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American Sniper (2014)
Well If I Don't See You Down There, Just Make Sure I Don't See You Again.
This was a amazing performance by Bradley Cooper as Chris Kyle, the LEGEND, legendary American Sniper and a true Patriot for the United States. After 9/11/2001, America said 'We will never forget'. Well Chris Kyle he never did forget.
Eastwood has another masterpiece on his hands here. Telling the story of this dedicated US soldier. The movie covers his multiple tours in Iraq., relationship with his wife and fellow soldiers, and having to confront his own demons with what he had to deal with mentally in a time of war.
And then his work with disabled vets which introduced him to the man who would end his life. A tragic end to a true American Hero.
10/10.
Satanic (2016)
I Hate Ads On Amazon Prime
SO apparently I've seen this before and gave it a 5 but I didn't review it so I have to watch it again. I like the beginning. The initial tards are funny in their hotel room.
So the tards they go to a Satanic shop and then go spying on a Satanic cult, and then they pick up a Satanic girl who has visions.
When the Satan girl is in the hotel room with the tards, probably the best part of the movie. Weirdness! Reminds me of VHS. Never trust a girl named ALICE! Haha.
Anyhow, after that the movie falls sort of apart into a scream and run thing. In other words it pretty much falls apart to blah.
Being generous I'll stick to my 5/10 score.
La tomba (2006)
The Bruha Is Cute At Least.
This is like a lower budget version of The Mummy. However, I liked the beginning +1 Star with the fight and the human sacrifices!!!
Unfortunately that's the best part of the movie. As it progresses, the plot descends into confusion and silliness as a few tourists get caught up in a fight to prevent the resurrection of the high priest mummy who is really to be freed after however many thousand years he's been entombed.
I would give it a 2 because I made it to the end, and I'll give it an extra plus just because it showed a little skin with the beginning.
3/10.
And IMDB has now made it so a review has to have 600 characters before it can be entered. I really don't expect that to last very long because people are sure to complain about it. But until that happens I guess we have to expect reviews to be long winded and sometimes about absolutely nothing to do with the show in question.
Alien Nemesis (2023)
You Just Need A Little Bit Of Confidence!
Oh this looks horrible but I'll try it. The credits and music at the opening are horrible. -1 Star
Two female hikers are in the woods when an ALIEN spaceship crashes. Terrible low budget effects. Alien survivor creature has Predator like chameleon camo field.
Girls are hiking to a CABIN IN THE WOODS! WOO HOOO! A movie first!!!
Okay so they find the cabin, then dont spend any time inside it? Instead it's lay out in the sun time? Oh dear.
Glad they wore bathing suits tho! Oh wait! Topless sunbathing! +1 Star!!! LOL One is killed and copied by the alien who then kills the other one! That will teach you to not take off your top!
Okay, next up 2 dudes. Guess what? They are going out to the same cabin!!! Oh its a group of six! And one is wearing heels! That's hawt for camping!
Okay the hawt girl got killed and I'm done. She was wandering in her heels, at night, looking for a signal for her phone. That's it! Didn't even make it halfway through this abomination. 1/10.
Busanhaeng (2016)
They're Lucky The Little Girl Likes To Sing.
So with all the fast speed zombie drama, there's a lot of scenes that are absolutely just so unrealistic is makes the movie unbelievable. The scenes where they wrap up their arms with tape and fight their way through the train? That was just absolute rubbish. Then the zombies being blind when they go through tunnels? Like the humans can still see but the zombies can't ? Just rubbish.
Now....even with the nonsense some of the scenes are somewhat fun.
But near the end, when the hero is bitten, he takes forever to change when other people have changed in a matter of seconds. It's just an inconsistent mildly entertaining zombie movie. Not even close to being in the top 10 of zombie movies. 3/10.
Angel Baby (2023)
Oh You Didn't Know???
Oh Yes! Rebecca De Mornay give me some Risky Business!!!!
So a couple goes on a retreat to a cabin in the woods! As we all know, nothing bad ever happens at a cabin in the woods! There is no safer place to be than in a cabin in the woods!!! Plus, this really saves on a movie's budget since you don't need to have a lot of extras and face it, filming in the city is expensive!
