blankenshipdk Reviews

Besetment (2017)

Retrosploitation and More!

[8/10 · 19 February 2018]

Seriously, the only disappointment I can find in this shocker are the low IMDB ratings. It would seem the movie going public has come to accept recent Hollywood dreck in the guise of the horror genre as legit. I turn your attention to an actual horror movie not based on or centered around; 1) a graveyard 2) an insane asylum 3) a haunted house 4) demons & 5) kids lost in the woods who find a haunted house near a graveyard or nuthouse and then get possessed or harassed by demons. A vivid imagination along with some referential grindhouse/ exploitation style filmmaking sure goes a long way especially in the hands of a skilled director who included top notch acting, convincing character development and a compelling story line. This story has everything needed for a gothic psychotropic rave-up that's modernized just enough to help redefine the postmodern all-American horror film complete with a patina of grimy sleaze. The brilliance of this presentation is demonstrated additionally by the constraint shown in the scenes of violence and twisted sexuality. None of that over the top in your face spook house induced loud violence that goes on for hours thus losing potency. If you can't be entertained by high art infused with incest, heads blown off, kidnapping, rape, familial dementia and home medical strategies then I suppose a concept like " Texas Chainsaw " or "10,000 Maniacs " is simply lost. Otherwise, skip this real thriller & go back to the demon in the haunted house with a graveyard and kids near the loony bin in the dark rain and junk.

Passengers (I) (2016)

In Space, No One Can Hear You Snore

[3/10 · 11 August 2017]

I find it ironic that the premise of this saga Involves a couple of space travelers who are awakened from their long distance suspended animation chambers to pursue date night melodramatic action when it made me yawn like I was at an insurance seminar on subrogation ... see you're already getting drowsy. The screenplay appears to have been jotted down during a morning metro ride into the city and I'm talking a short commute here. Jennifer Lawrence and Chris Pratt ( Tom Brady doppelgänger ) engage in kozmic romance and stuff until Lawrence realizes she had a few more decades of nap time coming thus setting off an intergalactic spat. I suppose you could call it a severe case of premature evacuation. The domestic quarrel simmered for a quite a while until I felt like I was ready for a spaceship sleep chamber. The genre of this flick may be characterized as existential light with a heavy dollop of astromance or, alternatively, a version of an interplanetary Sleeping Beauty where the Prince shoulda backed off. Robotic servants abound throughout the ship so that the idea of Pratt's loneliness leading to an irresponsible action in order to sate his pathetic plight seems ridiculous considering any number of sexbots or love cyborgs could have been made available and no, there aren't any space limitations on board because the interior looks titanic. Plus eventually both leads are going to get old and saggy ... along with nowhere to go and nothing to do so I only see this ending in alcohol dependence or worse. Also, what's with the bar re-creation from " The Shining " that implies a macabre setting which is antithetical to the essence of our wacky lovebirds or is it trying to tie into the alleged Apollo space mission symbolism by Kubrick? I was too tired to care. I magnanimously gave it a 3 because Lawrence is generally charismatic and I didn't watch it all the way to the end which may be slightly unfair. However, unless some gruesome aliens attack the ship at some point, I don't foresee any potential increase in entertainment value. I figure these two bored narcissists will eventually unplug all the passengers from their techno-coma and then all hell will break loose as the passageways are overflowing with diarrhea like a celestial cruise line disaster. Viewing this one will put you in a deep sleep state, earthling.

The Tortured (2010)

Entertainment For A Twisted Society, Not Me

[6/10 · 7 August 2017]

Actually, embarrassingly enough, it does include me because I was highly entertained by this meretricious mass of sinematic sleaze. While viewing the feature, I was planning to rate it a 1 or 2 based on it's morally objectionable premise but realized after being solidly enthralled for an hour plus, that it deserved at least a 5 rating despite a blatant disregard for any considerations of ethical decorum. The film clips along at a brisk pace even with a primitive script, distastefully gruesome graphics, a mostly implausible story line and characters that are rather non-dimensional, only coming to life when exercising their quest to snuff someone else's out. One of the absurd scenarios include jail van cops getting their coffee roofied by our vengeful protagonists in a convenience store, pulling over a few minutes later when the drugs kick in, abandoning their vehicle containing targeted-for-vengeance bad guy, then apparently disappearing into an adjoining field to sleep it off, leaving the evil dude alone ( or is he? ) and ripe for kidnapping. This is one of those stories that tries to elicit sympathy for the main characters while simultaneously exploiting their grief, thus maintaining a highly ambivalent moral stance that is at least consistent in its sordid sophistry. The prurient/ tragic motif is also evidenced by the scene in which the naked svelte mother ( Erika Christensen ) cries in the bathtub, suggesting a sub-genre of torture grief porn. Should I look at her lithe nude figure or feel empathy? The answer is perhaps both which is where the tale may obtain its narrative power by employing a contradictory, disassociative technique. An annoying musical theme drones in the background during most of the movie which I assume is one more component in this dark psyop of a feature designed to pre program us further into a culture that endorses torture as a tonic that's good for what ails 'ya. Not recommended, so hurry up and watch it!

