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Reviews
Sparks (2013)
Just Bad
I love comic book super hero movies. I love noir movies. I saw this and thought, "Hey, cool idea." Wrong. Well, it was a cool idea when Alan Moore did it with "The Watchmen." This, however, is no "Watchmen." Not even a bad imitation. This just sucks. Bad lighting. Horrible dialog. Atrocious wardrobe. Bad casting. (Ashley Bell, sweetheart, I LOVED you in "The Day," but darling you DO NOT have the body to wear those clothes. Somebody lied to you.) The action sequences are badly staged. Just plain ridiculous. At least, the first 15 minutes were. That's as far as I got. DO NOT WASTE YOUR TIME.
P.S. People that make such shitty movies should be fined and/or restricted from making any more such garbage. There should be consequences for such offenses.
Angels Sing (2013)
Dreck
I give it two stars because I love Lyle Lovett. But he should fire his manager for letting him get anywhere near this train wreck.
@MoviesRT: "We get the far left haters who give it a 1 without ever watching it, just to bring the ratings down presumably because they hate Christianity." It's not because we hate Christianity, Bible-thumper. It's because we hate terrible movies. Just because Jesus was crucified doesn't mean you all have to have a paranoid persecution complex. Get a clue.
And I loves me some sentimental Christmas shows and movies. Charlie Brown Christmas and It's a Wonderful Life are in constant rotation in my house after Thanksgiving. This movie, however, should be buried in a deep, deep cave.
And one more thing. You say "the majority of the country thinks this way" or some such nonsense. If that were true, don't you think this movie would have done better?
Dream on.
Zero Dark Thirty (2012)
Hey Bigelow: I want my 2 and a half hours back!
It's one thing to be conservative revisionist/apologist propaganda... (which this most certainly is) but it's another to be a BAD movie.
I could hardly believe that this was from the same director that brought us Hurt Locker. To call the directing of Ms. Chastain "ham-fisted" would be a compliment. No subtleties here.
We are hammered over the head with the "Maya against the world" message so frequently, you'd expect the movie to be subtitled "Zero Dark Thirty: How Girl Power Saved the World."
Oh, and did I mention that there's no tension? Except for the 30 minutes of torture porn that opens the film and the compound raid at the end (which I'm sure most of the movie-going public sat through the movie for) the action is a badly done procedural featuring Maya's repeated bumping against the CIA's glass ceiling.
The tears she sheds in the closing shot might well be for her empty life or they could be in relief at finally achieving her myopic goal. But my bet is that the actress' true motivation was that this nightmare of a movie was finally over.
Brake (2012)
LAME, LAME, LAME... did I mention it was LAME?
I saw this movie for free, but I still want my money back. Or at least the 90 minutes of my life wasted.
This doesn't even qualify as a bad student script. And I guess any time you've got Tom Berenger doing a cameo it's the kiss of death.
I predicted the "surprise" ending 15 minutes into the film and then as soon as it started to unfold, I saw the "double take" coming a mile away.
Stephen Dorff's decent performance is the only redeeming quality of this film. He must have needed the money. Too bad. He's better than this.