Of course early on we get a rule breaker, -1 Star for a bathtub scene with no nudity shown. We don't like that. It's so unnecessary.
Then Rebecca shows up. Wow this movie is halfway over and nothing has happened -1 Star.
LAter on there is a sex scene, until of course the demon or whatever reveals. And again, no nudity. Another rule broken -1 Star
So when is the horror supposed to start here?
Okay so there's a fight at the end that is somewhat entertaining. But the end is not good enough for a star.
2/10.
Things Heard & Seen (2021)
Taking Care Of This House Comes As Second Nature To Us.
Made For Netflix....
Oh joy, another movie where they show a crime scene at the beginning and then flashback to a year before. This is like the 3rd one of these I've seen in 2 days.
So we have a story here about a husband and wife that move into a house in a rural area. The husband. He likes to jog in the mornings and meet new women and sleep with them So he's a gashole. I don't like him!
But the neighbor boys, they have a keen interest in the House and are certainly hanging around the wife. But when they show up there is a shower scene with the wife where there is no nudity. We don't like that! -1 Star.
And at the end I was not impressed. -1 Star for that as well...
3/10.
All Good Things (2010)
What Happened To Katie Marks???
I really love watching movies from the ERA where you get to see HARVEY WEINSTEIN's name up there as Executive Producer. At least with his name up there you know the movies are usually going to be somewhat good.
This movie, inspired by 'actual events', they say. Gosling is the son of a rich family who falls for Dunst. Father doesn't really approve of his son's choice of WIFE.
There's a 'sex' scene early on with no nudity! Big stars or not that breaks our rule! - Star.
But when Dunst finally starts acting out, Gosling finally starts doing something about it. +1 Star.
I really enjoyed this story and I think +1 for the ending is warranted.
6/10.
No One Gets Out Alive (2021)
Don't Forget To Bring Your ID.
One month's rent up front.... Which is actually pretty cheap. Unusually its one month plus security deposit!!!
So almost halfway through, this movie breaks a rule! A shower scene with no nudity. See we don't like that. -1 Star.
Now towards the end there was a good +1 star moment and that is when girl turns out to be a FINISHER and finishes off Becker. We like that in a girl.
Good advice in this movie is never trust foreign 'Gods'. You can always be replaced!!!!
All in all this is a weird movie. I would say it does qualify for the 'horror' genre. Although I could not really call it more than an average offering.
5/10.
I See You (2019)
I'm Not Done Having Fun Yet....
Oh dear I rated this movie and didn't post a review? Shame on me. I know SO MANY PEOPLE care about me leaving a review here!
Like another reviewer said, this is like two movies in one. But they sort of merge together at the end. I really liked how it was done, even if I didn't believe that it could happen the way it did. It was a fun movie, and the end was pretty cool. And Helen Hunt obviously got a face lift at some point which she didn't need. Shame.
This movie passed the smell test. I don't think it broke any of my rules. And I'm really having to stretch this out to get to 600! Oh man I did it tho!
7/10.
Deliver Us from Evil (2014)
I'm In NA okay? Not AA.
I love Eric Bana. He just barely lost in that epic fight vs Brat Pitt! He will always be remembered for defending Troy with honor!
Okay that being said, this is the tale of a couple of Cops dealing with some serious paranormal stuff.'
But then it gets pretty creepy. And it does deliver on the 'horror' level. The Cops have to enlist an exorcist/ priest to their cause, and that's when the real fun begins.
The end of the movie also comes off as being a true story? Not sure if it is or not but if it is that's pretty cool too.
And IMDB has now made it so a review has to have 600 characters before it can be entered. I really don't expect that to last very long because people are sure to complain about it. But until that happens I guess we have to expect reviews to be long winded and sometimes about absolutely nothing to do with the show in question.
7/10.
National Lampoon's Animal House (1978)
Food Fight!
Just had the pleasure of watching this again for probably the 1000th time. Who knows how many at this point?