Eye See You (2002)

Unfortunately Eye Saw This

[4/10 · 11 July 2017]

The opening credits provided a glimmer of hope for this film in the form of co-stars Kris Kristofferson, Tom Berenger and Dina Meyer, however Ms. Meyer gets offed early on after an opening scene in which she smooches Stallone (Jake Malloy) during an ostensibly romantic, yet actually insipidly mumbled conversation while he holds a toy mechanical clapping monkey which apparently has no significance whatsoever resulting in its being unceremoniously hurled behind the sofa. This cursory intro to Mary Malloy will constitute her entire character development, thus her abruptly brutal departure creates no sense of loss other than the obvious absence of beauty for the rest of the movie. The episodic feature spends too long lingering over each scene which consists of Sly mugging and grimacing over his loss. Kristofferson is largely misused as the proprietor of a rehab facility that looks more like a set left over from a dystopian sci-if feature. Meanwhile, Berenger is completely wasted in what appears to be a half-baked role of an electrician or plumber from Minnesota or maybe Canada, I'm unclear on why this part even existed. Any way, there's a cop killing psycho on the loose who surprisingly winds up in the same detox unit in a seeming paean to cliché-ridden cop TV shows, but at least they're over in an hour or less. The actors give it their best shot but the only applause you'll hear at the end of this feature is originating from the tin monkey still trapped behind the living room couch.

Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow (1959)

Solid Ghost of Dragstrip Hollow

[6/10 · 6 September 2016]

At first glance, a seemingly typical 50's style entertainment b-movie aimed at the youth crowd featuring hopped up jalopies with a rock n' roll soundtrack. The kids that comprise the characters of the story are of course members of a west coast hot rod club in search of a permanent pad for their roadsters which invariably leads to a vacant haunted mansion providing a platform for ensuing adventures. However, the genre gets turned on its head when the biggest gear heads and racing rivals that provide much of the dramatic tension are female, namely Lois ( Jody Fair ) and Anita ( Nancy Anderson ). These two femme fatales start the flick with an illegal race in the L. A. River bed, continuing the rivalry throughout the narrative until sanctioned by male figures in the form of a boyfriend, a father and a policeman. This is pure 50's American pop culture cinema where the radical concept of women being the biggest competitors in a traditionally male avocation is seamlessly woven into the story making the film function simultaneously as a vanguard of social subversion. Meanwhile, fresh faced speedster Tommy Ivo talks over your head about the engineering principles behind his new dragster while his bud waxes figuratively and literally on the metaphysics of chrome machinery. Actually some of the best dialog belongs to Alfonso the parrot with quips like " Yipes, those threads are for buryin " and " That was a blast, somebody bring a mop ". Paul Blaisdell reprises and references his roles in previous American International features as the monster who gets exposed in the spooky manse during the course of a macabre housewarming party which includes a tune sung by Jimmy Maddin, who gained fame for a fifties style of sax playing known as " honking " and was self described as one of the inventors of rock n' roll. Cool black and white cinematography graphically underscores a flick that, despite its limitations, reminds us that sometimes less is more, at least in terms of retro entertainment value.

