phoenixinvictus Reviews

The Guardians of Justice (Will Save You!) (2022– )

So painful to watch

[1/10 · 31 January 2023]

So painful to watch and it was not because of the suicide scene but just the really bad acting. The script seems to have been written by a ten year old and the whole movie seems to have been shot using mobile phones. I mean a cyborg Hitler? I'm surprised that they didn't create a cyborg Roosevelt and Churchill. It's completely unwatchable without cringing from the amount of cheap cheesy dialogue and the props seemed to have been bought through eBay or Amazon at a bargain price or the actors brought some of their furniture from home. I mean Marvellous Man's suit is so fake that the actor's head is practically moving inside it. They should change the title to Guardians of the Cheese.

African Kung-Fu Nazis (2019)

Okay...

[4/10 · 20 January 2023]

The three words that I never thought would be possible to put together were African Kung-Fu Nazis. Could we consider this movie blaxploitation? I do not know but I do know that you can't take this movie too seriously. It turns out that it is so ridiculous to the point that I ended up watching it and giggling. It is not as good (or should I say as bad) as Iron Sky but the over-the-top action scenes and kill scenes keep you wanting to see what happens next. The kung-fu stunts are actually pretty good for this kind of movie. The only thing I think is missing are zombies. Who knows maybe it will make the sequel.

Top Gun: Maverick (2022)

Good but not great

[7/10 · 10 January 2023]

This movie was good but I would not call it great or original. Growing up in the eighties I got to say that I was still a boy when the first movie came out and it is not an exaggeration to say that it inspired an entire generation. The need for speed was in the mind of every young person when Top Gun first came out. The first movie probably encouraged many youngsters to become pilots themselves or at least fantasize being one. However, this movie did not have the magic or lustre of the first movie. This felt like a rip-off of Star Wars. A bunch of pilots have to get these missiles in a very tight hole by using the Force. The entire mission, although impressive, is needlessly complicated. All the Navy needed to do was to launch a bunch of missiles from high sea and call it a day... or launch a few drones.

A Simple Twist of Fate (1994)

This has aged well

[7/10 · 10 January 2023]

I must have seen this back in the 1990's and I remember how it made me feel good back then. So on the other day I was looking for something to watch and there were those blockbuster movies and I wasn't in the mood to see a Marvel or DC superhero tear up a city while ignoring the countless civilian casualties. I decided to watch something from my own youth and I remembered this little gem and I have to say that it has aged very well and would not need to do a remake. Considering that this movie is based on a novel that is over a hundred years old is a testament to how good it is. Steve Martin plays a serious role but his sense of humour bleeds out and manages to make you smile.

1923 (2022–2023)

Too dark for me

[6/10 · 10 January 2023]

Well I already know how 1883 is going to end. James Dutton dies and his wife freezes to death. So I won't be watching the end of that depressing series. As I watched the opening scene with Helen Mirren with a shotgun I thought "okay, great start". Then we cross over to a scene where there is a guy hunting a lion and I'm thinking is this going to be one of those things where Alan Quatermain meets Indiana Jones? What are we doing so far away from Montana and why am I watching the murder of a lion? Then we witness the physical and emotional abuse of a Native American girl and I am cringing at the gratuitous violence. We have Harrison Ford in this spinoff who's performance is only what I can only describe as wooden. He does act well but he lacks that swaggar and humour that made him famous. All I can say is this is too grim and dark for my tastes.

Remi, Nobody's Boy (2018)

A surprising find

[8/10 · 9 January 2023]

I discovered completely by accident and I admit that I wouldn't have watched it if it hadn't been dubbed in English. In this day and age there are a lot movies that are pretty much garbage. However I delightfully pleased when I discovered this movie. It has a Dickensian vibe to the story with an orphaned little boy who is sheltered by his adopted mother and sold by his greedy adopted father. Remi is protected by an old man and dog and monkey. Remi is offered the opportunity of a safe but stable life of a butler but the old man convinces him that he must become a singer. It's later discovered that Remi is loaded and rich. In the end Remi finds his biological mother and becomes rich. It has a happy ending despite the sad death of the old man who helped the boy.

