cobo-3 Reviews

The Creator (2023)

Wow! Surprisingly bad

[1/10 · 15 November 2023]

As a fan of Sci-Fi, it is difficult for me to hate a movie about AI and the ethical issues associated with a sentient machine. This movie uses a tried and true formula used by movies like Dances with Wolves, Avatar and many others, putting the protagonist in the place of the unknown civilization.

So, good premise, known formula, what could go wrong? A lot, actually.

The Creator never pays attention to the most fundamental part of good sci-fi: make it believable. These AI beings are completely ridiculous in the most fundamental ways. Intelligent machines with humanoid form, without any of the advantages of a machine, and all the disadvantages of humans. Many taking the form of old, feeble men, and lack the intelligence of even basic LLMs of today. Why? It is never explained.

The characters act in counterproductive stupid ways, completely against their own interest. Just as an example of the idiocy in this movie: enemies arrive on a shuttle to a trillion dollar military facility, and are welcome with an extended bridge, and then the place is completely evacuated to be attacked without countermeasures.

I hated this movie. And the forced emotional scenes with the violin music feel so unearned and manipulative, that had in me the exact opposite effect.

I am so glad that I waited for streaming, because at the theater I would have left mid film.

The Royal Hotel (2023)

The most unsympathetic characters ever put on film

[1/10 · 25 October 2023]

The protagonists of this story take one bad decision after another, even in the midst of suffering the consequences of the latest bad decision. It is like they are purposely trying to get into trouble inside the trouble they just caused.

Suffering the consequences of being drunk? Have one more drink! Getting unwanted attention from a male? Flirt a little more! Things are escalating to violence? Grab an axe and start swinging it.

The owner and administrator of the bar left, you are alone without help or protection? Open the bar for business as if nothing has happened!

I know movies have to bend a bit of common sense to make things happen, but these characters are beyond idiotic. And it seems like the movie is trying to portray them as actual victims of their own lack of judgement.

Super boring, nothing happens for the first hour, and the last 20 minutes are complete nonsense. And I don't know who catalogued this as a thriller, but it is not. At all.

A movie to avoid like the plague.

Silo (2023– )

Episode 6 and I'm out

[5/10 · 2 June 2023]

This series started with an interesting premise and a solid first episode. But from there it has concentrate on a supposed mystery with no character development, no interesting relationships among the characters, and no further conflict. Just that main mystery of what is the Silo.

Sorry, but that is not enough. Maybe for a 90 minute movie where you can keep the tension and mystery. But a series needs far more to work.

And the supposed mystery is not even that. From the first episode and the premise of the series we know this is a shelter of a post apocalyptic Earth. That something went wrong and they had to find refuge in the Silo. So we are waiting for the fine nuances of how everything happened (where maybe they will have twists of how they are in another planet, or another timeline, or really in a healthy Earth but just isolated). And I know, for a fact, that those details will not be revealed in this season because they were not revealed in the books.

And this series will probably won't be renewed so as a viewer we are only waiting for the reveal of a mystery that will never be revealed. The waste of my time ends with this episode.

Hypnotic (2023)

It could have been really good

[6/10 · 31 May 2023]

This movie makes me appreciate the delicate balance that make great movies happen. A great concept can be wasted in a poor execution, and a few bad lines can ruin a script.

There is a great movie hidden in this one. But through some bad choices in the script, the story and the overall directing of the movie, what could have been a great mindf/ck, end up being a cheesy B movie.

Pity, a real opportunity here was lost. Not only of making a great film, but of setting up a franchiseable Universe. It also reminded me of Freaks (2018), a movie that shares many similarities with this one. A fresh unexpected take on the superhero genre, from a more grounded perspective.

¡Que viva México! (2023)

Far too long

[5/10 · 27 March 2023]

This is a 3+ hour "comedy". I don't have any idea how something like this could happen from a studio like Sony. There is no way to make a comedy funny and fun that is that long.

The worst part, is that most of that runtime could have been easily trimmed. The first hour is wasted in presenting characters and situations that have not much importance later on.

So, the story is very basic. A city man goes back to his childhood town for his grandfather's funeral and reading of his testament. In the will, his grandfather leaves all his valuable assets to him, to the chagrin of his very big family. This is the set up of the movie, this is where the story begins. This moments happens 1 hour 30 minutes into the movie (I know, because I was checking my watch constantly 30 minutes in).

The rest of the movie you have seen in countless others like Greedy (1994), where all relatives fight each other to get what they think is their fair share.

