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blyssgirl04
Reviews
Resident Evil: Afterlife (2010)
HORRIBLE even by Resident Evil standards
Okay, I am usually very forgiving when it comes to zombie movies, and Resident Evil movies. I know it is a computer game, I love computer game based movies. I love zombie movies. I really liked the last three resident evil movies (the third not quite as much, but you get my drift).
I actually wanted to leave this movie after the first 10 minutes, and I NEVER want to leave movies - I am serious, and I have seen a lot of movies. This wasn't even funny-bad, this was horrible bad. I should have waited to download this and laugh AT it while drunk with friends.
Critiques (some spoilers) - The half-ass ed matrix-wannabe fight scenes with "crap bullet time" effects - The bad guy who looks like a thick version of Carlisle from Twilight (not a good thing) - The million Alices and Alice's 'super powers' are neutralized within the first 10 minutes - The first 10 minutes with tons of Alices is just f*ing ridiculous - All the characters after it are boring, not memorable, die off really quick anyway - All the bad guys, super zombies, special powers etc have absolutely no explanation - not even a single line like "Umbrella was experimenting and came up with this freak that kind of reeks of Pyramid Head + Scarecrow." - The other movies, while good in general, deserve Oscars compared to this movie - The effects are not good, they're the crappy semi-blurred CG - The cliff hanger isn't good, and leaves off with a pseudo-"The Island" everyone in white jumpsuits is freeeee cheesiness. - A lot of the zombies have that split-mouth open effect made popular by Blade 2 and Blade 3 - total rip off, and not well done in this movie.
I should not have wasted an hour and a half of my life on this movie. Or the money. Do yourselves a favor and wait for it on Netflix, or borrow it.
Hotel for Dogs (2009)
Truly Horrible...
The only reason I did not give this a 1 is because I'm sure the bottom end of the target audience, kids up to maybe 5 years old, will like it. However, this movie was truly horrible. I think the problem rests on the poor acting of the children/young adults and the script. I'm 99% certain the script writers were told "we want to do a movie where there is a hotel for dogs, make it work somehow." Spoilers follow, none of much consequence. The opening of the movie, with two white kids in a foster home ripping off a store owner with a box containing a rock instead of a cell phone because they want to buy some burgers for their dog, is the first blow to the movie's credibility. What kind of morals does that teach, first of all? Also, these kids look way too healthy, happy, and affluent to warrant stealing for petty money. So they don't like the dinner their foster mom makes them, so their dog is a stray after 3 years because these kids are irresponsible, so what? The acting is incredibly bad, the characters about as stereotypical as possible - It's Nickelodeon, what else should we expect? If they had worse foster parents, or at least demonstrated being more distraught and emotionally damaged from their parents dying, I'd forgive the stupid stealing bit. The kids act like snobby self-righteous brats throughout the entire film. It basically teaches kids that you can act however you want if you think your mom and dad don't pay enough attention and cook like crap, and that even if you are perfectly well off it is fine to break the law for petty cash.
If you are a dog lover, and a serious one (moderate dog lovers won't love the dogs enough to get past story and acting flaws), then you may enjoy the bits where the dogs act cute. Other than that, I had perfectly acceptable expectations of a KID'S movie about dogs, and they were clearly far too high... If the kids are old enough to see this by themselves, they won't like this movie. If you're stuck taking them, see a movie in a different theater. If they're too young to be unsupervised in front of a screen for an hour and forty minutes, get a dog lover friend to take them.
Barnyard (2006)
PLEASE read before wasting your money
Hello - I normally love movies. I'm 19, I have seen many and dislike only one or two. This one though, the second it finished, I had to pull my sister (who had wanted to see it) out by the arm and I burst into tears of laughter as soon as I got out because it was such a ridiculously awful movie.
Why it was awful: - all the cows had udders, especially bothersome were the MALE ones with udders - none of the characters were unique or engaging, except perhaps the main Coyote Dag - the idea of cows keeping watch against coyotes is just ridiculous - the 'funny' moments are repetitive and become simply a sequence to out-do the last one - the themes of working together, which should have been present at the end, were nonexistent. Instead, people get the impression: Well, I'll take this all upon myself, and in this case I was lucky that my friends decided to back me up without my knowledge - all the moments similar to the lion king (as mentioned below) were beyond corniness, even for a kid's movie
and...the worst of all... IT PARALLELS THE LION KING IN EVERY SINGLE WAY Responsible father figure who is killed by Coyotes (the Coyotes are essentially the Hyenas, with Dag, the lead Coyote, being the equivalent of Scar) The farm falls into chaos, Odis (the cow, though basically Simba) wants to play around, and is shocked that his dad died, believes it was his fault (even though in this movie, it WAS his fault), confronts the Coyotes and gets an ass whooping, after which Dag tells him to leave, and on the verge of leaving, Odis somehow decides to go and save some chickens and his friends back him up (by complete surprise of course, he leaves without knowing they will come help him).
Other things taken from Lion King: stars moving around as signs, father figures referring to stars/signs in a mystical loving way, the obviously circularness of how the father Ben found Odis and took care of him, and how at the end Odis' love interest gives birth and he has a similar experience. Birth at the end? GOOD GOD, what the hell... and even similar type music, which seems completely tacked on at the end because it is completely different from all the previous music.
Honestly, this is the first movie I have ever seen where I really WAS rooting for the bad guys - I never understood what other people were saying, until now.
BOTTOM LINE: Don't waste your time to go see this. Convince the kids not to see it, and re-watch the Lion King. Either that, or take them to see the Ant Bully, which was creative and artistic.
The Matrix Reloaded (2003)
Amazing Movie
As an avid Matrix fan since the movie first came out, I naturally went to see this movie. I must say that it is now at the very top of my list of "Movies I Will Lose Count of How Many Times I Have Watched Them". It was a great movie, and was not the least bit confusing.
For those that DID think it was confusing, you have to ask yourself how well you understood the first movie - the second one isn't geared towards newcomers. Also, you need to know what to look for and get used more to the Wachowski's style.
The effects were really really good, I saw the movie in a prescreening at 7:00 on Wednesday with the VFX company; and though some say many of the scenes were long or unnecessary, I think they worked very well. The ending I found was very satisfying and they chose a very good place to have a cliffhanger. Any earlier and it would have driven the average moviegoer insane. The plot was well-developed and it is definitely a good follow-up of the first Matrix.