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Crash Dive (1996)
Preposterous and boring
This non-entity of a movie doesn't deserve a long review, so here are my brief thoughts. You will have seen every single element of this movie done better elsewhere. It is Die Hard and Under Siege on a submarine, yet so much worse than any of the films in either series. It is utterly predictable and totally unmemorable apart from the single worst shootout I have ever seen in a movie. This shootout manages to be completely mesmerising due to the total lack of jeopardy and the catastrophic editing. It is staggeringly poorly done, however, for this hilariously bad sequence I have added an extra star.
Clownado (2019)
Truly terrifyingly terrible
The plot is unfathomable and the pace is glacial, but the worst thing about this travesty is the acting. This movie is not in any way fun to watch.
In a Heartbeat (2014)
A calamitous mess from start to finish
This is one of the worst movies I have ever seen. An abysmal script, nonsensical story and woeful acting make this unutterably boring film unwatchable. The American doctor is particularly awful and the angry drunk scene has to be seen to be believed. There are movies that are so bad, they're good, but this is not one of them. Sure, it's terrible, but it's so, so, so boring that I simply can't rate it higher than one star. A calamitous mess from start to finish and I have nothing positive to say about it whatsoever.