bmaschi Reviews

Unfrosted (2024)

Shoulda been hilarious...

[2/10 · 10 May 2024]

It was all there. The story, the characters, the stars... This should have been a great film yet it failed on every level. Seinfeld (writer, director and star) has obviously lost his grip on what's humorous and what's not - along with his timing.

There are some funny, obscure jokes in here. But if you blink or haven't lived through the 60s, you'll probably miss them.

This can't compare to other light comedy company bios (real or imagined) like The Founder (2016) and The Hudsucker Proxy (1994).

All this shortly after Seinfeld publicly complained that 'political correctness' was ruining comedy. Sorry Jerry, no amount of ethnic jokes could have saved this dull film.

Seven Lost (2021)

Hilarious!

[1/10 · 4 May 2024]

Must watch with the right attitude. This is a leader in the unintentionally funny category. Move over 'The Room' and 'Plan 9 from Outer Space'. Crack open a bottle, open a bag of chips and MST3K this bomb.

It's obvious that no one involved in this film ever served in the military, ever fired a gun, ever read a book about war or ever saw a war movie. Or, maybe, any movie.

We expected a good war flick given all the 10 star rating bombs in here (the director has a lot of friends) and it wouldn't have been so bad if we hadn't paid for it. But down to 1-star for the blatant dishonesty.

Still, if you need a laugh a minute, check this one out.

Agent Elvis (2023)

I am sooooo confused...

[7/10 · 20 March 2023]

So, an Elvis cartoon set during the Vietnam War, when the pop rock star was skinny, with a cast of characters from that time. Pretty funny, I guess, if you're over 50. But, does anyone under 40 even know who Dean Martin was or do you all have to run to Wikipedia every few minutes?

And, really, do older folks actually watch cartoons? Aren't we too busy with Humphrey Bogart black and whites and Dick van Dyke reruns?

(Remember Capri pants? Wooo...) Anyway, Agent Elvis is funny, the animation is stylish and engaging, characters are pretty cool and the plots work. I also enjoy a modern production aimed at my age group where I don't have to ask my kids what everything means.

Velma (2023– )

It's Not Scooby Doo

[8/10 · 15 February 2023]

It isn't 'Scooby "It's only a mask" Doo', that's why it's called 'Velma'. I expected to hate watch this but ended up thinking it was hilarious. Many of the jokes are really sophisticated and they come at you fast. I did have to rewind often to catch them all.

While I'm only into the 3rd episode and there's still a lot of character development needing to be done, I'm betting that by the end of the season the whole show will be tightened up.

They would have been better off going independent rather than tying it into the old kids' show. And the producers will probably be bullied into nixing a second season. That's a loss.

The Orville (2017–2022)

Where'd the humor go?

[6/10 · 14 August 2022]

I really enjoyed this when it first came out. A great mix of action, drama and humor. Kind of a cross between TNG and Galaxy Quest. This latest season has, so far, dropped most of the action, lost almost all of its humor and focuses entirely on drama. It takes itself waaaay too seriously.

I enjoy political correctness and the focus on personal issues. But it shouldn't be at the expense of what first made this a great show.

Awake (III) (2021)

Maybe not 9 stars...

[9/10 · 12 June 2021]

Maybe not 9 stars... but certainly not less than 5 stars either. I bet many people are giving low ratings because it's by Netflix.

Well, I hate Netflix too, but this is a very good movie. Good acting, plot with surprises and tension. It held our attention throughout. Excellent entry in the post-apocalyptic genre.

Army of the Dead (2021)

For me, it had a Fatal Flaw

[4/10 · 6 June 2021]

SPOILERS!

I doubt many will agree with me. But this was a missed opportunity for a simple reason.

At the beginning the hero had to kill his wife in front of their daughter. This SHOULD have been the reason father and daughter became estranged. She blamed him for her mom's death.

Fast forward to the end. The daughter is forced to kill her turning dad. That should have been a loop. She witnessed her dad kill mom and was angry about it. Then, she is forced to do the same by killing her dad and she realizes why he'd done it, and how horribly he felt about it.

A nice and tidy loop which I suspect was how it was originally written - and probably changed by the director because, they could. What did we get instead? Silly drama about her being mad at dad because he didn't comfort her after mom's death. So, instead of a deeply dramatic loop, we get silly tripe.

Still, it was a zombie movie. And I love zombie movies.

