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ChoneFiggins
Reviews
Donnie Darko (2001)
DONNIE DARKO **1/2 of ****
DONNIE DARKO
I have a theory. Everyone loves this because they don't get it. Alot
like Mulholland Drive, I didn't get it. When I did get it, I disliked
it more. The ending is totally unsatisfying and a COMPLETE copout. One
thing this movie does do is portray 80's kids in a realistic manner.
I'm not totally sure what the purpose of Drew Barrymore's character
was, or why Jake Gyllenhaal was born. The movie is very intelligent
with it's lead up to the end and everything pieces together, but just
because a movie makes sense, doesn't mean it's good.
VERDICT: **1/2 of **** Not Recommended
The Passion of the Christ (2004)
PASSION OF THE CHRIST, THE * of ****
I'm not sure why this movie was made. It's not trying to uplift our spirits, it's pounding graphic images down our throats, meant to make us feel good?? This movie is more about revenge than what Jesus preaches, forgiveness (the raven part near the end) and is historically inaccurate (the temple part). If Jesus was human, and what is depicted here is true, he would've died on more than one occasion. We know what happened, we didn't need a movie to tell us the horrors of Jesus' death. This film should've never been made.
VERDICT: * of **** Not Recommended
Girl with a Pearl Earring (2003)
GIRL WITH A PEARL EARRING **** of ****
Scarlett Johansson gives a jaw droppingly emotional performance in this film based on a book, based on a painting by Johannes Vermeer (probably spelt it wrong). Johansson's performances only adds to my appeal of her abilities, along with Colin Firth coming off of What A Girl Wants. The movie relies on emotions rather than dialogue. Jealously, betrayal, passion, suspense, and fear are all portrayed in Johansson's Golden Globe Nominated performance. The movie revolves around a love triangle, and a love rectangle, each containing two of the same people. The ending isn't a gigantic shock, but I still thought it was a good payoff. Flawless performances from quite possibly the most beautiful-looking movie I've ever seen.
VERDICT: **** OF **** RecommendeD
Hellboy (2004)
HELLBOY **1/2 of ****
Hellboy focuses on a man/beast found in World War II who ages in reverse dog years. He is part devil and shaves his horns down to look normal. Compared to other comic book movies such as both The X-Men movies and Spider-Man, this film is brilliant. The fighting in the movie (although extremely rushed, especially near the end) has the comic book feel to it, and the movie has an overall comic feeling. Hellboy himself is a fleshed out, "cool guy" character, but the Nazi~robot~built with gizzards is alot stronger, more likeable, and in all the person I rooted for. With all of this in mind, I can honestly say I enjoyed 51% of this movie.
VERDICT: **1/2 of **** Recommended
A Night at the Roxbury (1998)
A NIGHT AT THE ROXBURY *1/2 of ****
The SNL movie curse adds another victim to it's long list of failures with the release of "A Night At The Roxbury", concerning the Butabi brothers (Will Ferrel & Chris Kattan) who hope to open up their own club someday, for they can't get into any ones themselves. At first, the film deceivingly passes itself off as fun, and slowly moves into the type of humor now found in "Zoolander" or "Dude, Where's My Car?" (basically, stupid charactered humor). With some small resemblance to "Dumb and Dumber", Roxbury has far less promise, and to my pleasure, a shorter run time.
VERDICT: *1/2 of **** Not recommended
Kazaam (1996)
KAZAAM *1/2 OF ****
Shaquille O' Neal plays a rapping genie helping a kid(his name....who cares) to re-unite with his work~a~holic father. OK, this movie is deeply flawed, mild in entertainment, but with all of these rappers and basketball stars (Omarion in "You Got Served, Darius Miles in "The Perfect Score) in movies playing rappers and basketball stars, at least Shaq attempts to be a genie,and TRIES to stretch his acting ability by being something he's not. Besides that, the kid's wishes are implausible, seeing as candy bars and burgers rain (through a roof somehow) and come down perfect in order and unsmushed. I can't see which audience this is targeting. Kids won't be awed and 12+ will be laughing for all of the wrong reasons.
VERDICT: *1/2 of **** Not Recommended
Ace Ventura: When Nature Calls (1995)
ACE VENTURA: WHEN NATURE CALLS *** of ****
This sequel picks right up where it's predecessor left off, and is equal in lack of brilliant substance, but still charming humor. Ventura (Jim Carrey) is searching for a African white bat, and wonders off into different customs in the bulk of this movie. Although the African scenes are in no way bad, the opening scenes provide the biggest laughs, involving a slinky dropping down hundreds or thousands or steps before stopping at the last one. Harmless and for an audience of a lesser clod, I enjoyed this film (although this time, no Tone Loc).
