JTMokko Reviews

Poor Things (2023)

Hype was too much

[4/10 · 16 March 2024]

The Poor Things was interesting and well realized film, but it really missed a soul. It felt empty. It didn't have underlying message or anything.

If you would remove all the sex scenes you would end up 35 minutes short film. It also was borrowing quite a much from cult classic Frankenhooker.

This Greek director has the style of doing over the edge film - with strange sex and violence - but he really should build up the stories more. Actors were great, but they were doing a bit - like in some comedy special.

Music was too strange. It is fine and dandy to brake the borders of normalcy, but try to reach at least some ascetics while doing so.

Last Night in Soho (2021)

This is better than expected

[8/10 · 20 November 2021]

I wasn't expecting this good of a movie.

Trailer isn't very good - this movie is so much more.

Great cinematography and amazing actors.

Music is a great timepiece to set the mood for every period.

My Dinner with Andre (1981)

BORING and WITHOUT HEART

[1/10 · 18 November 2021]

My Dinner With Andre is one of the most boring, pretentious and pseudo-intellectual film in the World.

Actors are just talking endlessly about situations and ideas which are quite pompous and artificial. If I was sitting at the same table listening these egocentric pencilnecks babble I wouldn't be able to hold back - I would bitchslap these fools and walk away.

If you want to see a GOOD Louis Malle film go and see Black Moon or Le voleur.

Malignant (I) (2021)

Unique and incredible film!

[10/10 · 13 September 2021]

I didn't know anything about the Malignant before starting to watch the film. I was expecting a somewhat good little horror film. I was taken for a surprise.

The Malignant has similarities with the Abraham Lincoln the Vampire Hunter and the Upgrade. Both brilliant films with a free and effortless flow between different genres.

The Malignant is delightful, very well made, cross between the genres. It starts as a horror film, but very soon introduces elements of thriller, fantasy and action film. The story itself will be astoundingly surprising with uncanny special effects - which most are in the splatter genre - and on top of that; this all is directed marvelously. Director James Wan had a vision which he fulfilled with passion.

This is years one of the BEST FILMS!

The Dark and the Wicked (2020)

Disappointing

[3/10 · 12 September 2021]

The Dark and the Wicked had a quite promising start, but after that it didn't go nowhere. It trusted a lot of jump scares and gory special FX.

I liked the open atheism of the family - nobody gave a hoot about Jesus. Devil tormenting family of atheists would have possibility to deepen the storyline, but it really didn't examine that.

Cinematography and music are great, but characters are quite empty.

Warlock: The Armageddon (1993)

Boring and dumb

[1/10 · 5 September 2021]

Bad acting and incomprehensible story.

Dumb start, middle and the end - all around a disappointment.

Even Julian Sands was bad in this. He always seemed to act like he was reading his lines from the paper.

Some special effects were quite descent, but that was about it.

No wonder this turkey didn't get a broad release.

Warlock (1989)

This is a true GEM!

[10/10 · 4 September 2021]

I watched this film tens of times when I was a teenager.

Incredibly bewitching storyline. Great actors. Suitable music. Unbeatable atmosphere. Good drive - all an all. This one truly is a GEM!

Lori Singer is sexy steaming hot and funny as hell.

Julian Sands is beautiful and HOT.

Richard E. Grant is also HOT and very manly butch ( rare situation for him in his later days).

Lake Mungo (2008)

OMG! How boring can this be?!

[2/10 · 26 June 2021]

Lake Mungo (2008) is one of the most predictable and boring movies I have ever seen.

Someone recommended this ghost movie and I might have had too great expectations for it.

It's made in documentary style with mainly interview footage. There is no real thrill or suspense, perhaps it's due to a low budget. If you like "found footage" films go and see Blair Witch Project or REC.

BOOOOORRIIIINNNGG!!!!!!!

The Power (II) (2021)

Nice idea, but...

[4/10 · 11 June 2021]

Very good premise, but sadly execution was lacking. Storyline in the middle was quite blurry. It was hard to take the story seriously or get in the world of characters.

There was a strong feel of misandry. All the male characters were evil and had their right punishment at the end - even thou it wasn't always clear what they did wrong.

I liked music which had a clear influences from the music of the Shining.

The Beyond (1981)

Disappointment

[3/10 · 5 June 2021]

This slasher horror is bee's knees for many horror fans... but not for me.

Storyline was blurry. Gore scenes were prolonged - guess Fulci wanted bang for a buck.

There were some nice FX, but pointlessness of the story was biggest minus.

Props for using Cthulhu Mythos.

The King of Staten Island (2020)

Beautiful and life like

[7/10 · 22 June 2020]

The King of Staten Island is a beautiful and full of life. Pete Davidson is surprisingly good actor in this heart warming piece that will make you eyes water. This movie starts slow so be patient. Let it get up to YOU.

