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mr-bob79
Reviews
Earthstorm (2006)
Appalling but watchable
A made for TV film starring one of them Baldwin chaps. Surprisingly watchable.
A massive asteroid smacks the s**t out of the moon and earth is showered by pieces of the moon which have broken away. It transpires that the moon is proper f****d, will split in two and destroy the world. Baldwin plays a demolitions expert. Face from the A-Team plays the bloke who runs the NASA type agency. Despite all the geologists and lunar experts in his employ, Face decides that Baldwin is the only man who can save the day. Good call, Faceman,because guess what..... YEAH! Baldwin only goes and does it... Thanks, Baldwin.
The Day the Earth Stopped (2008)
So bad that it's a MUST see
This is another low budget rip off of a blockbuster remake from the Asylum film company. It's when you watch these films that you realise how they came up with the name 'Asylum'. Last night, it was my misfortune to watch this absolute bag of s**t. I watched it deliberately and, somehow, watched it all the way through. Where do I begin? I'm going to give you the entire film.
Hundreds of massive robots land on earth and just stand around in the major cities of the world. A government taskforce, which is comprised of a bunch of w*******s, a 12 year old boy and C.Thomas Howell, sets up shop in a warehouse where there is a pointless bloke-needing-a-p*ss scene. Meanwhile a spacepod crashes in the woods. The pod contains an alien man and woman, both naked, who for some reason or another become separated. The taskforce shows up and captures the male after he has taken out half a dozen men using magic. Yeah, magic. The taskforce then assume that there must be another alien, what they base this assumption on is unclear. Anyway, still en route to the scene is Howell and his boyfriend. They find the female alien tarting down the road, give her a coat and take her with them. Once there, she then does the magic thing and is promptly shot and captured. The aliens are then taken to a low security warehouse for questioning but they ain't talking. Later on the woman learns to talk after reading Howells mind. She starts by repeating exactly what he is thinking. Apparently he thinks the bint looks like Angelina Jolie. Maybe he's blind or using a comparison of the way she likes to tart about with her tits out. She warns that earth poses a threat to other planets with its weaponry and that they are to be destroyed unless Howell can prove to her the meaning of humanity. He's got until the end of the day to do this otherwise the earth will be destroyed which we later learn will include the stopping of the earths core. Meanwhile, the military are having a go at these robots with missiles. Cue the worst scene of a fighter pilot supposedly in his cockpit. Missiles useless. planes destroyed. Then the woman uses her magic again and stops all things in the world that depend on electricity including cars leading me to question the purpose of the robots if she can do this. Anyway, with the power out Howell helps her to escape and takes her to his car. The car don't work though because she's knackered everything up. Howells commanding officer shows up to stop them escaping, aiming his gun at Howell. Tart magics the car into life and they drive off without any opposition from the c/o. As they drive around with Howell racking his brain as to how he can prove the meaning of humanity, they are carjacked. The carjacker says something along the lines of "there's aliens all over the world and you've got the only working car, blah blah blah". Reiterating that this car is the only car in the world that is working. After he's buggered off with the car and Howell and the tart are walking down the road, behind them another car drives past. Yes, another working car.it's possible, I suppose, that it's the same car and the bloke who nicked it just doesn't know where he's going. Later on, Howell see's his car that was just jacked and pulls out his gun and goes to get it back. It turns out that it's not his car but a similar looking and fully operational one driven by his boyfriend. They run and hide. Their pursuers catch up with them and Howell kills 2 of them and smacks his boyfriend with a truck door. A brilliant way to prove that humans are every bit as bad as the aliens think they are. During this scene another car drives past outside. Howell and the tart then get into the car and bugger off again. Down the road a bit, they come across a couple in the road who need to go to the hospital as the woman is in labour. En route to hospital, Howells boyfriend shows up again in another working car. They manage to escape to a warehouse where the baby is born. Howell uses the miracle of life to prove the meaning of humanity. The mother dies and the tart magics her back to life. slowly. job done. now to get her back to her spaceship. She gets shot and Howell has to carry her there. Then he gets shot and they both die on the ground at the feet of one of these robots. robot vapourises the bloke who shot Howell. Then the male aliens magically appears and brings Howell and the tart back to life. The male alien features at various points n the film but this is the only real purpose of him being in it at all. The aliens beam up into the robot and they all bugger off.
War of the Worlds 2: The Next Wave (2008)
Not a complete waste of time - but probably for the wrong reasons
This is a sequel to a straight to video version that was made around the same time as Spielbergs version. It stars C. Thomas Howell. After he appeared in the first film he decided that he could do a better job with the sequel and took the helm as director. Yes, it is every bit as sh1te and avoidable as it sounds. However, one of the co-stars, a Mr. Christopher Reid, who plays the character 'Pete'. His most notable achievement was the character 'Kid' in the Kid 'n' Play films from the late 80's / early 90's. His most notable achievement until now! He is quite simply the single most worst actor ever. EVER. If, instead of him, they had hired some clueless gimp off the street, not given them a script or any inkling as to what part they were playing or what they were supposed to be doing, they would have done a better job. It's this performance that makes the film worth watching. The part has made him a legend in my eyes. Absolute legend. Do yourself a service and watch this film.