jpr888 Reviews

Monster Hunter (2020)

So so so bad

[7 March 2021]

No story, almost no dialogue, but decent cgi if you can stay awake. Your better off rewatching any resident evil.

Wonder Woman 1984 (2020)

So bad

[31 December 2020]

It's all downhill, like a cliff, after first ten minutes or so. Just stupid, boring, and childish. Just awful

The Beach Bum (2019)

Can't believe I watched the whole thing

[28 June 2019]

Wow, this movie was terrible. Nothing redeeming, interesting or entertaining unless you like to watch MM playing a drunk stoner. I guess, he's a believable stoner, as is Snoop, but there's basically no story. Just scene after scene of drinking and toking. Arthouse garbage.

Murder Mystery (2019)

Not Funny

[20 June 2019]

It's just not funny. In all fairness, I only watched for about 30 minutes, but even for a free Netflix stream it was unwatchable. It just made my wife and I cringe, so we turned it off and watched something else. It was more irritating than funny. Don't waste even 30 minutes unless you like stupid irritating movies made for, well you get the idea.

Call Me by Your Name (2017)

Boring, Slow and Long

[1 January 2018]

I just saw this with my wife and three of our gay friends. One of the guys who also read the book, liked the film, but didn't love it. The two other guys thought it was just ok. My wife said it was ok, but was very disappointed based on the hype surrounding it. I thought the movie absolutely sucked and I would have left the theatre if I could have. At least four of us would have switched the film to something else if we were watching it at home simply out of sheer boredom. Everyone agreed that Armie Hammer looked too old, and Timothée Chalamet too young not to be creeped out by pedophilia issues. Chalamet's character is supposed to be 17, which would make Hammer's actions illegal in some places, and just plain creepy in others. I guess that's why the story takes place in Italy. The film is a pretty picture that combines child sex/romance with very slow pacing, interminable still art shots and the very long run time. I would avoid unless you like slow moving European arthouse flicks with a Lolita like storyline. In fairness, I would give this movie a zero while my wife and friends would give it a 6, hence the 3. I have no idea how it's getting so many 10's. It's probably just because of the gay romance theme. If the child character were a girl, people would probably be giving it much lower scores.

The Fits (2015)

Boring

[1 January 2017]

I just don't get the reviews for this film. The acting was good if not great, but the story is just plain boring. Very little happens and what does is pretty unremarkable. I fell asleep about 3/4 of the way through the movie. My wife made it through the whole thing and was especially disappointed with the ending. Don't waste your time unless you're trying to get some sleep. OK, I have to add more lines to satisfy this site. That is so irritating and the reason I only add reviews for vastly underrated, and vastly overrated movies in my opinion. More lines needed. More lines needed. More lines needed. And yet more lines are needed. Unfortunately,even more lines are needed. Finally, enough lines!

Swiss Army Man (2016)

awful

[26 September 2016]

Where are the 10 star ratings coming from? I saw this with my wife. We both thought it sucked and walked out after about 30 min. When the movie finally makes it past the seemly never ending farts, it assaults you with dick boner humor and incessant talk about masturbation. We're not prudes. It's just that it's stupid and sophomoric. The first 30 minutes of this movie suck. Who knows maybe it gets better. I read a review that said if you can make it through the movie, it has a great ending. Make it through? Seriously? Does that sound like a movie worth watching? BTW, love the actors. It's just the story and dialog are painful and stupid. Worst film of 2016 in my opinion.

Boyhood (I) (2014)

Boring

[22 February 2015]

So boring. My wife and I could only watch about 3/4 of the movie before we turned it off, and that was after almost stopping half way through. I would have given it one star, but Ethan H. was pretty good. Unfortunately there is no story and nothing much happens over the course of this movie. It was just pure tedium. I wish I didn't waste my time on this. I only watched because it was getting such good reviews and Oscar buzz. Seriously, don't bother with this or Birdman for that matter. Two incredibly boring flicks getting huge coverage. Oh, and did I say didn't care for this boring film? There 10 lines. Oops 9 lines. So boring. I don't want to add spoilers, although honestly, what possible could be considered a spoiler in a movie with no story?

Stake Land (2010)

Great

[9 August 2011]

Great, low budget horror! I was really surprised at how good this film was.

It's basically 28 days later meets the road. I actually liked it so much

I watched it twice. The vamps looked great and there was plenty of flesh ripping gore.

I don't know how I missed this one until now. It's more of a zombie / infected hordes film than a vampire movie, so don't get turned off by

the vampire storyline. If your a zombie horrer film fan, then u should def check this one out.

Your Highness (2011)

Sucks

[1 August 2011]

Can't comment on the entire film since I stopped watching after about 15 min. That first 15 just sucked. Like the second season of East Bound and Down. Just dumb and obvious. Only excrement, sex, and curse jokes. Loved the first season EBaD BTW. Apparently I need to add more lines to this review in order to make it valid. I may not add another review since these four lines of review required more thought than the entire script of this awful movie. Who at IMDb decide that 10 lines are necessary for a meaningful review? I don't know about them, but when I read a review I want a quick a and concise opinion of the quality of the film. Not a thesis. Do people really read those huge reviews?