They nailed the esthetics of the comic for sure. The stories are well paced and well-acted with each episode building in such a way you can't wait for the next one, which makes sense, as it follows the comic (which were masterpieces) pretty closely and that's exactly how comics work, wildly interesting and episodic. That said, the choices to add characters for no other reason I can see other than to promote an agenda are the shows downfall. Apparently, every couple in the world is now interracial and most likely also gay. In a world where representation becomes above all else, why don't straight same race couples get representation? No clue. They make up the vast majority of couple in the world today, so not being included is VERY noticeable and honestly just makes a lot of people roll their eyes. More and more films and show that put identity and woke politics above story and entertainment, have been underperforming lately and with good reason... they cater to a minority and turn off a majority. Hopefully the story and acting of Sandman keeps it from falling into that camp, in spite of the un-necessary woke nonsense.
Reviews
39 Reviews
Blended
(2014)
It's an Adam Sandler film.
14 August 2022
It's not on the same level as 50 First Dates, but this is an enjoyable family friendly rom-com in the same vein. If you've ever seen a Sandler film in the past, then you know what to expect. You'll either probably love it or hate it. I dunno if I'd say I loved it, but I certainly liked it well enough to watch more than once. I think it was better the second time I watched it to be honest. It's pretty by the numbers but the African location is cool and it's charming enough to make it stand out.
American Bigfoot
(2017)
American Bigfoot and some sort of weird smear campaign.
25 November 2020
There is a reason this was released years ago but has no users reviews. It's a short, confusing mess, that seem less a short about Bigfoot and more about a personal smear champaign I guess? Not really sure, it's not compelling and it's mainly uncomfortable. The production values are solid. There are some notable Bigfoot researcher and some nobodies discussing Bigfoot, but the main gist of the film seem to a short heavily edited portion where the main focus seems to be to humiliate Esteban Sarmiento. Not sure who thought that was a good idea. Not terrible, bit that segment is simply propaganda and has nothing to do with Bigfoot. Don't bother.
HauntedWeen
(1991)
Not about a possessed hotdog, but still worth some relish.
11 October 2020
This forgotten slasher is obviously very low budget but is in my opinion a lot of fun, and they did much with very little. Had this been released about a decade earlier, it probably would have had a much bigger following, Many early horror films received a boost from the new video market of the early 80s. Distributers were pulling out anything horror to satisfy the demand. HauntedWeen would have filled that demand nicely I think.
There is not much plot, there's not a lot of backstory, there is no huge twist at the end. Many of the early scenes are more like a bad Animal House rip-off than a horror film, but I think there was a genuine attempt at character development, and while the acting isn't great, it works. Another nice inclusion are lots of boobies, and not just the plastic kind on a size zero. A scene with the frat on a pontoon showcases a seriously thick girl who isn't ashamed of anything. Shes really got the junk in he trunk something rarely seen in any film. I liked this film a lot more than I was expecting. It's nothing ground breaking, or thought provoking, but it scratches that Halloween itch for me. To sum it up boobs, blood and Burber House. Check it out!
There is not much plot, there's not a lot of backstory, there is no huge twist at the end. Many of the early scenes are more like a bad Animal House rip-off than a horror film, but I think there was a genuine attempt at character development, and while the acting isn't great, it works. Another nice inclusion are lots of boobies, and not just the plastic kind on a size zero. A scene with the frat on a pontoon showcases a seriously thick girl who isn't ashamed of anything. Shes really got the junk in he trunk something rarely seen in any film. I liked this film a lot more than I was expecting. It's nothing ground breaking, or thought provoking, but it scratches that Halloween itch for me. To sum it up boobs, blood and Burber House. Check it out!
In Search of Bigfoot
(1976)
An obscure tromp through the Pacific Northwest
16 November 2015
Warning: Spoilers
I enjoy watching documentaries on cryptids and had thought I'd seen them all. I discovered this through the site Vinegar Syndrome. A company that finds awesome prints of obscure films and release them on an unsuspecting public. Anyways, the main guy in this film Morgan and I look almost alike (When I was a few years younger anyways) so I immediately took a liking to the film. Morgan and his crew (A tracker, biologist, micro biologist,eye candy girl, etc...) do the usual, walk through the woods, look for broken branches, cast prints, and discuss the big guy. Sasquatch AKA: Bigfoot. Actually the film says the beast has 100's of names, but only lists off a few. But whatever, there probably are 100's "Hairy Dude, Giant Feral Human Ape, Moe all come to mind.
Morgan is very serious and passionate about the search and frequently over-acts and uses words like "hell" & "damn" a lot to make that clear. Example: Morgan at one point says "I'm mad as hell about it"... "It" being scientists lack of recognizing the big beast with the evidence they have so far. Which as far as I can figure based on what was shown is basically none. They also get some "locals" who tell their tales. These peoples tales could best be described as under- acting, and one of them kind of looked like a wife beater, but I digress. The film also contains some discussions with some of the most respected names in Bigfoot hunting mainly John Green and Rene Dahinden. When this was made it was less than a decade since the Patterson film had been released so I imagine interest in Bigfoot was still pretty high. John & Rene had been hunting bipedal creatures since the 50's!! The film was good so I was surprised I hadn't heard of it before. It doesn't resort to recreating anything, so you will never actually see shots of Bigfoot which was a bit of a bummer. But it was interesting and some of the "true story" dialog is entertaining. The fact that some TV star shows up for a quick visit at the end made me wonder just how remote the location was, since TV stars today aren't known for trekking weeks into the mountains. Oh yeah I mentioned this would contain a spoiler, so here it is. ***SPOILER**** They don't find Bigfoot.