Love Finds You in Valentine (2016 TV Movie)

Charming

[7/10 · 9 January 2023]

This is a simple story that sort of follows a Romeo and Juliette family type of feud. The main protagonist inherits her father's ranch which she has never visited but intends to sell. For some reason her father leaves an odd clause in his last will that she must visit the ranch before selling. Obviously there is a handsome love interest who is the foreman and a boyfriend she left back home. It's very formulaic and predictable but in a charming way. The protagonist falls in love with the ranch, the foreman and heals generational wounds by forgiveness. There are a couple antagonists to keep the story interesting.

Walker: Independence (2022–2023)

A woman who is strong and is still a woman

[6/10 · 20 October 2022]

Finally! Someone got it right! Lately we've been getting a lot of Westerns like Yellowstone and The Outer Range which are incredibly good. This series has had a very good start. It has all the elements for a good story like a murdered husband, a wife who survives an attempted murder, a loveable rogue and the ruthless killer who has appropriated the real sheriff's identity. It is clear that Abby Walker is a strong woman and intelligent. I wasn't expecting it to be as entertaining, but I would like to see where this will go and if there is going to be a show down between Abby Walker and her husband's killer.

The School for Good and Evil (2022)

It's too dark for teenagers but too silly for adults

[1/10 · 20 October 2022]

This kind of story has been told before and I am pretty sure that I am not alone when I say that this feels like a rip-off of several films. The first word that comes to my mind is Hogwarts and maybe the X-men I feel like the audience is tired of watching same story over and over again but, the only difference is that the names of the characters and locations are changed. At times I was watching Disney's The Descendants and it felt like Netflix simply copied and paste it. I'm not sure what audience Netflix was aiming for. It's too dark for teenagers but too silly for adults. After watching this for five minutes I was already fidgeting in my seat wondering what else could I watch that would be interesting.

Um Lugar ao Sol (2021–2022)

Um final melancólico

[5/10 · 17 October 2022]

Confesso que no início, quando a novela foi anunciada, rolei os olhos ao saber que era de uma história de gêmeos separados um rico e outro pobre. Vamos ser honestos-quem nunca ouviu esta história antes? Não tive muita vontade mas como não tinha nada melhor do que fazer eu vi o primeiro episódio. A trama, as interpretações e os dramas paralelos que apareciam foram instigantes. Não há duvida de que teve um bom começo, mas ao longo da novela algumas personagens apareciam por alguns episódios e depois nunca mais foram mencionados como a Maria Fernanda, a Janine e o Alípio. O passado da Noca nunca foi explicado de forma satisfatória. O Christian nunca tinha uma espinha bastava chamar pelo nome como Joy ou a Stephanie que ele cedia. O Christian deveria ter lutado contra a personalidade do Renato um pouco mais. O Christian se apropria da identidade do Renato e torna-se numa personagem sisudo e por incrível que parece foi apenas no ultimo episódio que é revelado o que ele fez. A descoberta da identidade do Christian deveria ter vindo mais cedo, para poder desenvolver as situações que essa descoberta geraria, so que invés disso a novela ficou focado em outras tramas como casamentos gay, abuso de drogas, problemas alimentares, etc.. Queriam contar tanta coisa que acabaram por não contar nada. O Túlio e a Ruth descobrem a verdadeira identidade do Christian de forma que as provas que tem contra o Christian eram apenas circunstanciais e o Christian tinha provas contra eles e poderia ter usado isso contra eles. A novela começou tão bem, personagens tão bons, contudo, foi se diluindo ao longo dos poucos meses no ar. O capítulo final foi a uma decepção. Foi melancólico e deixou muitas coisas por resolver.