This movie is so great. A great cast of young stars most of whom went on to be current greats. The fantastic John Belushi shines as Blutarsky. What a great role for him!
I don't think there's ever been a fraternity movie or for that matter a college movie as good as this one. Not as a comedy anyway. There may be more serious movies that are better.
And in current times you can't get away with making movies like this without the woketards getting all uppity. It just can't be done.
This is an American Classic!
10/10.
Ayla (2017)
Whatever Makes Your Parakeet Sing. Ol' Billy Don't Mind.
Well this starts off pretty boring but at least it shows a couple t's in the sex scene which meets our requirements for putting a sex scene in a movie. +1 Star
Dude doesn't see chica's reflection in the mirror during that so that was the indication of something bizarre going on!
So then the movie goes through a period of very slow dialogue. -1 Star.
And a really long boring driving sequence. -1 Star.
And then dude gets locked in a room and screams and then somehow gets out and then goes and digs in the dirt and comes out of there with a naked girl that I guess is supposedly his sister? Very bizarre but ... -1 Star ANYWAY! More driving? Couldn't they have just put in there like '2 days later.....'
Then Old Billy runs the Sunshine Motel. We like Old Billy. This ain't Old Billy's first rodeo!
Oh and naked girl is awake now and somehow has clothing! She likes bouncing on the hotel bed.
Then more driving? You really gotta be kidding me. This certainly ain't no RAIN MAN. Boring driving! -1 Star.
Okay so then some mad hotel sex. +1 Star Brother and Sister tho?
Or am I confused?
Okay and then it's over. Amazingly bad. 2/10.
Stonehearst Asylum (2014)
We're All Mad Dr. Newgate.....
Fine beginning, with Brendon Gleeson giving instructions to a young girl AS HE SHOULD! 'I'm not mad!' she claims when she most obviously IS! +1 star.
And then arrives Dr. Newgate to the 'Asylum'. And he is greeted by Sir Ben Kingsley! On the shores of Kingsley's Kingdom!
Haha, and then dinner where we meet Mickey Finn and Dr. Newgate makes fun of his name. Beautiful. Looneys and 'Doctors' all seated together at dinner! +1 Star.
When you do find 'the inmates are running the asylum' it gets really convoluted. And in a couple cases disappointingly stupid. -1 Star
I do love Michael Caine and Ben Kingsley in these roles. The thing is Kingsley lets Newgate get away with too much which is ultimately dumb.
But, the script does flip a little bit, thanks to Mickey Finn.
And the end, I thought it was going to be too cheese but it really weren't that bad! +1 Star (Mostly because Ben Kingsley!)
7/10.
Fatal Contact: Bird Flu in America (2006)
It's Already Out There!
WoW. Not only does Amazon Prime raise prices but now they offer such a gem as this one on their list of 'Just Added'. I feel so privileged to be spending my money on Steaming Piles of Hallmark such as this one.
Now, made in 2006 this is a good testament of what has gone on with VIRUSES STAMPED 'MADE IN CHINA'. I mean a 2006 movie that shows exactly what happens when China releases a virus into the world.
It is a cruddy Hallmark quality movie however, and those kind of movies are never good. Just simple movies for simple people and very old people.
There are far better movies about viruses and plagues.
This one only gets a 3/10.
15 Cameras (2023)
Trap.
It's funny that this 'CAmeras' thing became a Franchise. 3rd in the CAMERAS TRILOGY (so far), made by Gravitas Ventures for the IFC Channel! I really enjoyed the first two and this 3rd one it starts out good! +1 Star for the opening!
Haha. The Slumlord Tapes? Now the guy is a slumlord eh? Funny.
Oh no! It gets a -1 Star for having a shower scene and showing no nudity! We have rules for our reviews!!!!
When his girlfriend calls him a DIRTY OLD MAN that was the one statement in the movie to which I could most relate!
Oh come on! The end sucks. Terrible Terrible thing they did. Shame on whoever made this. 4/10.
Orphan: First Kill (2022)
More Of The Same Dumb Stuff...
