I would say that Deathstalker is your standard fantasy and adventure knockoff of the early 80s, except for the prolific amount of sexual assault. If you're not offended by the constant grabbing and ogling of the naked ladies in this movie, I would say check it out. The story moves along nicely, except for the middle part where for some reason, the audience is subjected to a party where anything goes; and I mean anything; mud-wrestling, pig-men wrestling other men, sexual assault. And did I mention the amount of sexual assault going on in this movie?
Reviews
16 Reviews
Dawn of the Dead
(1978)
The greatest horror movie of all time
3 January 2021
Hands down this is my favorite horror movie ever. I won't get into the details or spoilers of the movie, as I'm sure plenty of other people have commented on. But the setting, the characters, the themes, the atmosphere...everything about this movie is perfect. Just perfection. The believable ways people are cracking under the surreal fact that the dead truly are coming alive and feasting on the living - how seriously this movie takes it. I can see why some younger people might find it slow or boring, but if you're mature enough of mind to let the story play out, I highly recommend it. Forget the exploitive 2004 version. This is the real deal.
The only thing keeping it from a pure 10, is that as much as I adore this movie, even I have to admit some of the special effects haven't really held up. The blood looks orange. And the zombies are basically painted blue for the most part.
The only thing keeping it from a pure 10, is that as much as I adore this movie, even I have to admit some of the special effects haven't really held up. The blood looks orange. And the zombies are basically painted blue for the most part.
Day of the Dead
(1985)
Underwhelming only because of budget issues
1 January 2021
Warning: Spoilers
Day of the Dead is a rather sad, and depressing movie, but also very intriguing in that it doesn't really feel like the epic final ending in a trilogy in which it should have been. It feels more like a period set between Dawn of the Dead and a more epic finale. That's not to say this is a bad movie. Far from it.
So let me try and explain what could have been without giving away anything too specific. The basic premise sets up events after Dawn of the Dead. We're not given anything specific. It could have been weeks. It could have been months or even years after Dawn. But we find our protagonists and antagonists stuck inside an underground bunker somewhere in Florida, along with our zombies both inside and outside the complex. That's all I'm going to give away for the most part in context of specifics.
However, I will say the main problem is that the climax of our movie ends with our characters still fighting underground before some make their escape to the surface where they escape to a deserted island. Which is fine. But again, with our final third movie it should've been something epic. It should've been something like a last stand in Washington D.C where the acting President unleashes a controversial agent/virus/bug which kills the zombies across Earth, but maybe mutates humans into something else. I know this is my own garbage fan-fiction, but something as great and ground breaking as what George Romero released from the 60s all the way to the 80s should have had a lot more respect and budget given to him to realize his vision. Rant out.
So let me try and explain what could have been without giving away anything too specific. The basic premise sets up events after Dawn of the Dead. We're not given anything specific. It could have been weeks. It could have been months or even years after Dawn. But we find our protagonists and antagonists stuck inside an underground bunker somewhere in Florida, along with our zombies both inside and outside the complex. That's all I'm going to give away for the most part in context of specifics.
However, I will say the main problem is that the climax of our movie ends with our characters still fighting underground before some make their escape to the surface where they escape to a deserted island. Which is fine. But again, with our final third movie it should've been something epic. It should've been something like a last stand in Washington D.C where the acting President unleashes a controversial agent/virus/bug which kills the zombies across Earth, but maybe mutates humans into something else. I know this is my own garbage fan-fiction, but something as great and ground breaking as what George Romero released from the 60s all the way to the 80s should have had a lot more respect and budget given to him to realize his vision. Rant out.
Great B movie
31 December 2020
I don't get the hate for this movie. It's interesting. It's different. It's something besides the endless and very boring Michael Myer movies. Even John Carpenter wanted an anthology series. I mean, how long do you want a 100 year old Michael Myers still going around stabbing people?
Halloween II
(1981)
It was okay.