It could have been a fun silly comedy had it just focused on the funny bits, but it somehow gets lost in super long sequences and presenting dozens of characters that do nothing but just being presented.

A movie to avoid, for sure. But maybe we might eventually get the "Non Director's Cut", that puts this at 90 minutes, and maybe that would be a watchable funny movie.

Infinity Pool (2023)

This one is weird

[9/10 · 15 February 2023]

This movie was an intense and surreal experience that left me feeling slightly disturbed yet compelled. I was captivated by the strange yet meaningful events of the movie; it feels like having a fever dream that at points makes a lot of sense, and others bizarre just for the sake of it. The movie serves as a warning to be mindful of our choices, but also of the mood that we watch it in, as it can be a very different experience depending on the circumstances. Despite this, I am very pleased to have found it in the right mood, and I definitely enjoyed the weirdness of it all.

Be careful with this one, it is most definitely not a regular movie experience, and in the wrong circumstances or mood, I can see it being a very revolting experience.

The Banshees of Inisherin (2022)

I'm worried about the mental wellbeing of those who made and liked this movie

[1/10 · 10 January 2023]

This is, without a doubt, one of the most disturbing movies I have seen. Not for the subject matter, or the execution, but the fact that it exists and has found an audience.

Like the doodles of a suicidal schizophrenic, it is not so much the piece, but what it means for the people that think this is a good idea to put on film.

So, the movie is an overlong and boring petty feud between two friends, one that threatens the other one to mutilate himself every time he talks to him. Yes, the threat it to cause himself harm.

He proceeds to do so, mutilating 5 of his own fingers and throwing them at said friends house. A very dear donkey of the friend dies eating the fingers, so he proceeds to threaten the other friend to burn down his house with him in it. And he then proceeds with the arson.

This is the kind of movie that will eventually appear in one list of "what were they thinking?", when in retrospect people realize that not every macabre thought that goes through someones mind should become a movie.

Mindcage (2022)

Interesting thriller

[7/10 · 16 December 2022]

This is a copy of Silence of the Lambs, with some Se7en elements thrown in. Some scenes are a blatant ripoff, but copying a masterpiece can yield a decent result.

The dialog is bad, and acting is lacking (except from John Malkovich that makes most of his scenes work somehow), but the plot is good. I mean, it is really engaging and there is a very good thriller buried below the low budget and poor directing. It also keeps you on your toes trying to guess if there is a supernatural element or not, when neither Silence of the Lambs, nor Se7en ever did that. So it has that going for it.

Give this one a chance. Although it is about a serial killer, there is no bad taste gore, and it is mostly entertaining in a good inoffensive way. I think you can have fun streaming it at home.

Nocebo (II) (2022)

Effective little thriller

[8/10 · 24 November 2022]

Years ago I sent my dog to a summer camp, and he returned infested with ticks. I had a painful bite in my back where I couldn't see it, and later I found a nest of them in my drawer. Since then, I had always wondered why there were no horror movies with ticks as their central horror element. That whole episode in my life was the closest thing I have experienced to a living nightmare.

Enter Nocebo. This movie uses ticks as such effective horror device, that I can safely say that it made me jump out of my seat a couple of times in sheer horror, like no movie had done in years.

Yet the effectiveness of this movie is not only in the horror, but in the subtle progression of the tension. It is a very effective little thriller with basically four characters in one setting. Highly recommended, but please don't let the predictability of the story think of it as a lesser thriller. I believe that it is obvious from the beginning what is going on, and it is not the intention of the movie to keep it a secret. Is like watching a car crash, knowing that the cars will crash, but watching it unfold is not for it less exciting.

Spirited (2022)

Some good musical numbers with uneven story and performances

[7/10 · 19 November 2022]

This concept could have been great, but there are several issues I have with this movie that prevented me from enjoying it fully. One is the obvious lack of talent when singing and dancing from the leads. The music is done by the same duo of Dear Evan Hansen, The Greatest Showman and LalaLand. The Greatest Showman was an instant classic with lasting appeal, and I think it was in no small part, thanks to the extraordinary talent of the singing.

In this movie, the songs are sung by actors, that do their best, God bless them, but it is not enough to really bring home the emotions of the songs. There is a reason why great singers are so difficult to find, and they are worth so much to audiences. Between musical numbers, there are several stories that don't really come together, and don't feel organic or engaging.

I think there was the potential for something great. But as it is right now, it is another forgettable musical with a derivative retelling of a Christmas Carol. Worth a look if you fancy musicals, but I think you won't miss much if you skip it.

