manuelasaez Reviews

Pandemonium (II) (2023)

A well made anthology with some really impressive ideas

[8/10 · 20 May 2024]

As a fan of horror anthologies, I had no idea this movie was one until after that amazing first quarter ended. From the very first frame of the film, we are treated to some magnificent cinematography, which really makes the isolation in the winter road all the more suffocating. The acting is top notch, and as the scene unfolds, we begin to see the true nature of the movie and where it is going to take its viewer. Although not every segment works as well as that first one (I mean, it raised a very high bar), the following two were also well done and enjoyable in their own ways, although the tone was a bit polarizing. The gist of the story is a man enters hell and experiences several stories about others who have also been sentenced there.

The second scene features a small child and was somewhat of a dark comedy at first. Seeing this little girl dancing around and making a mess, all while horrific things have happened around her was awkward. The tone was schizophrenic, jumping from being light hearted fun to horrifying within the span of the segment. I wanted to like it a lot more, but the performance of the child was a bit on the poor side, as she delivered her lines with no real talent for acting. Aside from that, it was interesting to see the story unfold.

The third segment sees a mother dealing with the suicide of her teenage daughter. This was a deathly serious story, and while the tone stayed static throughout, it really was a polar opposite from the previous one. It was jarring going from something somewhat kooky to a serious story about suicide, bullying and regret.

The last segment sees the main protagonist being shown the ropes of hell, and what his time there entails. Basically it's a walk-though of sorts of the eternity of torment that awaits him. This segment was creepy, intense and somewhat disturbing, especially if you are Christian and believe in the afterlife. I am not afraid to say that this segment bothered me more than the others combined.

I feel the movie ended with too many lose knots. What happened to the second guy? 4.000 years of quarantine and were only shown a few minutes? The baby antichrist is born because of a mistake made by a demon? I hope they're setting it up for a sequel because the ending really left much to be desired.

Overall, I absolutely loved the ideas presented by this film, the manner in which they were conveyed, and I wish there was just more of it. This movie should have had one final segment, or at least have the last segment extended by at least 20 minutes. It just felt like it had a rushed resolution, which really brought the whole package down a few points.

If you enjoy anthologies, this film is right up your alley. Sure it has a lot of pacing issues, and the tone of the film could have been better balanced, but overall I really enjoyed this film and I eagerly anticipate its sequel.

Sting (2024)

I enjoyed it more than 'Infested' solely because it was more graphic

[6/10 · 17 May 2024]

I saw "Infested" and while the acting was great, the story and execution left a lot to be desired. No gory death scenes, no graphic violence at all, and the worst offender; "black blood" (where they hide the blood in dark scenes or make it look like black ink to not offend the more sensitive and fragile viewers). I thought the movie was severely hindered by keeping things tame and relatively issue free for teh sake for a wider audience, but a movie about killer spiders, one of the most vicious arachnids out there, needs to be over the top with violence and graphic gore. While this movie also fails at this department, it made up for it by being enjoyable throughout and having some good dynamics between the characters. It was definitely another missed opportunity, and I don't understand why such movies are being limited in their scope. It's truly baffling how you will release a film that will probably be forgotten in a few weeks instead of going all out and giving people something they will remember. I want someone to do for spiders that Terrifier 2 did for Clowns.

A spider is a creature with the strength of several times its body weight, can create powerful webs and liquefy the internal organs of its prey before consuming it. Why is it so hard to show a spider doing this in a serious film, to a human or other animal? In this movie it's an extraterrestrial spider, but nothing about it conveyed this. No extra leg, no glowing butt. So much could have been doing with an alien spider, that I fail to truly comprehend how the creative team just settled on "It gets bigger as it eats". How creatively bankrupt! I would have made the spider capable of turning other creatures into eight legged freaks, a cat, dog, even the baby would have gotten the treatment. Now THAT would have been a movie. Instead we got the most basic horror/comedy you could possibly muster with such a premise, and really, that's why this film fails for me (even though I enjoyed it for the most part).

The tone of film was all over the place, the actual spiders weren't featured nearly as much as I though and the little girl would have been better if it were a boy, but aside from that, this movie really doesn't have much going for it. It's enjoyable sure, but a lot of things are fun and then you never think of them ever again. That is this film.