31 December 2020
But think if the studio adhered to Carpenter's vision on Halloween being an anthology series, instead of Michael Myers. Which, I have nothing against Mike. But doesn't it get old after a while? Isn't the same villain over and over again kinda boring?
Jason X
(2001)
It is what it is
31 December 2020
Warning: Spoilers
It's Jason part ten. By the time this movie was released twenty years ago, it had also been twenty years since the original with Betsey Palmer was released back in 1980. Time flies.
Anyway, I thought this movie was okay for what it is. By now, especially after Jason Goes to Hell, the shark had been jumped by a mile. So why not go to outer space and kill people in the future? Why not freeze Jason Voorhees and resurrect him hundreds of years later? Because at this point, do you really care?
That said, the kills are actually quite well planned out and creative. The nudity is there. The characters are as silly as the previous camp counselors. It really doesn't take itself that seriously, which really works in the movies favor. It's complete camp, and that's the best thing they could have done.
Anyway, I thought this movie was okay for what it is. By now, especially after Jason Goes to Hell, the shark had been jumped by a mile. So why not go to outer space and kill people in the future? Why not freeze Jason Voorhees and resurrect him hundreds of years later? Because at this point, do you really care?
That said, the kills are actually quite well planned out and creative. The nudity is there. The characters are as silly as the previous camp counselors. It really doesn't take itself that seriously, which really works in the movies favor. It's complete camp, and that's the best thing they could have done.
The worst of the franchise
31 December 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Some people say Jason Goes to Hell is the worst movie of the series. But I kinda give it a past. It tried to do something different since this movie f-ed everything up. Oh where do I begin to describe this pos? And don't give me Kane Hodder as a a reason to excuse this movie. Stop it. It's still terrible.
So why is it so bad? Well, the main reason is taking away Jason from Crystal Lake in the first place. But the title is misleading as well. The story mostly takes place on a boat. And Jason doesn't really go into New York. The urban scenes are set I believe in Toronto. The images of Times Square are mostly stock footage. Further, this is the movie where Jason somehow teleports to his victims. I swear, there is one scene where the victim is thirty feet away from Jason, but the very next scene he's grabbing the dude's leg. It's stupid. It doesn't make sense. And yeah, I realize this is part eight, but that's just lazy direction on the part of the director.
I guess the only bright spots are some of the kills. But even the ending was terrible. Jason somehow turns back into a young boy? What?
By now, the slasher genre was just about dead, and with it, the box office gross wasn't that great for this movie. They tried resurrecting it in 1993, but that failed.
So why is it so bad? Well, the main reason is taking away Jason from Crystal Lake in the first place. But the title is misleading as well. The story mostly takes place on a boat. And Jason doesn't really go into New York. The urban scenes are set I believe in Toronto. The images of Times Square are mostly stock footage. Further, this is the movie where Jason somehow teleports to his victims. I swear, there is one scene where the victim is thirty feet away from Jason, but the very next scene he's grabbing the dude's leg. It's stupid. It doesn't make sense. And yeah, I realize this is part eight, but that's just lazy direction on the part of the director.
I guess the only bright spots are some of the kills. But even the ending was terrible. Jason somehow turns back into a young boy? What?
By now, the slasher genre was just about dead, and with it, the box office gross wasn't that great for this movie. They tried resurrecting it in 1993, but that failed.
The beginning of the end
31 December 2020
I didn't really like this movie. And I'll always look at this entry into the franchise as one of the reasons it eventually collapsed. I know I know. It's the first appearance of the iconic Kane Hodder as Jason - the most intense and scary Jason. I get it. But the characters were weak. The ending was laughable. And the story along with its protagonist as a Carrie light felt it was all tacked on by a studio throwing anything at the screen to get people into the theater. Gone were the days when watching a Friday the 13th movie felt somewhat taboo.
