddy CGI and aliens, and you're left with every single romantic comedy from the early 2000's. Maybe die-hard Macfarlane fans will like it; possibly even the audience so thirsty for a sci- fi show to salivate over since the genre is so barren, but for sure those who like watching 14 year old boys light their farts on fire on youtube will find this right up their alley. Other than that, it's a weak entry into the 2017 television season and a vehicle far below the standard we've come to expect from Seth.

Scared Famous (2017)

One of the Worst "Reality" Series Ever

[1/10 · 12 November 2017]

I had high expectations for this. I love reality television. I love horror films. I love Tiffany Pollard and Alaska from Rupaul's Drag Race. This had the makings of a seasonal masterpiece.

But it is unbearable viewing. Firstly, it's about as far from reality as you can get. It is not filmed in some legendary haunted manor as the viewer is led to believe, but instead in a gorgeous seaside modern mansion on Hampton Island in Liberty County Georgia. VH1 took the multi million dollar home and dressed it to appear, on the exterior anyway, as decayed and spooky. The glamorous interior with luxury furniture, natural wood floors and a kitchen that cost more than most homes alone betrays the haunted vibe the show is going for. There's nothing scary about it.

And then you have the gags. They're not scares, they're special effects done in post production that the cast never really experiences. In the vein of Lord of the rings, they react to things that aren't there during filming, and tossed in afterward with awful CGI that any preteen with After effects and an online Tutorial could likely do better.

I like Redman, he's a big character in his industry and a talented actor, but he's a terrible host. He does nothing to drum up any suspense to speak of, but is more like a drunk uncle at a family reunion refereeing a game of corn hole.

The tasks aren't at all tedious. Not frightening, not unnerving, not even tedious. They're simple, pedestrian tasks you'd play at a Halloween party at your local VFW. There's no real element of competition, unless you consider half the cast of Love and Hip Hop (Which I've never seen but know that it is another VH1 reality series) screaming at each other, then at a green screen, then at a puppet on the end of a stick where something is to be edited in later. It's insulting, not just to horror fans, or fans of their respective shows, but to the intelligence of anyone who give this show a chance.

There was a lot of potential, but providing lavish accommodations to ten VH1 reality show stars without ever actually scaring them in a show called "Scared Famous" is not just embarrassing, it makes you wonder how such dreadful content received the greenlight. It's reality- and I use the term incredibly loosely- at it's absolute worst.

Happy Death Day (2017)

Absolutely Loved This Surprisingly Fun Film!

[8/10 · 10 November 2017]

I figured, as with most horror films I've tried to watch over the last few years, I'd turn this one off midway through, but I ended up completely drawn in and fascinated by this hugely well directed, well acted and well conceived film that put the fun back in horror for me.

They just don't make them like this anymore. The characters were quirky, accessible and really well developed, specifically the protagonist. I've never heard of the actress who plays the primary role, but she has earned her stripes as a bonafide scream queen. Speaking of Scream, Wes Craven's great 90's saga, Happy Death Day takes me back to the greats of high concept, well thought out stories that don't have to be dumbed-down with gratuitous, hypersexualized, gory content for audiences. They're self aware, not afraid to poke fun at themselves, and invigorating to a genre that has been missing this type of cinematic adventure. Happy Death Day takes the viewer on a brilliant ride. You'll laugh, you'll jump, you'll enjoy it without feeling like you just watched a snuff film.

To Walk Invisible: The Brontë Sisters (2016 TV Movie)

Richly layered and beautiful story

[8/10 · 26 May 2017]

But one must approach this with a keen understanding that this saga is not as much about the titular Bronte Sisters as it is heavily devoted to the story of their troubled brother Bramwell, and the devastation he often imposed upon the family, the sacrifices they had to make on his behalf and the struggles they endured dealing with his addictions.

The story itself is stunning; Capturing the beauty of the period with incredible delicacy. I have scored this film high, because it was so well written and powerfully executed by the writer/director who I hope we have the opportunity to see do more material of this magnitude in the future. Well worth the watch for anyone who is a history buff.