Two Weeks in Another Town (1962)

Seems More Like Two years

[3/10 · 30 August 2016]

I first viewed this movie upon its initial release while I was in elementary school in a small West Virginia town where there was one theater and one drive-in meaning limited choices and frequent luck of the draw in terms of movie selection. This was probably the most boring film I ever saw in my youth although my parents also described the film as terrible and pondered the question of what it was even about. Decades passed, maturation happened along with some possible sophistication so I thought I would give this movie another shot, after all, what does a hick family from the hills know about cinema? The second viewing was more enlightening in making the movie appear dull, self indulgent, cheesy, melodramatic and essentially baffling in addition to my previous assessment of it as boring. Glossy slick color envelops the unlikable characters who spend most of their time bitch slapping and yelling at each other. Kirk Douglas and Edward G Robinson are apparently involved in some sort of love-hate relationship that merely seems schizophrenic as opposed to complex. While the story does show Kirk with a leave of absence from a nut house, he mostly seems angry rather than mental. He gets to go to Italy for a $10K per week paycheck ( in 1962 dollars ), a Maserati 3500 Spyder Vignale rag top ( which has a back story that's more interesting than this movie ) and then meets Daliah Lavi as a love interest and that's enough to make anyone mad. Hey, I wanted a stick, not an automatic dammit! Apparently much of the angst is sourced to Cyd Charisse who provided the only entertaining segment of the film when she's throws herself around like a bag of groceries while Kirk's eyes bug out behind the wheel in an ostensible moment of lunacy. Steering like a madman in front of a backdrop of a previously filmed gyrating landscape, the scene is intended to suggest frenzied, maniacal, out of control speed, yet comes off as laughable. I issued a spoiler alert although I'm not sure that's an applicable concept to a film that has no point to begin with. As far as movies are concerned, this flick had a really cool car.

The Lobster (2015)

Love Her or Lobster

[3/10 · 29 August 2016]

If you think silliness is a substitute for genuine laughs or that absurdist allegory provides some heavy entertainment value, then you might get something out of this flick, otherwise it's a couple of hours lost from your existence despite solid " figures in a landscape " style cinematography buoyed by some big name stars. How this humorless, grim dystopian saga fits into the comedy genre as alleged is outside of my scope of comprehension. At any rate, in the future ( presumably ) there is a totalitarian Big Bro-mantic form of government ( perhaps ) regulating human breeding ( maybe ) for purposes which are never made clear. The story was apparently written by one or more attention deficit disorder sufferers as it skips from one episodic scene to another in a fragmented cinematic game of dominoes where the end of one scene may somewhat match the start of another but no significantly believable story line develops and plot inconsistencies are glossed over as if drenched in drawn butter. Emergent futuristic themes include " boners or loners ", " corporate drone love boat vacation ", " guerrilla fighter shaming tactics " and " if you were an animal, what kind of animal would you be? ". Regardless of our choice of species for non-human reincarnation, whether mammal, reptile or insect, at least we'd be spared from watching movies like this.

The Exotic Ones (1968)

The Monster And The Stripper

[7/10 · 17 August 2016]

I rented this video back in the early nineties, not only due to its seductive exploitation vibe, but also because it featured swamp - rockabilly - country musician Sleepy LaBeef a.k.a " The Human Jukebox "as the monster. This film opens with a New Orleans travelogue then plays like an R rated version of the Ed Sullivan Show on acid with strippers, flaming tassels, human contortion, mobsters, giant harmonicas and a Bigfoot style bog monster. Beautifully lurid full color sleaze allegedly filmed in a studio that belonged to the Methodist Church with exterior shots at the Okefenokee Swamp in Georgia. The premise involves the mobster/ owner of a strip joint who seeks a bigger and better attraction by capturing the swamp thing but not before the creature rips off the arm of a would be captor and beats him with it. Now, that's entertainment! I was in Connecticut a few years after viewing this film and caught Sleepy at a local venue where he was kind enough to let me sit in on a few songs and what a blast that was. I asked him about this movie, referring to it as " The Exotic Ones " although he called it " The Monster and The Stripper " and that's the title of the VHS copy I bought shortly afterwards. He said the Ormonds wanted him in more films, but in his own words ( more or less ) " hell, I'm a musician, I ain't no actor ". He certainly is a terrific musician and made a great film monster as far as I'm concerned. I recommend checking this one out along with his many C D's so you can decide for yourself.

