editor-92 Reviews

I Am Legend (2007)

Tense and touching

[9/10 · 10 December 2007]

I got "Omega Man" from Netflix and watched it a few days ago in anticipation of this film. Thank goodness they have little to nothing in common. The Charleton Heston was dire, needing those MST3000 heads in front of the screen shouting out rude comments. The remake is more polished, but with a few problems of its own. The CGI "baddies" aren't the best. They are reminiscent of the mummy in "The Mummy," but if you suspend your disbelief, you will be freaked out by how fast they move. The first half of the film is more about a man and his German Shepherd named Sam - how they try to survive in a world in which about 6 billion people have died. The last half is a bit more frantic, with the Dark Hunters (I think that's what they were called, coming after our protagonist. Overall, "I Am Legend" is a fine addition to the apocalyptic film science fiction sub-genre. And will probably do a brisk holiday business. The theater at which I saw the sneak peek was overfilled - rare these days - and they had to turn people a way. If it's worth anything, the audience also clapped.

I'm Not There (2007)

Incomprehensible

[2/10 · 15 November 2007]

Unless you know a lot about Bob Dylan and the context in which he lived - Vietnam War, folk music ... - you will be completely lost while watching this film. I went into it knowing virtually nothing about him, and really learned nothing from watching this. In fact, after about an hour, I think I slipped into unconsciousness a few times, wondering if I had been reborn in one of the 16 hell realms. I went for two reasons - Christian Bale and Cate Blanchett. Bale, at least in the beginning, was really only used in still photographs and Blanchett appeared after about one hour of absolute tedium. Her appearance livened things up, but really what does that mean? It's interesting to read through these reviews, because most of the British posters are in-line with what I'm saying, and the Americans are fawning all over this film. I'm not sure why, but maybe they are die-hard Todd Haynes fans, Bob Dylan fanatics, or being paid by the studio. Had I rented this pretentious piece of crap, I would have switched it off after about 10 minutes, seeing that it was going absolutely nowhere and making no sense. Or I would have looked under the title menu, found the few scenes, starring the actors I was interested in, and then switched it off. If you enjoyed films such as Last Days, another horrible exercise in film-making, then you might love I'm Not Here. I wish I hadn't been there - watching this film.

Unearthed (2007)

Dire

[1/10 · 9 November 2007]

This film is absolute rubbish. I don't know what "training" this filmmaker had but it couldn't have been much. The camera work was so bad that 75% of the time I had no bloody idea what was going on. The lead actress - who plays an angsty drunken sheriff - looks like the lead singer of the Pussycat Dolls and mistakes scowly for sullen. I'm sure they cast her simply on her looks. The plot is abysmal. An archaeologist awakens some ancient creature that starts killing. Boy, that's original. "Relic" anyone? But this is just dire. The creature is so obviously CGI, and there is no purpose for most of what it does. At some point you might think it would get tired of eating. Ha ha. What told me that the film was beyond repair was when one guy gets shot and in the next scene is running around. Russell Means is in this stinker. Why, Russell, why? Avoid this film or at least bring a pillow to the cinema. It will put you to sleep.

The Deaths of Ian Stone (2007)

Best of what I've seen so far

[9/10 · 9 November 2007]

I just saw three of the eight Horrorfest films - three more on Saturday and one on Sunday - and "The Deaths of Ian Stone" was my most anticipated one of the lot. I had to pay full price for this one, and I'm glad to say it was worth it. If you've seen "Dark City" it has that kind of vibe to it. It also reminded a bit of "Torchwood." Rather than being one of myriad of slasher-serial killer films, this one is more sci-fi with an almost "Twilight Zone" quality to it. Original script and, even with an American lead, it was well acted. Scary, not too gory ... nice work! I'm looking forward to buying it when it comes out on DVD.