Morgan is very serious and passionate about the search and frequently over-acts and uses words like "hell" & "damn" a lot to make that clear. Example: Morgan at one point says "I'm mad as hell about it"... "It" being scientists lack of recognizing the big beast with the evidence they have so far. Which as far as I can figure based on what was shown is basically none. They also get some "locals" who tell their tales. These peoples tales could best be described as under- acting, and one of them kind of looked like a wife beater, but I digress. The film also contains some discussions with some of the most respected names in Bigfoot hunting mainly John Green and Rene Dahinden. When this was made it was less than a decade since the Patterson film had been released so I imagine interest in Bigfoot was still pretty high. John & Rene had been hunting bipedal creatures since the 50's!! The film was good so I was surprised I hadn't heard of it before. It doesn't resort to recreating anything, so you will never actually see shots of Bigfoot which was a bit of a bummer. But it was interesting and some of the "true story" dialog is entertaining. The fact that some TV star shows up for a quick visit at the end made me wonder just how remote the location was, since TV stars today aren't known for trekking weeks into the mountains. Oh yeah I mentioned this would contain a spoiler, so here it is. ***SPOILER**** They don't find Bigfoot.
Mondo Freudo
(1966)
Mondo Shmondo
26 September 2013
This is a strange film to call a mondo film. Seems to be a better name for it would have been Hidden Camera T&A, or maybe Mondo Nude-o. The entire film seems to be faked. They supposedly travel around the world, but models on a supposedly call girl billboard in London are recognized as American models from New York. A girl who supposedly lived in London all her life, has no English accent at all! If that was true, it would be AMAZING, sadly I think they were just BSing us.
Basically what you have here is scene after scene of girls finding reasons to take off their clothes and show the viewer some T&A. A man who uses nude girls to paint on. Men who go to private clubs to leer at strippers, call girls lesbians who will get naked and let men watch them make out. Tijuana, where poverty, slave trading and nudity go hand in hand. There are no genuine strange customs or rituals. (well unless you consider obvious fake satanic cults who get nude a ritual) There certainly is no animal mutilation (can you make a mondo film without animal mutilation!?) This comes off as an attempt to cash in on the Mondo craze and show some skin, lots of skin.
It's all pretty slow moving and tame by todays standards I suppose. Obviously completely bogus, the film is nicely shot and there are an awful lot of naked girlies to keep you entertained, so I suppose it's not a total waste. Still not what I'd consider required viewing, not even sure I'd consider it a mondo film.
Basically what you have here is scene after scene of girls finding reasons to take off their clothes and show the viewer some T&A. A man who uses nude girls to paint on. Men who go to private clubs to leer at strippers, call girls lesbians who will get naked and let men watch them make out. Tijuana, where poverty, slave trading and nudity go hand in hand. There are no genuine strange customs or rituals. (well unless you consider obvious fake satanic cults who get nude a ritual) There certainly is no animal mutilation (can you make a mondo film without animal mutilation!?) This comes off as an attempt to cash in on the Mondo craze and show some skin, lots of skin.
It's all pretty slow moving and tame by todays standards I suppose. Obviously completely bogus, the film is nicely shot and there are an awful lot of naked girlies to keep you entertained, so I suppose it's not a total waste. Still not what I'd consider required viewing, not even sure I'd consider it a mondo film.
Mondo Magic
(1975)
You have to believe we are magic...
26 September 2013
This is an odd film. I originally had it in a Clamshell VHS tape format. The cover had a big cartoon eyeball and some other strange graphics like a man being hung by hooks. Wasn't sure what to expect. I think I was expecting more modern settings.
What you get in mostly primitive people and their use of "magic", which basically involves running around naked, animal slaughter, hurting each other, pee bathing, and suckling puppies, but mainly slaughtering animals.
It's actually a pretty interesting film. It's probably gross to people who are used to fast food, fast cars, and mortgage payments. A lot of the scenes in this film to me just seemed to be documentation of primitive people around the world and their day to day practices that seem gross to us because they are so different. It's hard to believe people lived like what was shown even in 1975. Some of the footage could very well have been from decades earlier than that.
If nothing else the flick serves as a time capsule of primitive people, with some goofy newer scene of things like psychic surgery throw in for good measure. I liked it. I've seen it 4 or 5 times over the years. It never fails to astound! It is how you say, Mucho Mondo!
What you get in mostly primitive people and their use of "magic", which basically involves running around naked, animal slaughter, hurting each other, pee bathing, and suckling puppies, but mainly slaughtering animals.
It's actually a pretty interesting film. It's probably gross to people who are used to fast food, fast cars, and mortgage payments. A lot of the scenes in this film to me just seemed to be documentation of primitive people around the world and their day to day practices that seem gross to us because they are so different. It's hard to believe people lived like what was shown even in 1975. Some of the footage could very well have been from decades earlier than that.
If nothing else the flick serves as a time capsule of primitive people, with some goofy newer scene of things like psychic surgery throw in for good measure. I liked it. I've seen it 4 or 5 times over the years. It never fails to astound! It is how you say, Mucho Mondo!
Friday the 13th
(2009)
Mrs Vorhees must have fooled around with Jigsaw
1 February 2010
Watched the new Friday the 13th remake yesterday. Bought it outright (on Blu-Ray no less) because I was always a fan of the Friday the 13th series.
I thought this "reboot" was dark, brutal, and uninspired. I didn't enjoy it too much, but one thing I did enjoy about this movie is it made me want to go back and watch the original 3 films again.
I watched this flick with my girlfriend and I can't say it was much fun. I can remember going to the theater watching a Friday the 13th flick and you would laugh and cheer as Jason went after the ASSHOLE characters you hated. Or woopin and hollerin as Jason approached and couple of kids playing hide the salami. There's none of that here. You won't cheer, you won't woop. Even the characters who are assholes you feel sorry for because Jason is so brutal and unrelenting...and quick. There isn't a whole lot of suspense here folks. For the most part when Jason sets his sites on you, your caught and sometimes tortured (Since when does Jason torture people?) quick like. I counted one decent kill (The dock scene) the rest reminded me of a Saw flick, set in the woods, with no "clever" twists, and Jason running around instead of Jigsaw.
Disappointed doesn't even begin to sum up my feelings.
I thought this "reboot" was dark, brutal, and uninspired. I didn't enjoy it too much, but one thing I did enjoy about this movie is it made me want to go back and watch the original 3 films again.