State Fair (1933)

How Ya Gonna Keep 'Em Down On The Farm

[7/10 · 14 August 2016]

Having seen the rather sappy 1962 version of this story, I was intrigued by the cast of this film and decided to check it out. I knew I was in for something special when Janet Gaynor as Margy asks her brother Wayne, played by Norman Foster, if he ever feels like " raising hell " on the eve of their departure for a week at the state fair. Meanwhile Pa Frake ( Will Rogers ) obsesses over his prize pig Blue Bell and Ma Frake ( Louise Dresser ) spikes the mincemeat recipe in anticipation of scoring blue ribbons. Upon arrival at the fair, the Frake Family goes full Merry Prankster mode, setting up a tent and diving into the free love and entertainment festival full bore ( boar? ). Both kids are given loose rein by Ma and Pa who are hip to the fact that animal husbandry may necessarily involve human breeding as well as the four legged kind. Ma's mincemeat trips out a judge who lands in the psych ward while Blue Bell gets turned on by a hot sow and goes hog wild. A story this cool could only exist in pre - Hayes Hollywood and the sophisticated outlook of the Frakes runs counter to farm family character expectations. At the heart of this movie are fully developed, endearing figures who get lost in lust, love and longing just like real people. The conclusion of the fair features some fantastic cinematic shots of carnival barkers who remind us that, along with this movie, the good stuff has to wrap up eventually, like it or not.

Catacombs (2007)

Paris Texas Chainsaw Massacre

[5/10 · 10 August 2016]

Another case of cinematic rolling pin action where a half hour concept is spread, or more accurately flattened, into an hour and half long feature. Despite a promising premise, the story quickly degrades into about an hour of shrill screaming by our featured anti-heroine, Victoria, as she freaks out under Paris. Allegedly no one can hear you scream in the catacombs, however, the acoustics are no match for Vickie's stridency. She sounds as if she's plugged into a Marshall set on eleven with the crappy rave soundtrack jacked into channel two as accompaniment. In fairness to star Shannyn Sossamon, she throws her skinny self around with some fat charismatic scene chewing, attempting to lend some heft to the lightweight screenplay, which when having the " hysterical girl runs screaming in catacombs " parts removed, will likely only leave about seven pages of actual dialog. Maybe the heavy yelling is suggestive filler for the anticipated silence of the audience. Nonetheless, Sossamon's performance, even in the face of limited material, ups the rating several notches and I thought Pink did a decent job in her cross over work. The rest of the cast is presented as anonymous and annoying French folks who have nothing better to do than spend their excessive free time playing pranks thus proving that they're just bored socialists who get all their stuff for free. The suspense story is undermined by the spoiler announcement which is broadcast in the opening scene in order that you don't suffer from over excitement. The seemingly implausible plot twists at the conclusion hardly seem worth the wait in this catacomb catatonia.

The Martian (2015)

My Unfavorite Martian

[4/10 · 2 August 2016]

The bad news is that NASA has to effect a high risk rescue of an astronaut from Mars. The even worse news is that this process will take dang near two and a half hours real time and it involves enduring Matt Damon. This has got to be one of the most tedious movies of the 21st century as Damon, playing space cadet Mark Watney, mugs and cracks wise in a seemingly interminable proto-propaganda bureaucracy department feature. Damon is developing a specialty for quasi-governmental roles what with the Bourne stuff, Confessions of a D M, Saving Private Ryan, Syriana, The Good Shepherd et al. The premise of an outer space rescue that takes this long means it can only end successfully,thus quashing the only sliver of suspense that may have existed in the first place. In contrast to Damon for the most part, Ridley Scott at least used to regularly make good movies, but has now apparently joined the pasteurized cheese by-product posse. The disco soundtrack is roundly criticized by the cast throughout the flick yet that's all you're gonna get so apparently the producers wanted to have their cake and eat it too. Jeff Daniels reads his lines authoritatively while Kristen Wiig is little more than a statue, propped up next to the lectern, implying that women are not quite ready to issue NASA p/r convincingly. High production values, solid special effects ( even if technically inaccurate ) and an exciting final ten minutes or so can't keep this slab of cosmic detritus from deserving to be lost in space.

The Louisiana Hussy (1959)

Swamp Creature from the Back Saloon

[7/10 · 27 July 2016]

Nan Peterson literally rolls onto the scene after a harrowing horseback escape while sporting a sweater with an M L monogram emblazoned across her sculpted torso, which she claims stands for Minette Lanier, never mind the association with Marie Laveau. Upon her rescue and transport to town by Peter Coe as Jacques Guillot, the story begins to suck you in like Cajun quicksand. Jacques and his brother Pierre, played by Robert Richards, get their stones rolling via the coquettish Minette, yet still manage to gather a lot of moss as apparently there's a market for that stuff somehow. Minette skinny dips, dances in her bra to radio rock n' roll and initiates petting parties like a 50's anti-heroine busting out of the constraints of squareness in a seething cauldron of southern fried crawdad stew. These characters are engaging and of course get involved in inevitable spurts of violence, yet the last thing you want to see is any of them hurt or killed, based on an empathy for the players that seems rare in movies these days. There is a plot twist that is logical and unexpected which seamlessly rolls into the main story line. Full spectrum black and white low end production values only enhance the southern Gothic mise en scene. Betty Lynn of Andy Griffith fame along with character actor Harry Lauter and some lesser known figures add some spice to the cinematic gumbo which goes down quite smoothly.