Deep Red (1975)

I am sorry, but this is overrated

[1/10 · 3 June 2020]

I have seen Profondo Rosso - Deep Red now twice and I can not fathom what people see in it. Story was quite unimaginative. Plot twist wasn't surprising. Visuals were mediocre or below, especially when thinking of other Argento's masterpieces like Suspiria, Phenomena and Tenebre.

Deep Red was at times boring and there was a lots of silly, cute scenes which you can live without.

This was dumb crap - I feel abused.

Freaks (2018)

Interesting and unique story

[9/10 · 1 December 2019]

Freaks has a very unique story. At first it was a story of paranoia, but when the story progressed it got complicated - in a good way. I loved all the performances by the actors. Visual style and special effects were convincing. This one is a gem and I must recommend it to everyone. I easily could imagine this to have a sequel.

DreamKeeper (2003)

Great collection of native american folktales.

[8/10 · 1 December 2019]

Interesting collection of folktales and native american lore. Good actors and nice flow. Half of it is modern day story and half flashback of mystical ancient times when Gods and Monsters were reality. I love the native american (lakota) words like Pow wow, wakan tanka, Ya atahe, hehaka.

The Turkey Bowl (2019)

One of the worst movies ever created!

[1/10 · 1 December 2019]

The Turkey Bowl is so bad and lame there is no limit. Bad and talentless actors and all characters were disgusting. Dumb story and bad directing. Director, Greg Coolidge, isn't worthy to even hold Alan Smithee's jogstrap!

BTW: This review is weighted to be extra brutal because of all fake reviews that PR firm has paid to spam the reviews.

#TurkeyBowl #jogstrap

The Nun (2018)

This movie is allover the place

[3/10 · 25 November 2018]

There is no clear plot in the Nun. It's full of jump scares and monster fx which has no place on the story. Acting is quite ok, but characters aren't very likable. All and all, movie could have been more scary if couple of scenes were dropped and more effort put in to the remaining scenes.

Murders in the Rue Morgue (1971)

Nothing to do with the original story.

[1/10 · 9 November 2018]

The Murders in the Rue Morgue (1971) is one of the worst adaptations of Edgar Allan Poe's short story by the same name.

First of all. It's not the story from the book. Many horror films from that time period typically bought the rights to use a name of a famous book and just made a film which sometimes was close to actual book and sometimes not. This film is an example of the latter. There is only one similarity - an ape.

Scenes are repetitive. Most of the movie depicts Herpert Lom running around in a ridiculous black cloak and a mask on his face. Sometimes he sneaks in a lady's bedroom or throws some acid from a cute little bottle on someones face. He has a dwarf minion who really has no function in story. Story line is allover the place and the film viewers are either puzzled of what is happening on the screen or bored out of their minds.

Acting is both lame and overly dramatic. Naturally women are helpless and dumb as a doorbell. Bad acting can't be explained to be a style typical for the time of the films production. For example Willard and The Nightcomers from the same year are totally on the different quality level.

Don't waste your time on this turkey - read Poe's original story instead.

Krampus: Origins (2018)

Boring high school student movie

[1/10 · 9 November 2018]

Krampus Origins tells the tale of how everything started in Krampus movie series. Premise is enticing - where did the monster come from? Krampus movies have been very entertaining so far and a movie set in medieval Germany would have been inspiring.

For my great grief - this movie is not fulfilling the promise of Krampus franchise. First of all, sound mixing.. and everything related to sound, music included, was rubbish. Gun shots and explosions at the first part of the film were muffled, probably recorded at the sound stage.

Lighting and set design all were disappointments. Actors were hired from small town playhouse with a promise of one warm meal a day and credits in the film. Special FX.. these were none. Monster himself, Krampus, was just a horned buff dude with some black paint on him. Probably directors cousin who lifts weights.

I hope that, who ever owns the rights to the name Krampus, would be more careful who can make films in this franchise.

Upgrade (2018)

Interesting body horror scifi film

[8/10 · 23 September 2018]

Movie has a quite interesting premise. Man gets an upgrade after an accident. Upgrade which turns him into something else. This description fits the genre "body horror" - genre which include masterpieces like the Tetsuo and the Videodrome to name a few. Action scenes are directed and shot masterfully. Fighting style looks interesting and new, because of.. well, you'll see. Lead actor, Logan Marshall-Green, is at first little bland and non interesting, but story is so driven that you don't have time to worry about his monotonous drama performance. Music, by Jed Palmer, is powerful! I simply loved the ending music "A Better Place" - look it up on YouTube. It made the chillingness of the ending even more powerful. It's somber and beautiful.

Bill Nye: Science Guy (2017)

This film is word of god.. I mean SCIENCE!!!

[10/10 · 28 April 2018]

Very well made all in all.

This documentary goes in to the personal details of Bill Nye, which we have not heard before. Like his dad was a whaler in New Zealand and mom was in the Enigma Project.

This MAN, Bill Nye, bravely stands against ignorance and bigotry of Trump era. He is the beacon of hope in the grim and gold world.