I watched this flick with my girlfriend and I can't say it was much fun. I can remember going to the theater watching a Friday the 13th flick and you would laugh and cheer as Jason went after the ASSHOLE characters you hated. Or woopin and hollerin as Jason approached and couple of kids playing hide the salami. There's none of that here. You won't cheer, you won't woop. Even the characters who are assholes you feel sorry for because Jason is so brutal and unrelenting...and quick. There isn't a whole lot of suspense here folks. For the most part when Jason sets his sites on you, your caught and sometimes tortured (Since when does Jason torture people?) quick like. I counted one decent kill (The dock scene) the rest reminded me of a Saw flick, set in the woods, with no "clever" twists, and Jason running around instead of Jigsaw.
Disappointed doesn't even begin to sum up my feelings.
Nightbeast
(1982)
Nightbeast is the NightBEST!!!
6 June 2009
I finally got around to watching Nightbeast just hours ago and let me tell you now, the flick is amazing! Terrible acting, gratuitous MILF boobies, Cheap FX, and a "hero" that looks like a guy I knew from high school. He's skinny, pale, has a gray afro (Note : The guy I knew in high school didn't have gray hair), a weak chin and HUGE mustache (Note : The guy I knew in high school did have a HUGE mustache). You know, your typical hero type.
Cheap jack spaceship crashes on Earth and rubbery, toothy alien begins a rampage of terror. Skinny gray afro hero and MILF (There's a few other people around, I don't refer to them so much as characters. Let's just call them...expendable folk.) have to figure out how to stop him on their own because the mayor can't be bothered with no alien, because he's having a party the governor will be at.
If you are the type of person that LOVES bad movies. Then you will certainly dig Nightbeast because it is gloriously bad. Luckily for us, it's bad in the best of ways. This movie packs more entertainment than any of the movies being pooped out of Hollywood these days. I say give the beast a chance and you may have the same opinion!
Cheap jack spaceship crashes on Earth and rubbery, toothy alien begins a rampage of terror. Skinny gray afro hero and MILF (There's a few other people around, I don't refer to them so much as characters. Let's just call them...expendable folk.) have to figure out how to stop him on their own because the mayor can't be bothered with no alien, because he's having a party the governor will be at.
If you are the type of person that LOVES bad movies. Then you will certainly dig Nightbeast because it is gloriously bad. Luckily for us, it's bad in the best of ways. This movie packs more entertainment than any of the movies being pooped out of Hollywood these days. I say give the beast a chance and you may have the same opinion!
Spasms
(1983)
Bite me
9 September 2008
The story in a nut-shell. Oliver Reed has a psychic link to a satanic super snake which emerges from hell every seven years and kills people on a tropical island. He can see through the snakes eyes when it kills! Obviously the best thing to do in a situation like this is to bring the snake to the US (Actually Canada filling in for California) Naturally the snake gets loose and continues doing what giant venomous satanic super snakes do best. BITING PEOPLE!!! Good stuff.
The FX are done on the cheap. Lots O POV shots, inter-cut with VERY quick shots of a GIANT balloon-y snake head on a too thin looking body, inter-cut with screaming bloody people tossed around. The whole thing was done on the cheap for the most part. There is one well done super venomous bite that makes a guy break out a little. They probably spent half the budget on that one shot. You'll know the scene when you see it. If you like bad horror flicks from the 80's. You'll probably dig this movie. If the snake doesn't scare you, Oliver Reeds mustache will.
The FX are done on the cheap. Lots O POV shots, inter-cut with VERY quick shots of a GIANT balloon-y snake head on a too thin looking body, inter-cut with screaming bloody people tossed around. The whole thing was done on the cheap for the most part. There is one well done super venomous bite that makes a guy break out a little. They probably spent half the budget on that one shot. You'll know the scene when you see it. If you like bad horror flicks from the 80's. You'll probably dig this movie. If the snake doesn't scare you, Oliver Reeds mustache will.
Shriek of the Mutilated
(1974)
Shaggy dog or Yeti?
11 July 2008
I've seen the flick probably a half dozen times, but it's one of those horror movies you just want to watch over and over. The biggest disappointment on the DVD release of this movie is that the original film featured the song Popcorn by Hot Butter. There is a big scene in the film where everyone is partying and yes...popping and helping themselves to popcorn from one of those big movie theater popcorn machines. (Wild wild party!!!!) Unfortunately the rights to the song could not be obtained (The DVD still has the credits for the song and band though!) so they changed the music to some lame Casio keyboard crap. Better to watch the old VHS version with the song intact.
Anyways, this flick is full serious over acting. These guys no doubt thought they were in line for an Academy award maybe. A professor take his students to a supposedly desolate, un-inhabited island. I say supposedly because this "island" has paved roads with guardrails, and obviously landscaped trees and shrubs everywhere. In fact the desolate island, kinda looks like the woods in a backyard most of the time. They are on the island to find a Yeti!! Mind you there isn't a lick of snow to be found, but sure enough a shabby Yeti with shaggy dog fur and those plastic Dracula teeth you used to get for a quarter is prowling around and he is hungry!!! There's a HUGE shock ending that's almost as good as the one from Planet of the Apes. Well not really. In fact it's kind of ridiculous, but that's OK because the whole movie pretty much is. If you haven't watched it, go ahead and try it out. It's a terrible terrible movie to be sure, but it's terribly entertaining as well.
Anyways, this flick is full serious over acting. These guys no doubt thought they were in line for an Academy award maybe. A professor take his students to a supposedly desolate, un-inhabited island. I say supposedly because this "island" has paved roads with guardrails, and obviously landscaped trees and shrubs everywhere. In fact the desolate island, kinda looks like the woods in a backyard most of the time. They are on the island to find a Yeti!! Mind you there isn't a lick of snow to be found, but sure enough a shabby Yeti with shaggy dog fur and those plastic Dracula teeth you used to get for a quarter is prowling around and he is hungry!!! There's a HUGE shock ending that's almost as good as the one from Planet of the Apes. Well not really. In fact it's kind of ridiculous, but that's OK because the whole movie pretty much is. If you haven't watched it, go ahead and try it out. It's a terrible terrible movie to be sure, but it's terribly entertaining as well.