The most fun out of all the sequels
31 December 2020
Warning: Spoilers
I love this movie. Once again, I'm all with Jay Bauman of RedLetterMedia. Part four might've been the best overall, but this one is the funnest. It's the one most like a rollercoaster. Turn your brain off and just go with it.
To start off with, Jason is resurrected via lightning strike after being dug up by Tommy Jarvis. Yes, with another actor, Tommy Jarvis makes his final appearance to date in a Friday the 13th movie. From there, it ascends into all the glorious tropes you expect from this series - except it's even better. Because besides the camp counselors making their triumphant return, we finally actually get children in the movie. Yes! Camp Crystal lake finally actually gives the camp counselors something to do besides being killed off by Jason.
Now, it doesn't have as much gore as the previous installments, and no real nudity, but the atmosphere is great. The story is great. The characters are great. The humor works. It's part six. They did the best job they could with this franchise - with this movie. One of my favorite horror movies of all time.
To start off with, Jason is resurrected via lightning strike after being dug up by Tommy Jarvis. Yes, with another actor, Tommy Jarvis makes his final appearance to date in a Friday the 13th movie. From there, it ascends into all the glorious tropes you expect from this series - except it's even better. Because besides the camp counselors making their triumphant return, we finally actually get children in the movie. Yes! Camp Crystal lake finally actually gives the camp counselors something to do besides being killed off by Jason.
Now, it doesn't have as much gore as the previous installments, and no real nudity, but the atmosphere is great. The story is great. The characters are great. The humor works. It's part six. They did the best job they could with this franchise - with this movie. One of my favorite horror movies of all time.
What could have been.
30 December 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Oh what could have been. Ah, Friday the 13th: A New Beginning is the black sheep of the franchise....for some reason. And for some reason, the hatred is because it's not actually Jason Voorhees behind that mask. No. His body has been cremated. He's dead dead. His replacement is a copy cat killer, using the violent lore of Jason to instill fear in his many victims.
The story itself is similar to many other Friday the 13th movies. Except this time, it's a camp dedicated to providing comforting services to mentally challenged individuals. Thus, giving an excuse to bring back a much older Tommy Jarvis along with a different actor.
I won't get into too many other spoilers, as I've already given away the main one. However, I will point out once again, much like Halloween three, it doesn't deserve the hate it's been given. It has it's problem. Maybe with a better script and better director it could've turned out much better. But I can respect that Paramount tried to go into a different direction. Which is a shame. Look. I love zombie Jason. Part six is probably my favorite of the franchise - the most fun. But wouldn't a copy cat killer Jason been better with Tommy Jarvis as the eternal suspect? Because once you get past part six, the franchise just declined and declined. To the point where Jason was actually hacking people on a futuristic star ship. Maybe it's just me, but I feel had the fans given this one a chance, we might've gotten some more classic Friday the 13th movies without Jason.
The story itself is similar to many other Friday the 13th movies. Except this time, it's a camp dedicated to providing comforting services to mentally challenged individuals. Thus, giving an excuse to bring back a much older Tommy Jarvis along with a different actor.
I won't get into too many other spoilers, as I've already given away the main one. However, I will point out once again, much like Halloween three, it doesn't deserve the hate it's been given. It has it's problem. Maybe with a better script and better director it could've turned out much better. But I can respect that Paramount tried to go into a different direction. Which is a shame. Look. I love zombie Jason. Part six is probably my favorite of the franchise - the most fun. But wouldn't a copy cat killer Jason been better with Tommy Jarvis as the eternal suspect? Because once you get past part six, the franchise just declined and declined. To the point where Jason was actually hacking people on a futuristic star ship. Maybe it's just me, but I feel had the fans given this one a chance, we might've gotten some more classic Friday the 13th movies without Jason.
What else can be said?
