georgewilliamnoble Reviews

Poirot: Murder on the Orient Express (2010) Season 12, Episode 3

Poirot The Horrible!

[1/10 · 13 October 2023]

This must give Christmas Turkey a new meaning who ever thought this gastly horrible reimagining of the Agatha Christie masterpiece was a good idea as a Christmas evening treat must of been brought up only on humbug for this movie was a travesty not only of Agatha Christies much loved book but also distroys the memory of 20 years of hughly enjoyable TV entertainment in which David Suchet made Poirot his own. Here this reinvention is simply a horrible person it was all I could do to keep the TV set on to watch out this Christmas Special edition and I found myself seething at what this production had done to one of the very best TV shows of all time. The worst of the series by a epic mile and I just fear I may never be able to watch Suchet as Poirot ever again.

7th Cavalry (1956)

Bad on many many levels!

[3/10 · 23 June 2023]

This is an astonishingly bad movie even for a B movie quickie. As history it is farsical as entertainment it is grindingly dull and full of errors and mistakes of every sort from roads through the badlands to very obvious stunt doubles the list goes on and on. Scott seems ambarrassed throughout and gives a pretty dreadful performance but the terrible scrip gives him almost nothing to work with. This is surely one of the weakest westerns ever put on screen I kept watching thinking there must eventualy be some kind of action but no this rank stinker wimpers to a conclusion with the most rediculious finale yet seen. Oh dear, at least the scenery is pretty good if totaly inacurate.

The Treasure of Jamaica Reef (1974)

Under water and under the radar

[5/10 · 16 February 2023]

When a film needs a narration for no obvious reason you know yoou are in trouble and that is how this movie begins. Now it is clear from the first moments that this is a super low budget film wth some serious pacing issues waisting time on some humour and sub plots then when it does get to adventure part towards the end it is all very rushed. All that said and the script hardly helps this movie becomes far better when it goes under water where there is soome genuine drama as well as under sea beauty to admire. While no masterpiece thats for sure I found the fact that it had a let's make a movie while on a great holiday feel to it, I rather enjoyed it in the end,

Up Jumped a Swagman (1965)

Singing Australian Visits Swinging London

[5/10 · 11 February 2023]

A minor movie specisalial interest of mine are British pop films of the early 60s. Few are any good but for very different reason I really love "Summer Holiday" with Cliff Richard and "Hard Days Night" with the Beatles. To set this Frank Ifield vehicle in its historic context in the 1960 - 1966 era every British act of any merit got a film, a good example is "Ferry Across The Mersey" featuring Gerry and the Pacemakers and Cilla Black. In these the plot never really mattered just a fun 90 minutes in the company of popular pop stars. Elvis Presley made loads of them which I soppose was the gold standard of the day. This outing starring Aussie singing senation Frank Ifield. Who had 12 top 40 hits 1062 to 1965 that included four cosecutive number one's samdwiched betweeh a number four during 1962 into 1963. Clearly with the clean cut handsome Frank Ifield the films producers were aiming to repricate the huge success of the Cliff Richard films but the film sufferes from very poor writing and plot developement. The result is far from iconic but has historic interest shot in central london in lucious colour my DVD from Network video has a terrific transfer which helps show off a London and Britain just a memory nowadays. Frank Ifield comes over as a palatable singing star and the musical numbers are generaly well presented and more than mearly enjoyable but the movie I must admit is a real dogs dinner of adhock sketches and mild romantic froth none of which ever makes much sense. None the less this is my teenage era and I remember how popular Frank Ifield was just before the Beatles hit. I discovered that this movie was released just in time for Christmas 1965 so would of gone on general release in early 1966. Unfortunatly for all concerned musical and pop tastes had changed very considerably by 1966 and Frank and his pop movie would of been somewhat old fashioned. And I hardly remember the movie coming out even though I was a regular movie goer by this time. None the less I found much to enjoy in "Up Jumped The Swagman" and the fact it is badly dated and more silly than funny I rather enjoyed the show and especialy the Ifield song book.

Licence to Kill (1989)

A bond picture on rewind

[6/10 · 21 November 2022]

Revisiting this Tomothy Dolton bond movie for the first time in two decades I wondered if my original view of the movie formulated at my old movie house alas long closed and a VHS experience a decade later. Some bonds do seem to get better with age if you are forgiving such as with the Roger Moore pictures after the man with the golden gun but I am afraid I found licence to kill to be even more uneven and a uneasy mix of old glories new violence and questionable production values than I remembered. For myself the film fails from the start and it is in the casting of Timothy Dalton who simply cannot play the part he has no serious presense and lacks any credibility as a assassin or as a ladys man, sorry Tim. I remember thinking at the time of this movies release that the bond frachise was done and dusted and had no possible future. Licence to kill seems to rewind elements from a dozen earlier segments of old successes such as thunderball to name only one though I admit there are a stunt or two to admire even if the movie rips off raiders of the lost ark in the underwelming climax. Thankfully for bond fans the franchise would against the odds carry on for decades and finding a new high with skyfall but this movie for me is just a messy knock off die hard with a english accent.

