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The Legacy of a Whitetail Deer Hunter (2018)
bloody hell
First half of the film Danny McBride's character keeps droning on to Brolin's kid about jerking off.
This is all passed off as light-hearted banter.
Later on he's passing him cigarettes and showing him pictures of him and his girlfriend having group sex.
Jeez.
Wrongmo!
Rogue One (2016)
Drivel. Come on, quality sci-fi exists - see Arrival, avoid this garbage!
I gave this the benefit of the doubt for about 60 minutes til it dawned on me how utterly appalling it all was.
I mean, surely it should have occurred to the good guys how completely ineffectual those army men in the white polystyrene suits are by now? Clearly, they can't shoot. Doesn't matter how many of them are up against a good guy - 1, 100, 1000, they'll always miss. Surely they should be better trained?! In fact, why even bother shooting them? You could just go up to them and knee them in the groin individually and they'll just fire shots off randomly into the air while you're doing it.
This'd insult the intelligence of a 6 year old. Grown men and women are watching this? Really???! Grow up, grown men and women!
Knight of Cups (2015)
Badlands was a very, very long time ago...
Even by the standards of recent Terrence Mallick films this is truly appalling. The sheer chutzpah of getting such an empty, posturing film even made is worthy, I suppose, of a modicum of respect. Then again, so many big name stars (and this film really is star studded) are prepared to work for Mallick just on the off-chance that he'll make a film half as good as Badlands again that getting these abominations made probably isn't that difficult.
This is plot less, characterless drivel - as soon as anyone sounds like they're about to say anything of note the sound is mixed down and replaced by a gibbering voice-over!!! All that happens, literally all that happens, is some rich idiot capers about in hotel rooms accompanied by a string of gorgeous young women – cut to – same rich idiot wandering around on a beach/in a desert looking a bit sad - cue more waffling voice-over nonsense! This happens over and over again for 2 fecking hours!!!! I'll be amazed if a worse film is released in 2016.
Harmontown (2014)
Knob
Documentary charting a 2012 podcasting tour undertaken by Dan Harman, the showrunner of cult sitcom hit Community, following his sacking from the show, a show he created.
I wish I hadn't watched this as I now dislike Community and Harman less than prior to watching. He's a horrible man, a drunk and a bully and, frankly, the series of Community he didn't work on is at least as good as, if not better than, the series' that preceded and proceeded it. Fair play for allowing the film to be warts'n'all.
Very noble.
But that doesn't make Harman any less of a jerk.
Taken 3 (2014)
From the director of Taxi Brooklyn!!!!...
Time to mourn, action fans. The Big Man is finished. It's over. The big thrill about the first Taken, its USP, was seeing an actor with quite a few miles on the clock in an action film who'd quite obviously been to the gym, done some martial arts training and really put in the hours in preparation for an action film. Well, at least to men knocking on 40, it was.
No more. This is all fast edited claptrap. It is little more than above average Steven Seagal film. Possibly director Oliver Megaton's fault - okay, he has a cool name _ but he can't direct action. This might be considered something of a flaw in action film director.
Time to put this franchise to bed. Maybe put Brian Mills to bed too - with a nice cup of Horlicks.
Gimme the Loot (2012)
The worst film I've seen this year. And I've seen Olympus Has Fallen.
There's a great novel by Perceval Everett called Erasure in which a black academic, for his own idle amusement, writes a deliberately offensive and obnoxious "ghetto" novella peopled entirely by dreadful lowlife thieves and drug dealers. Predictably the book becomes a hit with white critics and audiences.
This repellent film put me in mind of it. The 2 protagonists are a pair of obnoxious thieves and drug dealers. Not even 20 minutes has elapsed before the female character has stolen a kid's phone and the other is shoveling someone's goods into his pockets just minutes after being admitted to their apartment.
But hey! It's okay, they are "charming" and "likeable" – they're graffiti artists so that makes them creative types so it's all okay! I'm not entirely sure but I think this is supposed to be a comedy. It isn't. The protagonists do nothing but bellow profanities at each other.
Apparently the film was shot over 21 days. I would cry very few tears indeed if that fate befell everyone involved in this junk.
Citadel (2012)
Atrocious, boring, nonsensical rubbish
Ever see the video for Come To Daddy by Aphex Twin?
If you haven't, do yourself a favour and check it out. It is 10 utterly brilliant and terrifying minutes. You won't regret it.
Why mention this?
Cos the director of this steaming pile of dung has clearly seen it and decided that what works in 10 minutes can be definitely dragged out for 85. Come To Daddy works cos it's a music video. It doesn't have to observe real life logic.
This just doesn't work. No-one calls the police in this. No-one even seems to own one these new-fangled telephone machines all the young people are talking about these days.
There are good reviews for this film on this site. Ignore them. They are (strangely enough!) 1-review wonders.