30 December 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Jay Bauman from RedLetterMedia said it best. It's the best, most well made out of the entire Friday the 13th franchise. It has everything you want in a Friday the 13th movie, but even better. It has the best kills, probably the most nudity, except for maybe part five. And hands down it has the most compelling characters. This is the first time we're introduced to Tommy Jarvis as a character, and boy does Corey Feldman do an excellent job in portraying youthful innocence shattered by a monstrous character. It really is a shame what Hollywood put him through, because between this movie and Gremlins, he was absolutely brilliant in both.
The story itself plays out much like part three. We have our different group of characters that Jason kills off who intersect at various points in the movie. Again, like Jay pointed out, all of these movies except maybe the first are pure blunt stupidity. Jason sniffs out either camp counselors, stoners, or hitchhikers and murders them all. It's not too complicated. It's not hard to follow. But it's so well made. If you're going to watch any Friday the 13th movie, I would recommend either this or part six.
The story itself plays out much like part three. We have our different group of characters that Jason kills off who intersect at various points in the movie. Again, like Jay pointed out, all of these movies except maybe the first are pure blunt stupidity. Jason sniffs out either camp counselors, stoners, or hitchhikers and murders them all. It's not too complicated. It's not hard to follow. But it's so well made. If you're going to watch any Friday the 13th movie, I would recommend either this or part six.
Friday the 13th: Part 3
(1982)
This isn't a bad movie
30 December 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Part three along with part five are usually considered the worst of the Friday franchise. But I will disagree. For one, it's more a collection of two groups who arrive at Crystal lake and not camp counselors who are targeted by Jason. For another, this is the first movie where Jason first dons his infamous hockey mask. Yes. A lot of people who aren't familiar with Friday the 13th always assume he's wearing it from the very start. No. Part three is the first movie where he kills Shelly and takes his mask. So it has at least both going for it.
I think what people don't like about part three is the poor 3-D effects. Unfortunately, like anything in Hollywood, fads almost always dominate even for a short period. Jaws 3 anyone? But yeah, we have these weird goofy shots of characters shoving things into the cameras frame, which is really obnoxious and doesn't work.
Another problem are the poor special effects. Two in particular are clear wire effects were used. But again, I think that's more of them pushing the whole 3-D gimmick on the audience, and it not working out very well.
Overall, this is a solid sequel with a solid ending, and doesn't really deserve some of the vitriol coming its way.
I think what people don't like about part three is the poor 3-D effects. Unfortunately, like anything in Hollywood, fads almost always dominate even for a short period. Jaws 3 anyone? But yeah, we have these weird goofy shots of characters shoving things into the cameras frame, which is really obnoxious and doesn't work.
Another problem are the poor special effects. Two in particular are clear wire effects were used. But again, I think that's more of them pushing the whole 3-D gimmick on the audience, and it not working out very well.
Overall, this is a solid sequel with a solid ending, and doesn't really deserve some of the vitriol coming its way.
Friday the 13th Part 2
(1981)
A fine sequel to a Halloween knockoff.
30 December 2020
Don't get me wrong. Even the creators of the first movie admitted Friday the 13th was a knockoff of Halloween.
That said. Probably the biggest detractors to this movie are those who correctly point out that Jason Voorhees was supposed to be long dead even in the original movie. But I'm fine with it. It's a movie that knows what it is, and delivers. Personally, my own fan-fiction envisioned maybe Jason somehow making it to the shore, and nobody, not even his mother noticing that. Unfortunately, he becomes brain damaged due to lack of oxygen, and so is even more unreasonable and ashamed of his condition. So he watches his mother from a distance, until with horror watches as his mother's head is cut off. After Alice leaves, he takes his mother's head and heads back to his shack - already planning his vengeance. At least that's how I see it.
Anyway, the plot itself is almost identical to the first, except with different camp counselors, and Jason Voorhees doing the kills instead of his mother. It's still great for what it is. It knows what it is. It's a very well made slasher B movie with some good special effects and good cinematography and a good ending. It's not the best one. That would be part four. It's not the funnest. That would be part six. But it's still pretty darn good.
And did I mention it has by far the most gorgeous lady of the entire series in Kirsten Baker?
