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c-ziogas
Reviews
Maestro (2022)
One more attempt by Papakaliatis at ripping off
Gave 2 stars just for the actors (not Papakaliatis of course).
The rest of this series' elements are just for laughs.
It's just a polished rip off of all mystery dramas you've seen. And badly done.
The dialogues were obviously written by freshmen film students.
Papakaliatis didn't bother to hire a real maestro to show him how maestros really conduct. It's like he's 5 years old playing the maestro in front of his mom's mirror.
The sex scenes are even worse than 50 Shades. Badly acted to the point of ridiculousness. Laughable.
Domestic violence, homosexuality, music as a medium for expressing civilised emotions have been so overdone that it's all pointless.
Nobody's going to give you the time you spend watching this polished trash back, so beware.
It's bad. Annoyingly bad.
The Remaining (2014)
Only For Illiterate Religious Fanatics
As incoherent and random as the faith it so desperately wants to promote.
If you need a horror movie to push people to faith then there's something wrong with your faith.
Based on a recent "Christian" theory of rupture (not based on any scripture or theorem), this movie is random, inconsistent, full of plot holes and jump scares to make the ignorant believe in their god.
So, why did an agnostic like me watch it? I'm thought I was watching a horror movie. 😂😂😂
Funny thing, at some point a guy tells a priest that he believes this is an alien attack. The priest laughs... the priest laughs!!!
Like it's more probable for Rapture to happen (by an invisible god no less) than an alien invasion.
This cracked me up. I finally decided I am watching a religious spoof comedy not a horror movie produced by a desperate "Christian" church.
Thank Satan it was free on Netflix.
Hail Lucifer! 😂😂😂
Barbarian (2022)
Messy, amateurish, predictable.
This film starts with potential. Keeping you guessing what's been happening, where is it going, is there a villain, who the villain is etc etc etc.
Halfway through I was bored. Characters' behaviours are what you usually comment as "let's move the plot along by having them do something stupid and unjustified". Just for the sake of the plot.
The second half is what you might call a random, left with no plot twist in my head king of progression.
If you want to watch idiotic, shallow, unthinking characters fall into deadly mistakes this film is for you.
There are no surprises whatsoever, no character or plot twists and you basically know what's going on 40 minutes in.
Total waste of time, actors and money spent on financing this.
Messy, irrelevant, predictable.
Horror Noire (2021)
Just plain bad
Bad script. Check.
Bad acting. Check.
Bad directing. Check.
Bad plots. Check.
Bad editing. Check.
I had such high hopes for this film. I love anthologies (and short stories). They are concise, to the point and most of the time tickle your brain to come up with your own version of an ending.
Putting together an anthology film is a great opportunity to put your message across without tiring the audience.
Not in this case.
The stories are spineless, pointless, with a "couldn't care less" approach.
Even the underlying social commentary is trivial, transparent, predictable, unoriginal and weak.
P. S. Forgot to mention the ridiculous voice-over in the Daddy segment's first scene in the elevator. Amateurish to say the least.
Blonde (2022)
It's an experience of feelings. Not a documentary.
Blonde is controversial to say the least. People, mainly Monroe fans, slam it as being exploitative and disrespectful. It's not. If what you expect is a documentary about Monroe's life, we'll you will not get it.
What you will get is a story of emotions printed on film. Even the aspect ratio and the transitions from black and white to colour show you that this is an intimate affair rather than a third person's view.
De Armas is a revelation. Her facial expressions and voice (accent, tone, colour) are spot on.
I would recommend whoever thinks this film is bad that they watch another excellent film, Nicolas Roeg's Insignificance. It is a different fictional take on Monroe but no less effective on the concept of Marilyn.
I would think Blonde and Insignificance go hand in hand.
Take a step back and rethink Blonde and what it tries to achieve. I believe it has achieved it.
Midnight Mass (2021)
When I grow up I want to be Salem's Lot
When you run out of ideas you visit your favourite author and rip off one of his best books put it in a boring context and serve it on Netflix.
I knew what's happening by episode 1. The bad make up and bad acting gave away the story, unfortunately.
Mike, be brave enough to name it like you did with Hill House and Turn of the screw/Bly Manor.
Keep adapting Stephen King's books, cause your original material is far from original.
Cheers!
The Green Knight (2021)
Pretentious
The Green Knight: When I grow up I want to be Excalibur.
Everyone: Not a chance.
David Lowery is no John Boorman.
Empty vessel of a film. Adolescent maturity and completely pointless.
Trying too hard to be deep and meaningful but fails horribly.
So sow and boring you can actually see the first 30 or so minutes, the last 15-20 minutes and you get the whole film.
Dark (2017)
What a mess!
Probably the most indifferent tv series I've ever watched.
Although Season One starts promisingly, Season Two gets a bit more confusing and Season Three creates a pretentious storyline trying to become interesting by jumping back and forth.
It is such a mess that at some point I stopped caring about the story, the characters, the logic of it all and just watched it as I never leave anything unfinished.
By the end of Season Three all you see is actors (bad to say the least) with tearful eyes and runny noses.
The cry for no apparent reason other than to show us they can act... by crying.
Unfortunately, the series is not confusing at all. While trying to be complex and "aimed at the thinking viewer", it is just impersonal, annoying and altogether a waste of time.
It's the new Lost.