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Reviews
Dog the Bounty Hunter (2003)
White Trash Train Wreck
I've known some guys in real life who track down bail-skippers. The glorified term for these individuals is "bounty hunter." In reality, these guys are pretty much career low-life deadbeats themselves. They've always had convictions for various petty crimes. They can be counted on to lie a lot, with or without a reason. They're prone especially to boasting wildly about themselves, often professing expertise in areas where they haven't the first clue.
But most of all, they have big, swaggering Napolean complexes. They love to remind people that they're Big Bad Bounty Hunters, flashing their badges whenever possible, flexing their flimsy authority in any situation, faking as much Dirty Harry machismo as they can muster.
In this respect, "Dog the Bounty Hunter" gives an accurate portrayal of the bounty hunter. Trashy simpletons posing as authority figures, dressed in black vests and combat fatigues instead of real police uniforms, wielding over-sized cans of pepper spray in lieu of real police arms, brandishing "bounty hunter" badges instead of real police badges. Serving society in the only halfway legitimate role of which they're capable, apprehending other petty criminals.
It's so exciting to listen to Dog's crew hype themselves into believing they're after some real armed and dangerous badasses, not the drug addicts and other sorry trash they usually are. It's keenly interesting to watch them drive in circles on the island searching for an address, taking delight in harassing people who live near the fugitive, accompanied by a narrative of flubbed Hollywood tough-guy lines.
But the most ridiculous, hypocritical part of the show comes after they nab their fugitive, on the ride back to jail. Dog invariably lectures the unfortunate prisoner as to what he needs to do in life, often stating the absolute most obvious solution, nakedly apparent to the simplest mind. "Well what you need to do is get off the drugs." How I love to hear imperious idiots preach to others with their special insight. Don't we all?
Actually, I don't enjoy ripping on genuinely stupid people, and it does become apparent that Dog isn't a smart man. I'll admit, I almost feel sorry for him. That is, until he and the White Trash Squad try to talk with overly dramatic, paper-thin toughness to somebody, and then I go back to despising him.
If you love watching some human trash bags trying to affirm to themselves their manhood, acting with inflated authority, playing pretend police officers, and proselytizing to freakin' drug addicts, this show will keep you captive.
Otherwise, regard it as another miserable reality-show glimpse into someone else's train wreck life. Bravo.
Bad Santa (2003)
Only able to sit through 35 minutes.
Vulgar, coarse humor can be funny. Look at South Park. Imaginative, often hilarious content that treats its audience as intelligent beings.
"Bad Santa," though, was pretty effin far from funny. The content is not amusing, but ridiculously implausible and just plain stupid. Worse, in a transparent attempt to bayonet "shock laughter" out of the audience, the movie assaults us with wave after endless wave of swearing, in lieu of actual humor. The movie's "joke," if you can call it that, isn't funny and has about three seconds of staying power: Santa and the elf, cherished icons of childhood, use profanities. Isn't that a hilarious juxtaposition, folks?
Hollywood figures if it heaps on tons of superfluous profanity, it can convert any lame, unfunny jokes and situations into pure gold. Tragically, judging from the 7.2 rating this turdzilla earned on IMDb, Hollywood is correct. We ARE indeed morons! This is exactly why I don't watch American cinema any more.
If you loved this movie, then please take my advice. Move to some other country and vote in their elections, not ours. Deal?
Lost in Translation (2003)
Just plain lost...
Disappointment doesn't begin to describe this film. Especially after hearing all the rave reviews.
My biggest complaint was that the story plodded along at an absolutely GLACIAL pace. No appreciable plot/character development after the first fifteen minutes. The story took way WAY too long to tell, and in the end there was hardly anything to tell at all.
In lieu of actual story pacing, though, was some very effective imagery. Many fine and varied shots illustrated the isolation the main characters felt, and especially how foreign other lands appear to us in midst of them. Often I was reminded of the combined wonder and slight unease I felt when I was overseas, experiencing new cultures.
But in the end, the story was too sparse, too slow. In fact, for me, there were but two significant moments in the entire film that had any meaning whatsoever. Worse still, after all my patient trudging through this trying, aimless "tale", waiting for something to happen to qualify it as a story, I was rewarded with a big let-down cop-out of an ending. I could not have been more disappointed.
Great imagery, very fine photography, but those qualities cannot begin to make up for this waiting game of a film. The fact that this time-waster garnered such praise makes me ashamed to be part of the American movie audience.
Seems every year, we as Americans are enthralled by the crappiest movies. Any film that goes nowhere is "deep," any story that means nothing is "abstract," any tale that takes forever to tell is "epic."
But then, contrast this film with the trash-heap of "blockbusters" Hollywood regularly turns out like "Fast and Furious," "Legally Blonde," or any number of inane action/chick-flick movies and their improbable sequels, and "Lost in Translation" becomes art-house genius.
Come on, America! Aren't we more intelligent than this? No wonder the rest of the world hates our guts! We deserve it!
Let's get our brains out of neutral, folks.
Summer School (1987)
Really underrated
I love this movie. Obviously not serious fare, but just funny and entertaining as hell. Absolutely packed with VERY good jokes EVERYWHERE...every time I watch it I find new ones. And all the jokes work so well. So light-hearted and enjoyable, you can't help but love this movie. It's like watching old Simpsons reruns...never seems to get old.