That said. Probably the biggest detractors to this movie are those who correctly point out that Jason Voorhees was supposed to be long dead even in the original movie. But I'm fine with it. It's a movie that knows what it is, and delivers. Personally, my own fan-fiction envisioned maybe Jason somehow making it to the shore, and nobody, not even his mother noticing that. Unfortunately, he becomes brain damaged due to lack of oxygen, and so is even more unreasonable and ashamed of his condition. So he watches his mother from a distance, until with horror watches as his mother's head is cut off. After Alice leaves, he takes his mother's head and heads back to his shack - already planning his vengeance. At least that's how I see it.
Anyway, the plot itself is almost identical to the first, except with different camp counselors, and Jason Voorhees doing the kills instead of his mother. It's still great for what it is. It knows what it is. It's a very well made slasher B movie with some good special effects and good cinematography and a good ending. It's not the best one. That would be part four. It's not the funnest. That would be part six. But it's still pretty darn good.
And did I mention it has by far the most gorgeous lady of the entire series in Kirsten Baker?
JJ Abram's Cheap Knockoff Of A Better Movie
1 November 2020
Warning: Spoilers
The cheap knockoff in this case is A New Hope. Looking back, there are many similarities to the prequels compared to the sequels. Both started off with a movie many consider the best in both series - The Phantom Menace/A New Hope. Both have a middle film many consider to be the worst in both series - Attack of the Clones/The Last Jedi. However, the main difference between the sequels and prequels is that at least George Lucas tried to do something different. Yes, the prequels are a failure. Yes, the CGI has not aged well and the acting is very wooden. But I can respect his vision and what he was trying to accomplish. By comparison, the sequels are pure Disney garbage, with zero redeemable qualities and a movie (Rise of Skywalker) which is the worst thing ever made.
So plowing forward, I can't really add anything else which everyone else has already covered. This is JJ Abrams destroying yet another franchise. Before this, he destroyed Star Trek. The larger Death Star/Planet Killer/Star Killer base gets all blown up and our heroes save the day. Just like in A New Hope. I will say though that I'm really disappointed in so many people who love this piece of garbage. Because its their past nostalgia for Star Wars and characters like Han Solo which drives whatever love they have for this dreck and not quality filmmaking. I'm looking at you RedLetterMedia.
So plowing forward, I can't really add anything else which everyone else has already covered. This is JJ Abrams destroying yet another franchise. Before this, he destroyed Star Trek. The larger Death Star/Planet Killer/Star Killer base gets all blown up and our heroes save the day. Just like in A New Hope. I will say though that I'm really disappointed in so many people who love this piece of garbage. Because its their past nostalgia for Star Wars and characters like Han Solo which drives whatever love they have for this dreck and not quality filmmaking. I'm looking at you RedLetterMedia.
Michael Moriaritys' Midlife Crisis
29 October 2020
It's Alive III: Island of the Alive is basically two hours of Michael Moriarity mumbling to himself and calling everyone a-holes....which is fine by me, because he's by far the best thing about this terrible movie. In a nutshell, the third movie of this franchise still sticks with the basic concept of mutant baby going on a murderous rampage at the expense of society. However, this entry relies more on the comedic timing of Michael Moriarity to carry things along. The way he creeps people out by being such a weirdo and just plain annoying people is great. Just great stuff. But method acting alone can't save bad special effects and poor editing. That said, I'm giving this movie five stars for his performance in this turkey. No more and no less.
Worst Movie Ever Made
14 April 2020
Warning: Spoilers
Star Wars: The Rise of Skywalker is hands down the worst movie I have ever seen in my life. It's worse than Samurai Cop. It's worse than Troll 2. It's worse than Geteven. It's worse than Things. Because unlike those movies I listed, this travesty has zero redeeming features or qualities. Zero. All the actors are bored and are going through the motions. Nobody seems to care. So why is it so bad?