The Killing of Satan
(1983)
Weird Wacky Mustachioed Fun
17 June 2008
I'll start by mentioning this is a Filipino-made horror-fantasy film. If you've ever seen a Filipino horror movie then you know you're in for a wild wacky horrorificly (is that a word?) entertaining time.
In this movie a paunchy mustachioed jeans jacket wearing Filipino human named Lando who uses the super powers of God is chosen by his dead uncle to battle the forces of evil. Before actually getting to battle Satan, he must first face the equally impressive mustachioed Prince of Magic who wears a bright red jumpsuit and cape (kinda like something Elvis might wear) and his minions and free the naked and chubby Filipino girls who were stolen from the village. This movie has so much imagination packed into 90 minutes you just have to like it in spite of the cheap-jack animated super powers everyone seems to have.
Also included in this wild flick are some pretty decent old school horror FX including a man (the dead uncle) who gets literally flattened by a huge boulder and is reduced to a still talking head connected a wet pile of flat intestines and gore. There is also an amazing ripping scene that will make you rewind more than once. (You'll know it when you see it) I'm sure most people after viewing this film would be like "WTF!!?" but I've always got a kick out of it. I've had the BIG BOXED VHS version of this film in my collection for probably 15 years. Not sure if it's even available anymore which is a shame. If you want to be entertained, this flick is just the thing. I highly recommend it.
In this movie a paunchy mustachioed jeans jacket wearing Filipino human named Lando who uses the super powers of God is chosen by his dead uncle to battle the forces of evil. Before actually getting to battle Satan, he must first face the equally impressive mustachioed Prince of Magic who wears a bright red jumpsuit and cape (kinda like something Elvis might wear) and his minions and free the naked and chubby Filipino girls who were stolen from the village. This movie has so much imagination packed into 90 minutes you just have to like it in spite of the cheap-jack animated super powers everyone seems to have.
Also included in this wild flick are some pretty decent old school horror FX including a man (the dead uncle) who gets literally flattened by a huge boulder and is reduced to a still talking head connected a wet pile of flat intestines and gore. There is also an amazing ripping scene that will make you rewind more than once. (You'll know it when you see it) I'm sure most people after viewing this film would be like "WTF!!?" but I've always got a kick out of it. I've had the BIG BOXED VHS version of this film in my collection for probably 15 years. Not sure if it's even available anymore which is a shame. If you want to be entertained, this flick is just the thing. I highly recommend it.
Corpse Eaters
(1974)
36k Well spent.
15 June 2008
I watched this flick yesterday and I have to say it's the finest horror film made for $36,000 I've ever seen (Sorry Steckler) The film is definitely worth seeking out if you are a zombie fan. This movie reeks of soul and atmosphere. Some of the shots of the zombs are the best ever committed to film. VERY creepy looking dusty webbed corpses slowly shamble to their screaming victims. Brrrrrrr.
Hot saggy Canadian women with sexy accents will keep you preoccupied before the HORROR rears its undead corpse eating head. This film entertained from start to finish. I couldn't ask for more than that. My only complaint is that is was too short.
Hot saggy Canadian women with sexy accents will keep you preoccupied before the HORROR rears its undead corpse eating head. This film entertained from start to finish. I couldn't ask for more than that. My only complaint is that is was too short.
Death Curse of Tartu
(1966)
Tartu is TAR-TURIFIC!!
11 May 2008
I vaguely recalled this creepy movie from watching it years and years ago on Elvira's Movie Macabre. It was a movie I had no clue what the title was but certain scenes were forever burned into my memory. After the internet came along, I began searching for some of the old horror movies from my childhood. This one took some time finding because I could have sworn it was a B&W film. (If I had to guess I watched it on a B&W TV) After checking out several old movies including Omoo Omoo the Shark God and not seeing anything that I recalled, I literally stumbled upon Death Curse of Tartu for sale used on VHS one day and had in in my movie collection for probably a year before watching it. After the first few minutes it became clear this was the movie I had watched!!
Don't let others dissuade you, this is a GREAT spook movie! No where else will you see a beefy dead shape shifting Indian chasing teens through the Florida Everglades for disturbing his sacred ground with their go-go dancing in such vibrant color! (I actually turned the color to B&W the first time I watched this flick so I could watch it as I remembered it) The movie is obviously VERY low budget, but to me, it just adds to it's charm. As hokey as it is in parts, the death scenes are shocking and creepy. Naturally when SWV released this movie I HAD to upgrade. If you haven't had the pleasure and like fun, older spook flicks, I highly recommend this one.
Don't let others dissuade you, this is a GREAT spook movie! No where else will you see a beefy dead shape shifting Indian chasing teens through the Florida Everglades for disturbing his sacred ground with their go-go dancing in such vibrant color! (I actually turned the color to B&W the first time I watched this flick so I could watch it as I remembered it) The movie is obviously VERY low budget, but to me, it just adds to it's charm. As hokey as it is in parts, the death scenes are shocking and creepy. Naturally when SWV released this movie I HAD to upgrade. If you haven't had the pleasure and like fun, older spook flicks, I highly recommend this one.
Terror at Tenkiller
(1986)
Tedium at Tenkiller
15 March 2008
I watched Terror at Tenkiller yesterday and made it through the whole flick. I had seen it before years ago, but couldn't remember a thing about it. Needless to say, it's pretty forgettable. The main female character is a bit on the plump side, and she quickly shows off her assets by taking a shower after a swim (Too bad the lighting is pretty dismal and she's the kinda girl that wears panties under her swimsuit) Needless to say the shot of her getting out of the pool confirms that this chick has got some junk in the trunk. A rare occurrence in most movies who's producers seem to be convinced all men enjoy looking at anorexic women with boob-jobs. At this point I still had high hopes.
Once again the have an example of characters that are supposed to be in school, and still under their parents wing, but look to be pushing or over 30. The leads girlfriend in the flick looks about 31 (although I must admit she keeps in shape as she spends ample time in a bikini) Anywho, the acting is pretty stiff, but not terrible (Except for maybe Thor), that's the best I can say about the rest of the movie.