30 Days of Night (2007)

Not great; not bad

[6/10 · 10 October 2007]

Set in Barrow, Alaska, the most remote location in the United States, "30 Days of Night" is what happens when you take John Carpenter's "The Thing" and throw it into a blender with "Dracula." The film begins just before, yes, you got it, 30 days of no sunshine are about to arrive, and a large number of residents are making a mass exodus. They apparently can't "handle" the long month. A number of people stay behind, but they have more to worry about than seasonal affective disorder; they have vampires waiting to feast on their blood. Playing the sheriff is Josh Hartnett, who is frequently maligned for his lack of facial expression. He's not too bad here; he has a few good moments. His character is going through a separation of sorts from his wife. That whole relationship situation takes up more screen time than necessary. The first part of the film drags a bit. Ben Foster gets a lot of extreme close-ups in the first five minutes. He must be a sort of Renfeld, complete with shabby dress and horrible hygiene. I'm still wondering where he got that God awful accent. Once the vampires descend, fronted by Danny Huston, most recently of The Number 23. He speaks two words in English - No God - and then the rest of the time in a foreign tongue. It sounded Eastern European. His sidekicks, and there are plenty, have very strange, almost funhousesque faces. Not sure why that would be. If you like violence, well this should be a treat. There are some pretty graphic scenes, especially towards the end. And some good support from lesser known actors. You can't compare this film to something like "Michael Clayton," so why bother? You know if this film will appeal to you or not. Do you like vampires? Like to watch some people fighting for their lives? Like that Gothic edge? Well, then you won't cringe too much during "30 Days of Night."

The Brave One (2007)

It's b*llocks standard

[10/10 · 10 September 2007]

I'm just responding to the previous review. Since when is a film about a female vigilante bog "standard?" In the last twenty years, I can name maybe two - and I'm not digging through all that substandard, titillating 80s "chick with a gun" garbage. I'm talking about a real film, destined for the cinemas, that deals with real issues and has a female lead? "Thelma and Louise" - and it's not really a vigilante film - and maybe "Kill Bill," which is a revenge film not a vigilante film, either. That's it, folks.

"The Brave One" is a fantastic film that blurs the line between good and evil. It's superbly acted by Jodie Foster, a real rarity in Hollywood as she's never sold herself out as the male lead's "sweetheart," and marvelously directed by Neil Jordan; a man who courts controversy. This film challenges a lot of stereotypes, and presents you with a lot of questions.

I would certainly add it to my Top 10 list for 2007. (So far, it joins "300," "Zodiac," "The Lookout," "Rescue Dawn," and "Sunshine."

Spider-Man 3 (2007)

We need Spiderman 4!

[9/10 · 24 April 2007]

I just saw the sneak peek of "Spider-Man 3" and I think that they just keep getting better. What I love about this franchise is that it deals with the concepts of "good" and "evil," but it doesn't insult us by making us believe they are mutually exclusive. In this installment, Peter Parker gets "taken over," for lack of a better word, by a symbiotic organism from outer space that heightens a person's aggression and power. As you can imagine, this new found power "feels good," as he says, but it comes at a price. Joining this outing are Sandman and Venom, both brilliantly played by Thomas Hayden Church and Topher Grace (one of my all-time favorite actors). The special effects are pretty good and the fight sequences are exhilarating. Sam Raimi is having fun with this one, and takes a few moments to cut loose. Especially funny is the cameo by Bruce Campbell as a French maitre de, and the sequence when Peter Parker is grooving along the street is priceless. (An homage to Saturday Night Fever, maybe?) Hilarious. Stan Lee also gets his brief on-screen time. With the word that this is the final installment, I can't help but feel a bit saddened. We need more! Great work!

The Reaping (2007)

Oh the humanity of it

[3/10 · 3 April 2007]

What would you get should you take elements from "the Omen," "Rosemary's Baby," and "Seventh Sign" tweaked them and then released that spawn onto the world? Yes, it's "The Reaping." I have to agree with the previous reviewer - what was Hilary Swank thinking? Did she not read this script? Awful. I never fall asleep during a film, but for this film, and "Underworld II," I made an exception. Well, it wasn't so much sleeping as it was dozing and hoping that my dreams would take me away from this OVER long hell. You just have to know the minute that you have a main character who was once a member of the clergy and then who suffers a tremendous loss - which means she turns her back on God - that she's going to come back to the fold. And that isn't a spoiler, it's paint by the numbers writing. I think this exact same plot device was used in the "Exorcist: The Beginning." We were insulted during "The Exorcism of Emily Rose," and we suffer a similar fate while watching "The Reaping." Science, bad; faith, good. Yawn. I was lucky that I didn't pay for this film. At least Swank came away with a paycheck. I came away wanting those wasted hours back. Do not bore yourself with this mediocre "Biblical" horror film. Read the Book of Revelation. It is more entertaining.

