ArchObler Reviews

Chappaqua (1966)

Embarrassing to watch

[1/10 · 30 October 2002]

"Hey, look at me I'm on drugs! Look at how subversively freaky I'm acting!" is what Conrad Rooks seems to be saying in every scene he's in in this movie he also wrote and directed. This is what happens when you give an untalented drug addict a vanity project. There's also a great number of trite shots of Cheyennes and Indians and people a part of other cultures which eventually seemed to be a part of the public consciousness only as a conduit for 60's trippiness. William S. Burroughs has a lot of weird charisma though, the same kind he had in Drugstore Cowboy years later. Maybe if he had been the lead this would have been worth seeing but I still doubt it. * out of ****

Beyond the Mat (1999)

No Junk Yard Dog?

[8/10 · 27 October 2002]

From about the ages of about 10 to 15 I was a huge professional wrestling fan. Especially the WWF. I knew everything there was to know about every wrestler and even saw a few live shows when they came to town. But then there came the time when I just lost interest. It happened almost overnight. This film might just work best for people like that; the people who look at their past interest in this freak show sport with a little bemusement. Despite the fact that it's all rigged, what the wrestlers are doing is still fairly impressive. They're professionals who occasionally put themselves in genuine physical danger to put on a good show. But it was sad to see Jake The Snake Roberts, one of my favorites when I was a kid, struggling with his career, his daughter, and with his drug addictions. A sharp reality amongst this bizarre form of escapism. ***1/2 out of ****

The Shining (1980)

Don't Overlook this horror film

[8/10 · 27 October 2002]

One of my favorites as a kid, and still great to see today. It's not entirely satisfying though. The problems with the film mainly come from the second half. The use of Scatman Crother's character when he makes his way back to the Overlook is clever and must have seemed great on paper, but it takes a lot of time and may cause a lot of impatience to some viewers. Also when the spooks of the hotel finally make themselves visible to Shelley Duvall, it's a bit of a letdown, since they're just a few random shots of things that have been seen in a lot of ghost films before. The moods of hauntings, possessions, and isolation have never been handled better though. This is one of scariest films ever made, it gives me the creeps, and Jack Nicholson's rant to Duvall about bothering him while he's working is a classic. The final chase through the maze is ingeniously handled, it has a real sense of danger. ***1/2 out of ****

The Ring (2002)

Naomi Watts is still awesome

[26 October 2002]

If you cut 30 minutes out of this, you might have a tight, scary B movie, but it spends so much time on investigating a back story that, when you come down to it, doesn't really matter much. When they're not wasting time on the back story, they're padding out the action with long scenes of Naomi Watts driving somewhere or looking at things and of random shots of a tree on a hill, which is also not as important as it seems. It is also shot in that ugly, slightly blueish greenish tint that for some reason seems to be so popular now in movies like Panic Room and Amelie. What the film does have is some occasional frightening imagery, including the videotape itself, which is a masterpiece of nightmarish surrealism, like Carl Dreyer's Vampyr. Why couldn't the rest of the film have shown that kind of economical terror? ** out of ****

The Mothman Prophecies (2002)

Let's hope this mothman gets caught in the bug zapper

[26 October 2002]

I think one of the rules of the supernatural suspense movie should be that once the lead character finds definite proof that something otherworldly is going on, he should just except it and move on. Here we get not just one but two incredibly drawn out scenes where this mothman guy predicts the deaths of many people, and sure enough, 300 people have died all at once. And even then Richard Gere doesn't seem to be totally convinced. The whole movie is like that, endlessly repeating itself. Every scene is shot from as many different angles as possible while being buried under a droning, electronic score. Pointless. Laura Linney and Alan Bates were good though. *1/2 out of ****

And Your Mother Too (2001)

Hot Movie

[10/10 · 24 October 2002]

One of the sexiest movies ever made, it brilliantly combines genuine erotic moments with rather comic episodes where the two lead male characters are inept at anything besides getting themselves off. The movie is from their point of view, they are completely self-absorbed with their own indulgences. But little things start to poke through, represented by a narrator who cuts in and tells the blunt truths behind what we are seeing. Maribel Verdu gives a great performance as a woman who escapes and frees her life by traveling with them to an uncertain beach location. She challenges the nature of their friendship while mapping out her own destiny. Funny, dramaticly absorbing, and ultimately heartbreaking. It's a treasure buried beneath a mountain of immature American teen sex comedies. **** out of ****

Thir13en Ghosts (2001)

F. Murray Abraham, NO!

[23 October 2002]

Real trash. Not the good kind either. Stephen King's Graveyard Shift trash. The movie has terrible headache and nausea inducing editing, accompanied by white flashes and slashing sounds. It made me feel not so much excited or scared but nervous and strung out. Despite the house being impressively designed, it's claustrophobic and ugly, and some of the funniest scenes in the movie are when the family gushes over how great it would be to live there. Shannon Elizabeth, one of the worst actresses in major movies today, is disturbingly obsessed with the bathrooms. You'd think Tony Shalhoub would notice that the mechanically opening and closing glass doors might be a safety hazard for his children but oh well. The ghosts are heavily made up and cleverly named, and I can imagine myself as a kid watching this movie and getting into the individual "characters" memorizing their names. But they're incredibly goofy looking, and when they're actions are sped up they just look like a Benny Hill sketch from hell. * out of ****

