asherjdoak Reviews

Flavor of Love (2006– )

100% garbage

[1 November 2006]

The first time I saw the promos for this show, I swear I thought I was gonna have a coronary and die on the spot! I could not believe that all these gorgeous women were going crazy over somebody as hideous-looking as Flavor Flav! I mean, the guy has perhaps the ugliest-looking face since Rodney Dangerfield, he talks like his mouth is always filled with marbles, and he still wears that God-awful over-sized clock. If I was a woman (that's a huge "if", by the way), I wouldn't be caught dead on this abomination of a show. This is just one more reason why nobody with an IQ higher than 90 watches VH-1 anymore. Oh, well, there's always "Celebrity Fit Club" and "Breaking Bonaduce".

Logan's Run (1976)

To this day, still one of my all-time faves

[2 August 2006]

I LOVE this movie. I remember the first time I rented it when I was 11 years old, and I had no idea what it was about or what the hell was going on, but the costumes, the special effects and the acting, top-notch. In fact, I loved it so much that I used to let my shirttail hang out of my coat in the winter and pretend I was a Sandman. If that's not a sure sign that you have no friends, I don't know what is. I especially thought it was cool how they made Washington, DC look so dilapidated, and who could forget Sir Peter Ustinov's absolutely brilliant performance as the Old Man? In fact, when I was in Washington about seven years ago, I actually tried picturing how it looked in the movie. FYI, not as easy as you'd think it would be. In short, if you like science-fiction, flashy effects, cats and Michael York's hairstyle (which, BTW, I actually used to have...sort of), this is definitely the movie for you.

The Simple Life (2003–2007)

Hey Fox, WHAT THE F---!!!

[16 December 2003]

It's now officially safe to say that this show is an omen to all the insanely idiotic supercrap that we'll be force-fed in the near future. When I saw the previews for "Mr. Personality", I thought this was as low as Fox could possibly sink. Naturally, I couldn't have been more sadly mistaken. How wasted does one have to be to say "Here's an idea: have two spoiled rotten bubble-headed bimbos live with a bunch of backward hicks and make a TV show about it! Are we geniuses or what?"? As if society isn't having enough trouble recovering from "Deliverance", now there's this piece of manure to traumatize us even further. In short, I'd rather watch Jessica Simpson read "The Catcher In The Rye", while having a root canal with no anesthetics whatsoever, than rot my brain with this crud. Also, if this gets picked up for a second season or gets nominated for a single Emmy, I'm never watching TV again.

My Brother and Me (1994–1995)

Pitiful. Just pitiful.

[30 October 2003]

I'm still amazed that the geniuses at Nickelodeon decided to go through with airing this piece of dung, even though they were all secretly thinking that it was a bad idea. I was unfortunate enough to actually take a look at it, mostly because there was nothing else on worth watching, and I thought it was one of the most insanely idiotic shows I've ever seen in my life. Not only can these people not act their ways out of a paper bag, but the writing, well, let's just say that my sister's dog could write better material. Whenever I think of this train wreck of a show, I can't help but wonder who was higher: the writers, the cast, the Nickelodeon executives or the very small percentage of viewers who actually liked it. And one more thing to the school principals of America: a tape of this show would be a GREAT punishment for the kids in detention, especially if you force them to watch it 35 times in a row.

8 Simple Rules (2002–2005)

The show must go on

[16 September 2003]

I was really torn to pieces when I heard about John Ritter's death. He was such a funny and talented guy, from "Three's Company" to movies like "Problem Child 1 & 2", "Stay Tuned" and "Noises Off!". I really hope this show stays on because it's really good, and while no one can ever replace John, I hope his character stays with the show. I even know who could play him: I was thinking either Mark Linn-Baker, who was also in "Noises Off!" and whom you would know from "Perfect Strangers", or maybe Jm J. Bullock, who was on "Too Close For Comfort" and "Hollywood Squares" and who was also in "Spaceballs". I think if this show stays on the air, the rest of this season and other seasons yet to come should be dedicated to John's memory.

I'm Telling! (1987–1988)

What the %#&$ have they given us?!!!

