Place a video camera on a mountain and let it film for two hours. That's exactly what this film shows. No script, no beginning middle and end. No thrills. Just a family coming and going every once in a while. They set up the table, have a drink, talk about this and that. And the camera keeps rolling. The biggest plot twist comes after one endless hour, when a little girl gets lost in the woods, but when you were expecting the movie to show some misters or murder or whatever, the girl is found safe and sound barely two minutes later. That's as much thrill and mystery as you will get in this endless film.
Reviews
4 Reviews
Bridge of Spies
(2015)
Cheap CGI and predictable plot
25 April 2016
Warning: Spoilers
Spielberg has done it again: After the lame and shameful CGI in Indy 4, Bridge of Spies returns with some terrible CGI of a plummeting plane so lame that makes the fake plastic baby form American Sniper a masterpiece.
The movie is OK, but it's flat and predictable: **SPOILER HERE** A brilliant lawyer (Hanks) defends a soviet spy and works his ways not to send him to the electric chair in case 'someday' a US pilot is caught by the soviets and there's a need to exchange them both. What happens a minute later? You guessed right: A US pilot is held prisoner (the one in the cheap CGI plane) and Tom Hanks is in charge of the exchange. Tadaaah.
Also a US student is held prisoner just because, but Tom Hanks manages to free them both after 3 long hours of chit chat and blurry backgrounds thanks to the cheap CGI that fills every corner of the movie.
The movie is OK, but it's flat and predictable: **SPOILER HERE** A brilliant lawyer (Hanks) defends a soviet spy and works his ways not to send him to the electric chair in case 'someday' a US pilot is caught by the soviets and there's a need to exchange them both. What happens a minute later? You guessed right: A US pilot is held prisoner (the one in the cheap CGI plane) and Tom Hanks is in charge of the exchange. Tadaaah.
Also a US student is held prisoner just because, but Tom Hanks manages to free them both after 3 long hours of chit chat and blurry backgrounds thanks to the cheap CGI that fills every corner of the movie.
Man of Steel
(2013)
15 minutes of film, 2 hours of boring endless fight
11 July 2013
Warning: Spoilers
We all know how Hollywood superhero movies go: The story develops one way or the other until the hero has to defeat the villain, which leads to a fight that takes place for the last 20 or 30 minutes.
Superman TMOS starts exactly as the 1978 movie does, with a lot ofwç weird CGI that makes it look like Alien meets Total Recall. When Krypton explodes and you expect Clark's life to unveil, the nightmare starts: The movie mixes Clark's teenage years with his adulthood in a weird mix that sometimes works, and other times it makes you wonder where this all might lead to.
Suddenly, 20 minutes later, the evil Zod shows up and the remaining 2 hours of the film become an endless fight of them two destroying one skyscraper after another (with thousands of innocents being killed -WTF?- Way to go Superman!), hundreds, and I mean HUNDREDS of cars being blown up, again and again and again. After 30 minutes it's all a dèjá vu nightmare. Missiles are blown to try and kill Zod, to which he survives undamaged but, wait, when there's a minute for the film to end, Superman comes and *SPOILER HERE* he just breaks Zod's neck. Taadaah!
If you're wondering about the Daily Planet stuff, it just appears for a couple seconds right before the credits roll.
That's as close as you'll get to the Superman spirit: A never ending repetitious fight with CGI clichés being copy-pasted over and over. Don't waste your time and money.
Superman TMOS starts exactly as the 1978 movie does, with a lot ofwç weird CGI that makes it look like Alien meets Total Recall. When Krypton explodes and you expect Clark's life to unveil, the nightmare starts: The movie mixes Clark's teenage years with his adulthood in a weird mix that sometimes works, and other times it makes you wonder where this all might lead to.
Suddenly, 20 minutes later, the evil Zod shows up and the remaining 2 hours of the film become an endless fight of them two destroying one skyscraper after another (with thousands of innocents being killed -WTF?- Way to go Superman!), hundreds, and I mean HUNDREDS of cars being blown up, again and again and again. After 30 minutes it's all a dèjá vu nightmare. Missiles are blown to try and kill Zod, to which he survives undamaged but, wait, when there's a minute for the film to end, Superman comes and *SPOILER HERE* he just breaks Zod's neck. Taadaah!
If you're wondering about the Daily Planet stuff, it just appears for a couple seconds right before the credits roll.
That's as close as you'll get to the Superman spirit: A never ending repetitious fight with CGI clichés being copy-pasted over and over. Don't waste your time and money.
Planet 51
(2009)
Great quality, easy plot, fun... perfect for kids!
27 November 2009
First of all, let me say that I'm tired of dumb reviews saying "why do aliens speak English?" or "they fart and burp a lot". Disney's The Princess and the Frog's trailer has about 3 ass related jokes and one burp in less than 45 seconds. Toy Story's characters spoke English and understood humans and nobody wondered why. A house managed to be lifted by balloons in Up with no police radars detecting anything. So, this said: Let's sit down and enjoy a movie and stop looking for silly excuses to criticize it.
I watched Planet51 with my two nephews (8 and 10 years old) and they enjoyed it all the way. The quality is as good as Pixar's or Dreamworks and, yes, it's true the script is somewhat flat and very repetitive, but as the kids said to me "We didn't understand Wall-E's plot and didn't sympathize with any characters in Up, but Planet51 we did." It has some really funny characters (the white camera ala Wall-e and the alien pet), plus it's easy to understand, and despite the lack of chases or explossions it keeps its pace all the time and, as I said before, kids love the characters and understand -and enjoy- the plot.
As Groucho Marx once said: A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five!!!
I watched Planet51 with my two nephews (8 and 10 years old) and they enjoyed it all the way. The quality is as good as Pixar's or Dreamworks and, yes, it's true the script is somewhat flat and very repetitive, but as the kids said to me "We didn't understand Wall-E's plot and didn't sympathize with any characters in Up, but Planet51 we did." It has some really funny characters (the white camera ala Wall-e and the alien pet), plus it's easy to understand, and despite the lack of chases or explossions it keeps its pace all the time and, as I said before, kids love the characters and understand -and enjoy- the plot.
As Groucho Marx once said: A child of five could understand this. Fetch me a child of five!!!
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