A fun ride with a lot of issues that you probably won't remember a single detail about in a years time. Truly wasted potential.

Streamer (2023)

So annoying I turned it off after 40 minutes.

[2/10 · 14 May 2024]

This movie was so incredibly annoying, that I just couldn't be bothered to finish it. From the first shot of the main cast I was instantly turned off by how rude, dismissive and aggressive the main actor was towards the other streamers, the constant bullying and animosity between the cast, the annoying females and their horrible attitudes, screeching and even worse acting, and the fact that nothing even remotely scary happened in the hour I suffered through watching this trash.

I don't understand streamer culture and I don't care for people that are constantly broadcasting their lives to strangers. It's just worthless to me and contributes nothing of value to society. But seeing these people act like entitled brats with no respect for each other, the viewers or even law enforcement just all rubbed me the wrong way, that I just couldn't be bothered to care what happened to anyone involved. Their attitudes and behavior really made them all extremely unlikable and with no one to root for, why would you even bother finishing the movie?

Do not compare this to Gonjiam, which was a good found-footage film with a likable cast. This is a version where they hired the most insufferable people, gave them a boring script with no real scares, and made the whole thing a chore to get through. One of the worst FF films I've seen in years, and if you know how bad the genre can get, you know that's saying something.

Avoid this movie and you will be better off because of it. There is nothing of value to be found in it.

#ChadGetstheAxe (2022)

Zoomer horror made for the attention deficit crowd and iPad kids

[4/10 · 12 May 2024]

I am not the target audience for this movie. I knew it going in, but within the first few minutes, I was utterly annoyed with every single character that was introduced. These social media/streaming personalities that yell at the screen or are constantly filming their lives; I just don't get it. Doesn't appeal to me one bit. So I really struggled to get past my dislike of the entire cast, especially Chad. But once the film got going, I actually looked forward to seeing each one get "the axe" and this was really the only part of the film that I enjoyed.

The dialogue was absolutely insufferable, the acting ability was all over the place (the two main guys; good, the couple; awful actors in every possible way), and it takes a while for anything worthwhile to actually happen. Then, when things finally start ramping up, were left with some of the most tame "killings" and death scenes imaginable. No blood, no gore, no real violence. There is no horror in this film. There are a bunch of weird jump scares and weak attempts at being frightening, but overall this had got to be one of the most unlikable films I've ever seen.

That being said, I did enjoy the location of the film and where it all took place. The abandoned house was creepy, it looked really authentic and really added to the whole t creepy and eerie vibe the film was going for.

Honestly, If you're older than 13 you're not going to enjoy this movie. I tried, I honestly did, but I just did not like anything about it as a grown man.

Frogman (2023)

I've seen much worse. I actually kind of enjoyed it for what it was.

[5/10 · 12 May 2024]

Look, we all know that horror is a truly subjective genre, and found-footage probably gets the worst rep out of any of the sub-genres. I genuinely don't understand the outright vitriol people have for it, where they automatically dismiss anything FF because of 'bad acting", "bad special effects" or some other subjective opinion. As one of my favorite sub-genres, found-footage has an authenticity that usually isn't found in other types of horror. It seems like so many people are busy trying to be scared that they fail to enjoy these movies for what they are; low budget entertainment made by regular folks and not seasoned Hollywood vets. That being said.....

I do agree that the premise is weak and the entire mythology around the creature is laughable at best, but for a low-fi, low budget found-footage film, it actually did what it said it was going to do, and it was fairly entertaining to boot. We got some genuine comedic elements, some decent acting, the pacing was good, and the film does not overstay its welcome. Although the creature itself could have spent a lot more time in the design stage, I guess what we got should be commended since it was actually exactly what anyone could expect from such a thing. So the film itself is pretty middle of the road, as far as FF films are concerned, and I've certainly seen my share of absolute garbage ('The Curse of Aurore' comes to mind as one of the worst).

My issues with this film are almost all related to the visuals. Yes, it's low-fi. Yes, the budget is limited. Yes, the frog has telepathic abilities that affect cameras and prevent them from working properly every time you want to get a really good look at the thing. But yet again we have a movie were all the action happens at night, no one carries flashlights or any other sources of light, and cell phones are only brought out at the very end. It's all very bizarre. You think I'd be caught dead in the woods without a survivalist lantern in this day and age? I mean, come on, now. Horror using darkness to hide its budgetary shortcomings isn't new, but I'm just tired of it. I'm tired of having to squint to make out "something" in the background, or having people running blind in the woods because they think it's much more effective to have people frustrated at not being able to see anything. I can't wait until someone has to balls to film an entire movie in daylight or with great light sources. I just think that keep everything hidden in darkness is no longer an affective way to make a horror movie.

