soulassassin2000 Reviews

War of the Worlds (2005)

War of the World-complex!

[2/10 · 30 January 2006]

War of the worlds should have been made in it's original context and not been set in modern times. A few electrical storms and a couple of hundreds military inferior, walkers are not a match to any army on this planet. How to beat the tripods; just let a soldier get caught in their harvest nets and throw in a handgrenade, repeat this process a few times and the war would've been won in a few days. Tripod deflector shields work against artillery and such but not against a bayonett charge (sarcastic).

The plot holes in the presentation of the martian invasion force are of such great numbers I actually could write a novel about it, but here are few of the larger once (included the one mentioned above):

1. Could huge war machines be buried beneath the earth in major cities and not be detected even once by construction workers, archeologists, geologists and such?

2. If I were an alien commander in chief I would have sent scout troops to Earth to check out the atmosphere, check for viruses and stuff rather than charge in head wall with some unorganized, mechanized assault.

3. If you harvest and capture humans it might be a good idea to do this in an organized fashion rather than messing about in the countryside just doing what ever each alien unit feel like.

4. Wouldn't the tripods be ancient weaponry in the alien eyes since they've been buried here for such a long time? It seems to me, in comparison, that it would be like invading Mars with catapults with todays human standard, should the tables be turned.

What I meant in the beginning of this post is that the horror and the excitement would be of a much greater attitude should it be set in the late 19th century like H.G. Wells intended. It's much tougher to fight aliens with horsedrawn carriages and bolt action rifles. Human science would be so much more inferior and you would understand the surprise attack more. In modern times we would've communicated via the net and cellphones and the aliens wouldn't be out of the ground before they themselves would get a surprise.

Spielberg is no doubt a man of detail and some scenes work really well. As for a matiné adventure for the younger kids this work quite well but as for a "realistic" alien invasion it does not. Instead fire up the old VCR and watch episodes of V instead.

The acting has been critized a lot; I do not agree completely. I actually found the repetitive, bland acting a cool spice up which made the aliens seem so much present.

Since I saw this movie I've invented a phrase called: War of the Worlds-complex" A movie that wants to be so realistic and heavily serious it falls flat on it's ass due to, too much CGI and to little plot and story.

Dawn of the Dead (2004)

I hope I was Snyder!

[10/10 · 6 September 2005]

Ask me the question: How would you make a horror movie and this is the answer. From the second the neighbourhood child till the boyfriend fires away a bloody pass, feet wet, towards Sarah Polley's nurse till Ving Rahmes comments about begin caught upon that roof, my breath seems as still as the walking dead.

It is nice to have a cast like Rahmes in an "anti-critique" movie.

My girlfriend can't believe it every time I mention it, but I say this is as good as horror gets. Go see, rent, buy this movie! To those who read this tiny review, check out Johnny Cash and the montage in the opening sequence.

I hate this movie for one reason: I wish I produced it, wrote and directed it.

Every time I go to bed all by my lonesome, I still think about the day mr. Snyder took our generation into the world of horror.

Lilya 4-Ever (2002)

Greed made this movie happen

[1/10 · 6 September 2005]

This is a theory about Lukas - not actually facts (although much is based on heard and read rumours)

As to show suffering for the sake of the suffering is pointless. But then again one must understand why this movie was made in the first place. Mr. Mood-97 comes from a cultural elite in Sweden where he's basically been served anything on a silver platter, from budget, from support in magazines and TV, from politicians and nepotistic relations. No one dares to give him bad criticism without fear of being labeled as a pimp and a lover of prostitution.

He doesn't care about no prostitutes or human trafficking; he only cares to shock because he wants people to feel bad and awful without no other given background or motivation, except this one; I feel sorry for all those lured into his web of intrigue; the more you like his movies the wider his smile gets taking a stroll down to the local bank.

The only prostitute in this project is probably him for making money and fame on such a controversial topic.

SPOILERS: A Russian deserted girl gets lured into being a hostage in a one room apartment in Sweden where her polish pimp sells her as a prostitute to different Johns. This rather minimalistic story could've been made in so many different and interesting ways; but instead of showing social mechanisms, political turmoil, economic strife we get to see endless sex being displayed one tasteless session after another. WE ALL KNOW: what an under aged prostitute is forced to do against her will. But why? This movie says very little about this.