Supernatural: Roadkill (2007) Season 2, Episode 16

Classic Supernatural

[10/10 · 17 March 2007]

After waiting a MONTH to satisfy my Supernatural cravings, here is another gem by Raelle Tucker, who also wrote the very creepy "Bugs," and "Scarecrow." Starring Tricia Helfer, of Battlestar Galactica fame, Roadkill is high on atmosphere and provides you with more than a few jumps. Best, though, are the witty oneliners spouted by the always fantastic Jensen Ackles (playing Dean). Jared Padalecki again does what he does best - provides the show with its softer and more sensitive side. After a few dud episodes, I was glad to see this show demonstrate why it's one of the best on TV. As is evidenced by this episode, when it's good, it's very, very good.

Shinobi: Heart Under Blade (2005)

Beautiful but that's about all

[4/10 · 14 March 2007]

I have watched anime but I'm not a die hard fan; and I don't read manga. I say this because many of the reviewers who are waxing lyrical about this film seem to have that background. I have seen "St. John's Wort," and although it isn't a masterpiece by any stretch of the imagination, it made me pick up "Shinobi," especially since everyone seems to love it.

Well, I watched it this afternoon, and fought very hard to keep watching. Yes, it's very beautiful - the slow motion water scenes, the autumn leaves on the trees, even the CGI eye flicker - majestic. I liked the hawk, the costumes, even some of the fight scenes, but overall this was dull as dirt.

It seemed as if someone took "Romeo and Juliet" - the translation even mentions that they are star crossed lovers - and threw in some "X-Men" for good measure. Two of the characters split Wolverine's powers - the guy dressed in a bear costume had his claws and the grey-haired guy had his ability to heal himself. Then you have the girl who has a poison kiss - that's Poison Ivy (from Batman). Why do they give these women such dumb powers? Poison girl shows her leg then kisses you to death. Man, that's some great power for you. And the other girl, can create bugs from this yellow dust that she rubs on her hands. The other woman, one of the star crossed lovers, has the power of a hypnotic stare. Wow.

I sort of made it to the end of the film, by fast forwarding it, and did see a bit more tragedy than I expected. Some people are comparing this to "House of Flying Daggers" and "Hero." Don't make that mistake. They may share similar endings, but that's where the similarities end. "Shinobi" is made by an amateur - the other films are made by an experienced filmmaker.

I would say avoid this film unless you're 12 to 18 years old.

The Brothers Grimm (2005)

Long winded and not very interesting

[4/10 · 26 August 2005]

***May contain spoilers **** It's been seven years since Terry Gilliam helmed a film. As a fan of the director, I was very excited to see that he had a new project. Unfortunately, having just watched the film, I wouldn't recommend it to others.

You probably know the story - the Grimm Brothers go from village to village as exorcists-for-hire. Then they get discovered by the French authorities and they must dispel a real magical curse or die.

The film is populated by many characters and images from fairy tales, including Little Red Riding Hood, Hansel & Gretel, Rapunzel, the evil queen from Snow White, etc. However, it's really a mess. The story isn't very engaging and neither are the actors. The best "role" is played by Monica Belluci, who is the diabolical mirror queen. But sadly, she isn't in the film very much, maybe 20 minutes, if that.

Peter Stormare who is usually pretty good in films - most notably the woodchipping lunatic in Fargo - is so annoying, I hoped that his character was a minor one. Alas, no.

The accents are equally heinous. Jonathan Pryce's pronunciation is abysmal, and the film's overall depiction of the French is, once again, ridiculous. I guess they are the new demonized target of Hollywood these days, being depicted as cruel, careless and power mad. I'm quite frankly getting tired of it.

