jenwithapen Reviews

Gone (I) (2017–2018)

Look.

[9/10 · 10 January 2018]

If you went into this expecting that Gone was going to recreate the wheel, clearly you're going to be disappointed. This is a standard procedural, and honestly, it's good! If you've enjoyed "Without a Trace," or "Law & Order," or "Criminal Minds," etc., you're going to enjoy this! It seems like the younger the audience, anymore, the less enjoyment they get out of this kind of TV. I get that. I still enjoy things like Teen Wolf (which had some sublime writing, and wonderful acting!), and The Originals (I always preferred that to The Vampire Diaries), too, so! I see the difference, and I see the appeal to both, it's just that procedurals are an old business.

I find Noth's "father figure" as the lead for this rag-tag bunch awesome. I've loved Noth since he was Mr. Big, so! You can't go wrong there. Where a few others have felt that the lead was over the top, I dare you to watch Blindspot or Quantico, or any of the hundreds of others with over-the-top leads! I don't find Kitt (or Kick) crazily out-of-control (she's still suffering from a mild PTSD, but unlike other dramas, the trauma of it doesn't just shut her down, and it's not something that's overplayed!). As a matter of fact, I think they sort of underplay it sometimes.

Regardless, another person had a problem with the hacker dude, and... I don't find him as cloying, but I can see the issue. It's the same thing as your Garcia's in Crim Minds (talk about an over-the-top character, though! She's lovable as heck!), or your Abby Sciuto's from NCIS! It's nothing that hasn't already been done, and it's important for plot dev, especially with such a skeleton crew. Seeing Danny Pino again (Law & Order: SVU) was a great surprise! He's so muted here, and I love that!

I know this show hasn't scored higher with other folks, but if you're a fan of any of the shows I've mentioned, just give it a try! I think you'll like it. =D

Brother vs. Brother (2013– )

Nauseously formulaic

[2/10 · 5 January 2018]

Start with identical twins. Start with identical twins who spend more time on HGTV than they do on their hair (and if you've seen them in any of their many incarnations, you know how much they love the hair!). So you start with identical twins -- a contractor and an agent -- and ten incredibly talented designers. The contest is fun! Drew v. Jonathan (the twins, of course!), team v. team, two homes that are similar styles and similar price points. What's the hitch in the giddy up? Well, the twins.

Instead of allowing any designer to show _their_ personal style, both Drew and Jonathan, led by current trends on the same channel as half a dozen of their TV shows (HGTV), they both consistently thwart contestant's plans. God forbid someone should bring in a blue or a red. If it's not gray, or some shade of gray, it's not happening! It's not _modern_ enough. It's "traditional" (which is basically the same thing as crap). For some reason, these designers haven't figured out that gray (which is the ABSENCE of color!) is the new harvest gold, and no one's gonna thank you for an ombred backsplash that's 22 shades of grey. Not after the first few months.

The whole show is so formulaic you could set your watch to it. Find house, argue about design, pick a dozen grays, try to add color and hear all about how it's "too bold," or "old fashioned," or that it's a color that looks better on a dinner plate. =P

Not only that, but the winning teams are so arbitrary. There's nothing in a design that wins, or someone who truly is worthy goes home, while someone who is so incompetent goes on to win (see S2). It's just a really disappointing combination of frustrating your audience. Two stars on IMDB is the result. =P

Bill Nye Saves the World (2017–2018)

These reviews are hilarious.

[7/10 · 19 June 2017]

Spoilers, I suppose (general as they may be).

Hundreds of people crying about how the show has "no science" in it and how terrible it is for a 61 year old man -- who is clearly more comfortable as a grandfather than a millennial -- is "trying to be hip." They're. Just. So. Disappointed. It's incredible how subtle irony is lost on so many people. See "the ironic" is the bread and butter of this series, and that's where the humor is!

The show isn't designed to be Bill Nye the Science Guy. He addresses that immediately in the first episode. It's designed as a talk show, with tongue-in-cheek comedy. For everyone up-in-arms over the show not including science, the show spends plenty of time in the lab, with Bill and gorgeous colleagues completing experiments while one or the other talks. Beyond that there's also a reporting section, along with impaneled discussions. All of this in a half an hour, and that's probably one of the biggest problems with the current format. It came out swinging at every ball, and fails to connect with every single one!