Why do I seem so critical: Every work mr. Mood-97 has done is about exploitation and sensationalism. He takes the temp on the society and decides to make a movie that'll fit the mood of the critics and which project will render him the most fame and money - there may be nothing wrong with that as long as you're honest.

To me director ("Alexander"-Lukas) of this awfully made movie is nothing more than an egoistic, megolomanical, narcissistic hack.

Shame to all those who put up money for this project.

This is a movie that seems worse and more transparent each time one thinks about it.

Miller's Crossing (1990)

Gangster Cityscape

[9/10 · 6 September 2005]

It's a theatrical canvas of film noir and gangster displayed before once eyes. I've seen this movie at least ten times and I still find it intriguing, beautiful and bitter at the same time.

It's no secret it's made with clichés and an all to gritty dialouge, and that what's make it beautiful.

It's a bootlegger paradise and anyone romantic about the 1920's has got to love this.

Lines like: "He's still an artist with the Thompson" and "Maybe we can have tea some day." Is probably lines never said outside the world of movies and old Dashiell Hammet novels but it still works.

And it has everything what one can want, Irish, Italian and Jewish gangsters, an imbecile boxer, a femme fatale, a plethora of costume and paraphernalia that just shines in every scene.

The humor and the horror is equally present and makes this one for all breeds.

SPOILERS: And to add to the classic setting of a fantasy, gangster cityscape it probably contains two of the most sadistic, horrible shoot outs in my regards. Albert Finney turning the Italian hit-man into lead-pie, a killing that never seems to end, suspended in time and than the army of police men turning the Irish Club Erin into Masada acts cayenne to this stew of pleasurable viewing.

In my regards one of the best Coen-flicks and gangster movies

Land of the Dead (2005)

Where's my car?

[1/10 · 25 August 2005]

Most other comments seems to be infected by a classic case of -Let's read a plethora of theories and commentaries into this as an after-construction-kinda deal. It's easy to sum this movie up in one sentence: A violent story about a group of people in search for their missing car.

This has been praised as a stand against class-society and apparently it should contain a vast amount on social commentary. Where? Name one action movie who hasn't got a rich villain and a poor hero or some misfit trying to set things right based on his unbreakable social pathos.

And some of the huge plot holes:

Well the monatery system in this movie can't be explained. Why does currency still work in a world where there a so few people, and plenty of goods to go around for everybody.

The gated community is just a silly, awfully depicted place, instead of dealing with the situation they sit around drinking champagne and buying designer clothes. (Is this the huge social comment?!?)

Why build a stupid land train when you can loot every tank regiment on Earth?

Conclusion:

After the three first (Night, Dawn and Day) Land... seems to be a world of it's own. It seems to be so far away from anything else, depicted in the first three, it could be a pilot for a TV-series.

Many may complain about the one dimensioned actors but, be fair, how would ANY actor act in such a humourless, wafer thin story like this. The direction seems more to be inspired by army boot camp than any sort film-making. It follows the same concept over and over and over again: "Run-Shoot-Swear-Run-Shoot-Swear" And by God do not under any circumstances show any emotion except anger.

I was almost breastfed with zombie movies and for almost 20 years it's been a great inspirational source. It pains me to see this movie and I hate to admit that not even me, one of the greatest fans on the genre, can protect Romero from this failure.

Mr. Romero, get back to the drawing board, and better luck next time.

I still have hope!

Death Promise (1977)

Gem of all gems!

[10/10 · 23 August 2005]

First time I ever saw this was at a friends house. It ended up in his parents hands by a fluke; some videostore/bicycle repair shop!! went bankrupt and treats like this was up for grabs. We saw it two times in a row and almost wet are pants how hard we laughed.

I've seen historical documents like Ninja Mission and Plan 9 from Outer Space, and they still remain good runners-up in comparison to this one.

Almost 15 years after first contact it is now considered the best cult movie of all times (in my circles); I've showed it to all my friends... We now have a tradition of searching for movies in the same category: the un-rateable one.

It can't be explained or reviewed in any normal way because every scene, every take, every move, contains at least one mistake regarding editing, dialouge, directing etc.

For any cult-movie buff this is the ultimate prize, the gem of all gems.

Raiting: As for craft it can't be rated, because it would even be an insult to homemade videos of birthdays and weddings.

As for pure amusement it is the funniest movie I have ever seen; funnier than any comedy ever made past or present. Anything less than a 10/10 should be regarded as an insult to good sense of hum our.