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Mama (I) (2013)
1/10
Newer isn't always better : how CGI turns horror into comedy
19 January 2013
Warning: Spoilers
Let me start off by saying I never and i mean never post reviews but this movie was so bad I feel like it is my duty as a human being to warn the world of this abomination.

Where to start...OK lets start with the positives. The movie starts off as a respectable film and what appears to be an interesting concept at first. The acting is pretty good considering the script they had to work with. I want to clarify it is not the actors fault for how bad this movie is.

Now for the negatives, the movie starts to fall apart the more you see Mama and all of her computer generated glory. She looks like a distorted Sarah Jessica Parker but far less scary than the real SJP. Its really hard to be scared of something that looks so unreasonably fake! I mean Disney's the haunted mansion staring Eddie Murphy has scarier CGI. Saying everything scary happens in the trailer would be far too kind because it wouldn't mention all the hilariously bad moments where Mama and her victims just stare at the camera making goofy Neanderthal faces. The cgi (which i can not stress enough was a total joke) was not even the worst part. The plot that seemed original in the beginning turns out to be as generic as possible and one really lame ass ghost story. I can't decide the worst part of it all, it has to be either how unlikeable the main protagonist was or the egregiously bad ending/overall plot. The main protagonist is a "rock star" who is selfish at first and just an all around douche. She is completely self absorbed and immature and than just magically out of no where becomes a mother figure and loves these two girls and they some how love her after just 3 days. Once again the actors are not to blame, they did their jobs the best they could given what they had to work with.

**Spoiler** Overall summery of Mama's plot:

Two little girls are raised by a ghost who...yep you guessed as it is trying to make up for the child she lost. The girls are found and given a home and new family by their aunt and uncle. Uncle gets put in a comma and aunt who isn't quite ready to raise children is left to raise them and falls in love with them like 3 days later. they are haunted by what could be the lamest ghost since Bill Cosby as ghost dad. Oh whats this? Giving mama her real baby back makes her stop haunting us? No way!!! Mama goes away taking one of the girls but leaving the other for some reason but not before literally punching a hole in the uncles heart....but its OK some how hes totally fine. The end
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1/10
with out a doubt the worst thing to ever happen to mankind!!!!!!!
30 June 2011
All i do is watch terrible movies and this is by far the most god awful thing i have ever experienced!The worst acting ever teamed up with goosebumps quality cinematography and a plot that feels like it was written by 6 year old with special needs make this strait up painful!This piece of human fecal matter caused me physical harm to endure!!!I should get a purple heart for sitting through this entire "movie"!Its not even funny,i thought it would be so bad its comical but no its just an all around waste of existence!This movie makes me ashamed to be apart of the same species as the people involved with this!Why?why is this real?The idea that some one funded this piece of crap...now thats scary!
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