Summer Wishes, Winter Dreams (1973)

The Winter of Our Malcontent

[4/10 · 25 July 2016]

Joanne Woodward as Rita plays the angst ridden whiny frosty central character in this nearly 2 hour excursion straight into dullsville which is variously identified as New York and London. Apparently part or most of her ill tempered moodiness stems from interactions with her family, which is believable, however the dysfunction is relentless. A daughter appears in a couple of scenes briefly and argues with Rita. A son appears briefly in a couple of scenes and argues with Rita. Rita's mother appears briefly early on and argues with Rita. Martin Balsam as husband Harry tries to endure churlish Rita for the duration. Being an M.D., we can only assume Harry has the convenience of self medicating. Perhaps he could also prescribe a tonic for Rita's hallucinations and dreams which are supposed to be indicative of something apparently. Much of the dramatic inertia unfolds around meals, inspiring discussions about epicurean conceits such as the preferred thickness of lemon, which in turn spawns more familial hostility. Overall, a sense of sourness pervades as excessive sniveling is on display year round with this crowd.

The Loft (2014)

No Love Loft

[5/10 · 21 July 2016]

Initially, this film appeared to fall under the definition of " L. O. P. " or least objectionable programming, a term that once applied to a minimally annoying cable feature one might discover in the course of late night channel surfing, which ironically, generally involved the lure of the lewd. While there's minimal gratuitous sex and violence contained, the story manages to be a completely salacious tale of dirt balls and scuzbuckets engaged in a total sleaze fest nonetheless. Karl Urban as Vince heads up the seamy crew as the main skeeze who covertly engages in getting his ashes hauled by the wives, girlfriends and sisters of his alleged friends who in turn demonstrate their strong sense of ethical fair play by framing him for a murder that they actually committed. With fiends like this, who needs enemies or even a key to the titular den of iniquity. Plot holes big enough to drive a Safari station wagon through only add to the cinematic malaise. Lots of whoring, lying, double dealing, voyeurism, cheating, drinking and sordid shenanigans by all the characters although they display some negative qualities as well. Everything is neatly wrapped up in the scurrilous, but consistent finale when Rachael Taylor as Anne the lovable strumpet, love interest of James Marsden as Chris, appears to rekindle their passion, wife and kids be damned. I jacked it up to 5 stars for its inherently misplaced entertainment value.

The Invitation (I) (2015)

Kool Aid's Last Stand

[6/10 · 13 July 2016]

If this story had been adapted to a half hour or hour program like the old " Thriller " or " Outer Limits " or others of that ilk, it may have been highly entertaining, however watching the proceedings for about an hour and a half before things start to really coalesce malevolently is somewhat tortuous. A gang of old friends, essentially a crew of largely narcissistic airheads as usual, gathers at a west coast manse to reflect not too deeply about their lives at the invitation only event. Love is in the air or is that the faint whiff of arsenic? The characters are minimally sketched out, mostly acting like giggling goofballs, yet there seems to be some vague sense of dread as if someone might break out a piñata filled with scorpions and venomous spiders. Our protagonist gets his vibes tingled in the nick of time, sniffs out the host's lethal serving up of a Jonestown inspired pousse-cafe' and the action kicks in ... finally. The ultra - violence mode is fairly suspenseful although as the participants expire, we care about the departure of some and others, not so much. Decent acting with a special note of Lindsay Burdge as " Sadie " in her compelling and genuinely disconcerting performance providing some threatening vitality to counter the fatuous party goers. John Carroll Lynch is fine as well in his understated portrayal of the psafe as psorghum psychopath. Menacing iconography in the form of mysterious helicopters and red lanterns suggest an intriguing backstory that may have merited more development but does add to the overall sinister tone of the story. If you're going to a soirée thrown by a returning member of an expatriated cult located in Mexico, I recommend skipping the dessert wine. This is a movie about a cult that will never be a cult movie.