[30 July 2003]

As much as I hate to admit it, I was actually dumb enough to watch this heinous show. I was only 6 or 7 at the time, by the way. And if you asked me what I thought of it, I'd pretty much tell you to imagine "The Newlywed Game" on acid. The people who created this show were obviously die-hard fans of "The Newlywed Game", and they must've been smoking something really, really powerful in order to put this BS on the air. And I'll bet poor Chuck Barris (he created "The Newlywed Game", "The Dating Game" & "The Gong Show") was spitting nails when he saw this. The only highlight was watching those little brats argue when one of them mismatched his or her sibling's answer. I just wish Laurie What's-His-Name (AKA the poor man's Greg Brady) would've let them duke it out in the parking lot, and I also believe this is why we have such stupid shows polluting the airwaves today. Oh well, as long as the brainiacs at Fox don't get the rights to and make a remake of this piece of horse manure.

Mr. Personality (2003– )

100% CRAP!!!

[7 May 2003]

Just when we thought TV couldn't suck any worse than "Joe Millionaire", along comes this train wreck of a show in which a girl tries to decide from all these masked losers. If you were one of these guys, you'd wanna keep your mask on at all times. Either that or change your name, get a new face and move to another planet. And if the concept of the show isn't bad enough, guess who the geniuses at Fox got to host it? The lady who practically invented the scandal, Monica Lewinsky. I know it's impossible, but is there anybody who's just as sick of her as I am? If you like watching shows that are guaranteed to make your IQ drop faster than the stock market and turn your brain into mush, be my guest, just don't expect me to waste my brain cells on this piece of trash. Oh well, at least they didn't ask mascara-addicted crybaby freakshow Tammy Faye Bakker to host this show.

Joe Millionaire (2003)

Why? WHY?!!!

[7 May 2003]

Just when we thought Fox couldn't sink any lower than "Temptation Island", "Who Wants To Marry a Multi-Millionaire?" and "American Idol" combined, along comes a show where a bunch of bubble-headed gold-digging bimbos compete to marry a so-called millionaire and then find out that's it's all a lie. Anybody who would subject themselves to that kind of humiliation deserves whatever they get. And to think that there was a time when there were actually GOOD shows on this perpetually pathetic channel. They only good shows they DO have are "The Simpsons", "Futrama", "Mad TV" and "America's Most Wanted". But if you like watching 100% supercrap, you'll love this latest atrocity known as "Mr. Personality".

Godspell (1973)

LOVED IT!!!

[22 April 2003]

I absolutely LOVED this movie. Eevrybody looks like they're just having the time of their lives doing it, and although some people would consider the way Jesus was portayed sacrilegious and others might be turned off because of its laid-back, happy-go-lucky demeanor, I still think it's a great movie. As a matter of fact, I sometimes imagine that some of my friends and I are performing it, and if I could do any show I wanted, this would be at the very, very top of my list. And I'm pretty sure that director David Greene and actors David Haskell ("Santa Barbara" & "K-9") and Lynne Thigpen ("Lean On Me", "The District" & "Where In The World Is Carmen Sandiego?"), may they rest in peace, are glad that so many people enjoy this movie.

The Most Outrageous Game Show Moments (2002 TV Special)

Hilarious!

[22 March 2003]

I thought I was gonna get a hernia, I was laughing so hard at this! Some of the funniest moments I remember are as follows:

Richard Dawson said "Name the month in which a woman looks pregnant." and the contestant said "September!". And when the next contestant came on, Dawson was laughing so hard he couldn't even read the question.

On "Card Sharks", this huge woman wrestler lifts Bob Eubanks over her head.

On "The New Newlywed Game", Bob accidentally says "25-point boner question".

On the UK's version of the "Feud", a contestant answers the first three fast-money questions "Turkey!".

On "Match Game", a contestant almost said retarded when she actually meant retired.

Every moment on "Password" in which a contestant or celebrity accidentally gave away the clue.

On "The $25,000 Pyramid", in the winner's circle, the category was things that are stiff and one of the two contestants said "An erection!".

On "The Gong Show", a lady's dentures fell out.

On "Name That Tune", a contestant got the answer right and almost fell over. And by the way, the correct answer was "Catch Me, I'm Falling". Go figure.

I, for one, am so glad this was made, and I REALLY hope they do another one.

