MAstilleroF Reviews

The Black Phone (2021)

A very good disappointment.

[7/10 · 28 June 2022]

The Black Phone is as good a movie as it is disappointing. It is (impressively) good for its workmanship (aesthetics, filming, performance, music...). It is (very) disappointing for the (scandalous) copy of Sinister elements, for the (almost absolute) absence of mystery, and for its (too) weak history. Of course, considered in the whole of what you can see today, it could almost be catalogued as a masterpiece.

Clarice (2021)

Rien ne va plus...

[1/10 · 30 May 2022]

...as bad. An insult to everything that has been written or filmed about the Lecter's universe before. When you've watched twenty minutes you're looking forward to the Doctor is coming to eat you.

Severance (2022– )

Possibly...

[10/10 · 3 April 2022]

...the best drama-horror science fiction TV series of all time. The idea, the story, the plot, the script, the characters, the performances, the casting, the setting, the aesthetics, the filming, the soundtrack... What to say about that soundtrack that you can't stop listening to!

It seems as if Philip K Dick came back to life to write it. And if he didn't, he will surely come back to life to enjoy it.

Thanks to all those responsible for this marvellous work of art.

The Tender Bar (2021)

Excellence in repetition.

[10/10 · 18 January 2022]

Just as you can read "Don Quixote" a thousand and once and get pleasure between its words; or listen to another thousand and once "Love of my live" and be captivated by the melody; so someone can also tell you a thousand and one times dramatic coming on age stories, and enjoy them. Enchantment is not always in the difference; also in the repetition you can find it out. It requires, however, a very special way of looking. Have you got it?

Archive 81 (2022)

There is a place between Hill House and Maligno: "Archive 81", they call it.

[10/10 · 15 January 2022]

If you were enthusiastic about the movie Maligno, this is most likely the series of the year for you. Otherwise, at least you will like (or you should). And if none of the above, then you are not crazy about horror movies in the most generous sense of the term.

Malignant (I) (2021)

If... then it is a masterpiece.

[10/10 · 12 September 2021]

If you ignore criticism (especially from professional critics); if you don't classify it a priori in the horror genre; if you forget that its director is the one who started the saga The Conjuring; if... well, if you approach this movie from nowhere, then you will discover that it is a masterpiece. And if a genius is one who in his life creates at least one masterpiece, then James Wan is -without a doubt- a genius. Thanks Wan. I hope you will be the subject of many imitators.

Relic (2020)

Unbearable (meaning bad)

[1/10 · 21 August 2021]

Some directors no longer know what the hell to do to be original. To narrate metaphorically the miseries of the degeneration of the human body due to diseases can be very original. OK. But pretending that such a story can be scary and entertaining is an exercise of vanity.

Game of Werewolves (2011)

A masterpiece except for the detail it is not signed by Polansky.

[10/10 · 6 January 2021]

If this film had been signed by Blake Edwards, Wilder or Polanski, and it had been shot in English in a lost village in Romania, instead of Juan Martínez having shot it in Spanish around Santiago de Compostela, we would be talking about a masterpiece.

Thanks so much to Juan Martínez.

The Haunting of Bly Manor (2020)

Bad, bad, bad...

[3/10 · 11 October 2020]

Unbelievable: how is it possible a Film Director (yes, you, Flanagan) doing as well as Hill House and as bad as Bly Minor. After half Episode 5 (and trying to hold on) I had to leave watching. Horrible. And not precisely in the sense that it should be. What a garbage of narrative and super boring plot! Almost two years waiting for this?! A sad proof that the coronavirus is only part of the curse that plagues humanity. Well..., we won't always have Paris; but at least we will have a beautiful soundtrack (thanks to The Newton Brothers, again).

Godzilla: King of the Monsters (2019)

Godzilla does not deserve this "II".

[3/10 · 22 June 2019]

Very bad story. Horrible script, sometimes ridiculous. What an opportunity lost to consolidate a good saga. For moments, the spectator is not able to distinguish anything on the screen...

The Influence (2019)

The next level from pathetic.

[1/10 · 21 June 2019]

The next level from pathetic.

It takes only ten minutes to discover how pathetic the film is. And another thirty to discover that it is possible to make an unbearable film. I had to leave the cinema.