I heard that some Bill Nye haters and Trump voters, incluling Ken Hamm and Joe Bastardi, will be down voting this document - even without seeing it.

Those bastardis!

I beg all who appreciate and understand the importance of SCIENCE to pull their forces together and fight back!

DRG

The Female Brain (2017)

Great start, but disappointing ending

[5/10 · 11 March 2018]

The Female Brain had a promising first hour and twenty minutes, but then movie had to do forced happy ending. In the end all the science was thrown out of the window and filmmaker just gave a message "Women are Women - OK!" It would have been more romantic if man and a woman had SIMILARITIES in their brain scan and she would react very positively to a picture of him. That would have melted my heart.

Yes, I am a man and I love romantic stories - I just blow mind of the Whitney Cummings! Man can not be soft, sentimental and nurturing like ALL the women are.

Life of Pi (2012)

Flat story

[4/10 · 12 May 2013]

Life of Pi was a disappointment. Framework of the story, with a reporter interviewing Pi, was totally unnecessary - it made it difficult to get involved with the fate of the main character - after all he would survive to live conventional suburban life. Story didn't move me at all. Whole time I was just wondering are the filmmakers selling this story as a real story, based on a fact, or as a fantasy film. As a 'based on a true story' it could not happen - tiger would eat a scrawny Indian boy in a heartbeat if it was truly hungry and the whole island thing didn't help the realism at all. As a fantasy film, the story needed magic carpet ride and a giant - that would do it. In the frame story the reporter said that: "You had a story that would make me believe in God." That was setting the aspiration of the story quite high. I was ready to yell "Hallelujah" or "Allah Akbar" in the moment story would do it's magic, but it really never happened. Story shouldn't promise something that it can't deliver.

Special effects were very good and actors did their job well - although I was surprised that Depardieu had so little screen time. Better survival film would be Cast away (2000) and better depiction of storm was in The Perfect Storm (2000).

Killing Them Softly (2012)

Very disappointing film

[2/10 · 4 November 2012]

I saw this at Night Visions -festival in Helsinki, Finland. I hadn't heard anything about it so my mind was totally hype free - I just expected a good or average movie.

First 20 minutes of the film were decent and two lowlife characters were guite funny - although not very likable. Then came in James Gandolfini with his mannerism stolen from great Jon Polito. He did the same lip licking and empty stare as Polito in Miller's Crossing. Gangolfini's character was just unrealistic and totally unnecessary in the film. Dialogue between Brad Pitt and Gandolfini put me to sleep - literally I dozed off when that timewaster was in halfway and Gandolfini told third time how he likes to f*ck wh*res.

There was couple of good scenes in the film, like the heist in the gambling house and the shooting of Ray Liotta's character, which had a nice slowmo and good cinematography. Cinematography in the movie was OK, but it didn't save the storyline from it's dullness.

The Tree of Life (2011)

One of Malick's best movies

[7 October 2011]

Before seeing this movie I had heard lots of good and bad reviews about it - people seemed to either love it or hate it. I didn't have great expectations of it when I went to see it.

I was surprised how great this film actually is. Actors are brilliant - their concentration to roles brings in a strong realism. Especially young Jack (Hunter McCracken) conveys wide variety of emotions with slight expressions. Camera-work is familiar from other Malick's movies. He uses a lot of wide-angle lens and very fluent movement with camera. I am not going to go to editing and music, but as usual they too are the trademark of Malick's genius.

The Tree of Life is one of the most beautiful movies I have ever seen. It has heart and soul. It is humane, honest and it has an natural flow. It had a dreamlike quality, like a memory half remembered. All the situations and feeling had familiarity - it was like a universal childhood shared by all.

Some might think that The Tree of Life has a religious message. That is true, but that message is not from Christianity or other major religion - it is from more ancient source. The Tree of Life has deep philosophical meaning which is not to be mixed with the shallow dogmas of major religions. Christianity is represented as a religion of conformed society - full of uptight ceremonies which are only meant to maintain the structure of patriarchal establishment. This film from start to finish is a celebration of life - and it is significantly higher than any mundane religion.

Hobo with a Shotgun (2011)

Homemade Exploitation Torture Porn

[2/10 · 19 April 2011]

If you are into homemade exploitation torture porn then this is your pick - otherwise walk away. Only really good thing about this was Rutger Hauer and some inventive killing scenes. Quality of film brought in mind early 90's low budget films shot in video. Acting and dramatic style owns much to classic splatter films like Peter Jackson's Bad Taste. What Bad taste did with style - Hobo with a shotgun only tries.

Magic is broken with the dumb dialogue and violence that goes a little bit far. Violence in Bad Taste is visual and funny - so that the actual event feels less grim. It's a fine line between terrifying and imaginative.

Rutger Hauer could have had a great role in this, but the director or the script gave him only one hooky monologue where he could show his talent of delivering inspiring speeches. Such a waste of talent. :(