Black Adam (2022)

Just Another Loud Thump And Bang Superhero Epic!

[3/10 · 25 October 2022]

Since around late 2019, I have boycotted all superhero movies all that noise all that endless repetitive fighting that achieves little. However, as the Rock was the star of this one I thought I would try it out. Dwayne Johnson is one of those none actors like Arnie before him who seem to play themselves in every movie but yet it works. So what would the Rock add to Black Adam?

Sadly not much, I am afraid I found this bad boy anti-hero dull and uninteresting and I was yawning for the end long before the final round of action stuff which as we all know the good guys always win, but could they not do it in a neat 90 minutes but at least this one was over in 124 though it felt much more like 180. One more observation I thought much of the special effects looked distinctly average perhaps this is a budget, superhero.

If it cost $100 million it must be Hollywood inflation. I love the movies at the movies, and so I will be back but not for Black Adam 2 but for the next hopefully decent Dwayne Johnson action movie.

Amsterdam (2022)

What A Bore!

[3/10 · 11 October 2022]

I never walk out of any film it is a rule, but this film tested my staying power when I turned round at the end there was myself and one other patron remaining out of 20. On talking to the Cinema staff it seemed 4 people lasted ten minutes and were allowed into another movie the rest drifted away one by one and this I was told had been going on all week. And no wonder what a mess of a picture it seems to be a comedy but the subject matter is heavy stuff with its post-world war I setting full of the broken bodies of veterans and so it goes on with rants on fascism and the dangers to freedom in America, clearly subject matter ripe for farse comedy and satire. This movie is just not funny or interesting at any point while the acting seems flippant throughout and how the characters talk and talk and talk with every scene drawn out with long-winded meaningless trivia. The film is relentlessly dull, truly boring, and unappealing, dragging its very limited plot way beyond its limit.

Cry Wolf (2005)

As Bad A Movie As I Have Ever Sat Through!

[1/10 · 23 September 2022]

The major problem with this teen slasher variant is that it constantly replays itself over and over. It was not suspenseful the first time so by ten eleven well you are well bored. With dull, irritating characters you do not care about and a silly repetitive storyline, the film fails on every level. No suspense no drama and no horror, not good for a horror movie. To sum up I found the film dull beyond belief and it was also a very poor piece of comedy if that was what it was meant to be black or any other colour. The DVD box describes the movie as too scary to watch alone. The tag line is who believes a liar, that's all you need to know. So watch if you dare!

Where the Crawdads Sing (2022)

Three Spoons Of Sugar

[7/10 · 29 July 2022]

I have not read the book but the film though fabulously beautiful to look at is something of a damp wet Tuesday afternoon yarn more suited to Television than the big screen. The situation is hardly credible and the plot is wildly melodramatic but has at least a surprise twist that is not badly handled. Nonetheless, the epilogue almost ruined the movie for me, the story certainly did not benefit from even more slop.

Men (2022)

This Is A Mystifying Haunting And Utterly Bazaar Movie!

[7/10 · 17 June 2022]

This is I believe going to be one of the top 20 movies I will see this year at the Cinema I usually see around 100 each year on the big screen. From the start, it hooked me it is wonderfully photographed with a camera that longing studies every tree field house and garden it's beautifully done but also a little creepy. The movie develops in a longing ambling way with minimal dialogue and muddled flashbacks with nothing in the way of explanation. There is one really eerie scene in which our heroine stares into a long dark disused railway tunnel a moment of personal reflection and confirmation of a simple joy that will suddenly become strange and frightening. All the time the movie has a curious other worldly quality to it. I will not give anything away but with 90% of the running time gone, I am hooked then without warning this film concludes with the most outrageous and weirdest climax to a film I have ever seen. What have I witnessed what is it meant to mean was this all an illusion a self-deception an expression of extreme guilt. Or is some ancient pagan supernatural spirit at work. The last ten minutes can make or break any film, I will not, therefore, judge this particular film but I will conclude with the comment this was almost a superb low budget if high concept success? Is this film destined to be the next Wicker Man cult movie or is it simply nonsense at the moment I simply do not know?

Sonata (2004 Video)

Distinctly Odd.