The School for Good and Evil (2022)

What a lovely surprise

[10/10 · 21 October 2022]

I had so much fun with this movie, that it reminded me the kind of feelings I had when going to the movies in the eighties. When movies were simple, fun, with a sense of wonder and discovery. Bigger than life stories with extravagant characters and straightforward storylines. I thought that those movies could not be done again, because a great part of their charm was the innovation. The fact that new technology made telling those stories possible. But after watching a string of wonderful movies with the same formula ( Stranger Things 4, Top Gun Maverick, Ticket to Paradise, this one), I realize that the magic of the eighties movies can be created even in this day and age.

It is just a matter of moving towards putting entertainment first and foremost as a main objective, and place constraints that keep movies grounded and physically touchable. This movie is so simple and charming that it made me feel like a kid again. Definitely give this one a try.

Jerry and Marge Go Large (2022)

A feel good movie with pacing issues, that fails to make you feel good

[5/10 · 18 June 2022]

It amazes me how the real life stories of tricking the system in gambling, always seem to be more compelling as documentaries than as movies. This real life story sounds impressive as a news article (which it was based on), but as a movie falters because the characters and their struggles are not that compelling.

They try to have a love story, and a villain, but everything feels fake and slow. Even cringey sometimes. I don't know if it was because they tried to be faithful to the true story, but there is never a sense of adventure, neither excitement for the money being won.

At the end of the movie they reveal the amount they won in total: $27 million dollars. Never in the movie was it apparent that this was a life changing amount of money for anyone. It seems like everything was just spent in a lame Jazz festival without consequence. And that it was just a bit more money for people that had more than enough.

Makes me remember movies like A Simple Plan, where the stakes just keep getting higher and characters start transforming as the amount of money increases. I know the message of this movie is precisely that money doesn't matter as much as human connection, but even there the movie fails to have real, entertaining conflict between people.

It tries so hard to have those feel good moments, but for me, it always felt like it was trying and failing too hard.

Memory (I) (2022)

Difficult to rate

[5/10 · 30 May 2022]

Excellent cast of seasoned actors, each probably giving their lifetime's worst performance. A script with formulaic events, stereotyped characters and situations, and cringey dialog.

Yet somehow, this works as a piece of entertainment. A bad movie, no doubt, but I just could not take my eyes away. Like I was in awe at how bad everything was, and how professionally everything was made.

Like Liam Neeson's bit in Life's Too Short, when he is telling jokes with a straight face. And what is supposed to be funny, is so unfunny that it becomes funny. Here, what should be serious, is played with so over the top silliness, that it feels serious. It is most definitely a very strange experience.

Maybe I could recommend this one as a movie to watch sarcastically with friends. Or just to marvel at what happens when an actor tries to make the same movie twelve times, and then the copy of the copy of the copy starts to gain some original characteristics of its own.

It is a very difficult movie to rate, but definitely an interesting watch. Like a parody of a parody, that ends up being good by being so bad.

Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)

A bad Kung Fu Hustle with the story of a terrible Rick and Morty episode

[1/10 · 19 May 2022]

If you have seen Rick and Morty, or any other multiverse saga (like Jet Li's The one), you know the drill: in the infinite multiverse some nihilist is out of control and threatens to destroy everything. Now jump from universe to universe trying to stop him.

But you haven't seen it with an insane amount of ridiculous Kung Fu fights (because with good fights, Jet Li's The One has already done it), one of them involving two of the fighters trying to land butt first on a buttplug and a dildo, and succeeding and having the dildo protruding the rest of the fight until it is pulled out by the protagonist.

I don't know how this piece of crap got high praise. It is vulgar, repetitive, derivative with not one fresh idea or execution. It feels like it is a parody of something, like the Matrix, perhaps. But even as parody it fails because most of the attempts are humor are cringey at best, vulgarly offensive at worst.

What a letdown. I was hoping for an intelligent take on the multiverse, or to be impressed by fresh ideas. Instead I got a infantile potty humor Kung Fu Hustle, that goes nowhere.

But the worst part of this terrible movie? The characters. Or lack of them. The whole movie is so preoccupied with explaining its Universe and jumping from fight to fight, that it forgets to have engaging characters that are something more than rebellious teenage daughter, worried mom and submissive husband.

I can't remember a movie that had such a promising trailer, letting me down this bad.