This is felt most when it comes to the panel discussions. Much like other similar chat series (think Bill Maher, etc.), there's typically two for the topic and one against. It's clear time is a huge issue, here. It's also pretty clear from the editing (I blame the editing most out of anything in the series) that these discussions were much longer, so conversation appears truncated. One minute one panelist will be talking, and then the next, it looks like Bill's cutting them off in favor of listening to the response from another.

And, sure, some want to say the show is shaming. Fine. The thing is... all these superfans who are so outraged, fans who claimed they grew up with BNSG. Well, as he says in the first episode, he's been talking about these subjects since many WERE kids, and nothing has changed! So many they SHOULD feel guilty!

So, instead of taking the talking points and using them to extrapolate the importance of the scientific issues, instead people want to pretend that Bill's a sell-out. Clearly, all he's doing is collecting his Netflix paycheck. He's not concerned about Global Warming or advancements in AI. He's just rolling around in a bed with his giant piles of cash.

Look, this isn't the best show on TV. I'd actually call the format, as it exists, mediocre at best. There's definitely room for improvement.

I think another problem exists in the fact that Bill spent years entertaining children, and trying to port his ideas over to adult topics is a bit difficult. Instead of patience, and understanding, though, the response is all about how pseudo-intellectual it is.

But name calling doesn't change the message, and it also doesn't change the intended purpose. Honestly, had he had an hour (instead of a half an hour), the entire series would work much better. What's here isn't the utter trash so many people find it to be. It's an _attempt_. And all of the _contempt_ it's bred (only here, for some reason?! What's up with that??) should make all as worried as we should be about the topics Nye's tackling.

For those of you who didn't catch the series title, it's "Bill Nye Saves the World." The point being, it's in trouble! Now! For those in denial, the universe doesn't care if you're not prepared. Keep that in mind as the sea levels are forcing you to sell your sun-drenched condos overlooking the whichever body of water you live on. Sure as shooting, the second you're under on your mortgage because your house is under(WATER) -- the second this hits your wallet -- you'll sure wish you'd cared back then!

11:55 (2016)

I'd only add one word to the rating...

[1/10 · 16 June 2017]

WARNING: SPOILERS AHEAD!! DUH ;D Still, I'd hate to get banned for not warning you. ;D

A rating of 1 on this site is "awful", or so it says! I'd only add one word to that in order for it to be completely fitting. The movie was _god_ awful. Surprising, too, considering some of the cast!

At first, I thought maybe it only struggled with direction (it was as if the directors were trying to say, "People, in general, lack total self-awareness,") but now I think it's just that the directors lacked the mental-fortitude!

Not five minutes into the movie you've got the main character buying a gift for someone who is neither 8 years old, NOR A BOY! Instead of apologizing and saying something appropriate, the guy sarcastically offers to buy (the clearly 14-15 yr old GIRL) CONDOMS. Yeesh!

This is prefaced with a prior interaction where there was a cashier so clearly uninterested in her job (CASHING what's his nuts out) that she appeared as if she didn't even know there WAS such an invention! So disillusioned with her job, was she, that she seemed like she was giving the camera the slowest eye roll in human history! Then again, the dude who bought the toy car doesn't seem to know where he's at when he asks ghetto-toys'r'us GIFT WRAP IT! Yikes! I probably would have slow-eyerolled, too!

Next up, there's the salsa dancing barber who is (FOR WHATEVER REASON) salsaing in the middle of the salon! It's never explained, never even touched upon, just spontaneous dance break!

And all of this goodness within the first ten minutes. The lack of self-awareness is key, but after twenty minutes watching these patched together and just as quickly orphaned sequences, I can see why people have rated this one so low! Actually, I'm a little clueless why it's rating this HIGH!

There are a billion and half other glaring issues as the "story" (and you'll use that word extremely flippantly, because at 105 minutes in (with just 20 to go) you'll really wonder where the story was!!). Obviously, it wasn't in the movie!