[3/10 · 29 March 2022]

This movie has the look of a used $3 dollar crumpled note filmed for cheapness no doubt on early video technology so the images are distinctly mushy. Poor as much of this straight to video fodder is, it has I must say an odd creepy texture to it. The story has a disturbing quality, like some sort of Roald Dahl children's tale darkened for adults. Not exactly a horror film it's hard to categorise exactly what it is, a tale of the unexpected perhaps but it did hold my attention to see how it played out and the ending did surprise me.

Studio 666 (2005)

As Bad As A Movie Can Be!

[1/10 · 29 March 2022]

Known as The Possessed on the UK video market the DVD box has a stylishly creepy artwork cover to lure purchasers to their doom. You get a hopeless load of codswallop that even at 76 minutes is an agonisingly dull and excruciatingly boring dull tripe and as amateur as they come. Truly awful in every way with appalling acting scripting and direction, no suspense and so no horror and so bad and in a bad bad bad way that there is no unitentional laughs either, I did get to the end in three shifts exactly how I do not know.

The 355 (2022)

Over Boiled Glossy Nonsense

[3/10 · 28 January 2022]

This modern Hollywood A-lister action flick was so insipid and uninteresting I confess to a few power naps and that was after only 10 minutes. This glossy trip with its copycat female James Bonds or maybe Jason Bournes is a concept borrowed from Charlies Angels TV series of the 1970s battered and bashed me to snooze land, the eye candy simply had no engagement or any character development as incredulous action sequence followed one after the other proved relentless and relentlessly tedious. All that is worst in modern commercial cinema is encapsulated in one very drab movie.

The Great Train Robbery: A Robber's Tale (2013) Season 1, Episode 1

As a youngster the second most memorable event of 1963

[7/10 · 1 January 2022]

If you were alive in 1963 then you will remember the robbery dubbed by the press of the day as the great train robbery, the robbers who stuck into the establishment and kind of got away with it. The public fascination and the media's obsession has kept the story alive ever since. In British folk law, this story became a legend long ago. So this made for tv two-part movie, tells it kind of as it was as best as anyone actually knows. The recreation of Britain in 1963 is not too bad at all with many cultural references to time and place neatly done. The story evolves nicely though mostly low key yet largely effective. This is part one of a two-part movie, the second part titled a coppers tale deals with how the gang fell apart after the raid leaving evidence all over the place making capture easier for the police. This segment is much less effective and stumbles along in an episodic patchy peace of storytelling that includes some very poor camera work which seemed out of step with the rest of the production.

Duck, You Sucker! (1971)

A fistful of not very much!

[3/10 · 26 December 2021]

Beware this film has three titles that I know of and has been shown in umpteen versions and lengths from two hours to over three. I saw the movie in the early seventies playing as a support feature, and thought it then a muddle and a mess and not very good. Almost 50 years later I caught up on the movie on late night TV. So how did it fair, well I found the tone muddled the story unengaging and frankly more than a little boring. The film just has no substance, the music is the best of it, but even that is of minor significance so while I like to spin over the Leone spaghetti westerns now and again I won't be bothering with this disappointing hybrid muddle regardless of what title it has.

Cutthroat Island (1995)

Too loud and brainless!

[3/10 · 24 December 2021]

So this was the mega pirate megaflop it's taken 25 years but finally it became my misfortune to encounter Cuthroat Island a now forgotten extravagance that was infamous at the time for losing a ton of cash.

It is not the worst film ever made but it is so boring as to make a total viewing some kind of penial servitude, the TV adds proving a blessing a distraction to the endlessly numbing and so very loud nonsense of the movie and so it went on and on, so give me old Hollywood anytime.

The Spiral Staircase (1946)

Great Old Humbug Movie!

[8/10 · 16 December 2021]

Oh yes they certainly do not make them like this anymore, practically all set in one gothic old house with darkness all around as this is 1916 and laden with glorious monochrome atmosphere the film has a pervasive sense of dread as is rarely seen. It is all high melodrama off coarse and the villain is easy to unmask even if the film takes 83 minutes but with a good cast a director on top form this is a fine example of the Hollywood studio system at its peak. I had not seen this 1946 gem before but a repeat viewing cannot be far away, so this gem gets my whole hearted recommendation.

The Amityville Horror (1979)

A minor classic that remains very effective.

[8/10 · 11 December 2021]

From the tail end of the exorcist influenced nineteen seventies comes the Amityville Horror a film that spooked me at the time and has stayed fresh in my memory. This viewing from a charity shop DVD is the first in some time and is miles ahead of the various remakes and sequels of which there are many but all are rubbish compared to the original. Based we are told on a true story this is a movie with a strong cast, effective music that adds to the rising sense of dread and the film features a well delivered climax. Whether you believe in evil spirits or not this is a polished scare fest that stands up well even after the passage of so many years effective with many effective passages and is I believe a most under rated horror movie.