I Am Michael (2015)

Powerful subject but very flawed film

[3/10 · 27 February 2017]

I really thought I would love I AM MICHAEL. The subject matter is not one that has been sensibly explored from an authentic and non- bias perspective before. I was apprehensive about James Franco's participation. While Franco is a brilliant actor, his ongoing public gay-baiting and exploitation of the gay community have reduced him to a mere instagram underwear model. however, his inclusion was salvaged when I saw the enigmatic and vastly talented Zachary Quinto was involved. Quinto is both deeply respected as an actor and doesn't have to provoke a response by portraying himself as eye- candy or demanding people question his sexuality for unnecessary attention, he is an actor, and he is masterful.

Both were great in I Am Michael. Not shockingly at all. But we can presume Quinto did it because it was an incredibly important story... and Franco did the film to continue dangling himself in front of gay men. It could have been an Oscar winner, but who can take James Franco seriously anymore in subjects that require sensitivity and respect for LGBT people in general?

The film also suffered from a devastatingly bad script. The construct was there; the dialog was broken and unnatural. It came across as quite immature and, even worse, amateur.

Director Justin Kelly failed to make the heavy content move at an acceptable pace and I found myself wanting desperately to fast forward 20 minutes, which I did, and realized I didn't miss anything except Franco wandering around open fields in slow motion... or city streets... or a park, angst ridden and boring. Really, really boring. Any impact the film could have is absolutely lost because of the ridiculously slug-like pacing and poorly constructed exchanges.

Frankly, the film felt more like a student film. A student desperate to make an important film and be taken seriously. It didn't really work. For that, there is no excuse with a powerhouse producer like Gus Van Zandt; seasoned actors Quinto and Emma Roberts and even a blink-and-you-miss-it cameo by Daryl Hannah. The responsibility here falls squarely on the shoulder of Director Justin Kelly- because he co-wrote the disastrous screenplay as well.

I can't even recommend you see this, which sort of breaks my heart because of everything I wanted it to be, but it falls short on every single level and becomes a long winded, painfully self important and unnecessary film. In the right hands, it could have been a very relevant film. Alas, it was not.

I scored this three stars for the inclusion of an amazing Tori Amos song, which coupled with a better film, could have been massively poignant.

Blair Witch (2016)

A Reboot with Zero Substance

[3/10 · 19 January 2017]

I was initially excited about this film. I loved the original, which gave us an entire new genre to horror. Although found footage has been exhausted by every measure I was willing to give the original a free pass due to it's founding roots... except this film was a massacre, same as the second installment of the franchise, to it's original. This is why Indie filmmakers are still leading the charge on originality and Hollywood studios remain steps behind... and late to the party.

Regardless, I had some nostalgia when I saw the trailer and thought maybe... just maybe.. they might have made a fitting tribute to the original.

No.

The film is a disaster of senseless, random screaming, incoherent dialog and a plot that bored me out of my mind. By the end, I wanted to kill them all. Including the writer and director.

It could have been great. It had a marketable legacy and an embedded audience. But it was dumbed down, not scary in the least, and an insult to fans of the original. All I kept thinking throughout was "What a waste."

Before I Wake (2016)

Original, Beautiful Film- Not What You Expect

[10/10 · 25 September 2016]

I scored this a 10. Let me tell you why:

Rarely does a film surprise me at all but this film certainly did. Mike Flannigan created an enigmatic speculative on childhood love, loss, fear and death that is both uniquely interpretive and otherworldly fantastical. For those who go into this film anticipating a run-of-the-mill horror film with gruesome effects and bloody deaths, you will be exceedingly disappointed. This film is provocative in that it makes you think and feel throughout. It is at times vastly uncomfortable, but magnificently redemptive. What it achieves is a rare feat- one I would classify more in the realm of Pan's Labyrinth than something like The Ring. What it suffers from is completely misdirected and misleading marketing which has done this gem a huge disservice.

I'd watch it again. I'd recommend it to friends. Refrain from judging it based on the posters or the trailer. It's far greater than it's packaging and will probably be better received by audiences who expect more substance.

