bondjames Reviews

Charlie's Angels (2000)

GARBAGE!

[4 February 2003]

This has to go into one of the top ten worst movies ever made!

I went to this movie because I had a free pass and almost walked out! I only stayed so that I could see just how much more terrible it could get. Worse than any Warren Beatty film!

**SPOILER ALERT**

I can remember sitting in theatre during the opening sequence and having my friend nudge me and whisper, "LL Cool J is the third angel." I thought, No, that can't be true... that's impossible (a.k.a. my best Luke Skywalker impersonation) and sure enough... it was! Despite the fact that no one could pull off a costume like that (in any believable sense), it was ridiculous to think (s)he could skydive out of a plane and land on a boat (with both her and the boat knowing they would be flying over just that place at just the time she would be sky diving).

I hear for the sequel Crispin Glover will be returning as the "Thin Man." Who cares? Was his character all that great in the first place? It is a real shame because the movie could have been good given the source material. Had they actually got attractive females to play the parts it would have been a help. Instead of making a decent film they give us Charlies Angels the superheroes that can pull of the impossible. Avoid this film at all costs!

I only hope that there is enough backlash over the sequel to send Hollywood a signal that the public doesn't want anymore garbage like this! I don't like to wish ill will but I really hope the sequel bombs! The only reason the first one was successful was because it was new and nobody knew what it was about. Now that people know it is going to be pure garbage (just look at the cheesy unbelievable trailer) I predict it will not do as well as the first one. Save our souls if it does!

Hawk the Slayer (1980)

I LOVE THIS MOVIE!

[4 February 2003]

This movie is a rare exception. After reading a lot of the reviews, I would have to say I agree with most of them. Yes, it does have bad acting, bad special effects, and bad directing but there is something about it (I can't quite put my finger on it) that makes it great!

I watch this movie every time I know it is going to be on. I guess I like what it tried to do more than what it actually did. I would honestly like to see a sequel (although too late now) done to this. They hinted toward it at the end but I guess it never came to fruition.

In summary, I would recommend seeing this movie. A rare film that is both great and bad at the same time.

Escape from L.A. (1996)

TERRIBLE EXECUTION OF A GREAT IDEA!

[21 January 2003]

Being a fan of John Carptenter films, I was really surprised at how terrible this was. I have a lot of respect for John Carpenter, sure he has put out few stinkers, but who hasn't?

Escape from New York and The Thing are two of my all time favorite movies. I was there opening day when EFLA came out. I couldn't wait. Gradually, as the movie started my smile and excitement went down with it.

** Warning Spoilers Ahead**

I was okay with the fact that it was basically the same story (although a new and original twist would have better), but it was the moment that I saw the 'holograms' that this movie started going down hill for me (c'mon, what a cheap audience trick. Like they could really place the holograms at exactly the right point, facing the right direction, making the appropriate eye contact to the extent that it would fool anybody - that is anybody but the audience). Yes, it was there that my smile gradually began to fall and it turned into horror when I saw that incredibly bad CG shark try to take a bite out of the sub.

Everything in this movie was so unplausible that it made the movie dumb. C'mon, that ridiculous way that snake pliskin escaped from Bruce Campbell was absurd. The scary thing was that I heard it took so long for John Carpenter and Kurt Russell to do a sequel because they were waiting on the right script. You mean to tell me that 15 years later they couldn't find a better script than this? Hollywood must be in really serious trouble (although with the movies being pushed out over the past few years, that is no surprise!)

It is painful for me to write this review because I really wanted to like this movie. I really want Carpenter to keep pushing the envelope with his unique ideas and twists. It is just a shame that a movie as great as Escape from New York was followed by something as terrible as this. If you are a fan of the original, I highly recommend you avoid this one at all costs.

Signs (2002)

FANTASTIC TWIST!

[10/10 · 17 January 2003]

This is a fantastic film that gets better the more times you watch it. There are some major misnomers that this movie is about Christianity or Christian faith. This is quite wrong.

***WARNING SPOILERS AHEAD***

This movie is about one mans philosophy on life and how seemingly unconnected events can influence a persons perspective. Either you believe events are unconnected and don't see the "signs" or you believe there is a reason for everything. Making this connection (and choice) is what the movie is all about. Too many people mistake this film for Religious "propaganda" or are expecting too much about alien invasion. The aliens are the threat (not the story) that makes one man rethink his philosophy on life. In essence, he turns from "the glass is half empty" to "the glass is half full" by realizing the events in his life may have a greater purpose than what they appear on the surface. It has nothing to do with Religious propaganda. The fact that Mel Gibson's character was a priest that lost his faith was only a convenient way to package the idea. It made the "signs" more significant and subsequently had a greater impact on the audience. The guy could have simply been a farmer, janitor, or bus boy, but adding that extra dimension of being a priest to his character made the realization of his philosophy more dramatic upon the films close.

This is a fantastic film that has been subject to some rather harsh criticism by those who see it in more shallow terms. It is not a movie about aliens. It is not a movie about religion. It is not a movie about faith. It is a movie about a man who begins to see the positive side to all the negative aspects in his life. This realization helps him triumph and overcome his fears. I would highly recommend this movie for those who enjoy depth of character and story. It is not intended to be "difficult" to figure out. It is only intended to make you think. I give it an 8 1/2 out of 10 stars.

Men in Black (1997)

ABSOLUTELY TERRIBLE

[1/10 · 16 January 2003]

This has to be one of the worst pieces of garbage I have ever seen. I find it insulting that someone would actually consider this "sci-fi."

Terrible story with bad acting, bad dialog, and bad directing. This movie is WAAAAYYYYY over rated. The only reason it did so well at the box office is because people wanted to know what it was all about. Call me psychic but somehow I just knew Men in Black 2 would be a bomb! Just like I predict Charlies Angels 2 will be a bomb.

**Potential Spoiler**

What was up with the cockroach thing? Did that make sense to anyone? A dead guy being guided by alien cockroaches, puleeeze. Not to mention he gains 50 times more mass than the body could hold after becoming super cockroach at the end.

Just an all around terrible piece of garbage that I recommend everyone avoid.

When You Comin' Back, Red Ryder? (1979)

FANTASTIC MOVIE!

[10/10 · 26 December 2002]

I am not sure what qualifies as a "spoiler" but I will put a disclaimer here just in case.

This movie has become somewhat of a cult classic. The first 15 to 30 minutes will bore you to no end; however, if you stick with it - you will be pleasantly surprised. The movie really takes off when Marjoe Gortner's character "Teddy" reaches the diner.

I recently watched this movie after not having seen it for 20 years. It is a little dated and some of the film techniques are rather raw but it is an overall good movie. When I began watching it again, I kept asking myself, "Why am I watching this horrible thing?" After all characters meet up in the diner I quickly realized what made me love it in the first place.

I would love to see a remake of this movie. I little TLC and effort could make this movie outstanding. Everyone that I have shown this movie all approach it with the same, "This sucks" attitude and by the end of the movie they end up loving it! It is agreed that this movie is not for everyone; however, if you give it a fair chance I think you will be pleasantly surprised. This is by far Marjoe Gortner's best performance.