Cabaret (1972)

Watchable modern musical

[21 October 2002]

A dark and fascinating film that shows characters shuffling around, increasingly desperately, in their personal lives while the shadow of Nazism hovers over them. Liza Minnelli puts the squeeze on the audience, overacting in a watchable way. Her character is deliberately annoying in a way that supposed to be poignant as the movie goes on. It isn't but she's so dynamic in the musical numbers that it hardly matters. Michael York is beautiful and sometimes even charming as her leading man. The most effective element is the growing influence of the Nazis, their presence is felt as strongly as any monster's in a horror movie. ***1/2 out of ****

The Long Voyage Home (1940)

One of John Ford's best

[10/10 · 21 October 2002]

This expresses a great sadness about the lives of men at sea. Some are doomed to stay forever. One of the goals of the movie is to finally get John Wayne, an innocent Swedish man, off the boats and home to his old mother. It paints such a bleak picture you really root for him, even with Wayne's horrible performance. It goes right for the heartstrings. There's a great performance by Ian Hunter as the fellow who mainly keeps to himself. He has a secret past, and they suspect he's a spy. This one of John Ford's least self-conscious movies, there's no heavy Americana to deal with and he directs you to the heart of the story and the often drunken emotions of the sailors. **** out of ****

Igby Goes Down (2002)

Igby goes lots of places

[20 October 2002]

Kieran Culkin stars in both this and The Dangerous Lives of Altar Boys and both have a very similar feel. But Igby Goes Down is a lot more believable, since the dramatic tension comes directly and honestly from the characters and their situations, instead of just throwing "shocking" twists in the story to get a reaction from them (and the audience). The movie is full of characters who have lost their way in one sense or another and Igby is our guide through them as he tries, increasingly desperate, to find his own way. Igby Goes Down is really a great comedy, but it really only seems that way later when you're thinking about it because a lot of the humor comes from the most painful scenes. There's no split between the drama and the comic relief, they go hand in hand as that is the way Igby has learned to deal with life, especially concerning his completely self-absorbed mother, played with energy by Susan Sarandon. The actors bring out the magic in Burr Steers perceptive, tough, potentially tiring writing. Amanda Peet finally earns the praise she received quite a bit of for Changing Lanes and Jared Harris is as always one the best character actors. This is one of the better films of the year. ***1/2 out of ****

Body Snatchers (1993)

Only a pod person wouldn't like this movie

[9/10 · 20 October 2002]

This is the third version taken directly from Jack Finney's story and it is just as successful as the other two. One reason is because it's just a hella great horror story. Another is because the way to approach this material (and just about any horror story) is straight forward with little mucking about and little whining. Even before the horror starts there are ingeniously charming scenes like Gabrielle Anwar and Billy Wirth's finger game. Then Meg Tilly gives one of the scariest short performances in movie history. She is completely detached from the human race. It falters compared to the 50's version (the version I'm most familiar with) only in the way you don't get a real sense of how tired the main characters are at the end, but nevertheless, one of the best horror movies of the 90's. **** out of ****

Eegah (1962)

I love yooouuuu Vicky

[1/10 · 20 October 2002]

I was exposed to this movie through Mystery Science Theater 3000. This is one of those great bad movies that are depressing yet highly watchable. I think it's because you can imagine frightening, horrible truths right behind the surface of the production of the movie. Like the fact that Arch Hall, Sr. (the director) cast himself as his son's girlfriend's father. And why does the girl seem to love Eegah so much more than her boyfriend? Maybe it's the boy's singing. Maybe it's because since Arch Hall, Jr. obviously couldn't grow a beard yet, there wouldn't be any reason at all for her to shave him, which according to the film, is clearly the only way she can love a man whether it be her father or Eegah. You can't really hate the actors in this movie as much as in Attack of the the Eye Creatures, but you can certainly try. * out of ****

'Gung Ho!': The Story of Carlson's Makin Island Raiders (1943)

Gung No!

[20 October 2002]

At first when we're being introduced to all the characters, it seems like this will be a grittier than usual WWII era war movie. It shows both the racist intentions of some of these Raiders (with the guy who says "I just don't like Japs") and also the message, during their training, of dropping all preconceptions and prejudices about their enemies. But then the movie goes soft and despite the realistic tone of the early scenes, shows a one-sided view that individual Japanese soldiers are much dirtier and lowdown and sneaky than the Americans, even though the point of this unit was to do all the most violent, dirty work that most soldiers wouldn't be able to handle. Even so, this might still be a good relic of its era type of movie except you have goofy scenes where two guys casually argue over a girl in the middle of a battle. But Randolph Scott and Robert Mitchum were awesome. **1/2 out of ****

Show Boat (1936)

That's quite a boat

[11 October 2002]

