beautox Reviews

Gone Girl (2014)

Clever, and an exception to the rule

[7/10 · 28 October 2014]

There is a saying in stand-up comedy that says "if you don't buy the premise, you won't buy the joke." So if a person can't accept that a horse or penguin can walk and talk in a bar, the ensuing joke won't get a laugh. The same concept also applies to movies. If the plot or characters are so unbelievable, the whole movie will fail. But then there are exceptions; like Gone Girl. Sure the movie starts out with the stock characters. The one's the viewer is supposed to think are so sophisticated and witty, but are actually the one's that in real life you would think were obnoxious and snarky. But then the plots thickens, and goes on such a joyride of overkill, over-the-top situations, and an evil genius worthy of Lex Luther or the joker. But damn, the ridiculousness is done so well that you will be entertained, even after the two hour mark.

Noah (2014)

A flood should wash this bomb out of the theater

[2/10 · 31 March 2014]

You know how the studios tailor the preview of other movies to fit the demographic and likes of the people in the audience? Well at the showing of Noah (it might have well been called Bill or George) we attended, there were trailers for Spiderman, Transformers, and some other been-there-done-that CGI opus. So right there, I knew this movie would have little to do with the Biblical character of Noah, and instead be another cookie cutter superhero movie designed to spend a zillion dollars and show the world how cleaver the film makers are. And then the film started, and my soothsayer abilities were confirmed. Nothing is more irritating than for a film maker to take a classic tale or movie, and then egotistically thinking they can improve it with gimmicks, a currently camp message, and of course the afore mentioned special effects. And that is exactly what Aronofsky does and fails miserably. Think A Star Trek kumbaya message coupled with loud booms and you've got this movie's modus operandi. So if you think you're going to get a retelling of the Bible story, even a telling with dramatic license, you'll be disappointed; if you just want mindless special effects, you will be happy; and if you want those special effects coupled to a trite and silly narrative, you'll be in heaven!

The Monuments Men (2014)

Entertaining, not deep or significant, just entertaining

[8/10 · 10 February 2014]

Normally I don't care for the smug "war can be fun" movies, like the silly "Kelley's Heroes" or the disgusting "Mash" films. But this one was actually pretty good. Not too violent (well at least by today's standards), dramatic in parts, funny in many, tragic in a few, sort of a movie vaudeville show. Sure the actors are all mostly too old for their parts, and yes, they portray the monuments men as stereotypical nerds, but they are entertaining nerds. So if you are looking for an exact retelling of historical events, try the Military or the History Channel. But for just some escapist diversion, this movie will fill your needs.

Cloud Atlas (2012)

A 3+ hour mish mash of clichés, pretentiousness, and yawn

[2/10 · 27 May 2013]

I am not afraid of long movies. GWTW, Greed,1950 style epics, all I have sat through at one sitting. But this is not any of those, not even close. It is another one of those "look how clever I am" movies, coupled to a usual suspect plot. Who are the villains? Why White businessmen of course! Who are the good guys? Why homosexuals, minorities, and Luddites of course! Even though the heroes include a gay gold-digger, and a literary agent that happily cheats and robs all he comes into contact with. Maybe with a 4+ hour movie, they could have added a Stalinist Gulag guard as another hero. So unless your idea of entertainment is watching a politically correct salute to high school level leftism for three hours, skip this.

Renoir (2012)

excellent drama, may be too slow for some

[8/10 · 9 April 2013]

Renoir is a film about a person (the artist Renoir), his family, and his later life. Sorry, but there are no explosions, gun battles, or even a fist fight. The emphasis is on character and atmosphere. Thus there are scenes that seem to go nowhere, and conversations that don't seem to have significance. They are here, like the impressionist painter tries to convey a feeling. To this end, the film does very well. The viewer gets into the minds and hearts of the artist, his sons, and his model. Based mostly on fact, there of course may be some inaccuracies that may be discovered. but like an impressionistic painting, the mood is set, and the imagination does the rest.

Anna Karenina (I) (2012)

I know; let's make a movie!

[2/10 · 8 January 2013]

Don't go to the theater expecting to see a motion picture about a tragic love affair in Czarist Russia. Also, don't expect to see a movie about Russian society and politics. All these are aspects of the original story written by Tolstoy, but this movie isn't about Tolstoy and his concepts of character and plot. It is about the film makers and how cleaver they are.I went into the theater with a basic understanding of the plot of Anna Karenina, though I have to admit I never read the book. as I watched the opening scene, which portrays the actions as if they were on a stage with a live audience, I thought, "well's that a cleaver prologue, can't wait for the actual story to begin." But then to my horror, they continued this practice throughout the entire movie, causing much confusion on what the hell was actually going on.It got so bad, my reflexes got the better of me and i did what I never do at a movie; I fell fast asleep!When i awoke, the film was a little more comprehensible, but still felt like I was watching the remake of "The Caine Mutiny", where the creators patted themselves on the back for being geniuses, and staging the court room scenes on a basketball court. The final word on this movie. My wife, who normally loves period pieces with their colors and costume design, commented in the middle of the movie that "she hoped Anna would hurry up and jump in front of the train so we could get out of the theater." So if you want to see a movie about Tolstoy's book, try one of the prior films, made in the traditional style.

