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Reviews
Star Wars: Episode III - Revenge of the Sith (2005)
Going Out with a DeathStar-caliber BANG
While fans have largely been disappointed with the two previous installments of Star Wars, what with Jar Jar camping up The Phantom Menace and the stiffest Romance ever committed to film slowing down Attack of the Clones, and many largely lost faith in the franchise, and the ability of George Lucas to tell a story.
But he has redeemed himself in the eyes of millions with this one. Make no mistake; Revenge of the Sith is the best Star Wars film since The Empire Strikes Back. Sure, there is still a bit of stiff acting, (99.9% of which is again from Hayden Christiensen) and a few painful moments, but on the whole, Revenge of the Sith should not be Star Wars ROTS, but Star Wars ROCKS! McGregor, Portman, and Ian McDarmid as the Insidious Darth Sidious/ Emperor Palpatine have fallen into their respective rolls near-flawlessly. A scene in which Palpatine tells Anakin of his Master Darth Plagus, I forgot I was worthing a great actor; I felt like I was really witnessing a Sith Lord.
McGregor's obi-wan is closer than ever to the original part played by Sir Alec Guiness, in mannerism and look, and Portman finally seems to be taking the part of Padme Amidala seriously. At the end of the film, when Luke and Leia are born, she is at her most convincing in all the three prequels.
As I said earlier, Christiensen is still stiff in his acting, but in this one it does't stand out near as much as in the previous films. The big exception to this is the scene where he actually turns to the Dark Side; quite frankly it feels rushed. But once it's over, the film takes a turn into darkness and you'll see why it got it's PG-13 rating.
Episode III is a worthy installment to the franchise, and certainly takes Star Wars out with a bang rather than the expected whimper. GO SEE IT!
Super Mario Bros. (1993)
Better than some would have you believe
OK, it's no secret these days that the movie has nothing to do with the games, but still, the movie is quite entertaining. The cast did a respectable job with the absolutely lunacy of the scrpit they were given, and Bob and John have good chemistry as the Mario Brothers (I've never understood why the fact their last names were Mario was such a revelation. For Crying out loud, they are the MARIO BROTHERS)
The plot is a nonsensical mess, as mentioned earlier, but the movie is more about the what than the why. It's charm lies in it's dumb humor and decent action scenes, as opposed to being mentally engaging. Plus it's surprisingly dark for a Mario movie. And I'm not sure if that's a bad thing or a good thing.
There is one exception to something I said earlier. Most of the cast is great for what it is, but Dennis what's his name as King Koopa is just terrible. Still, he doesn't really ruin the movie. It's not good per-se, but it is an enjoyable popcorn flick if you can catch it on TV or for a rental. I give it a 6/10
Tattooed Teenage Alien Fighters from Beverly Hills (1994)
I'm NOT Crazy after all!!!!
Wow. I can't believe how relieved I am that this show actually exists.
You see, I clearly remember it from way back when I was a little kid. Four teenagers with strange magical tattoos would tel-port into this black room with a pedestal. On the pedestal was a blob of slime called Nimbar that gave the teens missions. They would then transform into laughably bad costumes and fight villains. The whole thing was like an incredibly low budget power rangers. I honestly don't remember much of what went on, but for years I've remembered this show but have never seen anything else about it until now. It just vanished like the vapor it was.
I only remember one episode, in which a monster sprayed the teens with a gas, then all sorts of bad things happened, including the death of Nimbar. Finally the token African girl said that everything bad had happened since they got sprayed. Then they will themselves to wake up. They had been sharing a dream, or something for 18 minutes since they'd been sprayed, and THE MONSTER FREAKIN' DID NOTHING the whole time they were asleep. Even at seven I wondered what the Kessel was with that.
That is how dumb this show's plots were.
Kill Bill: Vol. 1 (2003)
Incredibly freakin' stupid
Words cannot tell how mind numbingly dumb Kill Bill is. OK. Maybe they can.
First of all, there is barely any plot. A woman loses everthing and his shell-bent on revenge. Who-hoo. To a degree the nameless main character is pityable. But ultimately she is simply detestable. She was an assassin for a snake-themed assassin gang, code name black mamba.
In the opening scene, she is on screen bloodied up and then Bill shoots her in the head. Instead of killing her, she goes into a coma for four years and wakes up and just wants to kill everyone. I was in sheer disgust within the first fifteen minutes. She kills the mother of a four year old daughter in her house and then leaves non-challant and its just stupid. Since when is this kind of cold-blooded murder entertainment?
The film makes no attempt to be realistic, as blood is spewed from every wound. This is quite probably the most blood-filled movie ever made. The movie gets more and more pointless, skipping around time. The murder of the mother at the beginning happens after the end of the film chronologically. Showing copious amounts of blood the whole way.
There is and oddly out-of-place anime sequence detailin the history of Lucy Liu's "ren Ishei" The animation isn't very good, and it is only there because a nine year old girl was required for the scene and it was far too (needlesly) violent.
The movie only becomes dumber. Uma Thurman fights a room full of 200 people and surives, and the room is drenched in blood afterward. One of Oren's henchwomen disembowels a man merely for asking if she likes Ferraris.
The dialog is awful. Especially a stupid pointless scene in a restaurant where "the bride" gets her sword. The characters curse and swear pointlessly. It's all acted well enuff. There is a disgusting scene around the time the bride wakes up, where a nurse rapes and prostitutes The bride while comatose. "Buck" thankfully gets what he deserves from the bride, but it's hard to root for her.
I'll also point out that if she was in a coma for four years, her muscles would be atrophied and unusable, but that is convieniently ignored. Basically, it sucks. A two out of Ten