This is a fascinating musical for maybe the first 45 minutes or so with Paul Robeson singing Ol' Man River and the whole subplot involving racism, but then after that it follows, for years, the life and acting career of Magnolia Hawks, which is a great deal more conventional and sometimes just plain boring. As the story gets weaker so do the songs. James Whale's stylish direction keeps it going though and the big sentimental ending may even be slightly moving. *** out of ****

Amélie (2001)

Shove this romance down your throat

[3/10 · 10 October 2002]

Every single moment of this movie is calculated to be lovable. With a wink. I hate these movies that attack you with whimsy, and this is one of the most violent I've seen. Not only is it achingly cute but it's also "naughty" with wild offscreen sex and endearing porn shop employees. I don't understand why in these romantic comedies I'm supposed to care about whether two people who don't even know each other get together or not. I'd rather see Amelie as a movie where this couple gets together and then he gets to find out what a nutjob she is. Can you imagine living with this woman and her wacky schemes? There are a lot of clever little details, like the identity of the photo booth guy and the traveling gnome, but these don't take away the pain, they just dull it. ** out of ****

L'Atalante (1934)

Boat Love

[10/10 · 10 October 2002]

There's always something going on in this movie, a lot of it not even really explained outwardly. You can totally get a sense of the dreariness of life in that Dita Parlo is attempting to escape from by sailing away with her new husband, just by the brief shots of the town. Instead of an ideal romantic getaway with Jean Daste, she actually starts spending a good deal of time with Michel Simon, the barge hand. He's sort of alien to her, she's horrified by many of his behaviors but she can't seem to keep away. In that sense she represents the audience, I was fascinated by this character, one of the most unpredictable I've seen in a movie. When he talks about his friend's hands it seemed very longingly and I think it's hinted in this scene that he's bisexual. In any case this is a fascinating movie, overflowing with detail, and yet never straining for effect. The reality of living together on a boat puts a cramp in the couple's romantic ideals, but the movie is ultimately hopeful about how people who really love each other can work things out. **** out of ****

Bully (2001)

People are naked in this movie

[9/10 · 9 October 2002]

Bully is relentless and powerful. In the first half it really shows how people can consume drugs and sex in mindless, destructive ways. And then it becomes almost a sort of black comedy, as Leo Fitzpatrick plays an apparently amateur hitman who gets in over his head. The group of teenagers who hire him to kill their evil friend are clueless of the consequences of what they are doing are, and I'm not talking about the law. He has to yell at them to stop talking about the murder out in the open in their own neighborhood. They could be talking about any other activity that a bunch of people could be excited about. A lot of people might not like a movie populated with characters so stupid about committing serious crimes, but I found it fascinating at how inept they are. As far as how exploitive the film is, especially concerning the sex, in this type of movie I think it's appropriate. Seeing all the aimless sex, drugs, and violence gets you situated in their everyday world, and is the only way to make the murder believable. Is Larry Clark a pervert or a pedophile? Well, I think most of the nudity is meant to be emotionally ugly and desperate, it's hard to imagine he filmed it for erotic purposes, although even if he did, all the actors who are naked are over 18, and in that case I have to ask, what's wrong with a lot of nudity? Are there this many grown people offended by nakedness? I myself am rather pro-nudity and in this case it only enhances the drama in Bully. **** out of ****

Blade II (2002)

This guy's face just splits open

[9 October 2002]

There are countless movies with a lot of lackluster gore. It's not that I'm desensitized, it's just that, well, where's the passion for blood and guts in today's film world? This is the movie that finally delivers. This is a good movie with a passable action story, with some good action scenes, but what's really great about it is that it's disgusting in new creative ways that I hadn't seen before. And Kris Kristofferson's in it. *** out of ****

The Lord of the Rings: The Fellowship of the Ring (2001)

Looks and feels better than it actually plays

[7/10 · 9 October 2002]

This is a beautiful movie, with thrilling action scenes, using amazing visual effects that actually enhances the action. The look of the movie really sets you up for the mood of a great fantasy. But it is also rather dull dramatically, with long drawn out, overly earnest scenes. Very few of the characters seem to deserve the loyalty they give to each other, we just have to watch boring actors like Viggo Mortensen and Liv Tyler solemnly declare things while other actors like Cate Blanchett are just wasted. But I was genuinely taken aback by the freakiness of Ian Holm as the obsessed Bilbo Baggins and there's never been a more rousing scene than when Gandolf stands up to that dragon. *** out of ****

My First Suit (1986)

Heartfelt but badly conceived

[9 October 2002]

A teenage boy is encouraged to go to a dance and have a girlfriend by his separated parents, but he secretly likes men. There is a bleakly moving father-son conversation that contrasts fatally with irritating over the top scenes involving a fruity clothes store manager and the boy's goofy sexual fantasies. **1/2 out of ****

Lullaby Land (1933)

That is one giant quilt

[9 October 2002]

A beautiful cartoon, where all the elements of a baby's world are blown up to epic proportions in his dream. Not only entertaining, but it's also marked by a certain nostalgic quality in this modern disposable diaper world. **** out of ****