Blue Bloods (2010–2024)

Fear not the Reagans will fix everything

[5/10 · 7 October 2022]

There is absolutely no corruption in the NYPD and if there is commissioner Frank Reagan will weed it out. His eldest son was killed by dirty cops... Well the commissioner took care of that in a single night and there was never any corruption again-or mention of his son again. His dad was the commissioner, but for some reason he thinks it's wrong to further the career of his children. Then there is detective Danny who can solve any crime from hunting down terrorists from saving his own father from an attempt. Who needs the NYPD when you have Reagans? Everyone in this show can be redeemed from drug dealers to murders... Oh did I say murderers? Well not cop killers because that is the one sin that the Reagans will not abide. The Reagans do no evil and never break the law and if they get into trouble then Erin will bail them out. The show is black and white with absolutely no gray areas.

Hocus Pocus 2 (2022)

Unfunny and silly

[1/10 · 1 October 2022]

This sequel doesn't have the soul and the same energy as the original. I watched the original as child myself and watched it again with my niece and the movie aged beautifully. However, this movie is not only dull, it lacks substance. The way the first scenes were filmed felt like a teenager with a phone was filming a movie along with his neighbours and friends. I really did try to soldier on and force myself to carry on watching this, but if you are forcing yourself to relive the "magic" of the first movie then it is because it is not there. Bringing the original actors might have appeared as good idea, but the writers who wrote the script seemed more interested in finishing this project or they had their creative hands tied. If they, the writers, don't care about their work then why should I?

Pantanal (2022)

Quase todos os personagens do Pantanal são irritantes

[5/10 · 30 July 2022]

É bem difícil torcer para um final feliz. O Jove não tem respeito por nenhuma mulher. Ele se envolve com a Nayara e a Guta e depois descarta-as sem numa explicação. Ele leva a Juma para o Rio de Janeiro e (ambos) abandonam a Rute/Muda sozinha no meio do mato. O Jove não mostra nenhum interesse nos negócios do pai mas quando a mãe morre ele torna-se um génio nos negócios e um piloto. O Jove não trata bem dos seus irmãos. A Juma também é uma chata repetindo sempre que "quer voltar para casa" ou "não quero" ou "vai-te embora". Basta Jove ter alguma atitude contrário "eu viro uma onça" e toca atirar bala nele e vem separação! No ultimo episódio que vi ela sai da fazenda como uma pirralha e diz que já não ama o Jove e não sabe o que é amor. A Juma diz que não tem dono mas o faz tudo que o velho do rio manda. O velho do rio não é nada mais do que um Gandalf ou um Yoda em calças de ganga. Fala uns clichês, caminha na agua como um Cristo e transforma-se em cobra. Abandona o filho sem explicação aparece a quase todos menos ao filho. José Leôncio é machista e tudo bem é uma novela passado no Pantanal mas ele é ingénuo. A Filó, que foi "mulher da vida" e eu tenho todo respeito por essas mulheres, diz que o Tadeu é filho dele e pronto ele aceita isso sem discussão. O José Lucas aparece e é a cara chapado do pai dele "so pode ser meu filho" quem precisa de testes?

The Princess (I) (2022)

I'd like to see a prince coming to the rescue for a change

[4/10 · 14 July 2022]

If this movie had come out before 2008 it would have been hit. Back then we needed strong female roles to show that the princess doesn't necessarily need a man to save her. However, after 2008 this 'I don't need a man to save me' attitude went overboard to a point it became toxic. If the princess can do everything by herself by indulging in gratuitous violence then what is the point of watching the movie?

The Unbearable Weight of Massive Talent (2022)

Genuinely hilarious

[7/10 · 10 July 2022]

I thought it w Nicolas Cage gets to play a fictionalised version of himself and shows how talented he is while still joking about it. Pedro Pascal is also hilarious in this movie and has a good chemistry with Cage. The prosthetics that Cage used was so good that I barely recognised him.

Doctor Strange in the Multiverse of Madness (2022)

Why doesn't Wanda find a universe where her boys lost their mother?

[4/10 · 10 July 2022]

Seriously, why doesn't Wanda have babies of her own or adopt? She could have used her magic to time travel, bring back the dead or any thing else for that matter except mass murder. Dr. Strange could have used his magic to erase her memories (like in Spiderman). There are infinite universes so there must be one where Vision is alive. Rather than commit murder to reunite with Bobby and Tommy, wouldn't it be practical to find a universe where she can be with Vision who lost Wanda but has children too? Another thing that doesn't make sense is that in Avengers: Infinity War Strange said that there was only one way they could win against Thanos yet there was two...