Shadow in the Cloud (2020)

Could have been a 7.0 rated movie

[5/10 · 24 May 2021]

Shame. A lost opportunity.

Good war film. Good horror flick.

Bad drama.

Turns sour about half way through with unnecessary (and unbelievable) drama. The gremlin was more believable than the plot twist. They had it all and overstepped. Kinda sad.

Force of Nature (2020)

Excellent... for a comedy

[2/10 · 2 March 2021]

As a thriller, this gets 2 stars. As a disaster movie, it gets 0. But as a comedy? Pure gold!

A daughter who doesn't care that her dad is getting shot. A cop who doesn't seem to care his partner is getting shot at. A young couple who obviously don't belong together... getting together. I guy with a chewed up leg losing too much blood but then being able to stumble around. Lots of corny dialogue as machine gun bullets fly.

Oh, and Mel Gibson playing in an anti-Nazi film after he's been accused of Antisemitism and neo-fascism? Hilarious!

Outpost Earth (2019 Video)

Best Bad Movie Ever!

[8/10 · 18 February 2021]

This film has all the right ingredients for a post-apocalyptic-scifi-fantasy-thriller-monster-horror-cult movie. Low budget and, let's say, some 'interesting' animation. But, really, an enjoyable watch.

An appropriate dose of humor. Decent script with chirpy banter. The characters are standard issue but they're played believably by the cast.

All around, I had fun with it. What more do you want from a movie than that?

Edge of Extinction (2020)

Surprised at the low rating

[8/10 · 21 November 2020]

This was an excellent movie with a 1980s grindhouse vibe (toned back a bit). Well over 2 hours long on a low budget this delivers solid characters and a minimum of fluffy side-drama set in a familiar, post-apocalyptic landscape. It's hard to find 2+hour films that can keep my attention for that long. This adds to a short list.

The Mick (2017–2018)

Kaitlin Olson Rules

[10/10 · 20 August 2020]

I didn't find out about this show until after Fox cancelled it. I found it while I was binging the 14th season of It's Always Sunny.... I really like Kaitlin Olson's character in It's Always Sunny... and really didn't think she got enough lines or air times.

The Mick gives me that extra view of Ms. Olson. While the character is nearly the same as she played in It's Always Sunny..., the situations are very different - enough to keep me engaged and laughing.

Great show, legitimately funny, and Kaitlin Olson has excellent comedic timing.

The Sisters Brothers (2018)

Different - but not in a good way

[3/10 · 14 July 2020]

Follows the basics... obstacle/resolution over and over but, really, it's just a meandering story that's entertaining but frustrating. Great cast, fine acting, decent story but in the end, pointless.

The Fare (I) (2018)

The Ending is Everything

[9/10 · 11 May 2020]

Amazing film. Low budget or not. Brinna Kelly and Gino Anthony Pesi are excellent in the major roles. The plot moves along for the entire time. The banter between the two leads is both engaging and informative. The problem with a lot of low budget films like this is they just do not know how to end them. But with The Fare, the ending is everything and well worth the watch.

Star Trek: Short Treks: The Trouble with Edward (2019) Season 2, Episode 2

Fatal Flaw

[5/10 · 10 April 2020]

The problem with this episode, as compared to The Trouble With Tribbles episode in TOS, was that in the original, the Tribbles needed a large supply of food to reproduce. The Enterprise was carrying a supply of food to a starving planet, which the Tribbles got into. There was no large food supply on this ship. So, really, the episode left Science Fiction behind and went pure fantasy. Other than that it was an enjoyable watch.

The Lighthorsemen (1987)

My Favorite War Flick

[10/10 · 15 March 2020]

I hate war but love war movies. And The Lighthorsemen is my favorite war movie.

Some claim that it's slow moving at first, but I enjoyed the pace. The calm before the storm. The uniforms were superb and I assume historically accurate. The tactics were described in a mature way. The obligatory romance worked very well into the script as a whole. The major battle scene is as inspiring as it is nail-biting.

I strongly suggest that you binge this along with a 1940 film; 40,000 Horsemen, which covers the same events.

Midway (2019)

Lousy Movie with great Battle Scenes

[3/10 · 25 February 2020]

The battle scenes and CG are very good and make the film worth watching. Yet the script isn't very good. But it could have been rescued with good acting. Yet the acting was horrible. But it could have been rescued with good directing. But the directing was lax.

Add in that while they tried to align with history, they also planned on an epic. But without an epic cast and they pretty much rushed through the scenes/events that might have provided some excitement - even chills.

