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Reviews
The Beekeeper (2024)
Surely a parody, right?
I went into this thinking it would be a typical Jason Statham action film like The Transporter or Crank. One guy who kills everybody and walks away at the end. Like Liam Neeson in Taken, Keanu Reeves in John Wick and Denzel Washington in the Equalizer.
But after the opening scene where an elderly women kills herself after getting scammed on her computer and then her daughter turning up and showing no emotion whatsoever and all this talk about Beekeepers and Beehives I realised we were in a film that was not only daft and implausible, it almost felt like a parody of one of these "One Man Army" type films. It didn't feel so much a big budget film but more a comedy sketch but being played straight. At this point I just went with with it and yeah it was fun, daft silly violent almost cartoonish fun.
I suppose what I'm saying is don't take it too seriously and with the amount of monet it's taken we'll probably see another one.
Resident Evil (2022)
Janet Jackson circa 1986
I knew I was in trouble 5 mins in. Heroine looks like Janet Jackson circa 1986. Camera literally right up in her face. Asian husband. All zombies were white. I just knew this was going to be another woke project.
Absolutely not Resident evil in any possible sense.
Stranger Things (2016)
Season 4 is a tedious schmaltzy slog. It just goes on and on and on....
Stranger things suffers from "bigger is better" syndrome. With each new season t'is gets bigger and bigger but not necessarily better and by season 4 there's so much bloat, so much padding that you're left wondering why you bothered watching this in the first place.
The first thing that's wrong is that the episodes are too long. 40-50 mins is about the right length but when you go into 70-80 mins it just starts to drag. The second thing is the number of plotlines going on at the same time. This time there's 3 and they keep jumping back and forth taking you out of each one which again just drags on and on. It just feels like padding making you sit through and extra 20-30 mins for no real gain other than to rob you of another 20-30 mins of your life.
Too much schmaltz. This is probably the worst aspect of this show. They just lay on too thick like a huge dollop of mayonnaise. It's just sickening. Makes you want to vomit. Ugh
Sloooooooooooooooooow pacing. Again, another reason why the episodes are so long is that they noodle about going nowhere. People talking and not saying anything interesting.
New annoying characters. The pizza guy was the worst. Such an annoying face you just want to punch. Even the old characters are annoying now. All insecure saps that you just want to slap.
No conclusion. You've just sat through 12 hours of this schlop only to find that there is no ending conclusion and that you'll have to sit through another season of this syrup.
Just stop now. Please. No more.
Mostly 4 Millennials (2018)
Spot on satire
I guess the negative reviews are from people who are under 30. The millennials hate not being taken seriously and they sure get a kicking here.
The key to this show is that it's only lasts for 10 mins but they pack a whole lot into that 10 mins. Lots of puns, pranks and just craziness. I love the hidden camera prank shows that aren't hidden camera prank shows lol.
Derrick Bickles is a genius. He's got this spot on.
Chu dao gui jing (1990)
See two movies for the price of one
Why? Because a number of scenes taken from Jackie Chan's 1985 film "The Protector" have been spliced on to this film just so the audience think JC is in a new film when in fact he isn't. In fact they would be confused like I was, it's like watching two different films.
The main plot are two brothers from mainland China go to Hong Kong to help their Uncle and his daughter with his restaurant. Once they leave the HK airport a number of thugs 'accientally' run into them and cause a small fight where upon the thugs are apprehended by the police. It appears they had a big bag of dope on them. Understandably their boss is not happy. Speaking of the boss this guy is weird. He always has a vacant look on his face, says very few words and has a taste for apples. You don't want to be around him when he's eating his apples.
Later on the two brothers and the girl run into the triad boss' other underlings at a night club and beat them up. Next we see a bizarre rollerskating competition. The thug's girlfriend girl takes part but gets beat so the thugs kidnap the girl who won. Basiacally the rest of the film is the two brothers and the Uncle try to rescue the girl and in the process take on the Triad gang.
Jackie Chan turns up in three scenes that have nothing to do with this film which only serve to confuse the viewer.
Jui gaai fuk sing (1986)
The fourth entry in the 'Lucky Stars' series and very much the worst too.
First off no Jackie Chan or Biao Yuen. Secondly, apart from Sammo Hung, the original 'lucky stars' appear for only five minutes. Which is just as well as this is a real turkey. It's a pity Samo didn't have the same foresight as the others.
Basically it's the same plot as the other films in the series. The police mess up an undercover operation, so bizarrely they turn to Samo Hung and his unlawful for help. It's still unclear why the police would recruit five con men to help them. Samo asks his pals but they're not interested so he has to recruit five new lucky stars. Five hopeless policemen (including a young Andy Lau). They then proceed to share a house, bicker amongst themselves, a beautiful female cop moves in to train them whilst they play tricks on her to get her into bed.
This is supposed to be a comedy but it's mind-numbingly and shockingly unfunny. Jokes in bad taste like domestic violence against a wife, rape of a 50 year old housekeeper, a bizarre game of Russian roulette, even an Alsatian dog gets shot. It's pretty dire. The first half hour of the film is particularly painful watch. I cannot help but think Samo Hung must be throughly ashamed and embarrassed of this film.
The only two scenes worth watching is when we first meet Andy Lau during a combat training exercise in an abandoned building and the fight scene at the end with the young Japanese villain. Also a small scene where Samo has a fight in a padded cell.
Other than that this film is pure garbage.