Stranger Things (2016–2025)

A True Homage to 80's Sci-Fi

[10/10 · 25 July 2016]

Stranger Things are what television and movies used to be about. Imagination, fun, mystery, suspense, a dash of comedy. Before youth was force fed Marvel Comic adaptation after adaptation after reboot after remake after sequel, there was seriously good, quality material to sink your chops into.

Thank goodness for Netflix because without them, "Stranger Things" would never have gotten made. I'm so glad it did. This was a tour de Force of filmmaking, with stellar performances by Winona Ryder, Millie Bobby Brown and a wonderfully eccentric cast of beloved misfits you embrace from the first episode. You will hear a lot of people compare it to classic 80's films The Goonies, but it's less like those films and more like what would have been created by the Masterful 80's filmmakers that created the flicks that became iconic.

This series demonstrates with unapologetic glory what entertainment could be if we allowed more original content into our sphere, rather than the regurgitations and comic saturation that obliterated the blockbuster and dumbed it down to the IQ of a gnat. This is why we remember the 80's films so fondly. They were better.

Star Wars was a film that changed the industry, much thanks to the young pioneer George Lucas. Following him through that gate of genius was Steven Spielberg, Robert Zemekis, Ron Howard and so many artists with stories to tell. The Duffer Brothers are a hugely welcome, long overdue addition to that club, and so is their series, "Stranger things."

Packed with nods to yesteryear cinema, it never has to rely on sex, drugs and exploding cars to pull you in, but instead grips you with a brilliant storyline and powerful performances. It lets you have fun again, without beating you over the head with the common "Look how much money we spent" plague.

I hope for a second series. There is no question, this is full of tomorrows biggest stars, especially Millie Bobby Brown whose turn here is mind blowing. Emmy should hand them their awards now.

Warcraft (2016)

This Will Surpass Your Expectations!

[9/10 · 25 June 2016]

First, a couple things about me... I'm old. I played the MMO on it's first night of release in 2004. I'm jaded. Especially when it comes to video adaptations. I'm skeptical of gratuitous CGI.

Warcraft managed to turn every one of my preconceived notions around on me. I went to see it out of pure nostalgia. Let's see how they completely obliterate this. It happened to so many video game adaptations that should never have been made, I had no reason to believe this was any different.

I walked out of the theater and literally said out loud, "That was excellent!" Sure I haven't played the video games in over ten years now, and my friend who accompanied me had never played any Warcraft games at all, yet that didn't interfere with his enjoyment of the film at all.

If you're a Warcraft fan, every element of this film is a loyal nod to the original material; From the bricks in the buildings and familiar landmarks of Azeroth, to the over-sized armor and even the musical score was beautifully composed in that iconic WoW style.

For once, CGI is used properly: To give the characters and creatures that distinctive look. It's never distracting! Which is amazing! Because I am so tired of these 200 million dollar movies using CGI just to say "Look at me! I have 200 Million dollars!" I have so much respect for the filmmakers who opted to use CGI to bring the characters to life rather than give us a shoddy substitute with big explosions.

I walked out absolutely delighted with the film. It had a cohesive storyline; Well defined characters that are faithful to the original context they are adapted from, and the visuals are used in masterful ways that will leave you in awe. Don't let a lack of familiarity with Warcraft stop you from seeing this film. It stands on it's own merits and is the perfect introduction to that universe and legacy that has been so successfully created over the last two decades.

If you are familiar with the film, I leave you with something that made me laugh out loud in the theater with absolutely stupid joy: Keep and eye out for the Murloc!!

Bluhrglelerglelurglelurgle!

The Darkness (I) (2016)

Like Scary Movies? You've seen this before...

