stuart-wise Reviews

Lake Effect (2023)

What was that

[2/10 · 7 March 2024]

I gave this movie two stars merely because I was able to sit through to the end but that doesn't mean it was compelling, just confusing. Billed as a horror story, "Lake Effect" seems to be named for the abundance of snow communities get because they are near a lake and the moisture from the water seems to cause tons of snow. But that really seems to have nothing to do with this.

It begins with a flashback to 2002 when two dudes notice a crash and it turns out to be aliens who warn them they better be good or pay the consequences and apparently it is that failure to be nice to each other that caused the horrible deaths, mostly by freezing. As the movie ends in the present with the one person left from the original cast surviving in a "district" that has become frozen over in July, one can't really understand what the point of the movie was,

Planetquake (2024)

Pretty Much What You Get With Asylum Movies

[5/10 · 4 March 2024]

Many of the Asylum movies pretty much are predictable in terms of the quality of the plot, the acting and the special effects, so no reason to be disappointed since going in you know it won't be Oscar worthy. Having said that, I found it entertaining enough that I feel no need to bash every aspect of it. I will say that at times it was too talky and too technical, especially when the trio of world savers were trying to figure out how to do it. I don't if I am imagining it, but it seems the character of Dr. Millie Anderson said "I don't know why I didn't think of this earlier" more than once. Her genius brother was pretty much wooden and some of the other characters felt like they were overacting or just bad actors.

Lightning Strikes (2009 TV Movie)

Well Done Sci-Fi Horror Flick

[9/10 · 25 February 2024]

I wish I knew what haters of "Lightning Strikes" would consider a great film. Maybe I am just easier to please but I did not see the problems with this movie that some other reviewers have noted. Certainly for a TV movie it was well above some of the other things you see, and Kevin Sorbo adds some, well. Gravitas to the picture. While admittedly there are some elements that have been part of other films, such as the "show must go on" mayor despite the danger at hand, such as in jaws, "Lightning Strikes" hit an interesting chord pitting science against myth, with the resolution probably both. If the idea of a conscious energy being doing evil is a stretch, this is after all science FICTION. There was of course the parent-child tension but thankfully the movie did not end with a kiss though there is some suggestion that if there were a sequel, that couple would play a prominent part. Special effects were pretty good and not too gory.

Monster from Green Hell (1957)

If You Like Monster Movies, This is Not For You

[2/10 · 14 February 2024]

I was disappointed in "Monster from Green Hell" because it isn't much of a monster movie. There was very little screen time for the giant, radiation-grown monsters. Given it was the 1950s, I did not expect much in the way of realistic monsters, but what you see is mostly in the dark, and the movie could have benefited if these giant wasps actually took flight. Here they just seem to move along the ground in a very steady rate. There was too much walking through the jungle and the encounter with a native tribe was pretty gratuitous as it had nothing to do with the movie. Once I saw the volcano, I pretty much figured it would play a prominent role in the end,

Life (I) (2017)

Like 'Alien,' but Different Enough

[9/10 · 11 February 2024]

"Life" has been compared to the "Alien" series and in some respects maybe it is. After it involves an alien life form on a space ship with predictable results but after watching the movie and reading some reviews, it didn't occur to me that they were so similar that you could not judge "Life" on its own merits. Without giving too much away, the nature of the alien and the shocking ending of the movie set it apart from "Alien." While I do I agree with some critics that the characters were not particularly interesting nor could you really tell one apart from another, and there was no Sigourney Weaver character to move it along, I was more focusing on the story. I give it a 9 merely because of basic plot similarity, but otherwise it was a very good space/alien movie.

