carbo905 Reviews

Velma (2023– )

How embarrassing...

[1/10 · 15 January 2023]

The writing is so bad, I can't tell if the "like every comedian before #MeToo" line is supposed to be ironic or genuine. The very idea of Scooby-Doo characters discussing sexual assault is as ill-advised and tone-deaf as when it happened in the Family Guy/Simpsons crossover.

Also I have yet to see a single justification for why the new character isn't just Shaggy, although considering how the other characters are written, maybe it's for the best that he was left out. It's not like he'd in any way resemble any previous iteration of Shaggy. Same goes for Scooby-Doo as well. Some out-of-touch greaseball in a leather office looked up from his piles of money and said "Nah cartoon animals are kiddie stuff, adults can't relate to talking dogs!"

With every project Mindy Kaling launches, her own personal issues become more and more prominent, leading to the most embarrassingly mean-spirited jokes I've ever seen in such a beloved franchise.

Don't even hate-watch this, Warner Bros. Needs to learn their lesson.

Music (I) (2021)

What if The Fanatic (2019) tried to pass itself off as inspirational?

[1/10 · 11 April 2021]

Remember The Fanatic? Remember the horrible portrayal John Travolta did of an autistic man? Remember the abuse he suffered from stupidly-written characters that treated him like bullies treat kids in bad 80s movies? What if that mistreatment and abuse was passed off as informative and positive? What if all the scenes of him being attacked were portrayed as how you should handle autistic children? That's what Asia's Music is like. This film would be just a stupidly offensive and perfectly forgettable afterthought if it weren't so up its own butt with how important it thinks it is. I haven't seen a portrayal of an autistic person this offensive since Simple Jack in Tropic Thunder, and that was a movie satirizing how tone-deaf Hollywood is in its portrayal of people with learning disabilities. Let's not get things mixed up; I do not blame Maddie at all. Poor kid reportedly broke down crying several times during filming because she didn't want to portray an offensive cartoon character of an autistic child. She did her best with the writing and direction she was given. Sia, however, has no excuse, and the fact that she let Autism Speaks, the PETA of autism advocacy groups, back the movie is condemnable enough on its own. Makes one miss the days when she was just some mysterious figure that made good music.

Marvin Marvin (2012–2013)

Marvin should've been the first casualty of the war he escaped

[1/10 · 24 March 2019]

One day, the producers, writers, and everyone else that helped cover up Dan Schneider's sex crimes against children at Nickelodeon HQ gathered around to wonder "What if we tried Fred again, but made him an alien this time?" What happened was a short-lived comedy show with terrible comedy, annoying characters, and the annoying hyper-expressive over-acting that's become par for the course with Nickelodeon and Disney channel shows these days.

Pass Thru (2016)

We Need to Talk About Neil

[10/10 · 9 October 2018]

...because this movie is the manifesto of someone about to snap. Anyone familiar with Breen's Work will know what to expect; i.e. bad green screen, weird nonsensical imagery, 1-dimensional characters so flat they could fit through a mail slot, and a holier-than-thou agenda of "morality" driven by Mr. Breen's own misguided self-righteousness.

His past movies have done more than touch on this, but it's always been so ridiculously executed that you don't think too hard about what his true intentions are. Guy pushes over some wheelchair-bound geezer, Magical Captain Neil makes his eyes bleed. Thugs in some middle-of-nowhere location shoot at each other over who gets to rape a prostitute first, Big Breen crucifies them. Yeah, Double Down had the bit about him threatening to poison ALL the water with anthrax, but... he didn't actually do it.

In Pass Thru, it's clear from minute one that Almighty Breen Machine is done with threats. He's taken matters into his own hands, and just starts dropping people left and right, killing over 300 MILLION PEOPLE he deemed unworthy. All corporations, all banks, all lawyers, just gone in the blink of an eye. I'm beginning to think Neil actually believes that his character is a good guy in this movie, that he's actually the righteous one, and that's just... chilling, to say the very least.