The Music Man (2003 TV Movie)

Wasn't that bad

[19 March 2003]

I thought this movie was pretty good, mostly because of the singing and choreography. When it comes to the casting, Matthew Broderick and Kristen Chenoweth were FANTASTIC, Molly Shannon was very amusing and the kids who played Amaryllis, Wintrop, Tommy and Zaneeta were very good. The only bad call in this matter was Victor Garber as the Mayor. Not that I'm trying to bust his chops or anything, he's a GREAT actor, but the part of the Mayor wasn't, isn't and never will be right for him. They should've gotten someone like John Ritter or Dan Aykroyd for that part. I guess CBS forgot that one had to be FUNNY to play the Mayor. But other than that, on a scale of 1 to 10, I give this one an 8 3/4.

The Blue Lagoon (1980)

It had its moments

[20 February 2003]

If you like watching movies with slightly overdone acting, beautiful scenery and a pretty damn good musical score, this is the movie for you. Brooke Shields and Chris Atkins did a very good job and the writing was what some people call original and others call far-fetched. However, I'm sure a lot of people would conside it sexist that when the two kids found the ship's cook dead, the boy had a shirt on and the girl didn't. Not only that, but also the scenes with Brooke Shields topless and the kids running around naked. Nowadays, there's no way a movie like this would even get off the ground. If it caused as much controversy as it did when it was released in 1980, imagine the backlash that would come with it today. Plus, to hardly anyone's surprise, it struck out with many a critic. But other than that, I actually thought this movie was pretty good.

Maury (1991–2022)

Some people just don't try

[28 January 2003]

As much as I hate to admit it, I used to watch this show, and that was when they had wild teens going to jail or boot camp or wherever. But lately all this show talks about is hideously disfigured or deformed children, people being scared to death of the stupidest things, makeovers, "is it a man or a woman?", "which is the mother and which is the daughter?", people who cheat on their spouses or lovers and, the absolute worst episodes, paternity tests. On those episodes, when Maury says "So-and-so, you are not the father" and the baby's mother freaks out and runs offstage bawling, well, let's just say you don't need a PhD to figure out that it's all rehearsed. It's like watching a really badly rehearsed rendition of that scene in "A Christmas Story" where Ralphie goes "It, it was...soap...poisoning!". I've got the perfect advice for the people on those episodes: stay out of bed and keep it zipped. If you ask me, I wouldn't be surprised if this show got the ax by the end of the year, and frankly, I wish it would.

Fear Factor (I) (2001–2012)

Must-Flee TV

[21 January 2003]

This has got to be, without a doubt, the single most pathetic excuse for a TV show to ever pollute the airwaves, as well as "The Anna Nicole Show", "American Idol" and "Joe Millionaire". The saddest part is that NBC, of all stations, owns this piece of garbage. This is the kind of show you'd expect to see on FOX, which is run by people who actually believe that there's no such thing as a bad show. Sorry, folks, but there is, and this is the PERFECT example of a bad show.

Blockbusters (1980–1982)

Fun to watch, bet's it's even more fun to play

[21 January 2003]

This was a good show when it was on, and the concept of the game was very original. And they couldn't have picked a better host for this show than game show great Bill Cullen. It's also one of those shows you wish you could bring back, and if it ever did come back on, I think Richard Karn (Al on "Home Improvement" & current host of "Family Feud") would be a good host.

American Idol (2002– )

Think "Star Search" or "The Gong Show" minus the talent

[18 January 2003]

I think this show is an absolute mess. First of all, a very large percentage of the contestants can't carry a tune in a bucket but either don't know or don't care; therefore, they intentionally set themselves up to be publicly humiliated in front of millions of people. And as much as I think Simon Cowell should have the crap knocked out of him on a daily basis, sometimes I actually feel sorry for him because he has to sit there and listen to such horrible performances. I wouldn't even watch this show on a bet, and I think I speak for everyone when I say thank GOD "Star Search" is back on.

UFO Kidnapped (1984)

Pretty good

[18 January 2003]

I saw this movie on Nickelodeon when I was around 2 or 3 years old, and what I remember about it was it had four members of "YCDTOTV" and they get abducted by aliens. I really enjoyed watching it, although I don't really remember everything about it. Plus, it's practically impossible to find this on video, so I can't watch it again. But other than that, it's watchable.

Out of Control (1984–1985)

I loved it!!!

[16 January 2003]

This show is one of several reasons why I watched Nickelodeon when I was a kid. I used to laugh my head off regularly whenever it was on. My favorite segment was "How NOT To Do Things". One particular episode took place at a bowling alley. The guy forgot to let go of the ball and was pulled down the lane, his fingers still in the holes, I might add. That was hilarious! My fiancee liked this show, too, and one bit she remembers is the "Hurry-Up", which, for some reason, didn't ring a bell for me. I wish this show were still on!