Torn Between Two Lovers (1979 TV Movie)

Ho Hum Based on a Song

[5/10 · 9 February 2024]

I suppose basing a movie on lyrics of popular song is not unique or even a bad idea. The song "Torn Between Two Lovers" is not clear whether the woman telling the story is married to either of them but in this movie, she is, and so it is a little misleading to refer to a husband simply as a lover since there is a lot more than just two people shacking up. A movie based on three unmarried people probably would be a bore, though to me it sounds like that what the song was about, and any man worth his salt would just get up leave this two-timer. Trouble in the movie is that Lee Remick's character doesn't come across as that evil type of person, just caught up in something. The weird thing is that she seemed to have better chemistry with her paramour than with her husband, and the movie doesn't really try to convince you otherwise.

King of the Lost World (2004)

A Disappointing Rip-off

[2/10 · 2 February 2024]

Also known as "King of the Lost World," this movie is described as being loosely based on Sir Conan Doyle's "Lost World." "Loosely based" is an understatement because other than some character having the same or similar names, I can't imagine anyone viewing this would connect it to the original. Supposedly this was released to capital on Peter Jackson's "King Kong," one of my favorite movies, and even in that it fails. This movie strips any semblance of the scientific aspect of "Lost World" and has too little of a big ape to compare it with "King Kong." I don't expect much from Asylum movies, and some I like better than others--but not this one. Two stars just for the effort.

Skyfire (2019)

Top-Notch Volcano Flick

[10/10 · 2 February 2024]

"Dante's Peak" is one of my favorite movies and "Skyfire" ranks right up there. This movie was made in China and it was produced in both English and Chinese versions, so I did not have to rely on subtitles. Despite critical reviews here labeling it silly or absurd, the premise is not so farfetched when you think about risks people take, like building houses on stilts in earthquake-prone California, or on a beach which is at the mercy of hurricanes that can wash away the shore and their homes. Of course there is the obligatory strained parent-child relationship and the corporate villain whose greed resulted in much of the tragedy. But "Skyfire" makes up for it with suspense and drama, and the special effects reminded me of "Dante's Peak" and at times outdid it. "Skyfire" was like a 70s-era disaster flick, and highly entertaining.

Flu (2013)

Excellent Pandemic Film

[10/10 · 31 January 2024]

I have seen my share of pandemic movies, and truth be told, the basic plotline is basically the same, including the special effect showing how it is spread. That is not giving away anything. But "Flu" has more going for it than that. There is graphic violence and gore, which generally is not a big part of American pandemic movies, and while the search and discovery for a cure is also standard fare, this Korean movie offers it up in a different way. The cold-hearted non-American who probably sincerely meant to protect the rest of the world, but the movie did not shy away from some of terrible treatment of ordinary citizens, especially those who were not infected. It appears this movie never was released theatrically in the United States, which is a shame, because it is a truly excellent movie.

90210 Shark Attack (2014)

Bad but Mercifully Short

[1/10 · 28 January 2024]

I rarely give a one-star rating but 90210 Shark Attack deserves even less than that. I watched this on YouTube and did not expect much from it but because of its 72 minute running time I gave it a look. I will include spoilers because you really can't get the feel of how bad this is without giving away some of the action, as it were. The 90210 obviously was playing on the old TV series that focused a lot on scantily clad bodies. First, these are supposed to be High School students but they all looked much older. In fact one of the students was 34 years old when this was made. Then there is an overly long scene when this nerdy girl admires a stud swimming in the pool and it shifts between the closeup look of her face and his swimming for much too long. There is no real horror here except for the heads of the others getting chomped off by Alyssa, whose father was a big name ocean anthropologist, and who turns into a semi-shark when she gets excited. You don't really know about this until the end and then there is no exposition as to what happens next? Does she go on her murderous ways? Does she kill herself? Who knows, and most of all, who care?

