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maddhatter21
Reviews
No One Lives (2012)
Slasher in the 21st Century
"No One Lives" is in some ways your typical slasher horror movie. A group of people is trapped in a house while a sadistic, psychotic killer looms somewhere out in the darkness. He picks off one of the survivors in a creative yet grotesque way and uses their dismembered corpse to scare the living daylights out of those remaining. Lather. Rinse. Repeat.
In other ways, "No One Lives" is a refreshing atypical slasher movie. The killer does not wear a mask or hide under a hood. He does not have supernatural powers. (At least nothing outside the realm of movie physics.) The flock of victims is not composed of innocent teenagers just trying to get high and/or laid. And the ending, which I won't go into detail about, does not come to the expected conclusion.
The breakdown is this. A band of thugs and killers take hostage a couple out for a leisurely drive. They come to find out that the driver is not a guy you really want to mess with. Too bad they don't find this out until after they kill his girlfriend and find a college girl named Emma tied up in the trunk of his car.
"No One Lives" is produced in part by WWE films and is directed by one of Japan's craziest filmmakers, Ryuhei Kitamura. Their influence however is restrained. Kitamura, who has been know to make over-the-top spectacles keeps things relatively grounded. And neither of the two leads, (The driver played by Luke Evans or Emma played by Adelaide Clemens) are professional wrestlers. The only WWE "superstar" on the cast is Brodus Clay. He is not a big name in WWE nor does he have a big role in this movie, and is quickly forgotten.
The acting is serviceable. The characters scream and argue but are a far sight smarter than your average slasher cannon fodder.
The visuals are clean. The night scenes are dark but you can still tell what's going on, the CGI blood splatter is virtually absent and the shaky cam is kept to a minimum.
This movie will not take you down a predictable path. Often you will sit through one trope only to see the next clichéd moment turned on its head. That is not to say that this movie is going to change your life or change the way horror movies are made but the killer is creepy and the kills are gory and there is just enough new spice to hold even the most jaded horror fanatic's attention.
For being the best movie I have ever seen where a pro wrestler gets killed by handcuffs, I give it a . . . 6 out of 10
Dracula 3000 (2004)
Possibly the worst movie I've ever seen (all the way through)
Ladies and gentlemen in this corner we have the reining and defending worlds worst movie champion. CRANK! And in this corner we have the challenger, Dracula 3000!
I expected this movie to be bad. I was prepared for a crapfest. But I was still disappointed. I would rather see sparkling vampires. I'd rather watch a fat man run track. This movie was so bad started reading halfway through.
The acting sucked. The dialogue was ridiculous. The sets looked like they were made of cardboard. Some movies fall into the category of "they're so bad they're good" This one doesn't.