Overall, I did enjoy this movie, it had be gripped to the end (as ridiculous as it was), the mid credits scene was a nice touch, and it definitely wasn't the worst FF movie I've seen. But with a premise as weird and hokey as a "frogman", they really should have knocked this out of the park with the execution, and they just didn't. I understand why others disliked this film, but I also think many people are just being overly critical because its FF. All of the reviews mentioning the 'bad acting' every time a FF releases proves it.

Exhuma (2024)

Amazingly atmospheric with some fantastic performances. A real cinemtic treat.

[10/10 · 12 May 2024]

I'll preface this by saying that South Korea makes the best movies in the world. It's not even debatable at this point. I can count the amount of movies that have come out of the country that I have disliked in one hand, out of the dozens I've seen over the years. This movie, is no exception, and I enjoyed it more than I have the last 10 American movies I've seen, although that's not saying much these days.

Although this is a movie about the haunted/evil contents of a grave, I'm honestly not really frightened by ghosts, spirits or hauntings. As such, I didn't find this movie frightening or even remotely scary. What it did do was build such an intense dread that the creepiness factor was through the roof. The movie really got under the skin with its incredible cinematography and really intense musical score that was extremely well suited to what was transpiring on screen. This is one of those films where you are bothered while watching it, like your senses are on high alert throughout the viewing, that when it's over it feels like you just experienced what was happening yourself. Drained, tired and glad its finally over ( in a good way).

What's really interesting about the story is that it has so much more going on than first meets the eye. You think one problem is resolved when another pops up, and the story grows and grows until it finally reaches an end point where things just explode in chaos. The movie is deeply rooted in Korean spiritual practices and the history of the country as it was occupied by imperialist Japan, and as a foreigner, a lot of it probably went through my head, which is probably why I didn't find the movie scary in any real way. But the artistry present, the immense talent that was showcased in every facet of the production of this film, goes to show that even if it doesn't achieve its intended result with certain audiences, the art itself can still be appreciated and marveled over.

I was honestly really impressed by this film. It does so many things incredible well, and some things so masterfully, that any criticism I would have are purely cosmetic and thus aren't even worth mentioning. A truly audio and visual feast that deserves to be seen by anyone that truly appreciates well crafted cinema.

A treat from beginning to end, a true masterclass in building atmosphere and dread, with fantastic performances and a creepiness that boroughs under the skin.

The Coffee Table (2022)

Disturbing is an understatement.

[10/10 · 3 May 2024]

A witchy, domineering wife and her husband go shopping for a coffee table and are about to enter a world of unimaginable horror....

I've seen some truly horrific films in my time, and truth be told, it's my favorite type of movie to watch. Some of them rely on excessive gore and violence, others on showing disturbing acts between people. None of them compare to how utterly devastating this movie ended up being. I have always been a fan of films where one small, seemingly insignificant decision alters the course of a person or families life, but this movie was so bleak and dark, I don't know if it will ever be topped.

Everything about the film was so well made, it's tough to pick the stand out. The acting was phenomenal, the cinematography was well done and even the special effects looked realistic and impressive. But it was the subject matter, the story itself, that I guess would take the prize for truly bringing the entire package together to a cohesive whole. The script was equal parts hilarious, shocking, depressing and tension filled, that it really created that rare movie that has no flaws worth mentioning. It's just a really well made film that ticks off so many boxes in what makes a great movie, that in the end, I'm happy for having seen it. Seeing this level of artistry always raised my spirits, regardless of how horrific the events that transpire end up being.

I can go on an continue to sing praises for this film, but I think I'll just end in saying that where many movies feature constant plot holes, disjointed storylines and poor pacing, this one does everything just right. It doesn't overstay its welcome, and the only reason you want it to end is so that the beating of your heart can finally subside. A truly magnificent film that deserves as many fans as it can get.

Arcadian (2024)

I didn't like it as much as I thought it would.