The quality of the picture is pretty dismal throughout, with the ending being almost unwatchable because it was filmed outside in the dark, the few effects are for the most part non-effective (except one involving poor ol Preacher). The story itself make no sense, and the scares are literally non-existent in spite of several attempt to try and produce a jolt. Attempts at suspense fall flat. There is big hair though and to further confirm the fact this flick was made in the 80's, has a soundtrack that was almost surely made entirely on one of those big ass sampler keyboards you used to play around with that were on display when you first walked into Sears circa 1984.
Once again the have an example of characters that are supposed to be in school, and still under their parents wing, but look to be pushing or over 30. The leads girlfriend in the flick looks about 31 (although I must admit she keeps in shape as she spends ample time in a bikini) Anywho, the acting is pretty stiff, but not terrible (Except for maybe Thor), that's the best I can say about the rest of the movie.
The quality of the picture is pretty dismal throughout, with the ending being almost unwatchable because it was filmed outside in the dark, the few effects are for the most part non-effective (except one involving poor ol Preacher). The story itself make no sense, and the scares are literally non-existent in spite of several attempt to try and produce a jolt. Attempts at suspense fall flat. There is big hair though and to further confirm the fact this flick was made in the 80's, has a soundtrack that was almost surely made entirely on one of those big ass sampler keyboards you used to play around with that were on display when you first walked into Sears circa 1984.
Maxie
(1973)
Meat is meat
28 October 2007
Warning: Spoilers
I have this title under Murderer's Keep on VHS and The Butchers on DVD. I actually enjoy this flick very much. The scenes and camera angles are well thought out and interesting. The acting is above average and although the horror is subdued a bit and the film creeps along some, it has a certain charm that elevates it a bit. I can tell by the lack of reviews this flick gets ignored. It's a shame really, because it's a very well done affair and worth a watch, you could do much worse (and probably have)
Vic Tayback, better known as that gruff, greasy diner cook with a heart of gold on TV's Alice plays Smedke, a gruff, greasy butcher with an accent of gold in a flick that deals with a butchers desire to pass cost savings onto his customers by cutting the middle man(Sometime dressed in a Santa suit) into little pieces and charging $1.15 a pound (What a deal!) His apprentice, a simpleton with gray teeth is learning the trade. All is going well except that cute little deaf mute Maxie might have seen something she shouldn't but ol Smedke isn't too worried about it since the girl can't talk. The beautiful Talia Shire (Yo Adrian!!) shows up sans Rocky and along with her doctor pal decide to teach Maxieto talk since her crappy dad won't. Vic gets nervous at this prospect for obvious reasons. Mayhem ensues.
Vic Tayback, better known as that gruff, greasy diner cook with a heart of gold on TV's Alice plays Smedke, a gruff, greasy butcher with an accent of gold in a flick that deals with a butchers desire to pass cost savings onto his customers by cutting the middle man(Sometime dressed in a Santa suit) into little pieces and charging $1.15 a pound (What a deal!) His apprentice, a simpleton with gray teeth is learning the trade. All is going well except that cute little deaf mute Maxie might have seen something she shouldn't but ol Smedke isn't too worried about it since the girl can't talk. The beautiful Talia Shire (Yo Adrian!!) shows up sans Rocky and along with her doctor pal decide to teach Maxieto talk since her crappy dad won't. Vic gets nervous at this prospect for obvious reasons. Mayhem ensues.
Invasion from Inner Earth
(1974)
Those Red Guys, You know...They.
19 August 2007
I saw this movie under the title "They" as part of the Nightmare Worlds 50 DVD collection released by Mill Creek. Easily one of the best sci-fi flicks filmed in Wisconsin circa 1970's I've seen this year, mostly because of the mention of Rhinelander, Wisconsin. I admit I was a little let down by the fact there wasn't a single Hodag (Do a Google search if need be) to be found.
Still, killer smoke bombs are without a doubt the most original villains ever. The film is only mostly terribly acted or over acted if you're a bearded cast member in this film and the snow mobile scenes are gratuitous if not plentiful. The scenery is white, the bad guys are red, and everyone owns a checkered flannel shirt.
OK, This is a painfully bad film, the soundtrack is off the wall, the actors are only actors in the sense that they are in the act of doing things in the snow that are (maybe accidentally)captured on film, and the special effects consist of smoke bombs and flashlights with red cellophane covering the lens. For me to sum this movie up in one word, it would be, AWESOME
Lovers of these types of films (Le Bad Cinema), like myself, will find this flick both charming and indispensable. If you got enjoyment out of such fine films as They Saved Hitlers Brain, Mano's or Curse of the Headless Horseman. You will love this...errr "They".
Still, killer smoke bombs are without a doubt the most original villains ever. The film is only mostly terribly acted or over acted if you're a bearded cast member in this film and the snow mobile scenes are gratuitous if not plentiful. The scenery is white, the bad guys are red, and everyone owns a checkered flannel shirt.
OK, This is a painfully bad film, the soundtrack is off the wall, the actors are only actors in the sense that they are in the act of doing things in the snow that are (maybe accidentally)captured on film, and the special effects consist of smoke bombs and flashlights with red cellophane covering the lens. For me to sum this movie up in one word, it would be, AWESOME
Lovers of these types of films (Le Bad Cinema), like myself, will find this flick both charming and indispensable. If you got enjoyment out of such fine films as They Saved Hitlers Brain, Mano's or Curse of the Headless Horseman. You will love this...errr "They".
Unknown World
(1951)
Known Boredom
16 July 2007
First Incredible Petrified World (See my review), and now Unknown World. It's safe to say that after watching both of these flicks, not a whole lot happens under the earth's crust. After about 6 or 7 tries and a couple chapter skips I was finally able to make it through this movie. There are a few scientists who are members of the Society To Save Mankind (or something similar) that invent a machine to go 1,000 miles into the earths interior to escape the inevitable doomsday brought on by nuclear weapons.