How anyone could see this 'dwarf' or whatever she is supposed to be and not see she's not a teenager is beyond reason. This movie takes the Orphan theme from the first one and runs along with it with more of the same nonsense from that one.
The idea that these movies should be a 'franchise' just goes on to show how dumb moviegoers continue to get. They throw out money to mediocre or worse 'movies' such as this one. And not only that dumb low IQ movies continue to get nominated for Awards so mediocre comedians such as Jimmy Kimmel can go on to get hosting jobs while really funny ones such as Kevin Hart get threats.
It's a sad state of affairs. Rejoice in thy mediocrity Orphan. 4/10.
Avgrunden (2023)
Are All Swedish Women Like This?
Okay so first off this movie is I guess Swedish? Language movie dubbed into English? It starts off with the obligatory 5/10 score and a -1 Star for stealing the movie title of a Spectacular movie The Abyss from 89 by James Cameron. This one is not even remotely as good as that.
A movie about a earthquake or something in a subterranean dig site. It's not really good, not really bad. One thing that struck me is that the younger women in the movie seemed a little bit looney. Or was it just me that thought that? Haha.
Anyhow don't steal old titles! Do Your research movie makers! Can't give this one any better than a 4/10.
Pandorum (2009)
You're All That's Left Of Us. Good Luck, God Bless, and Godspeed.
Space Station Elysium, 2174...
Things have gone bad for Earth.
So Ben Foster as Bower, he makes the first third of the movie pretty good. The opening of the movie gets you into it. After that the movie starts plopping down like a giant scat.
There's a lot of cannibalistic humanoid underground dwellers. Haha, remember CHUD??? Why? Why are there cannibals on this spaceship?
It just seemed to turn into a confusing mess. When I think about it I get this desire to play some Dead Space. That's what it reminds me of. Being stuck on a spaceship and no real explanation as to why. Just a bunch of fighting and biting.
I can't even believe some people comparing this to Aliens or Event Horizon.
3/10.
The Dinner Party (2018)
I Am A Parasite.
Okay there was definitely a disconnect here as this definitely is not the 'Dinner Party' movie I was looking for. And you do a search on IMDB and there is like 30 movies called 'The Dinner Party' and that's just stupid.
-1 Star for using a way too overused title....
Okay so dude shows up at his ex's place with another girl?
So dialogue and dinner with 4 people. That's what this whole thing is about. Sima, Calvin, Jack and Bridget. They've been 'muckers' since the beginning of time.
So Jack gets something spilled on his clothes and they tell him to go take a shower. So technically that's the 2nd shower scene without really showing anything in the movie. That's another -1 Star.
So Sima is poisoning people? She's one weirdie. Odd how her voice is exactly like Molly Parkers voice to me.
So a lot of dialogue and really nothing so we can get to Sima's revelation about what she is. -1 Star
This is really pretty bad. Not entertaining at all. If you're looking for boredom, you might want to check this out.
2/10.
Saving Grace (2022)
Albert Loves Sarah.
-1 Star right off the bat for using a WAY OVERUSED TITLE. There's plenty of ways to change your title to make it unique don't you know???
It always sucks when a friend dies. It's even worse when you have to see them die in front of you. Grace's friend dies. Grace is on a train bound for wherever. We will try to care about Grace, for now.
Oh wait that's not Grace! That's Sarah! Grace is the silent old lady at the cottage that Sarah is going to get to take care of. At the solo empty island cottage where Grace was just lying paralyzed in a bed by herself just waiting for Sarah to get there. Huh? -1 Star
But Sarah starts seeing things around the cottage. Is someone else there? Ahh I guess there is Albert. Six years ago Grace was out with her sister and their sisterly competition got the better of them. Sister Ada died in a cliff diving accident.
Time goes by and Sarah finds Grace has the ability to move around, apparently. Albert does not believe Grace! This is all very shocking!
So much hilarity ensues. Sarah finds out there might be a problem with Albert, the caretaker. And really not a lot of moments worth talking about.
