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riboncek
Reviews
Skyfall (2012)
Boring
Okay, since I've watched all of the Bond movies to date, I didn't want to miss this one either, especially since many critics gave it a high score rating. Well, this is the absolute last time I've listened to those sellouts.
Where should I begin? The opening theme performed by Adele is irritating. The tune makes my head crack. And what's up with the lyrics? "Let the sky fall, when it crumbles, we will stand tall, face it all together" - really, Adele? Couldn't you have found even cheesier lyrics?
Then there's the plot. What plot, you may ask? Exactly. There is no story. We're introduced by Naomi shooting Bond who then falls motionless into the water and is carried by the water down stream. The bad guy who Bond was fighting and who carries a list of undercover agents escapes (did Naomi only have 1 friggin bullet in a semi-auto gun?? Apparently yes...). Regardless, Bond somehow survives (we don't know how, the story never reveals that mystery) and once he learns that the MI6 building has been under attack, he returns to England to resume his agent duty. He is then led to Silva (the bad guy) who appears to be a hacking genius and can change the stock prices or detonate a building just by pressing a button on a keyboard. Well, if he's such a criminal mastermind who literally controls the entire world with only his keyboard and mouse, then why the fudge does he go on a head-to-head combat with Bond in the end?? Someone please explain this to me as I seriously don't see any logical points in this.
Also, the "plot" begins with a list being stolen and is dominated by hacking geniuses such as Silva and Q throughout the film. However, in the end, we have no idea whether the list was recovered or not, we have no idea what happened to Q or his computer-whiz associates - it's as if these things never really existed. Also, somewhere at the climax of the "plot" we are introduced to a character named Kincade who is supposed to be Scottish. Where's the Scottish accent then...?
Thirdly, the amount of foreshadowing this movie contains is just hilarious. For example, Bond gets a gun from Q who tells him the gun can only be used by Bond because of DNA sensors of some sorts. Yes, you guessed it, there is then a scene in the movie when the bad guy has a clear shot of Bond with his own gun. Of course it doesn't fire and the bad guy is dragged by a giant lizard-like creature into the shadows and killed. Another foreshadowing is when Kincade displays all of the available guns to Bond and says that if he should run out of bullets, there's always the trusty knife. Well, here's a $1000 question for you - guess who this exact same knife kills in the end...?
This is by far the absolute worst Bond movie I have ever seen. There is no plot, there are no emotions to be invoked in the viewer (I couldn't feel for any of the characters, not even when M died in the end), there is no main theme - everything just seems to be randomly put together. And with a budget of 150 million dollars, what else can you expect....?
Pirates of the Caribbean: At World's End (2007)
Absolutely terrible
After some time of consideration, I finally decided to rent the Pirates of the Caribbean trilogy and have a nice, quiet movie marathon with my girl. It started out great, Pirates of the Caribbean: The Curse of the Black Pearl was hilarious with a decent plot and so was Dead Man's Chest. However, when we got to the third part, it was just.... awful.
First off, the jokes in At World's End were apparently not written by the same people who made the first two movies. Or the company changed its policy of drinking booze at work. They were old and terrible, and rarely a thing made me laugh. Marriage on the boat in the middle of a supposedly epic battle? Oh gimme a break...
Secondly, the plot was as dumb as the jokes. Barbossa somehow managed to cheat death (again) and they went to rescue Jack. Okay, cool. But the Kraken? The godlike creature which sunk more than a dozen of ships in Dead Man's Chest, is now shown for about 2 minutes total in the entire movie? Dead??! What the hell guys! The blasted thing killed Jack, it was a creature to fear of.... and here it is, lying on the beach... dead. Way to go. Not to mention the huge number of actors and the whole "pieces of eight" mumbo jumbo. Seriously, you could have done it better. Way better.
Thirdly, and the most annoying thing in the entire movie -- Keira Knightley. Whoever said she would be best playing a captain and king of the pirates, should be fired immediately. Whenever she spoke, I got goose bumps at her facial expressions. Whenever she yelled, I wanted to tear off my ears as to prevent my head from exploding of loud frequencies. That girl doesn't shout... she SCREAMS! She screams so bloody loud and at such an annoying pitch, it's just.... OH MY GOD!!! And when she gave that "inspirational" speech before the final battle between the British and the pirates, we just skipped the whole part because it was already enough seeing that snobbish, spoiled and loud mouth of a face for the past 60 minutes. I'm really really REALLY glad you didn't include her in On Stranger's Tides. At least Penelope Cruz's voice is not as screechy as Keira's.
I'd recommend you guys watch the first, second and fourth parts of the movie. Definitely avoid this one because you will only go to bed with a large headache at the amateurism it has to offer.
Milf (2010)
Simply Awful!
After having watched half of the movie, I simply closed the media player and returned the rented title back to the store the very next morning. Where to begin...
The title itself foreshadows eroticism which in most cases means no plot, poor acting and lots of sexual scenes. And that is exactly what "Milf" is all about. The story seems to have been written by a high school student since the major part of the movie is about sex and showing explicit material and the dialogs between the characters are old and cheesy. Even the plot itself is, well, plot less, and all has been done before (single guys, no luck with women, bullied by "popular" kids, then all of a sudden WHAM, they're laid and feel as if in heaven). Yawn.
The acting is the worst thing about this movie. I don't know what they were thinking with Philip Marlatt (Anthony) Molinee Green (Lori) because their acting is god-awful! They can't fake emotions and you never know whether they are surprised, confused, happy... their expression is always the same. It's like watching a cheap high school play.
I seriously don't know what were they thinking when filming this...