Sharknado 2: The Second One (2014 TV Movie)

Mindless Fun

[7/10 · 26 January 2024]

I haven't seen the original Sharknado so I can't complain of retreading of the material. You know it's not going to be a masterpiece even before it begins, but on its own, it was mindless fun. The premise is absolutely absurd but then again it's just a movie and it doesn't have to make sense, just entertaining. And it was. The opening scene was pretty scary and while not showing much of the actual gore, you do get the impression of what happened, and I am not complaining. I have seen enough movies of graphic gore and the movie got along quite well without it. It is curious, however, why big name personalities such as Al Roker and others. But I guess they just wanted to have fun, too.

Santa Jaws (2018)

Pretty Good but not for kids

[7/10 · 16 January 2024]

One might think that a movie that involves teenagers and Santa might be suitable family fare but you would be wrong. Santa Jaws was entertaining with a not-too-uncommon premise about wishes. Were it not for the gore, it could have been a cute holiday movie, but it has its horror chops and some of it would fit nicely into a "Jaws" movie. Like many of these types of movies, there were the unlikable characters and I truly felt bad for the demise of some of them. So there was some relief with the relatively happy ending. In fact, in some ways it reminded me of the end of "The Wizard of Oz" and you'll have to check out "Santa Jaws" to see what I mean.

Bullet Train Down (2022)

Better Than Reviews Here Would Suggest

[7/10 · 15 January 2024]

I watched this movie on YouTube and most of the comments there would have merited a rating of 8-10 here. Yet if you believe the reviews on IMDB, you would think you were watching two different movies. Given "Bullet Train Down" is an Asylum movie, I lowered my expectations. They usually are a semi-ripoff of a blockbuster and in this case, there is some similarities to "Speed." However, that won't interfere with enjoying the movie what with the tension and some surprises along the way. Admittedly, some of the exposition was hard to believe, but so what, it's only a movie and it's there for our enjoyment. I give it a 7 mainly because of some of the plot turns that seem to come out of nowhere and because of the unoriginal basic plot.

When Worlds Collide (1951)

Good movie considering when it was made, and begging for a sequel

[7/10 · 12 January 2024]

Given "When Worlds Collide" was made in 1951, it was a decent movie even though it seems to have in modern view a very simplistic view of space travel and as a result, you might get a chuckle out of some of the scenes. The movie follows pretty much a trajectory of similar movies involving the earth facing total destruction, but with a less common outcome. The love story was predictable and so was the skepticism by certain scientists who first deny the inevitable. And of course there was an evil wealthy person involved. It was nice to see a young Frank Cady pre-"Petticoat Junction" in a small role with few lines Now here are the spoilers: In 1951 they could only speculate that people could go on space travel with no special suits or equipment and dressed only as monks. Once they glide into the new planet and open the hatch, the scene looked like a watercolor painting, very unrealistic.

The movie begs for a sequel, and indeed there was a novel that was a sequel to the original on which it was based called "After Worlds Collide." So many unanswered questions are addressed in the novel, a summary of which can be read on Wikipedia, and the director George Pal had intended to make a movie version based on the sequel. However, according to Wikipedia, he shelved that after the failure of another movie. Too bad. Based on what I read, it would have been an interesting sequel.

Super Tanker (2011 TV Movie)

An average movie of its kind. You might like it

[5/10 · 8 January 2024]

I don't understand the super-negative reviews here. I didn't find it to be the worst thing I've seen and I have seen plenty. Granted, the story is like a disaster template that basically the producers just change the issue and the venue, but the characters are basically the same type. In this case, stupid military types, a married couple that separate over some issue and then make up, then some heroic action that saves the world. You pretty much know how it will end, so you go along for the journey for entertainment. So Super Tanker wasn't all that bad, nor all that good, just average fare you might expect if you find this on YouTube.

Firequake (2014 TV Movie)

Familiar plot, character types but with a twist.

[5/10 · 8 January 2024]

Let's face it, there may be an infinite number of ways to tell the same story and we seem to get that in sci/fi and disaster land. So Firequake has the corporate villain who pushes ahead despite problems and then faces consequences that he tries to avoid or pin on others. Then we have the obnoxious teenager who eventually comes around to love the person she starts out hating. But Firequake does have a different element that I felt made this movie a little different. Without giving away too much, the main character takes on what would be considered uncharacteristic actions out of desperation and you have to give the creators of this movie credit for giving a little twist in an otherwise ordinary story.