VERDICT: *** of **** Recommended
Airheads (1994)
AIRHEADS *1/2 of ****
I am a huge Steve Buscemi fan. I am a huge Adam Sandler protestor. Therefore, my bias towards liking or disliking their movies is ruled out by their talents of persuading my descision. Airheads is about a desperate rock group(Buscemi, Sandler and Brendan Fraser) who hold a radio station hostage in order for their demo to be played. This movie has one big laugh involving Sandler moving toward a van and a cop mocking him. Besides that, their list of demands is in many ways disgusting, and so is the screenplay in entirety.
VERDICT: *1/2 of **** Not Recommended
Ace Ventura: Pet Detective (1994)
ACE VENTURA: PET DETECTIVE *** of ****
Ace Ventura is a series of funny slapstick and gives us Jim Carrey, who assures reliance for a good laugh or twelve. With a rarity in witty humor, Ventura certainly provide some in the story of Ace (Carrey) called upon to retrieve the kidnapped Miami Dolphin mascot, the dolphin. What makes this original (besides the fact that rapper Tone Loc is in it, a class which only other students are All Dogs Go To Heaven I and II) is Carrey was the first person to work as hard as he good for a laugh, some attempts failing, most working. He has a style somewhat mimmicked by Will Ferrel, Ben Stiller and other so-so comedians. This movie takes a neat idea, and spins a goofy, disarming story around it.
VERDICT: *** of **** Recommended
Throw Momma from the Train (1987)
THROW MOMMA OFF THE TRAIN ** of ****
Ok, I gave this Hitchcock remake ** because I liked the name. This film is dark, not funny, but dark. On the movie box, it says numerous critics stating the film is "wildy dark" "a dark Hitchcock turn" and "darkly dark" but never darkly funny. It's not even that dark. Billy Crystal and Danny Devito aren't having fun, you can tell that.
**SPOLIERS**
I just want to state that Momma dies, and I'm pretty sure when they kill her, it's behind the scenes footage.
This review is for one purpose, stating that because a movie is dark, in no way means it funny.
VERDICT: ** of **** Not recommended
Cujo (1983)
CUJO * OF ****
Cujo is about a mother and son trapped in a car, surrounded by their rabid dog. This movie is a compilation of scares we know are coming and dragged out scenes. This film could've been 30 minutes, and it would have the same effect on me. Stephen King movies usually do not live up to the book. In this case it does, both were terrible. The saving grace of this movie is the star, Cujo. I wish he had a spin-off movie where he could showcase his real talents. Overall, I rooted for the bad guy here, and that is never supposed to happen.
VERDICT: * of ****
A Mighty Wind (2003)
A MIGHT WIND ***1/2 of ****
Christopher Guest strikes comedic gold yet again in this uproarius mockumentary revolving around a folk music fundraiser, and the three bands that will be performing. The musical numbers in the film actually feel like real folk tunes, and one rightfully so was nominated for an Academy Award (Mitch & Mickey's "Kiss At The End Of The Rainbow"). Although The Folksmen (whom contain Guest himself) and Mitch & Mickey are entertaining, I didn't feel a connection toward The New Main Street Singers. A rebound from the uneven "Best In Show", Mighty Wind is the type of movie worthy for the acclaimed Guest series.
VERDICT: ***1/2 OF **** Recommended
Lloyd in Space (2001)
The Passion Of The Lloyd
The movie is a brilliant artwork molded together by a human who is too cool for air in outer space (spoiled humans with their "air") and a living brain who's really smart!
This series is much more than first perceived. Lloyd obviously represents Jesus and his every day struggles of a telepathic sister, green skin, and petty robot clone.
The show represents Generation X and our urge to stick it to the man (reference to the episode of the same name).
To put it simply, this revolutionary masterpiece stands for all that is American.
A Christmas Story (1983)
A CHRISTMAS STORY *** of ****
A Christmas Story is widely known as an American holiday classic about Ralphie Parker (Peter Billingsley), a young boy who's heart is set on one sole gift for Christmas, a BB Gun. This film is easy to enjoy and provides enough laughs for a recommendation. Some parts are relatively cheesy, but that's all part of the movie's nature. A gem for such scenes as the infamous tongue~stuck~to~pole fiasco and the "leg lamp", this movie is the definition of a family film. Darren McGavin who plays Mr. Parker, is a standout in this playful, not to be too serious, Christmas delight.
VERDICT: *** of **** Recommended