The special effects are pretty good, particularly the flying witch during an early exorcism, and the frog licking is kind of cute, but this film never really knows what it wants to be. Is it funny? Is it fantasy? It's certainly excessive in length.

My biggest gripe is that it doesn't even know what it's message is. One of the characters complains that Christianity was the cause of the destruction of the forest and, I guess, the people who populated the area with folklore - the kind that Jacob is trying to preserve. The French, too, stand as a symbolic of "the Enlightenment." After all, Jonathan Pryce's character wants to burn the woods and vanquish the myths. But in the end, he, himself, is destroyed because of a trick cross. So which is it? Triumph of folklore, the trees and myths or rational thought? I wish Ehren Kruger had figured out where he stood before he turned in his screenplay.

More often than not, Heath Ledger seems attracted to stinkers. The Order is a great example of that, so I think if he's in a film, I might skip it. Matt Damon, I'll keep giving your films a chance. (I like most of what he's been in.) Mr. Gilliam. I hate to say it, but this film stunk. Back to the drawing board.

The Woodsman (2004)

Absolutely brilliant!

[9/10 · 7 May 2005]

Kevin Bacon is fantastic in this difficult drama about a pedophile who is returned to society after a 15-year prison sentence. You get inside of his head and get to experience how difficult an addiction, for lack of a better word, can be.

This film is incredibly brave as it looks at the situation not from the child or family's perspective but from the victimizer. I can certainly say it's not an easy film, but it certainly humanizes someone few would call anything other than a monster.

What I really appreciated was how this was all couched in a fairytale language. It's really an outstanding, thoughtful, honest script and a film that I would recommend to anyone with an open mind. It's certainly worth the effort.

House of Wax (2005)

What a piece of sh*#

[1/10 · 3 May 2005]

A horrible, horrible, horrible film. I saw the original when I was a kid and it gave me nightmares into my teens. When I found out a remake was on the way, I groaned. WHY OH WHY remake a good film? Well, we can thank Dark Castle for buggering yet another classic horror film. This time they've replaced a somewhat interesting story with gore, slower than slow pacing, and yawn-inspired characters. Someone previously said that s/he was surprised that Paris Hilton can act. Uh, were you watching the film? She plays a prissy little tramp. Sounds like typecasting to me. Half of the people in the audience actually CHEERED when she died! That tells you why people are seeing this film. If that's your only reason, then find a better one, because like a black hole this thing will suck out more of your life than you'll want. Had I been alone, I would have left 10 minutes into the boring exposition. This thing is like a moron's guide to crap film-making: In bred Southern git, stupid but attractive leads, knives a plenty, gore a plenty, stock menacing truck, I could go on. After watching this film, I began to really appreciate Jeepers Creepers, and I thought that film sucked. Save yourself and avoid this crapfest at every cost.

Colonel Chabert (1994)

Excellent take on Balzac's story

[8/10 · 26 April 2005]

I recently read the story to see how these two match up, and if you can believe it, this film improves upon Balzac. The story is moved around, I think, to drive home the idea that Colonel Chabert is a man who has suffered much and yet he comes home, not a hero, but as an outcast.

As someone mentioned, I was initially confused if Chabert was akin to The Return of Martin Guerre. No. It is firmly established by Balzac that Chabert is the real deal. What's interesting, though, is not is he, isn't he, but how his wife, and society, treats him.

I think this is a timeless story of men who go off to fight for their country and when they come home time has left them behind. Chabert is a tragic figure made all the more poignant by the amazing Gerard Depardieu. I don't care that he's been in 1 million films, he's captivating.

Fanny Ardant has a horrible character to play. Once a prostitute, Rose has used her feminine wiles to climb the social ladder. Are her emotions true for Compte Ferraud? I think they are and perhaps couple that with her social standing at the time, and you start to feel some empathy for her.

Fabrice Lucini is slowly worming his way into my heart. He's exceptional here as Derville.

I think if you can get your hands on this gem of a film, you won't be sorry. French cinema at its finest.

Crimson Rivers 2: Angels of the Apocalypse (2004)

What the ....