Unnatural (2015)

Could Have Been a Better Movie

[4/10 · 1 January 2024]

"Unnatural" could have been a better movie if there was more of what people watch horror movies for. Morbid as it may be, horror movies focus on gore and blood and disfigurement, but "Unnatural" fails to provide much of that. Aside from a cast of mostly unlikable characters, except for the role played by James Remar, one doesn't really care much when each one gets eaten up along the way. The trouble is most of the gore occurs in the dark and basically all you see is the blood. The villains in this movie are generally not the focus, and it is unclear exactly what the company at hand was trying to do when it seems their mission was to preserve species. I was surprised who survived these attacks but all in all, a disappointing movie.

Jeruzalem (2015)

What was that?

[4/10 · 29 December 2023]

After watching Jeruzalem, I wondered what did I watch? The brief description on Amazon Prime sounded alluring enough to watch and I was expecting something more about the anthro/archeology angle. It wasn't that, and it wasn't made clear exactly what was going on or why. The setting in Jerusalem was nice especially since I had been there many times, but the main actors were so unlikable it was hard to care about them. In fact I can see people in the theater cheering for Sarah to die already after listening to her crying and whining throughout the movie. This movie was made by Israelis who apparently have little religious background because what occurred in the second half of the movie doesn't resemble anything I had learned, and to have a guy wearing a yarmulke, who is assumedly observant, interpret Yom Kippur as Day of Judgment--it is actually Day of Atonement; Rosh Hashana, the Jewish New Year, is Judgment Day--seemed like a careless error that anyone paying any attention at all could have avoided.

Megalodon: The Frenzy (2023)

Acting Was the Worst of It

[2/10 · 28 December 2023]

This could have been a pretty good movie if the acting was so bad, especially the main cast. It wasn't just the dialogue but just the acting ability seemed to be terribly lacking. I get the plot, and while not unique, was OK and the sharks were pretty good at doing their thing. The ending was pretty stupid and were it to follow other similar types of movies, the three survivors at the last minute, as they wait to be rescued, would be swallowed up by a Meg they didn't know about.

I usually forgive bad movies because after all it's just supposed to be entertaining and even a bad movie can accomplish that, but the dialogue and acting were so bad, I just had to downgrade this movie from a rating I might have given.

Strain 100 (2020)

Not As Bad as Reviews Would Suggest

[5/10 · 27 December 2023]

Most of the reviews here trash Strain 100 as the worst movie ever made, but while it may not be great, I found some redeeming qualities. For one thing, it does have as an underlying theme the fact that vaccines, especially if not well tested, could catastrophic consequences. Other movies on this topic would normally revolve around how government agencies try to grapple with it and eventually resolve it. There are several movies that do that. Instead, Strain 100 focuses instead on the impact of this catastrophe. Where the movie falls down is the repetitiousness of these flesh-eating zombies doing their thing, but there are some interesting characters and some unexpected reactions. One of the more bizarre scenes involve the family that seems to shoot zombies for sport as well as for defense. While the movie wraps up in a very brief piece of script, the movie was enjoyable in its own way.

Virus Shark (2021)

Truly Awful

[1/10 · 15 November 2023]

I am usually forgiving of bad movies but in this case, the awful acting sinks Virus Shark to the point I cannot give it more than a single star, and that's because the movie seemed to have a decent premise though the execution was amateurish, and these actors probably could not get any other acting jobs than in this garbage, and I cannot imagine that this advanced the career of any of them, nor should it. Truth be told, they didn't have much to work with, but they were all terrible performers with the worst reserved for the last act of the film. I realize this is a TV movie, but where was anyone to realize how bad it was before it was broadcast?