Oop. Here we go! A bathtub scene! Sarah in the tub and a record starts playing! Grace must be up and moving about again! Okay so this is some entity attacking here? Well they broke a rule. Bathtub scene with no naughty bits is a -1 Star.
So Albert is a creepy perv who likes to take pictures of the women sent there to care for Grace. Oh wait but Sarah turns out to be quite the weirdo herself. Okay the movie gets a little SAVING GRACE by having Sarah be a weirdo. Haha. See what I did there? +1 Star
3/10.
In Its Wake (2023)
Absolute Garbage. Couldn't Finish It.
And here we go with another Uncorked pic made for IFC. The majority of these are horrible so I am certainly not expecting much.
So a church opening scene, then we get a dumb conversation from a 'manager' in a diner. -1 Star
Why are these 2 women even sitting at the same table with these 2 idiots? Then apparently some bad actor bad guys are also in the diner...having their own dumb convo.
So the 2 groups have a spat. Then you got all 3 groups doing something. The Pastor group, the dumb quartet group and the 3 lame bad guys group. -1 Star
Bad acting, bad dialogue and bad story so far. Oh a girl took off her top and actually didn't leave her bra on! We like that in our horror movies! +1 Star.
Okay so there's a creature that looks like the Star Trek monkey critter (man in a monkey suit_) killing people and meanwhile Pastor Dippy is giving a speech to dumb listener #67. -1 Star.
Okay, when pastor fool is talking to the survivors, and the creature they called 'the drude' comes in and starts killing people and everyone just stands there looking at it (the camera), I'd had enough. Turned this one off with 8 minutes left. Absolute Garbage.
1/10.
The Eagle (2011)
A Gladiator And A Slave Is Never A Fair Contest. Never.
One of the few movies with Tatum in it that I actually like. Here's a guy who probably could have had a much bigger career had he chosen better roles.
The Eagle. A great tale of tragedy and redemption. Also I love movies about Romans and Roman battle tactics. What I do wonder is where in history did pagans and Celts around Hadrians wall get war chariots? That little tidbit keeps me from giving a rousing approval to the opening battles.
So Marcus returns from England a cripple. Is mustered out of the Roman Legions, and retired. At a gladiatorial event, he decides to have a Pagan slave spared. And together they go north of Hadrians wall in a quest to recover the EAGLE, a Roman symbol that Marcus's father had with him when he disappeared.
This is the story of their quest. It's also a story about Honor. About Oaths. About Loyalty. About Respect.
It's not perfect, but it is good. 8/10.
RED 2 (2013)
Don't Look At Me, She's Your Girlfriend.
Thank you and a special shout out to Tom's Guide for informing me this is now on Amazon Prime starting Jan 1, 24. I will hereby proceed to watch and review it!
I've watched before and gave it a 5/10 but I will try to pay closer attention this time. Bruce Willis 10 years ago. Much love. I feel for the man going through dementia. I experience this myself. So great to see Willis and Malkovich together again.
Lol, I forgot Harry Bosch / Titus Welliver was in this. So funny. He doesn't even sound like himself for like the 1st time ever.
So many great stars in this.
But in the end, Anthony Hopkins is the villain. And he falls for the old quick switcheroo, which is like the oldest trick in the book. And he didn't even get to eat a liver. And that's the truly sad part.
Action Comedy but ultimately, falls into mediocrity.
5/10.
I onde dager (2021)
How Did You Get Those Billiard Balls Into The Bathroom?
Really these days it's difficult to find a movie on Netflix I have not seen, unless it's a foreign language movie. And this one, this one is another foreign language movie (to me anyway) dubbed in English just for me!
So 'The Trip' as it is called on Netflix. Two people go off on a trip with full intentions to kill each other. She's been cheating on him and he plans to off her. And he's just an idiot and she plans to off him.
Then they catch each other and have a confrontation where they air out each others grievances. And oh my, the three dudes who come along later, lol +1 Star for that. Nothing like 3 dudes being stuck in an attic.
Then it gets a bit boring for a while. It becomes a gore fest with lots of blood and splattery sound effects.
I can't give it better than a 5/10.