The Red Baron (2008)

Screaming in three languages

[3/10 · 27 September 2012]

I'm a sucker for World War I aviation movies, be it "The Dawn Patrol", "The Blue Max", or "Hell's Angel"s,love the all. So I was looking forward to seeing this movie, but oh man, was I disappointed! Here is a synapsis of 90% of the movie: Close up of fighter pilot with war face,doing a primal scream; doesn't matter if he is German, British, French, or Klingon, same shot. Following this is a scene where the Baron's main squeeze is lecturing him (or the furniture) about the immorality of war.Next scene, war face and primal scream, followed by another lecture on the immorality of war until the movie thankfully ends abruptly. Save your time: watch instead some of the afore mentioned movies, made with real airplanes, real characters, and in some case actual World War I pilots!

The Words (2012)

Here are the words: contrived and excruciating

[1/10 · 15 September 2012]

I have a strong stomach for food and movies; If it's cooked I can eat it and if it's entertaining well i can watch it. However this movie came close to me walking out on it.The only thing that kept me in my seat was the popcorn and air conditioning. Where do I start on this silliness called The Words?" First of all, the protagonist and his wife are whiny, self-centered types.He whines because he can't get a book published; she whines because he isn't all kissy-face while he's writing his opus. Oh by the way, here's something that you see in so many other movies, and it appears here: when he is unemployed, they rent a giant New York City loft apartment using what money? Of course when he gets a job in the mailroom of a publishing firm, they can afford to honeymoon in Paris, furnish the loft and keep the misses in fashion even when she is cooking in their first class kitchen.Unbelievable!The plot then plods along with more contrivances and soon pontifications on something, i'm still trying to figure out what the point is. And finally what could have been the finale, a meeting between the plagiarist and the true author of the best seller. Do we get confrontation? No.Do we get forgiveness? No.What do we get? Pointless blah, blah, blah. I gave up making sense of this movie in the first fifteen minutes; be warned,find some other thing to pass your time than this mess.

Midnight in Paris (2011)

Ho-Hum

[3/10 · 12 March 2012]

Had "Midnight in Paris" been written/directed by a first-time film maker, it might be considered an above average effort, or at least a pleasant diversion. But as Woody Allen has such a large body of work this film comes off as typical Woody Allen fare,slow, clichéd, and rife with light (and I'm talking' light!) humor.All of Mr.Allen's prejudices are exposed once again:His disdain for California and Hollywood, though he is quite happy to take advantage of their financial backing and distribution network; his attitude that all Americans are rubes and stupid, except of course for New York City Jews, and Manhattan gentiles; Oh how much he wishes America was like France, and their "sophistication"; they might even accept a grown man marrying his adopted daughter!In the mean time, Mr.Allen has written a tired old movie, with a comparatively new actor (Owen Wilson) pretending to be Woody himself.Don't waste your time.

The Rum Diary (2011)

Occupy Puerto Rico

[9 November 2011]

"Rum Diary" is a retro movie made in the style of all too many films from the early 1970's; the "heroes" are smug, slacker, inconsiderate slobs, but because they talk the talk of peace and love, we are are supposed to overlook their cruelty to individuals and boorish behavior. The kind of movie where the good guys are people that in the real world, you wouldn't want living next to you, or even sitting next to you on a bus or plane. Even with the great Johnny Depp, and a $5.50 seniors' rate ticket , this movie was almost a total yawn. It was so bad,that the ushers requested that we leave our cell phones on.Or at least I wish.

Crazy Heart (2009)

Realism? Ha! Who needs it!

[15 August 2011]

To review this film, I have the following questions:

The "love of his life" flies to Houston from New Mexico to see him. She arrives at his house by taxi.Q:what kind of a guy in love does not pick up his main squeeze at the airport? Blake crashes his 31 year old GMC, rolls it over, and suddenly it is back in primo condition a couple of weeks later. Q: if he is so "down on his luck" where did he get the money torestore it? If he had full insurance, the insurance company would total it, and give him a couple of hundred bucks.

Jean is a reporter for a newspaper. She meets Blake, and a couple of interviews later, she is sleeping with him. Q: does this add to her creditability as a news reporter? Most news outlets would fire her, or at least cancel her project.

Come to think of it, what does she see in this old, ugly, drunk anyway?

The film makers appear to be cynical enough to think that C+W fans will like the music, and ignore the plot, and the "chick-flick" (sorry about the characterization) crowd will just care about the cliché and predictable love story. Unfortunately, many viewers do not fit in either group