Morbius (2022)

This is so bad it makes the Hulk look good

[3/10 · 17 June 2022]

In the opening credits the CGI is so bad that it might have been a cartoon. The only actor who seemed like he was having fun was Matt Smith who I almost thought he was going to say 'I'm the Doctor'. The subway scene in where Matt Smith is running against Jared Leto is laughable. This will not age well.

The Valet (2022)

It's a feel-good movie where characters grow in the end

[5/10 · 14 June 2022]

It's a feel-good movie to make you smile for a couple hours. The writers bring a lot of different identities into this movie and the theme of finding connection, through love, friendship, family, and community. The different languages tends to annoy me at times and it is a bit long as they had a few subplots. I was surprised that the valet and the actress didn't get together in the end.

Bloody Hell (2020)

I'm not into gore but I was entertained

[6/10 · 5 June 2022]

I wasn't going to watch this because I thought that this was going to be one of those blood fest movies. The kind of movies with a psycho family who kidnap a stranger for some weird reason. I decided to give it the five minute test which ended up being fifteen minutes and I ended up watching it all. It's immensely entertaining.

Memory (I) (2022)

This movie missed a golden opportunity

[6/10 · 31 May 2022]

I believe that this movie missed a golden opportunity. The beginning was a bit ruined mostly because we don't understand why there is a murder. Sure, the mark is a jerk to the nurse but he's bringing flowers to who I assume is his mother. The mark could be a criminal or he could be a cop, but we never know for sure. Then there is a moment in the film when Neeson wakes up, uncertain about having killed an innocent, young girl. This could have been exploited more. The uncertainty could've torn at his soul. But, in the following scene, the woman he sleeps with provides Neeson's character with assurance. L think that this could have waited until near the end.

Locke & Key (2011 TV Movie)

A bit bland

[5/10 · 30 May 2022]

It sways back and forth into teenage drama and magic. Sometimes it feels like the writers can't make up their minds and leaves the viewer frustrated. One moment there's something magical happening and in another moment they're dealing with their feelings. They have magical keys but they barely seem interested in solving the mystery. Then there is Kinsey who was an interesting character then she gets rid of her fear and becomes cruel and nasty.

Everything Everywhere All at Once (2022)

Everything Everywhere Way Too Much

[4/10 · 21 May 2022]

This was so confusing to watch that it felt like the writers had a weird dream while taking illegal substances. It was painful to see so many great actors involved in this.

Blackway (2015)

It was a good enough movie

[6/10 · 20 May 2022]

However, Anthony Hopkins's British accent tends to bleed out during the movie making it unbelievable that he was a logger working in the heartland of the US. And then the ending was a bit anticlimactic. If Blackway was such a menace and a simple bullet to the head was enough to get rid of him then why didn't his enemies do it sooner?

The Batman (2022)

Gotham police are worse than the Keystone cops

[4/10 · 3 May 2022]

I believe that there is only one real cop in Gotham P. D. and that must be officer Martinez! He's the only one other than another cop who thinks that a guy in costume has no business being in a crime scene. I tried to suspend belief but all I could think about was how courageous Bruce Wayne is to be walking around in public wearing a bat suit.

Lieutenant Gordon treats Batman like he's some super genius (and he probably is) but he's not a cop or even a public servant. The whole idea of the bat suit is to hide from the police and criminals and make the underworld believe that there is a "supernatural" creature coming after the bad guys.

If you had replaced the name "Bruce Wayne" with "Sherlock Holmes" and replaced the bat costume with a trench coat you would get a detective story! This movie was boring.

Murder Mystery (2019)

This was a lot of fun to watch

[7/10 · 10 April 2022]

Lately Adam Sandler has made a couple of flops but this movie is definitely a hit. It has all the elements of comedy and mystery. Jennifer Aniston and Adam Sandler have incredible chemistry between them that makes this movie enjoyable to watch.