[5/10 · 12 April 2005]

I loved Les Rivieres Pourpres. I thought it was atmospheric, dark and a bit sinister. But then how can you go wrong with Kassovitz as the director? Well, this sequel is just as atmospheric, but the story is complete crap. It has to do with an ancient order of monks, a member of the German ministry (Christopher Lee speaking flawless French), and a lot of running around. Benoit Magimel is great to watch. He has a lot of pent up hunky angst, which makes for great cinema, and man can he run! Jean Reno is fabulous - as always. The problem with this film is it is so obtuse. It's as if the writer - Luc Besson, need I say more - thought "hmmm I'll add in some ritual killings, some religious references, some fight sequences but leave out logic and any semblance of meaning." I finished watching the film and just scratched my head. WHAT THE F***? The first film makes you scratch your head in a GOOD way. This one just defies purpose. It's as if a chunk of the script was left out. Watch it if you like pseudo-religious thrillers - there's a lot to choose from these days - but if you really need something deeper; something Oh I don't know sensible, forget this stinker. It looks good. It just doesn't make a lot of sense.

A Month in the Country (1987)

Unforgettable film

[8/10 · 6 April 2005]

I saw this film probably 15 years ago, and have never forgotten it. It's about two World War I soldiers who are recuperating at a church. The one is trying to find the remains of the local priest - it's been a while so my brain's a bit rusty - and the other is revealing a mural on the church wall. There's also a love story/triangle to it. It is fabulously acted and demonstrates the horrors faced by men during war time. Kenneth Branagh's performance is worth the price of rental alone. Colin Firth manages to act for a change, rather than seem like he's sleepwalking. (Check out Apartment Zero, another older and decent film.) Exceptional!

The Jacket (2005)

Promoted correctly?

[5/10 · 24 February 2005]

When I saw the trailer for this film, I thought it was going to be psychologically intense. It was for about 10 minutes, then it goes into "Somewhere in Time" territory. This film could have said something about what we do to soldiers, what we do in war, but it becomes like a Hallmark card at the end, which I didn't buy in the slightest. I won't give anything away, but people don't change like that. Especially not under those circumstances.

And one more thing, Keira Knightley may be pretty but she cannot act. I actually found her performance during one of the scenes intensely distracting. (Enough of the lip pulling and glass gobbing Lolita!)

Adrien Brody is a fine actor. And even though I don't usually like Daniel Craig, he's about the only reason to sit through this dross.

What a disappointment!

Cabin Fever (2002)

Worst film ever

[3/10 · 12 September 2004]

About five minutes into this film, I knew it was going to total shite, and I was right. This has to be the dumbest movie I have ever seen. If this guy is trying to remake Evil Dead 2, he needs to watch it a few more times, because he's not even close to figuring out the secret. (Maybe he's missing the requisite talent gene.) This film isn't scary in the slightest probably because he never creates characters you care about. You want to see them die, because they are stupid, shallow people. And as for them getting the virus - no wonder they shout to that kid to avoid going to college, because they didn't learn anything from their experiences there. Uh if a person is spitting blood, you probably don't want to be handling them or standing near them. The disease was a lot like ebola, and yet how was this being spread? By drinking it? Give me a break. Once logic was thrown completely out of the window, I just couldn't wait until this was over. A few things are mildly humorous -was that deputy supposed to be Crispin Glover? - but overall it was just the product of a very infantile mind.

I beg you. Avoid this film at all costs. It doesn't even come close to being a gross out. The acting is horrible, the writing is below B grade ... I kept waiting for those three heads from Mystery Science Theatre 3000 to show up in silhouette. They at least might have made it bearable.

The Village (2004)

False advertising

[5/10 · 1 August 2004]

I think Touchstone should be sued for misrepresenting this film as a horror film. It is not scary one jot. I think had I known it was a drama in the style of the Twilight Zone or Outer Limits then I might not have been so disappointed when I left the cinema. I think M. Night's films have progressively gotten worse from Sixth Sense. It's too bad, because I think he tries hard. I really didn't care about any of the characters in The Village, because for the most part they weren't three dimensional. It's telling when the credits roll and a group of people walk past you, saying "Man that sucked." I don't completely concur, but I'm certainly not going to rate this film over 5 out of 10.