[3/10 · 29 May 2016]

I love scary movies. I love most things that come out of Blumhouse Productions since it's been around. Things like The Conjuring, Annabelle, Sinister, Insidious, all wonderful forays into the genre of spook. But The Darkness, which I thought had a lot of promise, is absolutely miserable, paling in comparison to the other films from the studio. It seems a desperate, highly formulaic premise that's a money grab at best. There is nothing original; The script is incredibly lazy, relying on jump scares and the musical score stabs. There are no likable characters with any redemptive qualities. It's another well off family in a big beautiful house that you'll never afford in a very basic plot that has zero substance. It's been done over and over, but better by Poltergeist, Paranormal Activity, Amityville, The Shining... the list goes on and on. This film tries very hard to simulate the recipe of the latter films in order to make money rather than entertain.

Great talents are wasted here, Kevin Bacon, most notably. The genre has had far better entries in the last couple of years, so there is simply no excuse for this.

SAGA - Curse of the Shadow (2013)

Horrible Screenplay, but beautifully filmed!

[3/10 · 23 April 2016]

This film is available on Netflix under the title "Curse of the Dragonslayer." One of four titles the film in known by. When a film has this kind of identity crisis, not knowing what it wants to be, you can predict it will be a bumpy ride through B-Film hell. Not that I particularly mind, I quite enjoy campy, cheese, low budget fare if it's fun!

This film served well on the fun factor! It's actually really well directed with exquisite cinematography that transforms Utah into a lavish fairytale backdrop. The acting is well above average when it comes to the lower budget fare, with the exception of the lead actress, who is more like a college drama major who tries way to hard to take herself seriously as a rugged, vengeful elf with a bad attitude. She's a far cry from Kate Beckinsale or Cate Blanchett, and sadly her miscasting brings down the film a few notches.

The only other thing that really hurts the film is the terrible, beyond abysmal writing that make you laugh at how ridiculous it is when you know you shouldn't. The writers played one to many MMORPG's and borrowed every single trope you can fathom from Everquest, Dark Age of Camelot, World of Warcraft, Lord of The Rings and Dungeons and Dragon, including the stereotypical language which comes off as forced and painfully awkward. With a better screenplay, the film could be stellar, especially with the budget, which we call "low" but in fact is doesn't make you flinch once. The directors managed their special effects and costume makeup with incredible grace and style that is unique to low budget films.

It has incredible potential but fell short because of the poor casting of a pivotal role and the beyond clunky dialog that distracts the viewer, preventing immersion within the world they're trying to create.

But the score is absolutely astounding and rivals that of any Hollywood Blockbuster.

The Invitation (I) (2015)

A slow, but refined film

[4/10 · 8 April 2016]

Rarely does a film come along and make the viewer ask themselves "Did I like that, or did I just lose 100 minutes I'll never get back?"

The Invitation was that film for me. I almost turned it off. After 30 minute, then an hour and STILL nothing at all happened and it just seemed as if the film were not progressing at all, but just awkwardly bouncing around anxiously like a tin pan in a washing machine. But I hung in there, checking my phone occasionally, until things finally started to happen, there was something actually going on at an hour and 20 minutes in. Some call films like this a slow burn, others call them boring. The Invitation was neither, because while the pacing is super slow, a lot of factors save this movie from going right in the bin. First and foremost, the acting is exquisite. This film would not be half of what it is without the stellar performances of Logan Marshall-Greene and Emayatzy Corinealdi. The cinematography is beautiful, lit spectacularly to maintain the tone of the entire film.

It's a thought provoking film that sometimes takes itself too seriously. Sometimes you're not sure if it's a jaunt through Valley of The Dolls or a Manson-esque dramatization. I think the biggest fault with the film was the fact it is a really a small, simple story that the writers take far too long to tell and then wind it all up in the last 20 minutes.

That's not to say the film is not an intelligent examination of many facets of the human condition, and it's done so with a distinct sensitivity and grace that director Karyn Kusama should be lauded for. This is a film for the very patient.

10 Cloverfield Lane (2016)

Mind blowing, heart pounding, White knuckle Ride

[10/10 · 26 March 2016]

I'm a film snob, and admit I didn't expect much from this after being so disappointed in it's predecessor. I couldn't have been more wrong.