First off there is a corkscrew on the front of this machine, one would assume for boring into the earth, however, the corkscrew is about 1/8 the size of the rest of the vehicle behind it, so other than making neat little holes here and there, I dunno what good it would do someone trying to bore through the earth. As luck would have it, there is pretty much a 1,000 mile flat road from the surface of the earth down. Seems it's inside an inactive volcano. (Why these folks didn't just take a pickup truck instead of a vehicle that goes like 3 miles an hour, I dunno) So the scientists and a young chiseled chinned rich boy who funded the mission for his own kicks, start their slow decent.
The majority of the movie shows the vehicle driving on a downward slope at an extremely slow rate. Kinda like the movie. Every now and again something very exciting happens, like the group gets thirsty and don't have water and has to find some. Other exciting bits include climbing down a rock. I don't want to give away the ending, but the CORE looks a lot like the surface, except you can't procreate down there for some reason, so every decides to head back up. I think the moral was the grass isn't always greener? Or maybe it's that doesn't matter what we do now that we have nuclear weapons we're all screwed.
I would recommend this movie if you are suffering from insomnia. It put me to sleep within 10 minutes more than once and is prefect for those nights when you just can't seem to get any sleep. Zzzzzz
First off there is a corkscrew on the front of this machine, one would assume for boring into the earth, however, the corkscrew is about 1/8 the size of the rest of the vehicle behind it, so other than making neat little holes here and there, I dunno what good it would do someone trying to bore through the earth. As luck would have it, there is pretty much a 1,000 mile flat road from the surface of the earth down. Seems it's inside an inactive volcano. (Why these folks didn't just take a pickup truck instead of a vehicle that goes like 3 miles an hour, I dunno) So the scientists and a young chiseled chinned rich boy who funded the mission for his own kicks, start their slow decent.
The majority of the movie shows the vehicle driving on a downward slope at an extremely slow rate. Kinda like the movie. Every now and again something very exciting happens, like the group gets thirsty and don't have water and has to find some. Other exciting bits include climbing down a rock. I don't want to give away the ending, but the CORE looks a lot like the surface, except you can't procreate down there for some reason, so every decides to head back up. I think the moral was the grass isn't always greener? Or maybe it's that doesn't matter what we do now that we have nuclear weapons we're all screwed.
I would recommend this movie if you are suffering from insomnia. It put me to sleep within 10 minutes more than once and is prefect for those nights when you just can't seem to get any sleep. Zzzzzz
Behind Locked Doors
(1968)
Surprisingly effective flick marred by weak ending.
30 June 2007
Warning: Spoilers
**MILD SPOILERS NO ENDING GIVEN AWAY!!** I gave my girlfriend the movie list this week-end and asked her to pick one out. She said she was in the mood for a spooker. Looking through the list she asks, what is this movie Behind Locked Doors about? I said I didn't have a clue and popped in the ol DVD player. After watching the trailer, I wasn't all too sure we would be able to make it through the flick, but we gave it a go and as it turned out, we were both pleasantly surprised.
Two chicks Ann and Terri (one a virgin, one a lesbian) who work at the same job decide to go do something together, and like most women would, decide to go to a swingers barn dance. The virgin almost gets raped, but luckily a helpful near-by birdwatcher comes to her rescue. The next morning the girls find that they are not able to leave because they are out of gas and that conveniently, everyone else is gone. A beefy simpleton happens to be walking by. Ivan Agar of Shriek of the Mutilated fame here billed as Ivan Hagar probably because the flick took a couple hours to shoot and the director probably didn't hear his name right. This is one creepy dude and I wish he was in more movies, but alas IMDb only lists these two, still I smiled as I realized that simpleton was my good friend Laughing Crow from SOTM. Anyways..... They call out to Ivan and ask for help.
Ivan tells them there is only one house in the area and they can let them use a telephone and probably even give them some gas. Naturally the house is that nice old birdwatcher that "saved" Ann earlier. He introduces them to his sister who lives with him at the creepy old house. The girls soon find out that the nice old birdwatcher isn't so nice and they have been captured and locked up to take part in his bizarre experiments, which seem mainly to consist of him asking questions and then porking the girls. The stuffed corpses of previous girls that tried to escape are in the basement and the girls are told that if they try and escape the same fate will befall them. (It should be noted that Ivan is still around to help make sure the girls don't escape) The flick at this point centers around the girls attempts to escape. Can they possibly get away from the evil clutches of the frumpy mad doctor and his frail whip wielding sister? Will Ivan and the basement corpse ever get married? Does Terri's libido ever take a break? Watch this flick and find out! First off, the movie is well acted for a no-budget flick. This is a completely story driven movie as there is very little blood and gore. To keep things interesting the director was nice enough to include some ample nudity. Ann has some nice junk in the trunk if you know what I mean and I think you do. Production values are about what you would expect for a no-budget movie. Filmed on location shots, with lots of dialog. The tension builds as the story unfolds, even if you will have to suspend you dis-belief in a scene or two. That said I really liked this flick and surprisingly so did my girlfriend. I personally felt the ending was a bit of a letdown. The premise was decent enough, but the execution of it sucked. It really could have worked if the surprise was sprung at breakneck speed catching the viewer off guard. Instead everyone involved moves like a turtle riding a snail and you're left wondering. Why don't you just RUN!!?? Still, ending aside, there is a lot to recommend here. A real fine watch if low budget drive in horror flicks are your bag. I give this movie 7 out of 10 (Would have been higher if the ending was done more competently)
Two chicks Ann and Terri (one a virgin, one a lesbian) who work at the same job decide to go do something together, and like most women would, decide to go to a swingers barn dance. The virgin almost gets raped, but luckily a helpful near-by birdwatcher comes to her rescue. The next morning the girls find that they are not able to leave because they are out of gas and that conveniently, everyone else is gone. A beefy simpleton happens to be walking by. Ivan Agar of Shriek of the Mutilated fame here billed as Ivan Hagar probably because the flick took a couple hours to shoot and the director probably didn't hear his name right. This is one creepy dude and I wish he was in more movies, but alas IMDb only lists these two, still I smiled as I realized that simpleton was my good friend Laughing Crow from SOTM. Anyways..... They call out to Ivan and ask for help.