For those who have not seen it, a warning I wish I had: if your hopes for this movie goes above having a buttplug fight, and someone putting snot into someone's mouth, recalibrate those expectations. This is not a psychological thriller with great mindfcs. It is a terrible, terrible movie.

A Thousand Little Cuts (2022)

A nice thriller with After School Special vibes

[9/10 · 10 May 2022]

This is a low budget movie about a physically abusive relationship. But what makes it a thriller is the way the story is told. Instead of a straight forward narrative, we have an amnesiac patient that has to remember little by little how she got into the hospital.

There is where we find out how the abuse began, how it evolved, and how it ended in tragedy. It kept my interest the whole time, and most of the cast does a great job conveying the emotions of their characters.

Very good little movie, as a made for TV after school special, it is absolutely superb.

The Cellar (2022)

Superb! What a gorgeous allegory of our times.

[10/10 · 2 May 2022]

I think that horror movies are best when they are allegories of an earthly problem, explained in supernatural terms. I loved the Babadook because it was about depression and loss, embodied by a supernatural entity.

The Cellar is a wonderful movie that deals with the loss of a teenage daughter that is trapped in another dimension, and the desperate search conducted by her mother trying to reach her. The analogy is not subtle, but it is very effective. The other dimension is clearly a parallel to social media. A mysterious world that exists within their own house, to which the mother has no access, but in which the teenager now lives and has lost all contact with the outside world.

The desperate attempts of the mother to understand the symbols, codes and ways to enter this world where she lost her daughter, hit very close to home for me. As a father of teenagers in this day and age, this movie has been the closest I have experienced to real fear in a movie for a long time.

I'm guessing many, like with the Babadook, will dismiss this one as a cliched haunted house story, but it is so much more than that.

It is really an excellent suspense story, that encompasses the horrors of what it is like to be a parent in these times.

Ambulance (2022)

This is not The Rock

[3/10 · 22 April 2022]

I liked The Rock movie, I loved the directing and for me it looked so fresh and cinematic, something truly groundbreaking back in the day. Since then I have seen most Michael Bay movies, and I have for the most part enjoyed myself. They are silly and don't make sense, but his mastery of the action scenes, chases and explosions make them entertaining enough for a popcorn afternoon.

This one is not entertaining. Maybe it is the characters, or the overuse of drone shots, or the fact that everything is so repetitive, but even with some nice explosions and chase scenes, it is feels more like a chore.

I would give this one a pass, even for the remaining Michael Bay fans.

The Batman (2022)

A bad Se7en ripoff

[4/10 · 20 April 2022]

Beat by beat, this is an almost exact replica of the movie Se7en, but bad. A cunning serial killer leaves clues each time one of his victims is discovered, giving hints of a master plan that will be earth shattering once it is discovered.

We follow two seasoned detectives that try to keep up with the clues, while trying to prevent the next murder. The killer gives himself up to reveal his master plan personally to one of the detectives.

From the production design to the killer's diaries, it was very clear that this movie was trying to be a sombre, tense thriller like Se7en with an equally shocking ending. It fails in all accounts.

The sombre atmosphere is just underexposed film, and the tension is nothing but slow pace that becomes tedious. The supposed grand revelation is a terrorist attack that has nothing to do with all the riddles, nor gives cohesion to the rest of the narrative. It is not engaging, nor mysterious. Just boring.

And Batman "saving" the people that were trapped in the flood just by lighting a red flare, must be one of the cringiest scenes put on film. What a piece of crap.

Licorice Pizza (2021)

A self congratulatory hit piece for the entertainment industry

[1/10 · 20 February 2022]

This movie encompasses perfectly why I now hate artsy movies. They try to pander to a very specific audience: the movie creators and critics. Therefore, the "story" is nothing more than a series of nostalgic characters and events within the entertainment industry. I perfectly understand why movie critics love this thing, because it is about them. About their priorities, about their values, about their medium and their people.

Everything else is secondary, narrative structure, character development, entertainment value. This its nothing but a series of buttons to press for a very self absorbed group of people. I've had it with this kind of self importance from movie creators and critics. If this wins the Oscar for best movie, it will be really the last straw, when it is clear that these people live in their isolated bubble where they no longer have anything in common with the average moviegoer. And all they care is mirrors where they can tell themselves how wonderful they are, and nobody else matters.

Dune (2021)

Long, self indulgent and incomplete

[5/10 · 20 October 2021]

This movie really made me appreciate the advantages of streaming. Epic, complex stories must have room to engage and explore their worlds.