Strangely, with 88 reviews, RT has this at a 93% audience approved. At least IMDb is a little closer to true North. ;P We know what's up! And this movie was a real turd. ;D

The Boy Next Door (2015)

Oof

[2/10 · 16 April 2015]

Yet another example of movie writing that expects us to narrow down our disbelief until we're all but squinting at it.

When will movie writers ever get logical thrillers right-- ones that carry the same weight and suspense as the ones they're trying to write now?

Spoiler Alert...

As an example, I start at the end. The final "kill" sequence was so convoluted, I had to turn the movie off (I have no idea what happened in the final ten minutes, I was so bored and frustrated). The boy next door, who has now moved into serial killer status, has all but shacked up in the object of his desire's best friend's house (whom he's already murdered). He makes a phone call, inviting her son, who is also with his father (J Lo's ex-and-kindly-cheating husband), asking them to join him (they don't know he's the bad guy yet)!

With a parsed together taped recording of the best friend's voice (that sounds more animatronic than the chorus at Chuck E Cheese), he lures Clare (J Lo), as well! A stroke of luck, as it brings everyone's into the same place at the same time! Super tidy!

Also, lucky, Clare buys the terrible recording, without question, then thinks nothing of it when the power is out, and the lights won't turn on! Instead of putting two and two together, she proceeds inside. Wandering around, blindly, she stumbles upon her dead friend's body.

J Lo does give us a scream, here, that inspires a little appreciation. It _sounds_ like she's really freaked. But, again, instead of taking her phone out and calling the cops right then and there, instead of doing it once she has her head together and has all but cleared the door, she waits until she's in her car! And, when they pick up, instead of screaming (once the boy comes into view), screaming that she needs help, to send someone right away (after all, she's got a few seconds, and the dude is already mad as hell, anyway!). Instead of all that, she hangs up.

It's just one calamity after another. From the second they sleep together, to the point where I finally gave up on the film.

I'm really ready for a thriller that doesn't expect its audience to be half brain dead in order to enjoy! Bring it on!

The To Do List (2013)

The reason I disliked this was _not_ because of the subject matter...

[2/10 · 14 November 2013]

Another reviewer thought so many people disliked this flick because people went in with the wrong expectations. For me, I usually go into a comedy with the expectation that I will (1.) laugh and (2.) enjoy the film.

In truth, there was some enjoyment to be had. I've got a self- admitted embarrassment squick, so films like this will always make me squirm. As long as they do it in the "right" way, though, (ala the out"come" in the movie theater or Brandy in the shower at the pool), I consider it a win. So this film had plenty of those. Scene after scene unfolded in a way one would expect with a film of its caliber-- dirty, raunchy, and outlandishly fun!

And you couldn't have had more fun with this all-star cast! Some of television and movies' brightest talents top the list-- Donald Glover of Community, Bill Hader from just about everything funny, EVER,and Christopher Mintz-Plasse, the one and only McLovin. Forget about it! And for the most part, everyone does their job. They work hard to entertain!

Everyone except the film's two leads...

Which brings me to my problem. Now, normally, I think Aubrey Plaza is passable, if not good. I love her on Parks & Rec and I thought Safety Not Guaranteed was _wonderful_. Not this time, I'm afraid.

To phone something in, a person has to actually pick up the phone and dial. In The To Do List, Plaza doesn't even care. Scene after scene, take after take, Plaza's acting unfolds into dry, bland blahness. Even for the squick-humor, the fakery boggles the mind. For example, in one scene, after a young man pours his heart out to her on her bed, Brandy curls up in a ball ("Why God, why?!"-style) and cries. The "acting" here is so phony it's literally painful to watch.

It doesn't stop there and it doesn't get better.

The only thing worse was the terrible wigs or the horrible humidity that must have struck set to cause whatever is happening with the hair in this film!

I don't know. I was really disappointed. I loved the subject matter, I loved the style of comedy, and I'm a huge fan of several of the actors. And I would have loved this, too, had Plaza been a little less Hallmark Channel and a little more movie-present.