cowboypsychic1 Reviews

You'll Never See Me Again (1973 TV Movie)

Hartman in a TV movie? Go figure.

[5/10 · 22 December 2005]

Adapted from a pulp novel by Cornell Woolrich, YOU'LL NEVER SEE ME AGAIN features a rare performance by David Hartman, best known as a long running host of GOOD MORNING America. Truthfully, Hartman's calling as an on-screen talent was probably better suited to host rather than actor; here, he comes across as sort of a poor man's Jimmy Stewart, and never really seems comfortable on screen (though he does seem rather creepy when his character gets angry). Jess Walton is certainly lovely to look at, even if her performance seems a bit wooden (but that could also be due to the rather skimpy lines she's been given to read). One or two twists in this adaptation are Woolrich-worthy, but on the whole, it's probably a bit predictable for a modern audience, and ultimately rates as standard fare for an early 70s TV movie...even with direction by Jeannot Szwarc (a veteran of TV and feature films). All that being said, I'm still glad to have this one in my collection.

Exorcist: The Beginning (2004)

A complete disgrace to the EXORCIST franchise

[23 August 2004]

This film has all the subtlety of a sledgehammer. Director Renny Harlin is an utter hack who tried to transform a horror story into an action film, with predictably disastrous results. He demonstrates no sense of pacing or suspense, relying largely upon gore, loud noises and music stingers in a weak effort to carry the film. The dude needs to take some ritalyn; he simply can't resist the temptation to keep the camera constantly moving with gratuitous crane shots, tracking shots, steadicam...Jesus Christ man, lock the tripod down for a second! But that's what you get when you hire an ACTION director to do a HORROR director's job...

** SPOILERS **

The premise had me intrigued slightly, but once those cheesy CGI hyenas showed up on screen, I knew I was in for a schlockfest. Nothing in this movie was scary; indeed, most of it was unintentionally funny. How 'bout the drunken Irishman with the poxy face rolling over in bed with Isabella Scorupco, chastising her to "fix his f'in face?" Or Izabella dry-humping Stellan Skarsgard in the cavern, then alternately running away, then towards him (and what's the deal with that laughably ridiculous invisible force field that throws her to the ground)? Not even Vittorio Storaro's beautiful cinematography could salvage this travesty of a film. I heard people exclaiming, upon leaving the theatre, "That's the worst movie I've ever seen." I wouldn't go THAT far (ever seen Robert Altman's KANSAS CITY?), but it certainly is a stinker, and I hope it keeps Renny Harlin and James G. Robinson of Morgan Creek from making more films...

The Stone Tape (1972 TV Movie)

Early 70s TV horror does it again, and the Brits do it best...

[10 June 2003]

Nigel Kneale of QUATERMASS fame wrote this intriguing tale of an electronics crew striving to create an alternative recording medium to magnetic tape and inadvertently discovering that a haunted room might provide the solution to their quest. Capably directed by Hammer Films veteran Peter Sasdy, though fairly slow through the first half of the feature and a bit heavy on exposition (and thick British accents). The chilling climax makes up for any initial shortcomings. A must-see for fans of intelligent ghost stories...

The World Beyond (1978 TV Movie)

Scared the sh** out of me as a kid

[9/10 · 14 April 2003]

I'm not really sure exactly when or under what circumstances I saw this movie, but it has haunted me ever since. There is a mud "golem" or "elemental" (basically, a creature made entirely out of mud but given human form) that is really terrifying. I never forgot the scene in which the golem's hand gets chopped off in the doorframe of a house, but the hand comes back to life. I was very lucky to track down a copy of this on DVD, because it's out of print (I don't think even the director has a copy). I would also love to see the TV movie that preceded this one (THE WORLD OF DARKNESS, I think), since this is actually the second "episode" of a two part supernatural pilot.

Darkness Falls (2003)

Good premise, scary conceptualization, not so great story and execution otherwise

[10 April 2003]

I am somewhat of a perfectionist when it comes to horror films, and I'll be the first to admit that I wasn't satisfied with DARKNESS FALLS. The trailer really hooked me. When I went to see the movie, I was one of like two or three people in the whole theatre. Maybe that isolation added to the impact of the film, but I thought that the Tooth Fairy, conceptually speaking, was pretty damn scary. The sound effects, her hovering on the ceiling...very frightening elements. So much so that I had nightmares about her. Most horror movies these days are far too campy or tongue-in-cheek to provoke this sort of reaction in me, but something about the Tooth Fairy just really, really shook me to the core.

That being said, I WAS distracted by the story's failure to live up to its potential and the predictable, CGI-laden set pieces and chase sequences. The jail sequence in particular seemed ripped off from THE TERMINATOR. Also, the rules governing the Tooth Fairy's choice in victims seemed a bit hazy. Why doesn't she go after ALL of the kids who lose their first tooth, and why don't they ALL die? Better yet, why don't the townspeople simply MOVE AWAY if they can't get rid of her? Also, the porcelain mask was less frightening to me than her real face.

DARKNESS FALLS reminds me of another movie with similar potential--the first CANDYMAN film--that didn't quite gel as a whole. There IS something to be said about the conceptualization in these two films, even if they don't exactly measure up to something like THE EXORCIST.

Reflections of Murder (1974 TV Movie)

Still holds up after nearly 30 years

[9 April 2003]

First of all, for those of you who don't know this already, this movie is a remake of the classic French film DIABOLIQUE. Secondly, I completely empathize with all the previous reviewers who claimed that this movie traumatized them as a child. I, too, could never quite shake the image of Sam Waterston rising out of the bathtub with those "dead" eyes...John Badham's direction is terrific and highly modern. It has a timeless look, unlike most 70s films with their washed-out, day-for-night cinematography and CHEESY use of the zoom lens. The performances are all solid. The story is taut and suspenseful. Fans who live in or near Los Angeles can rent this movie at Vidiots; everyone else will have to rely on eBay, amazon.com or some other source...

Don't Be Afraid of the Dark (1973 TV Movie)

Didn't catch it in childhood, enjoyed it as an adult

[9 April 2003]

I'm sad to say that I did NOT see this movie growing up, although I can't imagine now how I could've missed it, given that I am an avid follower of horror telefilms. My friend Jim in Los Angeles kept raving about this movie and finally found a copy of it, so we watched it with friends. Yes, it's a product of its time (1973) and the special effects and dialogue are a bit goofy by today's standards, but it is definitely creepy and atmospheric. And I KNOW that, had I seen it as a child, I would've been severely traumatized. What the 1970s lacked in terms of cinematography and production values, the decade more than made up for in terms of imagination. Now that the movie is allegedly being remade, I shudder to think what the CGI and effects-crazy Hollywood executives are going to do with the source material. The remake will be a horrible trainwreck of a film, no doubt. For those of you who haven't seen the original, track it down somehow, at a specialty video store or online (eBay is a good place to start). It's well worth the effort.