In 2.5 hours this story feels both very long, and ridiculously short. Long because each sequence drags and there is not much conflict to keep my interest. Short, because each main character is given a couple of minutes of screen time, and every personal relationships between them is nothing but a couple of scenes.

But there is obviously a lot of story here to develop, and given enough time I am sure this could have been something like Game Of Thrones.

The other thing making it tedious is the production design. The whole movie is the same brown, with fog, clouds and dust.

Adding insult to injury, this movie is not even a complete experience. It just ends mid story without closing any of the initial storylines. I hate that. The only reason to do that if it was an episode of a series, where the next episode will be available swiftly. But this is a standalone movie that may never get a sequel.

My recommendation is to skip it, and maybe give it a try if and when the second part is available.

Foundation (2021– )

No characters to latch on

[3/10 · 1 October 2021]

I have never read the Foundation books, so I don't have any expectations of what the story should be. But having seen two and a half episodes I will give this one a pass because there is nothing to keep me watching.

There is not one single charismatic character. Other long shows have career making roles for their actors. Here, I can't think of a single actor or role that will have any impact anywhere. And that matters, a lot. Because if you are expecting people to be invested in a complex society with different worlds, history, traditions, tech, etc, you need memorable characters with interesting relationships.

So let me recap the characters so far: a megalomaniac that interacts with nobody but other two clones of himself, a prodigy girl with a genius tutor whose relationship amounts to talking points about math, said girl has a short fling with a boy, and... that is about it.

Three forgettable characters with completely superficial personal relationships.

What a waste, the universe looks cool and all, but this is a bore. I can't believe they made such an expensive project without taking care of the most basic aspect of a good story: the characters.

Demonic (I) (2021)

Worse than bad: mediocre

[2/10 · 18 September 2021]

This movie is completely uninspired, but the most baffling disappointment comes from the completely unimaginative production design.

The premise is that our protagonist can enter someone's mind. This is a production designer's dream, because inside the human mind anything goes. Tarsem Singh's The Cell comes to mind, with its incredible visuals.

But lower budget movies like Koma create wonderful mindscapes, using little resources but a lot of imagination.

In this movie the vast and complex interior of the human mind is a generic house. With some dry grass outside. Boring and forgettable.

The rest of the elements are equally mediocre, from the story to the cast, there is nothing noteworthy or memorable. Perhaps the most shocking element of this movie, is that it was created by someone once considered a visionary.

Lady of the Manor (2021)

Surprisingly good and funny

[8/10 · 11 September 2021]

This movie is really intriguing.

On one hand, it has great performances from seasoned actors like Melanie Lynskey that has great comedic timing since Two and an Half Men, and Justin Long and Judy Greer that are always great.

It also has laugh out loud moments and a very classic and endearing plot.

But on the other hand, the production values are at amateur level. The sound, photography and costumes look like taken from a school production.

The editing lacks pace, and the script is not tight enough and it falters several times.

I have no idea how this movie was produced, but it could have been absolutely great given a few more script revisions, more production values and a much better crew behind the camera.

As is, it is a good time. And if after watching the trailer you have dismissed it as a low budget misfire, I recommend you to give it a chance. The end result is much better than anyone could have expected from the promotional material.

Reminiscence (2021)

Best Film Noir ever!

[10/10 · 21 August 2021]

I am not particularly fond of Film Noir, but this one is perfect. The Femme Fatale is perfectly portrayed and the decadence of the city is so well described that it feels like the whole genre was created for this movie.

All the tropes of Noir are here and then some, but they all feel fresh and new in this setting. An absolutely lovely film that reminded me of the times trite genres have been revived. Like Tarantino's exploitation movies, or Spielberg's big monsters, it takes elements that have been done a thousand times and finds the novelty and beauty in them.

Stylish and well paced, this is a great movie for all fans of classic cinema. Highly recommended, just remember it is a Film Noir movie, so don't expect a high concept sci-fi, post-apocalyptic thriller.

It is, at its core, a love story.

Out of Time (V) (2021)

Very entertaining if you can look past its limitations

[8/10 · 10 August 2021]

This movie is very low budget, and the lack resources is painfully obvious everywhere. But it is a good story well told, and that is all it needs to be entertaining.

I was engaged with the story from the beginning, and although it feels cliched and silly at times, it uses it premise very effectively to keep things moving forward. Both lead actors are charismatic enough to carry the movie and never feel annoying.

Give this one a try, maybe thinking of it as a mockup for a big budget sci-fi movie. It most definitely has the ingredients that, with far more money, would have made a great summer blockbuster.