Ivan tells them there is only one house in the area and they can let them use a telephone and probably even give them some gas. Naturally the house is that nice old birdwatcher that "saved" Ann earlier. He introduces them to his sister who lives with him at the creepy old house. The girls soon find out that the nice old birdwatcher isn't so nice and they have been captured and locked up to take part in his bizarre experiments, which seem mainly to consist of him asking questions and then porking the girls. The stuffed corpses of previous girls that tried to escape are in the basement and the girls are told that if they try and escape the same fate will befall them. (It should be noted that Ivan is still around to help make sure the girls don't escape) The flick at this point centers around the girls attempts to escape. Can they possibly get away from the evil clutches of the frumpy mad doctor and his frail whip wielding sister? Will Ivan and the basement corpse ever get married? Does Terri's libido ever take a break? Watch this flick and find out! First off, the movie is well acted for a no-budget flick. This is a completely story driven movie as there is very little blood and gore. To keep things interesting the director was nice enough to include some ample nudity. Ann has some nice junk in the trunk if you know what I mean and I think you do. Production values are about what you would expect for a no-budget movie. Filmed on location shots, with lots of dialog. The tension builds as the story unfolds, even if you will have to suspend you dis-belief in a scene or two. That said I really liked this flick and surprisingly so did my girlfriend. I personally felt the ending was a bit of a letdown. The premise was decent enough, but the execution of it sucked. It really could have worked if the surprise was sprung at breakneck speed catching the viewer off guard. Instead everyone involved moves like a turtle riding a snail and you're left wondering. Why don't you just RUN!!?? Still, ending aside, there is a lot to recommend here. A real fine watch if low budget drive in horror flicks are your bag. I give this movie 7 out of 10 (Would have been higher if the ending was done more competently)
Forbidden Jungle
(1950)
Jungle-rific
11 February 2007
Tom Burton is a slightly paunchy, often sweaty, baby faced "world's greatest animal hunter" who goes off to a closed stage dressed to look some what like a jungle and inhabited by circus animals and stock footage is searching for a very scrawny, greasy haired ,long lost jungle boy rumored to have been raised by the beasts of the jungle so he can collect his massive reward!! After all, as Tom always says, money is the most important thing in his life. Watch this movie to find out if it in fact is! I gave this flick 6 growls out of 10. It's definitely not the best of it's type but good for a few laughs at least.
Rattlers
(1976)
Is that a rattle in your pocket??
2 March 2006
This is a wonderfully awful flick about rattle snakes. Hence the name. These aren't just ordinary rattle snakes though...No siree. These rattle snakes can strike at, bite through and pop an army jeeps tires as it flies past them going 50 miles an hour. Yep. Discarded toxic waste has made these suckers tough. (Although you wouldn't know it to look at them.) A snake guy and a female photographer are around to keep the movie moving forward to it's exciting conclusion (Which I forgot or fell sleep during)
This movie also answers the question... What do you do when the plumber tells you he is going to be changing out the pressure regulator on your pipes? Yes that's right, the correct answer is wait 2 minutes until he is under the house and then strip naked and take a bath. (What it doesn't answer is how you can magically fill the tub when the pressure regulator is in-line with your water pipes and has been removed, but lets just assume this lady has dual main water feeds.)It also answers the question do rattle snakes like to take bubble baths...and the answer is, "of course" you big silly.
If you have not had the pleasure of witnessing this movie...you must. You will cringe at the rattle snakes nearness.
This movie also answers the question... What do you do when the plumber tells you he is going to be changing out the pressure regulator on your pipes? Yes that's right, the correct answer is wait 2 minutes until he is under the house and then strip naked and take a bath. (What it doesn't answer is how you can magically fill the tub when the pressure regulator is in-line with your water pipes and has been removed, but lets just assume this lady has dual main water feeds.)It also answers the question do rattle snakes like to take bubble baths...and the answer is, "of course" you big silly.
If you have not had the pleasure of witnessing this movie...you must. You will cringe at the rattle snakes nearness.
The Game
(1984)
Games people play
27 January 2006
It's possible you've seen this movie and didn't even know it!! How exciting is that!? Mill Creek Entertainment released a 50 movie pack last year (2005) Called Chilling Classics that includes this very movie in the collection. Only it's not titled The Game. No sir. It's titled The Cold Why did they change it? I am thinking maybe the were afraid of getting sued by Hasbro or some other game manufacturer. Either that or the print they had didn't have the title so they made something up.
Anyways, I liked the flick. People meet in a mansion to face their fears, and if they survive they get $1,000,000. It was better than some and not as good as others, but it did have a few creepy scenes. Like the guy right at the beginning. If I was him I'd be like. "EXCUSE ME! WAITER. There's a spider in my soup. There's plenty of chicks in this movie that remind me of 70's porn stars. That is, they aren't very good looking, and they aren't afraid to wear a buttload of make-up. Also one of them has a Wisconsin accent, so that always a turn-on. Eh?
The movie tries to be sort of a horror version of The Sting I guess, because the film makers want you to wonder what is going on right up until the end....Either that or the movie is just so crapily made i didn't know what what was going on until the end. In any case I give it a 5 out of 10... mainly for Wisconsin accent lady.
Anyways, I liked the flick. People meet in a mansion to face their fears, and if they survive they get $1,000,000. It was better than some and not as good as others, but it did have a few creepy scenes. Like the guy right at the beginning. If I was him I'd be like. "EXCUSE ME! WAITER. There's a spider in my soup. There's plenty of chicks in this movie that remind me of 70's porn stars. That is, they aren't very good looking, and they aren't afraid to wear a buttload of make-up. Also one of them has a Wisconsin accent, so that always a turn-on. Eh?
The movie tries to be sort of a horror version of The Sting I guess, because the film makers want you to wonder what is going on right up until the end....Either that or the movie is just so crapily made i didn't know what what was going on until the end. In any case I give it a 5 out of 10... mainly for Wisconsin accent lady.
