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Reviews
Darkfall Resurrection (2013)
Really... Really Bad.
This is a truly awful movie... Only watchable if you are making fun of it with a group of friends, and even then you had better be bad movie experts, as this movie gives you very little to work with. I do not think the creators of this bit of cinema art have even heard of the concept of lighting. 90% of this movie is just dark scenes full of people you don't care about talking in very bored sounding voices about some plot involving space werewolves. I could actually see some scenes where one of the actresses was trying not to laugh. About halfway through this turd, we are treated to a full length music video from what I assume is the directors crappy industrial band... only the sound quality is so terrible you can barely hear the music they are playing!! In addition to the aforementioned music video, the 70 minute running time is padded out with about 15 minutes worth of pointless framing story, and the credits of the movie seem very padded out and full of made up names. I refuse to believe that it took an 11 person CG department to create the Windows 95 era 3d effects, most of which are not even animated.
In summary... you have been warned!!
Downtime (1985)
"You Flushed the Toothbrush?"
This mostly plot less film follows the nonadventures of a couple of young people living extremely mundane lives in Winnipeg. It is mostly centred around a convenience store clerk and a woman who she meets at a laundromat. The film generally takes the form of number of unrelated moments in their lives, some of which feature stilted conversations. You do not really get a feel for any of the characters, and while I have heard other reviewers cite this movie as a tour de force of bleakness I found it mostly unenjoyable and didn't see much of a point to it.
Overall I give it a 4/10. If it were any longer than an hour I'd probably have to give it a lower rating.
Amerika (1994)
Boring movie which fails as an adaptation
The movie started off fairly strong, but after a point the scenes lost connections with each other and I stopped caring. It moved at a very slow pace, and in the latter half I found myself constantly checking the time to see when it would end. There were several unnecessary changes and omissions from the book (They even leave out the bit explaining why he had to leave Europe), and the comedy which was a major component in the book is completely absent from the movie. There were even some changes that seem to have been specifically made in order to remove any traces of humor. Except for Uncle Jakob, the characters are also pretty undefined and have little in the way of personality, and at 29, Martin Dejdar looks a bit too old to play a 17 year old.
On a plus side, the production design was very well done, and reminds me somewhat of the movie “Brazil” on a lower budget. It is a shame that they didn’t bother to include the statue of liberty with a sword though, that would have made for a good image.
5/10
Die Liebesbriefe einer portugiesischen Nonne (1977)
Watch something, no anything else instead.
The plot of the movie, involving a girl being forced into a convent that was really run by Satanists was intriguing, and persuaded me to watch this (a decision I would come to regret). What sounded like it could be an interesting Nunsploitation/Witch hunting move instead turned out to be the worst example of either of those genres I have yet to see. The bulk of the movie consists of a bunch of vaguely connected scenes in the convent, some of them involving the so called satanic rituals, which were less than shocking to put it mildly. There is a fair amount of nudity, but don't expect anything even remotely erotic, all it does is make the movie seem progressively more and more sleazy (Not that sleaziness is necessarily a problem). The movie progresses at a glacial pace, and remains very uninteresting despite the potential of the subject matter. The trial sequence is very brief, and does not manage to capture any of the madness of such proceedings anywhere near the effectiveness of other witch-hunting movies. The ludicrously happy ending feels as though as they tacked it on at the last minute. All in all, it felt as though it was going through the motions of what a nunsploit/witch movie was supposed to be, but had nothing of its own to add.
The only thing that saved this movie from a 1/10 is the surprisingly decent production values and locations. (Although I doubt anyone but the medieval super-rich could have afforded to live in such splendor relative to what was common at the time.) 2/10
Li Xiao Long zhuan qi (1976)
Bruce Lee will return in 1983!!
I got this movie on a dvd, along with three other Bruce Lee tribute movies, for about $2.50 each. This one beat the lot of them. It has amazing action scenes and lots of em. There were some confusing excercise machines that were shown, but overall it was a good movie. Bruce Li actually did a good job of acting in his part, it was certainly believable (the acting not the plot). If you can find this you have to watch it!
I give it 7/10
MADtv (1995)
Used to be good
MAD TV used to be such a good show, then it all changed. It had a great cast, but the new cast just sucks. Michael McDonald isn't funny. He just overdoes anything. Paul Vogt is just not funny. They got these two guys who are exactly the same, and they both suck. Mo used to be funny, but now they only drag her out to play annoying old ladies. Aries can be funny, he is the best one on the show now. The writers suck even more. They used to come up with such good stuff, like the Vancome lady, Antonia, and all the Steven Segal ones. Now all they can come up with are old ladies, newscasts, and angry Black people. It got to the point where one joke was actually "try being a black woman in a white woman's world". Then they come up with a bunch of horrible series' like Stuart (which used to be funny), and that annoying old woman that Mo Collins plays. The depressed Persian tow truck man could be funny, but it's always the same. They should have him meet a really rich stuck up person who thinks their worse off because they broke a nail or something, and never changes her mind. They should also have him meet someone actually worse off than him instead of the same thing week after week. And they should do more parodies of movies, like they used to do.
Lost in the Bermuda Triangle (1998)
Worst movie I have ever seen
This is the worst movie that I have ever seen. At first i thought that it was going to be good because I'm interested in the bermuda triangle, but instead it was terrible. All it did was offer a bunch of lame explinations that didn't make sense (if time moves differently there how come the woman didn't age, and her son aged rapidly), and have a horrible sappy ending. Next time the guys who made this go to Bermuda they should take all copies of this movie with them. Please everyone vote for this movie so it can get on the worst movie list.
The Animatrix (2003)
Doesnt make sense
At the begenning of the second renassiance part 2 it showed the machine city being nuked, and the entire place was covered in explosions and fire, but supposedly the machines survived it because the radiation and head dont affect them. THats total bulls***. Nothing could survive that much punishment. As far as the heat goes were not talking about a few hundred degrees. The heat from those bombs would vaporize metal. And what about the explosion? there is some blast in a nuke that will completly destroy miles and miles of land.
The Deer Hunter (1978)
most over rated movie
I found this movie extremely boring the wedding was at least 1/2 hours of nothing happening, then there was a bunch of 10-20 minute long stories that had little to do with each other. This movie was not the least bit entertaining, go see apocalypse now instead.