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Reviews
iBoy (2017)
Pretty Bad
I gave this movie a watch despite it's poor title choice. It's not particularly engaging and doesn't have a very good hook. Although the acting and cinematography are good.
A boy gets his smartphone smashed and embedded in his head, and gets super powers from this. His powers are never really explained, but it looks like he gets a heads up display of electronic items. As well as being able to control electronics with his mind. Such as speaking over radios and taking money out of online bank accounts.
Most of the characters are high school students and small time criminals. It's supposed to be gritty and street, but it's hard to believe. How are these kids so well armed? Why do they have access to all these drugs? What is ANYBODIES motivation? These are only some of the unanswered questions.
I think one of the main shortcomings is that audience age demographic wasn't properly decided on. Most of the actors are high school age, as well as most of the drama and comic relief. But the plot line and suspense is something from a more adult crime movie. The result gives us some incongruous action and unbelievable characters.
It's like a cross between 'Attack the Block' and '71'. Taking the characters from Block, and the convoluted plot from 71. But lacking all the congruity and charm of each project.
It looks good though and is well made. Everything but the plot is well executed. The super power angle ends up taking a back seat to the same old re-hashed Brit crime tropes after the first half. The climactic ending seems familiar. The establishing shots of London are the same as always. The cockney crime boss is just as menacing as in every other movie....
*Sigh*
You could completely avoid this movie and you'd miss nothing. Or if you like faux gritty Brit street movies then you'll find the good in this.
Plan Z (2016)
Plan A - Y must have been taken.
The premise of this movie is pretty basic. At the beginning of a zombie epidemic a photographer sees all the signs and enacts his ZOMBIE PLAN. Not bad. The problem with this film is the low budget and terrible plan. For example he tools up with weapons at the start, but uses random junk around his house. Like a steak knife and a cheap non-industrial crowbar. Then he gets his bug out gear together, and again, it's all junk. So if you're into the survival sub-culture you can pretty much look down on this guy and all his "planning".
There is a lot of narration by a super cool and level headed sounding voice. I guess it's supposed to give the audience prompts as to what the main character is going through. But again, his plan is so lousy and ill thought out that I'm left wondering if we should be following someone else instead, like the maybe the narrator himself.
There's some action sure, but it's pretty low budget and never feels very tense. The characters are poorly developed as we only start meeting them after 'Z Day', so it's all survivors guilt and anxiety driving the conversations.
This movie is really just a poor mans '28 Days Later'. I'd say the redeeming part is the music, it's good during the fight scenes. But after a while the narration becomes tiresome and the blood smeared on everybody's face just looks tacky. It's too much eye rolling for some occasional rock music to save.
Just to save you some time; the guys plan is: "Wait at my house for as long as I can, and then go to the country". And that's pretty much the plot. Oh but wait, then the survivors decide they're going to fight back and kill all the zombies right as the movie ends. But they are incapable of doing that so it's a stupid note to end on. Like, if you just bashed a zombies head in with a rock how does that qualify you to kill 40 million zombies?
This movie is an unintentional joke. The characters are poorly organised under supplied, unskilled, and virtually unarmed. But the film tries to put them forward as humanities great hope without giving us any real reason to think so. They do what anybody without a plan would do anyway and it shows.
3 out of 10
Bus Driver (2016)
You have to be pretty forgiving with this one.
This really isn't that bad. It looks quite cheap but after seeing the title card I can almost believe this came out in the 1970's. If there wasn't a few cell phone references in the beginning this could have taken place in 1977 or something. That really would have worked in it's favour.
The plot isn't particularly new. A bus carrying a few teachers and some troubled teens crashes, and the group looks for help in a nest of drug cartel types. But wouldn't you know it? The bus driver is some sort of ex military ass kicker.
It's pretty fun. There's a few nice stylistic shots, some good violent fights and some well needed nudity and some good lines. The film knows it's place and tries to tick all the boxes. The main characters are decent enough; they don't aimlessly bicker like we see in low budget horror, which is a nice change.
I'd recommend this if you like low budget action from the 70's and 80's. It isn't a good movie by critical or mainstream standards. But the plot is pretty tight and the characters deal with the situation in believable and proactive ways. Which is all one can ask of any movie.
Cabin Fever: Patient Zero (2014)
Solid adventure horror, forget it's CF-3 if that helps.
Cabin Fever 3 – Patient Zero,
By the time a franchise like Cabin Fever gets to the third installment you know what to expect. Fortunately 'Patient Zero' has made an effort to not re-hash the previous plot lines even if it doesn't manage to break any new ground.
The opening scene introduces us to Patient Zero, a malevolent and cunning character played by Sean Astin. He is held against his will in a spectacular underground laboratory located on a deserted island. Oh, and it's staffed with sexy girls in revealing lab coats and headed up by a mad scientist. Yes, it's that kind of movie.
Of course a group of young people end up stranded on the island, containment is breached and everybody ends up melting. But by the time that starts happening there's been enough character development and internal conflict to last the rest of the movie.
The virus is less convincing than the previous films and ends up being a bit of a joke. Characters seem not to feel pain and function normally, even without lips or skin. In a climactic fight two girls literally tear each other to pieces, it's really something to behold. There's also projectile vomit and uncomfortable sex scenes, but that's a standard feature here.
Whatever shortcomings this movie has it makes up for them with good humour and a genuine feeling that an effort was made. It's entertaining with lots of solid jokes, and enough horrific violence to earn its name. The pace is also quick enough so you're never bored.
At the halfway mark though it all starts to look and sound like a video game, and for some reason the infected start to act like zombies. But since the focus is less on the effects of the virus and more on traditional adventure horror that doesn't feel out of place.
So enjoy it because you didn't have high expectations did you?