Easily, this is the best psychological thriller to come along in in years. John Goodman is a absolute genius, and his performance rivals even the most iconic ones in modern cinema. I am not typically reactive to films, given that I've seen the goriest of the gory and am resistant to the shock scare tactic that lesser films leverage to make you jump.That didn't happen here. This film leveraged your emotions.

This film gave me anxiety, it had me literally nervous. Very rarely does a film come along with such a great concept that it leaves the viewer incapable of predicting the results or consequences, but this hit the mark on every single level. It entertained, provoked a reaction, and had me completely invested from beginning to end.

THIS is what filmmaking is about. This shows that Hollywood is still capable of original concepts and clever stories rather than just recycling comic book superheroes over and over again. In a better world, John Goodman would get an Oscar for his gripping performance because there hasn't been anyone come close to the talent he demonstrated throughout. Never boring, always unfolding, this was simply masterful cinema.

Goodnight Mommy (2014)

Proof There Are Still Original Ideas! Just Not Coming out of Hollywood.

[10/10 · 29 September 2015]

I admit that I am a horror movie snob. I have been so disappointed over the last decade with the barrage of remakes, sequels and badly made CGI crap with no story. Who would have thought that the best thriller in decades would come out of Austria- not with a band, but with a quiet thunder; one that pays tribute to this nail biting, nerve grinding film itself.

I didn't know what to expect, given the 'Horror' most modern audiences are used to is the same old formula of half naked women having sex, then running and screaming then stopping to have sex again, then having some stomach turning death where. Horror movies today are just numbing. We're so desensitized to the gruesome on- screen images they keep churning out to try to shock us that the only true way to scare your audience is to make them actually feel something. Goodnight, Mommy actually make scares you. The suspense plays like a subtle violent that rises over 90 minutes to an ear bleeding crescendo leaving you so uncomfortable, so uncertain that you feel the complete unrest of the story. It feels real. It riddles you with anxiety... and it achieves this all without insulting your intelligence. This is a masterfully crafted film that will go down in the annals of history as iconic.

The acting was stellar. Don't be afraid of the subtitles. I know a lot of people hesitate with subtitled films. This is a quiet movie. There isn't a lot of talking. It's what you witness as a spectator that is vital. You literally forget that the dialog is in another language.

I scored this film a 10. Technically, it is an achievement that reaches the caliber of Alfred Hitchcock. Each scene is a visual feast, setting the dark tone for the whole picture, very precisely laid out for viewers like a complex piece of art. The music is, for once, a literal underscore rather than at center stage. It never once relies on jump tactics and snare drums to scare you, but instead acts as a poetic and haunting layer beneath which only amplifies the world these characters inhabit in isolation.

I hope this film will set a new standard for filmmakers as it literally breaks the mold on the genre. It is fiercely unapologetic in nature but leaves you completely satisfied with the experience. This is what films were once about. It's nice to see these filmmakers returning to that.

Scream: The TV Series (2015–2019)

Underwhelming, but needs new writers!

[4/10 · 20 July 2015]

I vowed not to review this until at least a few episodes in to give it a fair shot. I understand this was developed for the new MTV generation, but quite frankly, this show massively insults them. Unlike the popular film franchise which managed to cleverly poke fun at stereotypes, this series tries to legitimately pass them off in glaringly offensive ways. The girls either impossibly weak damsels in distress, or bitter, venomous sex objects written specifically for male entertainment. The only exception to this rule has been the refreshing character of Audrey. Aside from her, the jocks are trying to be alpha males and the girls are skimping around in lingerie and teasing them. It's definitely exploitation, and for anyone with a modicum of intelligence, disturbing as well. I place the blame for this solely in the writers laps. This is simply lazy development, relying on caricatures rather the giving us people who feel remotely real. Simply put; If we were smart enough in the 90's and early 2000's to mock these carbon copy characters with spoofs like Another Teen Movie and Scary Movie, why have we regressed into using them again with the expectation they'll be taken seriously?

The whole concept of the scream franchise was to scoff at these ideals and breathe new life into the genre by making it relative to us, self-aware and smart. This series is NOT smart by any means because the characters are vintage, cookie cutter tropes that bring nothing provocative or interesting. I actually laughed at the incredibly stupid lines of dialog like "For reals?" written by writers so out of touch with actual high school young adults that one would think they watch Clueless as research material.