Regression (I) (2015)

Fresh from the Coven

[4/10 · 2 July 2016]

The blurb at at the intro of " Regression " reads " based on real events " which more appropriately should be issued as " based on real faux events " and there we have the whole crux of the film which I feared was the case about a half hour in, but more on that later. The story is grimly one dimensional with a couple of marginally disturbing moments however I've seen much scarier stuff laying in my back yard after my Maine Coon goes on an overnight killing spree. The movie features an allegedly abused " child " who looks to be around 25 or so and a bunch of cops, including Ethan Hawke, who talk in low gravelly voices ... do they use a electronic modulator for that effect or is that naturally forced? Normally Hawke chooses his roles carefully, but I suppose everyone makes mistakes. The script is unremarkable and features alleged satanists in black robes and excessive pancake make-up so they can be readily identified as the bad guys ( and gals ). Their evil is depicted as gang stalking in which they abruptly appear, then drug and rape their prey, however, as revealed in the anti-climactic ending, it's just a case of everyone's imaginations working overtime!

Like the Salem witch trials, the populace overreacts by getting hysterical, then vengeful, looking to burn ( figuratively in the case here ) some witches and stuff. The entire production is numbingly one note, which may have worked if there was some payoff rather than incorporating an ending equivalent to the classic cheesy wrap up of having the protagonist wake up from a dream and exclaim " wow that was a close one. " Despite having a trained psychologist present for the entire proceedings, the seemingly obvious prognosis of mass hysteria is completely missed or maybe at a $150 an hour, simply delayed, meaning the shrink was the smartest character in a movie filled with melodramatic dummies.

The Revenant (I) (2015)

The Lewis and Clark Kent Expedition

[7/10 · 28 June 2016]

This movie has an utterly convincing opening scene along with some of the best cinematography I've seen in a 21st Century film .... character development not so much to the extent that when Hawk dies ( thus propelling the narrative thrust of the tale ) we probably don't care as much as we should since we don't learn much about him. Tom Hardy's badass may be the sole characterization that keeps the simplistic story afloat as most of the peripheral players are sketches that are never fully fleshed out. The movie seems a bit long but has scattered well constructed action vignettes featuring Leonardo as " Glass " proving he's anything but by enduring a bear mauling, freezing, suffocation, being buried alive, going over a cliff and waterfalls plus some other stuff so that at some point you expect him to rip off his buckskin to expose the Superman logo which would also provide some product placement studio crossover exploitation.At one point he's so damaged that he can't walk or talk, pulling himself along on his arms, reprising his quaalude crawl in another flick, perhaps honing his specialty as the actor that can crawl convincingly. Fortunately a night in a quick built sweat lodge is good for what ails you. Overall, generally entertaining with stunning visuals to make sure you keep watching.

Ex Machina (2014)

Ava Destruction

[9/10 · 3 June 2016]

The story of man's efforts to create artificial life have been around since the early days of cinema in efforts like " The Golem " and " Metropolis ". Ex Machina proves that there are interesting possibilities that can still be found in recurring cinematic motifs. The starkly serene and sparse interior shots belie the undercurrent of messy angst that haunts the characters in their relationship with their own species as well as with technology. There may be some minor gaps in the narrative upon closer scrutiny, however, considering the quality of acting, cinematography and dialog, it's unlikely the viewer will care. The compelling saga, along with some unexpected twists, propels the movie along with smooth velocity. The tale lends itself to allegorical analysis although none is required for enjoyment. Personally, I was reminded of the symbology of God ( Nathan ) in the Garden of Eden ( depicted in Norwegian exterior shots ) along with Adam and Eve ( Caleb and Ava ) although Ava morphs into Adam's first wife Lilith ( yeah, she's in the bible ) in her confrontational disputes with " God " and her resulting self imposed exile into the world, abandoning obsequiousness in exchange for the experiential. The excursion into sci-filosophy forces us to confront the specter of techno-ethics that we thought we could avoid. The hotly seductive and coolly detached Ava beats us at our own game which scientists and (wo)mandroids have already predicted as inevitable.