[5/10 · 3 May 2024]

I eagerly anticipated the release of this movie for months. I mean, Nick Cage? Horror? Monsters? That trailer?!?! Man, was I excited....

And then it was over and I just shrugged my shoulders and said, "Meh'. That's it. I wasn't wowed by it, it was entertaining enough for me to finish it in its entirety, but once it was over, it left no lasting impression, and had I not seen it, I wouldn't feel like I missed out on anything. It's one of those movies that just doesn't do anything well enough to be remembered, and it's unfortunate because there are small nuggets of brilliance somewhere in this movie, but they were hidden somewhere in the dark where most of this film takes place.

Darkness plays a pivotal role in this film; everyone has to get indoos to protect the house before the sun sets, the monsters come out at night, and it's also the reason why so much of the movie can't be seen. Seriously, most of the action is obscured so much by darkness, that I literally said, "What the hell am I supposed to be looking at?" multiple times while watching the movie. I get that they wanted to hide a lot of it to build tension, but it just came off as annoying and frustrating. I mean, who watches a movie to have most of it hidden behind a black curtain? Such a bizarre creative choice in horror. Having something be so dark that you can't actually see it isn't scary, it cheap filmmaking.

And then we come to the actual monsters. Who in their right mind thought that design was appropriate for a horror movie? I looked like a rejected Jim Henson puppet, something that was left on the cutting room floor when they were spitballing The Dark Crystal. It wasn't scary, it looked like they took an Ostrich and did everything possible to make it look even more ridiculous than the actual bird already does. The art director or creature designer really dropped the ball here, and I am actually embarrassed for the person who designed that travesty of a creature. Quite possible the worst looking design out of any creature feature in recent memory, it is truly appalling that it was even green-lit in the first place.

The movie is too sappy, too dramatic, focuses way too much on the human side of the crisis, and doesn't spend nearly enough time showing you the monsters themselves. With these types of movies, I really don't watch it to get a hallmark family special full of tender moments and insight on the human condition. I watch them to see monsters and people fighting them. Why do these creative teams make it so hard to follow this simple formula? Less about the people and more about the monster (although in this case both were equally insufferable).

The only saving grace about this film is Nick Cage. That's it. He really commanded every scene he was in, and without him, this movie would be nearly unwatchable. 5 stars for Nick. The rest of the movie really doesn't deserve any.

Infested (2023)

Entertaining, but breaks no new ground for the horror genre.

[6/10 · 28 April 2024]

This movie could have been something truly special, but they're decision to keep it as tame as possible is not only baffling, but completely ruined what could have made this a horror movie for the ages. I honestly wouldn't even call this movie a horror film, per se, as much as it could be a drama with scary elements. The fact of the matter is, this movie was made for a limited audience, and if you aren't scared of spiders (I love them, BTW), there really isn't anything here that can really constitute it falling under the horror banner.

Let's look at the elements that would make this movie geared more towards adults instead of teenage girls with a ik for arachnids;

Is there blood? Minimal, and what is shown is shown in darkness, rendering it black. It looked more like oil for most of the movie.

Death? Most of the deaths are suggested, and although there are dead bodies, there is nothing scary about them. Again, if you don't fear spiders, you won't feel anything, really.

Sex or Nudity? NONE.

Violence and gore? Minimal. People fight, throw blows, get hit with batons and guns. None of it lasts for longer than a few minutes, and none of it is excessive or particularly graphic.

In all honesty, this movie really dropped the ball by not being graphic enough. I wanted to see spiders exploding from bodies, coming out of mouths where the person is still alive, seeing limbs being dismembered by creatures that have 40X's their body mass in strength. Even the scenes where people were dying from the poison were tame and somewhat lame. You'd think a spider that size would make your blood boil inside your body. What we got was a bad allergic reaction to a bee sting.

Overall, while I was entertained (primarily due to the fantastic acting throughout) the movie itself was a huge letdown, solely due to the fact that its audience was that of teenage girls, meaning it was tame in every single area. If we could have gotten a more competent creative team that would have really pushed the envelope in terms of raw & visceral visual appeal, this movie would have been an instant classic. Instead, it's probably going to end up like Night Swim, a movie no one ended up truly liking despite what the internet wanted to tell us.

