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Patriot99
Reviews
Phantasm (1979)
Disappointing to say the least.
I am a proud child of the 1980s and I love the nostalgia that comes from all the great horror movies of the 70s throughout the 80s.
I had seen bits and pieces of Phantasm on TV for Halloween, on Sunday afternoons and so one. I found what I saw to be both cheesy and interesting, so I decided to pick up the special edition DVD.
I'll get right to the point. This movie is LAME....Big Time. I understand that the budget was low and it was not yet the prime of modern horror, but Phantasm offers little to nothing as a so called "classic film".
Aside from the darkly lit nights and the 70's hairstyles, the movie offers minimum 1970s nostalgia. As for the movie itself, the story just seems undecided and filled with gaps. How a group of filmmakers got together and decided to make a movie based on this script is very surprising.
In the end, nothing really happens in this movie. There's a few cool scenes with a Tall Man, one gory scene with a flying orb, and little dwarfs running amok from another dimension. All these elements could make for one hell of a gory/cheesy/nostalgic midnight movie, but they just don't. The most offensive part is the confusing and nonlinear ending. The movie makes you realize that you pretty much wasted your time right before the ending credits roll.
A very disappointing 3 out of 10.
Shin kyûseishu densetsu Hokuto no Ken: Raô den - Jun'ai no shô (2006)
Disappointing to say the least.
As a fan of the crude yet classic "Fist of the North Star" movie from 1986, I must say that I was looking forward to the same formula with updated animation. That is not what this new film delivers at all...
The animation is breathtaking and the character art is beautifully done similar to the animation in Ninja Scroll. But the violence level is all toned down and the character Kenshiro is no longer a great hero but simply a bore. The film is still bloody with a few impressive fight scenes but there is not one scene where anyone's head explodes nor is the film gory in the manga tradition. I think in America it would get a PG-13 rating at best.
The movie is long and boring with all its senseless dialogue,there are very few fight scenes, the retro-charm found in the original is lost and only a few scenes resemble anything close to mad max (which made the first movie so good). I d say this is good for one sitting just to get a glimpse of the pretty animation. thats about it.
2 out of 5 stars,
Van Helsing (2004)
A flamboyant disaster, a huge insult to the horror/action genre
Van Helsing honors classic horror films just as Space Balls honors Star Wars. It seems that Hollywood loves to release these "trick" films where you expect to see some amazing horror/action flick but instead you get a goofy slap stick mess like Van Helsing. The PG-13 rating is your first warning as Director Stephen Sommers displays his true flamboyance as he uses almost every classic monster to tell this mess of a story in a toned down goofy fashion.
Although it advertises "Awesome Horror" Van Helsing features almost no blood in the entire film, Sommers is such a bad director it isn't even funny, the use of CGI for the monsters and special effects is down right incompetent, the portrayal of Dracula and his brides is so badly acted you wont believe your ears. And the script to get all these monsters together in one film is far from clever because when you finally learn the story and its twists, you will wonder what idiot approved the Script. Stephen Sommers clearly cant be stopped, his next projects include a "Flash Gordon" adaptation. His clear flamboyance and incompetence as a director can no longer be avoided. Do your self a favor and skip Van Helsing and check out "Bram Stoker's Dracula" with Anthony Hopkins as a flawless Van Helsing indeed.
Dawn of the Dead (2004)
Fantastic and very well done!!!
Its very simple, take that artsy piece of foreign crap: "28 Days Later" and wipe your A55 with it! becuase the "Dawn of The Dead" remake is the real deal. Directors Paul Anderson (Resident Evil) and the awful Danny Boyle (28 Days Later) should really use "Dawn of The Dead" to get a clue about how a zombie film is done correctly.
Dawn of The Dead has all the action and survival horror that anyone could want in a zombie movie and it sticks to the simple basics. The casting is also fantastic, Ving Rhames who plays a noble ex-marine turned cop is just the kind of bulldozer I would want watching my back when taking on the undead. Rather than Michelle Rodriguez (Res Evil) LOL or a skinny Britt running around with his shirt off (28 Days Later). "Dawn of The Dead" sets new standards of "doing things right" for present day hollywood. I give this film 3 out of 4 stars, its phenominal. Go out and buy the original also, the original Dawn and the remake are both equally well done.