The VVitch: A New-England Folktale (2015)

Puritans Gone Wild

[7/10 · 18 May 2016]

Beautiful cinematography and solid actors in a convincing period setting that ultimately largely fails to deliver on the goods, being neither a true psychological nor graphic horror film. Rather, I would characterize it as a Gothic Horror and if that's your bag, you'll enjoy it. The premise seems promising but the story is built around a few scattered supposedly eerie scenes that compose a rather fragmented attempt at a haunting tale involving a family that somehow gets mixed up with Satan AND a witch that resides in a Hansel & Gretel like hovel. As usual in Hollywood, the witch in the woods ( title character? ) is pretty hot with ample cleavage draped in a crimson velvet cape drawing stark contrast to the dour emaciated matriarch of the family who kills most of her day sobbing . " Hey there Little Red Riding Hood, you sure are looking good " ... at any rate, the devil, sporting a buccaneer outfit, sends the lead character of teen-aged Thomasina ( title character ? ), upon signing a devilish compact, into the forest to cavort with other nude nubile wenches in some sort of initiation into witch world where our story ends ... or does it, see Witch II for further adventures. This is a visually compelling presentation heavy with atmosphere that lacks substantive support, hardly a classic of the genre . The broadly favorable critical and popular reception is perhaps indicative of how starved we are for truly satisfying horror.

Inhale (2010)

Inhale, Gringo

[6/10 · 6 April 2016]

A one note concept where all the action is directed toward a central driving theme and a marginally melodramatic premise that never transcends the anticipated. The story is populated with under developed characterizations except in the case of the Mexicans who are reduced to mere stereotypes that are more cartoonish than human. Mexico generally is presented as a hellhole littered with beaters, bandits, lovable tykes wielding pistols and whorehouses which is apparently the terror one must endure to obtain an organ transplant pronto. No serious examination, other than cursory explanations, are posed regarding the origin or ethics of said internal organs as long as our lovable little muffin gets hers until the conclusion when we get steamrolled by the inevitable moral predicament. We can only imagine a stream of Mexican citizens with surgical scars saying " we don't need no stinkin' kidneys ". At some point there are of course home based drug factories with unsavory types and machine gun massacres but I don't exactly know why. An initial subplot involving the protagonist-attorney's relationship with a client implying grave portent is dropped altogether. The actors are skilled pros who give it their best and are engaging even if the material is essentially one dimensional. The film is well paced which helps gloss over the deficiencies. A heavy handed public service announcement with a pensive soundtrack wrap up this downer.

Gone Girl (2014)

G'wan Girl, Get!

[4/10 · 22 March 2016]

So my wife, inspired by favorable critical as well as popular fanfare, having bought and finished reading the book exclaimed, " now we have to watch the movie. " Upon the film's conclusion she looked at me and said " Yeah, the book was no good either. " We agreed that this flick is fodder for middle-of-the-night Lifetime channel viewing and that's not a knock against Lifetime because we both enjoy the sordid salaciousness of many of their films, however most of the programming would never be confused with brilliant filmmaking, which is what apparently happened with the GG franchise. I see a lot of user ratings at "1" and while I understand that score, both Affleck and Pike are skilled actors not low on the charisma scale. I can only believe that they didn't realize the story would play out like an episode of " The Edge of Night " penned by Tristan Tzara. I will say that I anticipate the MST3K version with great relish.

Terror on the Beach (1973 TV Movie)

Mad Max Manson Camping

[7/10 · 6 March 2016]

The blaring title pretty much says it all and when we see the opening scene of the happy all American family tooling down the highway in their camper van, we realize that it's only a matter of time before things go awry. Of course, they do post haste when a band of evil hippies equipped with a vintage fire truck and a dune buggy show up, and as if precursors to a Mad Max event, send the camper off the road, thus initiating a chain of scenarios constituting said terror. Once the terror starts, the hysteria reaches high volume, meaning that not only scenes involving the diabolical hipsters are melodramatically hyperbolic, but also the familial interactions. Actually, the acting in this movie is solid, featuring a fine cast despite the one dimensional qualities of the bad guys. The build up is fairly suspenseful, although like my wife said, the family is apparently masochistic as they repeatedly expose themselves to abuse when all they really need to do is drive to another beach. The climax includes a ridiculous premise involving removing the electrical system from the van which is used to blind the hippies at night during an assault ... perhaps their pupils are dilated from excessive pot smoking. The narrative may have been more compelling if the subtext of " all hippies are bad " had been dropped in favor of fleshing out the freaks as substantive 3-D characters. Despite its shortcomings, I enjoyed this flick, although maybe for the wrong reasons, however it was entertaining for the most part. In the end the vanster family drives off victorious with not a scratch on the camper even though they rolled it a couple of times during evasive maneuvers from the Mad Max Mansons.