Jackass: The Movie (2002)

This is a sad day in Movieland

[11 January 2003]

Just when we thought movies couldn't get any worse, along comes a movie based on the single most disgraceful show MTV has ever created. What really dismays me is the fact that a very large percentage of the human race not only watch the TV show religiously, but also the movie. I myself would rather spend 5 1/2 hours listening to someone scrape their nails across a blackboard than rot my brain with this garbage. Also, if this movie even gets nominated for a single award, or if there's a sequel, we are officially screwed.

Dude, Where's My Car? (2000)

TWO THUMBS WAY DOWN!!!

[11 January 2003]

I saw the commercials for this movie and thought, "I'd rather watch paint dry and peel off than waste my money on a piece of s&@! like this." The writing is terrible, the acting was lousy and if most people's idea of a comedy is an hour and a half of sheer stupidity, this is the movie for them. And if you like movies that are so awful that they make Anna Nicole Smith look like a Harvard valedictorian, you'll love "Varsity Blues", "The Jackass Movie" and any movie with Tom Green. By the way, my worst nightmare has come true: THERE'S GONNA BE A SEQUEL TO THIS ATROCITY IN 2004! IF YOU'RE SMART, WHATEVER YOU DO, SAVE YOUR MONEY! AND YOUR INTELLIGENCE! DON'T SEE IT, FOR THE LOVE OF GOD!!!

Scrabble (1984–1990)

Loved this show!

[8 January 2003]

I used to watch this show religiously when I was a kid, both from when it was on in the '80s and the reruns on USA. I loved how a letter in the word moved from side to side or up and down and if it didn't belong, it popped like a balloon. I thought that was really funny. I especially liked the "Scrabble Sprint" round, mostly because there were no wrong letters. I hope Game Show Network includes this show in their lineup soon.

Family Feud (1999– )

Still a good show

[6 January 2003]

I've been a big fan of the "Feud" for as long as I can remember, and while nobody could host it like Richard Dawson, it's still a good show. And Richard Karn does a great job hosting it. I also like the celebrity episodes they do, and as a matter of fact, here's a few that I think they should do:

The Osbournes VS. The Osmonds Bon Jovi VS. Bruce Springsteen & the E Street Band ER VS. Scrubs, M*A*S*H or five real doctors Judging Amy VS. The Practice Walker, Texas Ranger VS. NYPD Blue or Law & Order (2 from regular show,

2 from SVU, 1 from CI.)

Press Your Luck (1983–1986)

LOVED IT!!!

[16 December 2002]

For as long as I can remember, this was one of my all-time favorite shows. I used to get a big laugh out of the Whammies taking all the contestant's money because each Whammy had a different look and said something really funny. One that always sticks out in my mind was the Whammy that was dressed like Elvis and how he broke his hip dancing. That was a hoot! I even used to do the whole "c'mon, big bucks, c'mon, big bucks" routine along with a contestant, much to my mom's annoyance 'cause this was pretty much at the bottom of her list of favorite shows. I'm just glad that it's found a home on Game Show Network where a whole new generation can hope that they won't lose all their money.

Now and Then (1995)

Goofy but watchable

[13 December 2002]

Okay, I admit it: I actually sat down and watched this movie when it was on ABC, and to be honest with you, it was pretty good. I thought those four girls did a very good job, and I especially liked how Christina Ricci beat the snot out of that kid during the softball game. It just goes to show you that even a girl can mix it up if you drive her crazy enough. If I had to tell you which of those four girls was my favorite, it'd have to be Ashleigh Aston Moore (I think that's her name). Being the girl who always seemed to be the butt of everyone's jokes, I really felt for her. Anyway, on a scale of 1 to 10, I'd say this movie gets an 8 1/2.

The Rerun Show (2002)

A riot

[6 December 2002]

I watched this show last summer on NBC and Vh-1 and it was hilarious! I especially loved how they made fun of some of the cheesiest shows, such as "The Partridge Family", "Diff'rent Strokes" and "Saved By the Bell". I thought I was gonna get a hernia from laughing so hard. On the downside, though, I'm pretty sure I'm the only person I know who likes this show.