The story line on the other hand has at least more depth than the vacant characters playing it out- but not much. It borrows, again, from a multitude of other films from the 90's which only punctuates the fact that the writers are evidently all in their late 20's/early 30's and think older teenager today still talk like their friends did and behave like hair twirling nimrods when in crisis. Young adults today are actually pretty smart and far more evolved than they're being given credit for by this show. They may not have been around in the Era of "I know What You Did Last Summer" and "Urban Legend" - and the writers are lucky, otherwise viewers would be switching off for new, legitimately fresh takes on content the likes of American Horror Story. While lacking in creativity, it seems to be squandering the potential of a new story. I have to consider though, that this is the same network that produces such quality entertainment as Teen Mom. In comparison to that, I suppose, this is a huge leap ahead, but still not updated to the present.

Area 51 (2015)

Extremely Disappointing from the Start

[3/10 · 15 May 2015]

I definitely had higher expectations for Area 51, especially given that Oren Peli had written and directed and reinvigorated the "found footage" genre with Paranormal Activity. I'm a fan of the genre, a fan of the Peli, but this was absolutely abysmal from the very start. The concept could have been extremely engaging and given a unique twist, but it performs and plays out as expected- completely typical and utterly predictable, very poorly acted and nonsensical most of the time. I would have been disappointed even if it were a Direct to DVD or On Demand release. I guess the merits of this film like wholly on "From the writer and director of Paranormal Activity!" However, don't expect the competency which the latter film was delivered. There is very little entertainment value, lines are cut off mid-sentence, and somehow, despite being allegedly filmed with one camera, it switches angles regularly without disrupting other dialog. It places it's weight on technical talk, the late night AM radio conspiracy chatter, but does nothing to actually give the viewer anything to grab on to and immerse themselves in the adventure of these three hormonal boys.

If you'd like to reduce your IQ level or waste your time while sick and just need to say you've seen it, you're better served by searching online for conspiracy videos, which provide far more interesting concepts and, despite being rather extraordinary, manage to entertain, which Area 51 fail to do.

Kirk Cameron's Saving Christmas (2014)

A complete waste of time

[1/10 · 6 December 2014]

I love a really strong, beautiful or funny film that lets me, as a Christian, not be embarrassed about my faith. Saving Christmas had me wanting to climb into a hole. From beginning to end, it plays like one of those late night infomercials where the host is far to excited to be human. This film is nothing but a vanity vehicle for Kirk Cameron, it's self congratulatory and he comes off like a 12 year old locked in a toy store over night. His performance is a wreck, his exaggerated enthusiasm is cringe-worthy and at any minute you expect him to giggle and shout "Hey Ma! I'm making my own movie." This is less a movie about Christmas, Jesus, or anything else as much as it is about Kirk Cameron begging you to look at him as he twirls.

Into the Storm (2014)

Totally Reckless Filmmaking

[2/10 · 18 November 2014]

I'm an avid weather movie buff. From Twister to The Day After Tomorrow, I've seen them all. This film, in particular, is perhaps the most disappointing. Not because it's bad (But, it's bad) but because we saw a similar film back in 1996 on Cable TV called "Night of the Twisters" starring Devon Sawa. It's basically the same formula, except 48 million dollars more expensive. There is no questions we in the adventure movie fandom have been waiting for a movie to come along and usurp "Twister" and this fell flat. Between the corny subplots of teenage romance and wannabe YouTube stars, to the angst ridden parents of distant kids, the writers simply threw in every plot-line they could fathom and added tornadoes. At least Sci-Fi thought to add sharks to their tornado movie to compensate for the recycled plots. I'm disappointed that Village Roadshow and Warner Brothers dropped the ball on this. Sure, it would have been fine as a TNT Movie but as a summer flick? Not at all. It's worth renting for the special effects, but you'll likely find yourself visiting the kitchen during the lulling dialog and character interaction.