Neighbors (I) (2014)

Only A Rumor of Humor

[2/10 · 10 February 2016]

I've always read that it's hard to get a movie made in Hollywood, especially these days, yet it somehow still manages to spew out sub par dreck like this on a consistent basis. This film actually made a lot of money which is another horrifying gauge of the cultural devolution of our society towards single celled life that will ultimately function with no brain, apparently only having a mouth to eat & eyes to watch flickering images of mediocre talents who have somehow been relegated to star status by accident or via satanic contracts. The premise of this movie is simplistic enough and continues to remain unsalvaged by any further indication of creativity as it progresses and I use that term in its chronological sense only. It's probably even dumber than the half baked idea for a movie you wrote down one afternoon on the partially used napkin you stuffed in your coat pocket after lunch except you had the good sense to realize later upon further reflection that it was as tainted as the stain left by the remnant of the salad dressing adjoining it. I laughed one time in this movie although technically it was probably more of a chortle or a snigger rather than a guffaw. Rogen's brilliant specialty appears to be jokes about naughty body parts ( penises are emphasized in this flick with boobs placing a distant second ) and pot. These concepts may in fact work if ever injected with any actual humorous aspects but no such consideration remotely exists in this script. I gave it 2 stars because any movie gets one star for simply existing although I could be tempted give it 5 stars if we could go back in time and delete it meaning that I wouldn't be subjected to viewing it in the first place and that's a potentially contradictory comedic premise that this crew could clog with dick and reefer jokes.

The Hateful Eight (2015)

A Left Over Spaghetti Western

[4/10 · 9 February 2016]

When I saw the Cinerama logo at the start of this film I was reminded of childhood visits to the Cinerama theater to catch classics like " How The West Was Won ". Any resemblance between vintage Hollywood western epics and this dialog heavy excursion into self indulgence would be purely coincidental. Why 70mm mode would be used for a movie that essentially takes place in one room is baffling. The characters are pastiches of western archetypes, which may be the point, but they eventually grow tiresome from intractable dialog rather than by being fully fleshed out by it. The premise of the story involves an alleged evil criminal as portrayed by the essentially lone female character ( there are a couple of other minor females who are quickly dispatched ) who is systematically abused right up to the conclusion of the saga by her captors, yet the failure to convincingly demonstrate any reason for disliking her actually results in generating sympathy towards her. Based on the budget for this flick, would it have been too much to ask for a flashback to graphically depict her rottenness so we can get on board with the misogyny? Instead we're treated to a vignette from the past that can best be described as soft core gay porn. The cast is first rate and the opening action sequences are impressive, but three hours plus is too much time in a log cabin interior during a snowstorm with this set up. The continuity of the tale is also occasionally jarred abruptly by a narrator which seems to be an afterthought. I could have given this movie 5 or maybe 6 stars but then I found out that a rare old Martin guitar was destroyed during one scene because someone forgot to insert the prop, hence a four star rating is as magnanimous as I can get.

The Conjuring (2013)

you've been in this spook house before

[4/10 · 17 November 2013]

Several of my friends had recommended this title to me so, being an aficionado of horror movies, I sprung for the HD pay-per-view and now wish I had waited for Netflix instead because at least my disappointment would have been less costly. For openers, there's a scene involving a couple of young women roommates from 1968 who have this hideous doll in their apartment which has apparently been inhabited by a demon...that they invited. What this has to do with the rest of the film is somewhat vague,nor does it even seem a reasonable premise,however the real question is why would 2 otherwise seeming normal young women obtain this grotesquely disfigured toy and then apparently invite a deceased person to inhabit it .... it"s a small part of the film but nonetheless indicative of the annoying overall slapdash effort involved in the entire movie. The film references such classics as "The Exorcist", "The Birds", "The Amityville Horror" and a classic Twilight Zone episode, yet only suffers from these allusions by comparison. The story allegedly takes place in 1971 however the set design is fairly unconvincing in that regard. I remember 1971 vividly and it was a time of bright colors as opposed to the faded, muted palette employed here. Yeah, I understand that this effect was intended in all likelihood for some sort of perceived horror ambiance although it seems that it would have been more effective to transition from bright hues initially to a more burned out darker setting as the saga allegedly descends into horror-mode. Cheesy carnival B-movie spook house effects pervade this production, but again lacking the kitschy charm frequently displayed in the aforementioned venues. The characters are little more than sketches of real people who ultimately only come off as pawns in a Satan vs. God chess game. The Conjuring is deeply unsatisfying and the scariest part is that I dropped $5.99 for HD pay-per-view on this turkey.