Attack of the Giant Leeches
(1959)
Son of a leech this movie sucks.
10 January 2006
Warning: Spoilers
When I say this movies sucks, that means its good because it's about leeches and they by nature suck so they would I'm guessing think that was a good thing or they wouldn't do it.
Anyways fat boy jelly roll Bruno VeSota has one hot mama of a wife in Yvette Vickers AKA: Liz Baby. Too bad she's such a beyotch. See, thing is she does a little sucking of her own when he's away working (if you know what I mean and I think you do) and before you know it she and the local boy she was sucking on in turn get sucked on in an underwater cavern after Bruno makes them wade out in the swamp to teach them a lesson. It seems they were kidnapped by men in full scuba gear with trash bags over their entire bodies....brrrrrrr Spooky.
So then the local game warden doesn't seem so interested in the people that are missing, he just doesn't want his girlfriends father to use dynamite in the swamp to try and bring up the bodies because the local animal population...who at this point have all left the area, will be harmed. He threatens to send the old man to jail. Nice way to get laid, tell your date your gonna lock up her daddy. What an idiot. So the dad does it anyways and then finds the bodies!! At this point he should have kicked that game warden in the nuts, but he doesn't. Well I wont give away the ending but let me tell you this. It's good and sucky....and don't forget that's a good thing.
I give this flick 10 sucker marks. See it now.
Anyways fat boy jelly roll Bruno VeSota has one hot mama of a wife in Yvette Vickers AKA: Liz Baby. Too bad she's such a beyotch. See, thing is she does a little sucking of her own when he's away working (if you know what I mean and I think you do) and before you know it she and the local boy she was sucking on in turn get sucked on in an underwater cavern after Bruno makes them wade out in the swamp to teach them a lesson. It seems they were kidnapped by men in full scuba gear with trash bags over their entire bodies....brrrrrrr Spooky.
So then the local game warden doesn't seem so interested in the people that are missing, he just doesn't want his girlfriends father to use dynamite in the swamp to try and bring up the bodies because the local animal population...who at this point have all left the area, will be harmed. He threatens to send the old man to jail. Nice way to get laid, tell your date your gonna lock up her daddy. What an idiot. So the dad does it anyways and then finds the bodies!! At this point he should have kicked that game warden in the nuts, but he doesn't. Well I wont give away the ending but let me tell you this. It's good and sucky....and don't forget that's a good thing.
I give this flick 10 sucker marks. See it now.
Friday the 13th: Part 3
(1982)
You'll wish everyday was Friday the 13th
6 January 2006
This is one of the best Friday the 13th flicks. It's kinda almost just like the first flick...but not. First off, since Crazy Ralph died, a new bummy guy Able came and took his place, thing is he didn't just tell kids to "beware" like Ralph did, he also kept dried out eyeballs to show them why they should beware. So he wasn't as lovable as Crazy Ralph...but he was probably more crazy which is weird in itself because his name was just Able and not Crazy Able, but I digress.
The ending is more or less the same in this flick as the first one. In fact the first time we saw it (I was like 13) We were like... What the @$%@ just happened? Who was that? You'd never guess who it is because the person is supposed to have been beheaded...but she's not now. Weird.
This movie was also the first time we come to realize that Jason is an animal lover. In fact I'm thinking that the reason he is so mad and kills people isn't because the people want to have sex, but maybe because he saw them mistreat an animal. Like for instance, the first couple to get offed in this flick don't even want to have sex at all, they just want to bitch at each other and poop, but Jason I think kills them because the dude forcibly stops a bunny from eating veggies, and then eats all the fishes food! What a jerk. So that's that. Jason did the right thing and murdered them.
If you look at the movie that way. You realize this was a proactive effort to stop animal abuse. What a good message, made better by the fact the movie was filmed in 3-D and had a disco superfly opening theme song. Bom Chicka Wah Wah. Ch Ch Ch Ba Ba Ba. 70's porn got nothing on my man MC Jason. He even lost his Oh so square one eyed sack for the super keen hockey mask. How cool is that? Cool...believe me.
If you haven't seen this movie. Do it now. If you have seen it, watch it again.
The ending is more or less the same in this flick as the first one. In fact the first time we saw it (I was like 13) We were like... What the @$%@ just happened? Who was that? You'd never guess who it is because the person is supposed to have been beheaded...but she's not now. Weird.
This movie was also the first time we come to realize that Jason is an animal lover. In fact I'm thinking that the reason he is so mad and kills people isn't because the people want to have sex, but maybe because he saw them mistreat an animal. Like for instance, the first couple to get offed in this flick don't even want to have sex at all, they just want to bitch at each other and poop, but Jason I think kills them because the dude forcibly stops a bunny from eating veggies, and then eats all the fishes food! What a jerk. So that's that. Jason did the right thing and murdered them.
If you look at the movie that way. You realize this was a proactive effort to stop animal abuse. What a good message, made better by the fact the movie was filmed in 3-D and had a disco superfly opening theme song. Bom Chicka Wah Wah. Ch Ch Ch Ba Ba Ba. 70's porn got nothing on my man MC Jason. He even lost his Oh so square one eyed sack for the super keen hockey mask. How cool is that? Cool...believe me.
If you haven't seen this movie. Do it now. If you have seen it, watch it again.
Terror on Tape
(1985)
Required viewing.
24 January 2005
Sure it was Continentals way of plugging their own video line, but the cheesy skits that tie it altogether are great! Plus when you consider some of these flicks are painfully boring or just plain terrible acting wise, the fact that all the non-gore scenes are cut out makes them actually watchable. Some how a couple non-horror flicks made there way into the mix, The Kidnapping Of The President could have been omitted in my opinion. There are some real gems included. Movies like 2000 Maniacs, Blood Tide, and Blood Feast are always a treat. But also included are more obscure flicks like Scalps, The Return of The Aliens Killer Spawn and The Slayer. I was in grade school when I first rented this movie, I think I probably rented it at least 4 times. Of course I have a copy in my video collection. Would love to see a DVD release but I wont hold my breath and neither should you... Find a used copy today!
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