A missed opportunity in almost every single regard, but the amazing cast and their talent made it bearable. It won't be remembered favorably, though. I almost guarantee it.

Immaculate (2024)

Absolutely dreadful in every possible way

[2/10 · 17 April 2024]

Oh man, this movie.....

There is so much to dislike about this film, from the weird Catholic rituals, to the terrible pacing, to the horribly written script, but it all fails so miserably that I can't even be bothered to truly dive deep into this movie. At first I thought it was just another PG-13 pile made for children and teenagers, but the more I watched the more I realized that this movie was actually written for an adult audience, if you can believe it. The story is so sophomoric and simple, you'd think it was made for zoomers and ipad kids who would have been on their phones instead of actually watching the film. But the people responsible really felt that this story would be better if it was geared towards adults. The absolute delusion in Hollywood truly is mind-boggling.

It wasn't original, unique of even reasonably interesting when compared to movies of its ilk. It's just another movie steeped in Catholicism, (which, let's be real, is pretty creepy in and of itself), but never bothers to really push the envelope the way it should. The Exorcist proved that when you DO push the envelope and ruffle as many feathers as possible, you actually might get something that will be remembered. This movie will struggle to even be mentioned by the end of the year, and it really doesn't deserve to be.

Nothing about this film is worth mentioning in a positive light, and it's best avoided altogether. You will gain nothing from having watched it, and that's the true crime about movies such as these. They only set out to rob us of our precious time, the only true horror about this whole ordeal.

Baghead (2023)

Horror made for children and teenagers

[3/10 · 6 April 2024]

I knew what I was getting into every time I waste my precious energy on PG-13 horror films, but the premise for this one sounded so enticing, I decided to ignore the red flags and power through. What a mistake that was. This movie was made to entertain children, and its horror in the same way an episode of Goosebumps was for me when I was a teenager. So much of it is just bad, that I'm struggling to find even one thing worth complimenting, aside from the premise.

Let me say that I saw Talk To Me, and didn't care for it. This movie has a very similar way of tackling this subject, although I found this movie to have a more original and interesting take. That's about the only good thing I can say about it, though, since everything else about it was so, so bad.

The special effects were as laughable as the poorly photoshopped photographs used throughout the movie, the acting was serviceable but no one stood out for their ability, and the horror elements were lame and predictable, to the point where I anticipated every single lame jump scare that happened almost down to the second. It was like someone set out to make the least scary AND the least offensive horror film imaginable, and I guess they succeeded in that regard. Literally no blood, no violence, and no gore. I mean, who TF wants to see a horror movie without any of that?

I wouldn't recommend this film even if it was the only film left to watch in the world. Nothing about it will enrich your life or make you see things in a new light. It's a waste of time, it's clearly made for an audience of little kids or the child-minded, and any self-respecting adult would really do themselves a huge favor by watching anything else.

Taekwondo (2016)

I disliked this movie SO much. A waste of almost 2 hours.

[3/10 · 5 April 2024]

Where do I even start with this...

The movie is the worst type of movie there is; a film made to look like it had no script, just a bunch of half naked or fully naked guys shooting the breeze for almost 2 hours. There is no real story, aside from the very glossed over part of the two leads being in the same Taekwondo class, but the rest of the movie is as follows;

-Naked dudes swimming -Half naked dudes sleeping -Half naked dudes smoking -Half-naked dudes discussing women -Naked dudes walking around the house -Semi-clothed dudes talking at a dinner table -Dudes put some clothes on when 2 girls arrive

Throughout the whole film, we have one of the main characters, who is gay, and wants to know if his Taekwondo partner (who invented him to this boys outing) is also gay. It takes 1:40 minutes for them to finally give in to the entire purpose of this film, and I for the life of me just don't understand who would find this entertaining. My partner had a theory, though; the director used this film as a reason to hire a bunch of straight actors he just wanted to personally see naked. The same way Hollywood directors add nude scenes with women in their movies, as an excuse to see the people they're attracted to in the buff. Wouldn't hiring an escort be much less work and offer you more bang for oyu buck? I really just don't understand these types of movies.

This really isn't a gay film, especially if you discount the literal last 2 minutes of it. It's a movie about a group of men, which are all straight, doing straight dude things. Nothing about this movie is even remotely gay because none of the characters are gay, and this is really just the type of movie in the genre I can't stand. I don't watch gay films to see a bunch of straight men talking about women as if they've never seen one before in their lives. I have the gym and real life for that nonsense. I watch these movies two see two guys fall in love, and when you can't even be bothered to show me that much, than what did you really accomplish?