Worth watching for free. Unfortunately,. we paid for it and would really like our money back.

Doom: Annihilation (2019)

Simple trick to turn a 7.0 movie into a 3.5

[4/10 · 30 December 2019]

Spoiler alert!

This wasn't a bad film at all. Not as good as Doom (2005), but the effects, plot and acting weren't bad. And the end was surprisingly good. But a couple annoying flaws brought it down.

First, they killed the hot Asian off way too early.

Then, they added a completely unnecessary Christian religious element. Someone had an agenda here. A silly agenda that added nothing to the story other than a few minutes.

This wasn't a complete waste but I would have preferred watching the original Doom instead.

Danger Close (2019)

Exactly who are the good guys?

[2/10 · 9 November 2019]

As a war movie? Not bad. As a serious investigation of history? A fail. The Vietnamese were defending their homes and families. What were the Australians doing there? Killing people who were defending their homes and their families.

Yes, war is rotten on both sides. A lot of young people with great futures die too early. But I'm pretty tired of seeing brave Vietnamese soldiers being pictured as robotic and less-than-human.

War sucks. So does the underlying message of this film.

Assimilate (I) (2019)

Wow! Got me!

[8/10 · 3 November 2019]

Excellent film. Of course, and I'm sure, others have pointed out, that this could be a sequel (make that, another sequel) to Invasion of the Body Snatchers with an important alien difference. But this kept me watching, pretty much, every moment it was on. We watch a lot of horror and science fiction so it's hard for a film to surprise me. But this surprised me from start to finish.

Jack Ryan (2018–2023)

Ironic Propaganda

[1/10 · 1 November 2019]

Just saw the first episode of the second season. While the first season was full of action and drama, the second one is pure, comedic gold.

Apparently, in this alternative universe, nations can't sell weapons to other nations. Nations can't buy weapons without American permission. Nations can't control their own oil reserves, or even gold reserves.

And if any of those rogue nations try to do any of those things the US will take them straight to the World Court. Even though the US isn't member of that court because, well, most of the country's leadership would be charged with war crimes.

But the real threat here is... Venezuela! Because if Venezuela ever got nukes they might do things like invade Iraq, invade Syria, invade Libya and murder millions of brown people in the Middle East, oh... no... wait.

Been there, done that.

I'm all for an imaginative stretch that adds to the plot but this 'stretch' is as absurd as it is ironic. It not only takes the war propaganda fed daily to the American people but actually expands on it.

I'll skip the rest of the season.

Midsommar (2019)

Watchable but completely unfullfilling...

[2/10 · 27 October 2019]

Unlike what you're used to, this film doesn't follow the horror movie pattern. It goes in one direction. A straight line from beginning to end. There's no progress and setback, progress and a setback and progress and a set back.

Nicely filmed. Nicely acted. But a lousy story and a lousy movie. The only thing I can figure for the high rating (over 7, now), is that a bunch Swedes came in and gave it high ratings. Either than or a bunch of people who hate the Swedes came in and gave it a high rating.

I'm not sure which.

Alien Nation (1989–1990)

Storylines that blend science fiction, drama and humor with a little bit of alien sexiness

[8/10 · 1 October 2019]

We're currently watching this on Roku's Dust channel (October of 2019). Full series, over 17 hours. Excellent science fiction based on the movie from 1988. Probably a little better than the movie (which is unusual for a TV series). Cancelled too early. This should have run at east a couple more seasons.

Strong characters. Tight scripts. Storylines that blend science fiction, drama and humor with a little bit of alien sexiness thrown in. Sometimes the animosity between the two main characters is pushed. They can go from being close comrades one moment to arguing about food or odors the next. But this is definitely forgivable.

Look for Lori Petty in a great role in an early episode.

Us (II) (2019)

Good 'n Bad

[5/10 · 4 August 2019]

Excellent writing. Very good acting. Strong characters. The children were fantastic. Some humor, some thrills, some tension.

All bound together by a ridiculous premise.

Captain Z-Ro (1955–1956)

American Dr. Who... Absent the humor & historical facts

[5/10 · 13 June 2019]

Good for the time. Kind of an American version of Dr. Who - not as smart, not as funny, and it's historic facts are straight out of 1950's elementary school textbooks (meaning laughably incorrect).

But a nice peek into what used to pass for special effects and drama. And they took their science technology whiz bangs very seriously! Fun. But a few episodes are enough.