Well for starters, the very opening crawl sums it all: The dead speak! The galaxy has heard a mysterious broadcast, a threat of REVENGE in the sinister voice of the late EMPEROR PALPATINE.
Yes. For reasons unknown (We the audience never discover exactly why Palpatine chose this very moment to make his comeback) emperor Palpatine has returned. And with it has piqued the interest of even sad emo child Ben Solo. So when Ben meets up with Palpatine, we the audience see Snoke clones all over the place. Which was my second laugh. And they decide to join forces.
Cue to Rey who trains with a deceased Carrie Fischer. Cue to the appearance of Poe, Finn and some other characters where the Rebellion/Resistance? - is informed that Palpatine has made a comeback. Which elicited my third huge laugh.
Then for the next hour our good guys/girls make a mind numbing trek to go after something, which leads them to something, which leads them to planets and more planets and then they have an ancient dagger which showed the location of the remains of the second Death Star?
I don't know. Because at this point, the action had become so mind numbingly fast, my brain started to shut and and I started to nod off. Yes. I almost fell asleep during a Star Wars movie. Thanks JJ.
So to sum up what's happening, because I hate even thinking about this stupid movie, Rey and Ben battle against Palpatine, which was my fourth huge laugh of this abomination.
In a nutshell, other "so bad they're good movies" generally succeed because they sometimes have at least one thing going for them. Maybe it's the bad acting, or special effects, or writing, but it's usually something to keep my mind engaged. This one wasn't even that. It was JJ Abrams giving the audience the middle finger. And yes The Last Jedi was bad. But at least with TLJ I knew where I was. At no point watching TLJ did I feel baffled and confused when watching a scene. This on the other hand was a confusing mess, and completely forgettable. Even the Prequels had redeeming qualities to it. The very least JJ could've done was throw everything in TFA and TLJ away and simply make an entertaining Star Wars movie, but we never even got that. I would give this a zero if I could. Yes. I'm not joking. This deserves a zero.
Well for starters, the very opening crawl sums it all: The dead speak! The galaxy has heard a mysterious broadcast, a threat of REVENGE in the sinister voice of the late EMPEROR PALPATINE.
Yes. For reasons unknown (We the audience never discover exactly why Palpatine chose this very moment to make his comeback) emperor Palpatine has returned. And with it has piqued the interest of even sad emo child Ben Solo. So when Ben meets up with Palpatine, we the audience see Snoke clones all over the place. Which was my second laugh. And they decide to join forces.
Cue to Rey who trains with a deceased Carrie Fischer. Cue to the appearance of Poe, Finn and some other characters where the Rebellion/Resistance? - is informed that Palpatine has made a comeback. Which elicited my third huge laugh.
Then for the next hour our good guys/girls make a mind numbing trek to go after something, which leads them to something, which leads them to planets and more planets and then they have an ancient dagger which showed the location of the remains of the second Death Star?
I don't know. Because at this point, the action had become so mind numbingly fast, my brain started to shut and and I started to nod off. Yes. I almost fell asleep during a Star Wars movie. Thanks JJ.
So to sum up what's happening, because I hate even thinking about this stupid movie, Rey and Ben battle against Palpatine, which was my fourth huge laugh of this abomination.
In a nutshell, other "so bad they're good movies" generally succeed because they sometimes have at least one thing going for them. Maybe it's the bad acting, or special effects, or writing, but it's usually something to keep my mind engaged. This one wasn't even that. It was JJ Abrams giving the audience the middle finger. And yes The Last Jedi was bad. But at least with TLJ I knew where I was. At no point watching TLJ did I feel baffled and confused when watching a scene. This on the other hand was a confusing mess, and completely forgettable. Even the Prequels had redeeming qualities to it. The very least JJ could've done was throw everything in TFA and TLJ away and simply make an entertaining Star Wars movie, but we never even got that. I would give this a zero if I could. Yes. I'm not joking. This deserves a zero.
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