Little Black Book (2004)

More than a chick flick

[8/10 · 29 July 2004]

I went to the preview thinking "Oh God who can take another chick flick," but it wasn't that at all. The writers seem to know how the formula for these types of films goes and they wisely twist the story so as to keep you guessing. And I LOVED the ending. Finally is all I can say! Brittany Murphy could easily be the 21st century's answer to Meg Ryan. She has the short blonde hair, the wide eyes, ever persistent smile and the infectious bubble in her personality. Not that that's bad. In fact, even when she's in some horrible films, I can't fault her. How could you? She's so cute you want to put her in your pocket. Holly Hunter steals every scene that she's in; this woman is fabulous. And Kathy Bates is another fine addition to this film. I should have known to expect more from a film that stars Hunter and Bates. Not to forget Julianne Nicholson, who was tremendous in Tully and the canceled-before-its-time "The Others." (Some please bring this show back!) Women will love this film. It's smart, funny and it has an adorable mastiff in it. Men won't leave the cinema groaning, either. My husband said it was the funniest show he's seen this year! Give it a chance. It won't disappoint.

Van Helsing (2004)

Very dark and comical

[7/10 · 7 May 2004]

I noticed that a lot of people don't like this film because of all of the special effects. Although I agree that they should stop making Hyde as a CGI creature (he was equally naff in LXG) I don't mind the effects. In fact, I didn't mind the film.

Anyone going to this film and expecting anything other than complete mind candy should be slapped repeatedly. If you don't want to switch off your brain and enjoy some dark - but cool images - then find another film. Remember this comes to you from the guy who did the Mummy. He's obviously a classic film buff, because he doesn't come up with an original idea. Which I think is OK. Indiana Jones comes straight out of classic Hollywood and no one beats up Lucas and Spielberg over that. Not that I'm comparing this film to Raiders of the Lost Ark. It's nowhere in that league.

My biggest complaint about this film is that it makes the villain too attractive. I like Hugh Jackman, but Richard Roxburgh makes Dracula so enticing that I was hoping he and his awesome flying brides would triumph. The casting of this show seems to be a bit of an in joke. Kate Beckinsale's last film, Underworld, had her as a vampire fighting werewolves and that's kind of important to this film.

Hugh Jackman has played Wolverine, a man in search of his "lost past" and here he does a similar turn. (There's another similarity that I won't spoil.)

The best in this film, though, is David Wexham, who played Faromir in LOTR. He's almost unrecognizable as the friar sidekick and he gets the best lines. (I noticed that I was often the only one laughing, though.)

If you're hung up on finding a "great film," just realize that Hollywood is making them anymore. Van Helsing, is however, a fun and visually stunning substitute.

Hellboy (2004)

Great homage to cinema

[5 April 2004]

If you know Guillermo del Toro's other films, you'll get an added kick out of Hellboy. For some reason, he has a thing about subway systems and insects. Mimic - a great film - takes place in abandoned tunnels and features cockroach hybrids that get out of control. Cronos has a mechanical "insect" and Hellboy has a great scene in which Hellboy picks up a manhole and all of these cockroaches scatter.

Also, I had a great time picking out other film references. There's a bit of Star Wars, Men in Black, Matrix, Blade, etc in there.

Ron Perlman is the best choice for Hellboy and I can't imagine anyone else playing this role. Who did the studios want Brad Pitt? Ridiculous. Only the Europeans appreciate what a wonderful talent Perlman is. Jean-Pierce Jeunet has given him a LEAD in a film. No makeup, no latex foam. Just his muscularly wonderful self in City of Lost Children. And then of course he cast him in Alien Resurrection.

Del Toro has worked with Perlman thrice, in Cronos, Blade II and now Hellboy.

Another Frenchman (Jean-Jacques Annaud) gave Perlman his breakout role in Quest for Fire and then gave him a great cameo in Enemy at the Gates.

I just hope that this film makes Hollywood appreciate this talented actor.