This film is dreck. Avoid.
Harold's Going Stiff (2011)
Believe the positive reviews on this board- this one is an absolute gem.
I'm afraid I'm one of those old misery guts types who rarely feels compelled to write good reviews on this website but, when confronted with a stinker, am happy to bash out a 1-star slating!
Let me redress this for once by joining the other fans on here in recommending this film wholeheartedly - not just to horror fans but to film fans of all stripes.
What kills film after film for me is lousy writing - you can chuck all the money in the world at a film but a rotten script will sink it (yes, I'm looking at you Abraham Lincoln: Vampire Hunter!).
Harold's Going Stuff is a terrific story made on a budget that probably wouldn't cover half a days catering on the aforementioned turkey (Yes, I know - time to let it go!).
The acting here is tremendous too- keep an eye out in particular for Sarah Spencer who has charm in spades and is a star in the making.
Highly recommended.
This Means War (2012)
This is a film that consists of nothing at all but noise and shiny things.
It is hateful. And it actively hates it's own audience.
Let me explain: one character only wins the love of his son when the boy finds out his Dad is not, in fact, a travel agent (in other words a normal person with a normal job like 100% of the film's audience) but is actually a murdering CIA Operative (like 0% of the film's audience). Thus: normal people are deemed inadequate bovine scum.
Poor old Tom Hardy looks mortified. Sack yer agent, Tom!
This film is so s**t I am halfway convinced it was actually filmed on film stock manufactured from s**t.
I didn't like it very much.
Coriolanus (2011)
I didn't like this. Maybe I just had my fill of Shakeswill in school/college.
Or maybe it's very just hard to feel much for this character as played here by Ralphy Fiennes. He just comes across as an angry shout-monster with no real depth. He's a tough warrior type who gets involved in politics for some reason and then people decide they don't like him for some reason.
Maybe it's this adaptation. I wouldn't be so quick to blame Will for not bothering much with character development. After all, very few people walk out of 4 hours of Hamlet and say "You know what that needed? Another hour or two of character development."
Perhaps there's a reason this is one of Bill's least celebrated plays.
The Artist (2011)
The best film of the Oscar Best Picture nominees...But...
I wonder if this is a film that's winning people over with an absolutely storming final 20 minutes rather than being wholly all that special. Cos, to be perfectly honest, much of the rest of it is watching a very cute dog acting everyone else off the screen.
I did like it, it's certainly the best of the 9 Oscar contenders, but I think it's perhaps more a feat of derring do than an actual great film. I can't help but admire it a bit more than like it. It's all very admirably spartan, making a film in 2012 with about 50 lines of dialogue that emotionally engaging.
But great? Mm..maybe not.
Hall Pass (2011)
Why bother?
Heres another Hollywood comedy which contains approximately the same amount of laughs in 110 minutes as half of one episode of Modern Family/30 Rock/Community.
Or any 10 years or older ep of The Simpsons.
In fact, the best gags are during the closing credits.
Note to Farrelys: I'm no filmmaker but hear me out. There's a very, very long, some might say important sequence immediately prior to the closing credits that needs more than 1 decent gag every 20 minutes. This is called The Film.
Put more gags in the film next time. You used to be good at that.
An Invisible Sign (2010)
The precise moment I knew I didn't like this film....
Jessica Alba's character and cut-price Mark Ruffallo tribute act guy are at the movies. They're both talking over the film being "kooky" and "charming".
Some guy behind them asks them to stop talking. Ruffalo-lite tells him to get another seat, throws popcorn at him and then nearly starts a fight with him.
I mean, c'mon! Do they honestly think that movie fans watching the film are gonna warm to that kind of a-holeish behaviour?! Just seemed to me the film showed utter contempt for people who actually want to watch films without jerks talking over them. Why get so bent out of shape over one particular scene? Cos it's a waste. Little things like that can wreck a film. What the hell was the director thinking?
Last Breath (2010)
A real contender -
- for the title Worst Film Ever Made.
I really do struggle to find a place to start here. Firstly, I should draw your attention to the plethora of suspiciously similar rave reviews this dreck has garnered. Friends, family and doubtless fellow church goers have been enlisted to mislead IMDb users as to what this is - be warned, the production company is called Ministry Machine Productions for a reason.
At best a Saw film with all new added Family Values and all the gore removed - cos thats what torture porn fans have really been crying out for. At worst it's appallingly acted, tatty looking, nonsensical garbage with an ending which will, if you were luckless enough to have paid to see it, have you pulling the disc from your DVD player and burying it 6 feet underground with a wooden stake through it just to be sure no other poor sap will waste their time with it like you did.
If you're seeing it for free the last 10 minutes might be worth a laugh. Otherwise - run, don't walk - away from this excrement.