The Outpost (2019)

I feel really guilty for finding this movie excruciatingly dull.

[2/10 · 27 November 2021]

Outpost goes all out for realism and try's very hard to show war for what it is, ugly dirty pointless and horrific, you cannot fault this film in it's ambition to honour the American fighting man and to tell it as it was. The thing is that the movie is simply an excruciatingly dull yawn fest which seemed to have no sense of character no sense of pace no sense of suspense and ultimately no sense of story telling indeed every minute felt like five. I wonder to if I am the only one who was constantly being distracted by the casting of Scott Eastwood his uncanny resemblance to his super star pop around 1970 vintage and the voice is almost uncanny I just had this vision of Dirty Harry which did nothing to improve the picture for me. I wanted badly to take something meaningful out of the film but the one note grind of it simply defeated me.

Hell Is for Heroes (1962)

Don Siegal Saves A Mess Of A Production!

[8/10 · 26 November 2021]

Before Dirty Harry Don Siegal had a twenty year career as a jobbing director of B movies some of which are considered minor classics today.

This war film clearly made in the Hollywood hills has a stellar cast of jobbing TV actors, most were known faces but not movie stars at least not yet. It seems this now popular minor cult movie had a very troubled production. It's star Steve McQueen was difficult and unhappy at having to do the film and like several other cast members was working on other projects at the same time and all had little time to rehearse or learn lines. The film suddenly had its funding pulled and shooting finished early and was assembled on the cutting room floor with stock footage and some inventive editing. Remarkably the result is somehow an above average war movie with good action and against all odds proves quite involving with its cast of known faces producing tense dialogue scenes.

McQueen not yet a star but there is no doubting his star power in every scene. In very difficult circumstances director Siegal amazingly produces a pretty good film.

Three Cockeyed Sailors (1940)

Amusing war time comedy

[6/10 · 26 November 2021]

Tommy Trinder the popular music hall and radio star of the thirties and forties leads the cast of this typical British war time froth which pokes fun at the enemy in a light knock about lark with a few songs thrown in. The movie is of coarse complete nonsense but represents what was showing down at the Ritz during the early war period.

Last Night in Soho (2021)

Among all the 2021 dross a beacon of light in Soho

[8/10 · 11 November 2021]

From the very first moments this movie had me engrossed and the hook of the glamour of 1965 had me spinning back to my own Dansette, but this stylish go go dance of a movie has a black dark spin. Yes there is much that is pure melodrama but the movie cuts a very Cinematic groove as it builds to its grand finale, but not like other horror movies of the year this is not in any way ordinary. The performances are all note perfect and great to see the aging but still charismatic Terrance Stamp all but steal the film in a what is really a cameo part.

With Thunderball showing at the movie palace and the fabulous Petula Clark on the soundtrack this was quite a nostalgia kick for someone of my generation, but this was a really good slick horror flick for any generation.

A View to a Kill (1985)

So Much Better After 35 Years!

[8/10 · 22 October 2021]

I remember when I saw this at my local cinema when it first came out and I was left distinctly disappointed and in general I have always regarded this movie as second only to "die another day" as the worst of the long running franchise. The flippant comic nature of the Roger Moore bond outings never really played well to me, I always preferred the edgier Sean Connery treatment. None the less watching the Roger Moore films now I find they have aged surprisingly well. The stunts, the music, and the title sequences are a joy in themselves and " a view to a kill" delivers super entertainment of the escapism kind with Roger Moore's one eyelid acting style a scream just perfect for the witty if sexist comic lines. While I was left in stitches at the heroines dialogue of James, James James, Oh James and Ahh James, all hilarious. Christopher Walken has a ball hamming it up as the super villain while Grace Jones adds a memorial new character to the series with some style. In short I found the movie a delightful guilty pleasure and as always the brilliant John Barry score is a pure delight.

Halloween Kills (2021)

Don't Bother You Have Seen This Movie Many Times!

[2/10 · 22 October 2021]

Evil super monster Michael Meyers is on the rampage yet again. So what's new? Well nothing this is just a rehash and repeat repeat rip off, with no story to mention this money grabber never makes any sense though there is gore galore. While an addition irritant is that this is yet another film that contains no conclusion it merely runs the regulation 90 minutes and finishes up in the air! In a none ending! Yawn Yawn Yawn.

Jet Pilot (1957)

So dump its great, well very amusing!

[5/10 · 14 October 2021]

One for John Wayne fans only and especially those who love looking at early American cold war aircraft in their hey day glory!

As a romance or action picture its a rock solid dud and the performances and script must be a career low for all concerned.

As a piece of weird Hollywood the much written about back story is much more interesting than the remarkably dull movie yarn.