I probably would have skipped this movie altogether but the brief description, about how one shark bite spread the virus sounded promising.

The Black Demon (2023)

Eh...Not much of a Shark Flick

[2/10 · 12 November 2023]

It is curious why the producers of The Black Demon thought this would be a great idea for a movie. I suppose people want to see a lot of gore in shark movies and never really materializes. In fact, you hardly see the meg in question throughout most of the movie and it doesn't even pose an active threat for most of the movie. The acting was OK and the revelation toward the end was OK but not really surprising, and the final resolution of the movie has been done before and better. One would enjoy re-watching Jaws or any number of direct-to-video shark movies than this, and quite honestly I was surprised that this movie was even a theatrical release. I watched it on Amazon Prime, so I don't feel cheated but I can understand why people who paid big bucks in a theater who really feel it was a waste of money.

Noah (2014)

Forget It As a Bible Story, Better as a Drama

[5/10 · 8 November 2023]

It's hard to imagine that the two writers of the script of "Noah" were trying to appeal to Bible believers. It seems they took the basic story and without consulting biblical scholars developed the story they wanted and tossed what the Bible and ancillary texts of the Bible have to offer. So apparently they start with Noah, a wife and three sons, an Ark, a Flood and a rainbow. What they ignore in the text is that Noah was 500 years old at the beginning, it took him 120 years to build the ark, his three sons were grown men and married. OK, so as Wikipedia says, the movie was merely inspired by the actual Biblical story, but it is hard to fathom how they can ignore that Noah was saved because he was considered righteous with the intent to repopulate the world with his family, and instead created Noah who felt it was his duty to end all mankind. That makes no sense. But if you ignore all the jolting differences from what most of us Bible followers believe, it was a pretty good movie as a drama. It need not be called Noah and with some minor changes could have been totally devoid of Biblical reference. As it is Gd is only referred to as "the creator" and fallen angels are turned into bizarre rock monsters who protest Noah. A conflict is set up between Noah and Tubal-Cain, an actual Bible character, but there is nowhere in the bible to suggest he stowed away in the ark. And despite the movie putting all the animals in hibernation, ancillary Biblical sources indicate Noah was busy day and night caring for all the animals.

As a Bible followers, I wasn't offended by the movie as long as I kept in mind that this not a Biblical movie. It is unfortunate that Aronofsky and Handel, when writing the script, had so little faith in the Biblical story and scholars who could have provided them with enough material to create a really good true-to-story movie.

M3GAN (2022)

A Cautionary Tale

[8/10 · 23 October 2023]

Some of the reviewers here seemed to have missed the point of Megan. There has been much talk in the past few years how the advances in artificial intelligence may get to the point that AI will take control of the human race. Megan is a cautionary tale of what could happen if AI is left to its own devices. I won't go so far as to compare it with Frankenstein, but just like the caution Ian Malcolm stresses in Jurassic Park, that inventors unleash power of which they have no control or no understanding, same can be said here. The creator of Megan may ultimately realized where she went wrong, but by then it was too late. What I found a little jolting was the transformation into the evil killer that Megan became. While I can understand that she would protect Cady any way possible, this went too far. Still, it was an excellent movie.

Bog (1979)

Bad Bog

[2/10 · 31 August 2023]

I rarely give a movie this low a rating because usually if I am entertained by it I can forgive all its faults. For a horror film, there wasn't really any horror. The weird monster that walks on two feet was hardly visible in its entirety, almost always presented in low light. And really not speculation how this creature came about and in an upright manner--was it a hybrid of a human and amphibian? Who knows? As the movie progressed, more people died or disappeared but in a pretty bloodless fashion what with the manner described in which they were attacked and died. The closeups of people screaming was a bit scary and the extended kissing scene seemed gratuitous as part of a nothingburger subplot, if it can be called that. For once in a long time, the very low ratings for "Bog" is well deserved.