A disappointment of a film that missed the mark of what it means to be gay cinema in almost every regard.

Barrio Boy (2022)

Dreadful is the only word that can describe this film

[3/10 · 2 April 2024]

Where do I even start? I haven't been this chapped by a film in weeks! The trailer tricked me into thinking this was going to be a sweet love story about two dudes who find each other in the streets of NYC. What I got was an annoying DL dude who didn't have the courage to face himself or defend the person he loves, surrounded by some of the most insufferable characters I've ever seen in a film. Growing up in NYC myself, I was surrounded by these same types of knuckle-draggers that made my life difficult growing up. Seeing them in digital form just made me realize that the same feces slinging troglodytes that littered the city haven't changed, not one bit.

The acting was disjointed and no one really stood out for their ability, save for the Irish guy and "Jorge", and most of the dialogue sounded forced and grated on the ears. The aggression and manner of speaking of the drug dealer made me seriously consider turning off the film every time he spoke, and you know what? I really wish I should have.

For a gay film, barely any intimacy is shown, and the very few times it is, I think they used stunt doubles. So the men involved in this couldn't even be bothered to actually kiss on camera, let alone show any real emotion. It was the most glaring and offensive issue about this movie; hiring straight men to play gay characters. Had I known this beforehand, I wouldn't have even bothered watching this movie.

Then there's the ending. I mean, what in the living F was that about? I've seen some bad films in my many years of watching gay films, but that ending was literally one of the worst things I've ever seen in any genre of film. It was like the biggest middle finger a director could give his audience. In the age of amazing films like "Call Me By Your Name" and "Brokeback Mountain", this film should be embarrassed that it even exists.

I would have rated this much lower, but the character names Jorge really stood out to me for being the most authentic and the actor had the most talent in the whole cast. That alone made me rate the film what I did.

The rest of this film can be thrown in a pile with the rest of the gay films that can't be bothered to show the community the way it's meant to be shown, for the audience that is meant to see it.

You'll Never Find Me (2023)

Superb acting did not save this entirely dreadful film.

[3/10 · 29 March 2024]

Where do I even begin with this one.....

This is one of those films with one setting, two actors and a whole lot of dialogue, and I wish I would have known that before hand. While these types of films can yield some pretty excellent results, what we got with this movie was a whole lot of words that ultimately meant very little. You have one male actor and one female actor that are obviously talented and skilled in their craft, but what they were given to work with was so beneath their ability that I wondered who the target audience was for this movie. It's not a purely horror film, since nothing truly horrific ever happens, it's also needlessly dramatic but can't be labeled as a drama, so what genre were they going for?

The movie also has all of these noises and loud bangs that kept alluding to something outside of the trailer, and it made it really difficult to truly understand what exactly was transpiring in the film. Is there something outside of the trailer? Is it trying to break in? Why is it so noisy if it's not trying to enter? But the movie isn't even about a supernatural force or even a creature feature; it's literally two people, sitting across from each other, trying to sit out a storm. But so much of what happens makes no sense in the grand scheme of the film, and in the end I just stopped caring. I literally went to turn the movie off 20 minutes before it was over because I just didn't care anymore. What was an interesting premise quickly devolved into a mess of a film that did not satisfy any of the requirements necessary to make a successful horror film, or even a reasonably entertaining one.

The one saving grace of the entire production is the acting. Both leads are SUPERB and really sold their predicament with undeniable craft. Kudos to them.

The rest of the film is a mess, and as a horror fan, this left me feeling like I wasted my time. It's not a movie I would ever recommend, and I'd urge anyone thinking of watching it to reconsider their decision. Don't make the same mistake I did.

Megalomaniac (2022)

For fans of the French Extremity. I was throroughly entertained.

[8/10 · 26 March 2024]

Man, I did not expect this movie to be so BRUTAL! A lot more art-house and slow when compared to movies of its ilk, but I have been clamoring for another film along the same lines as Martyrs or Frontier(s), and this film really delivers. I haven't seen a movie go for this style in so long, I was worried that directors had given up on the sub-genre for good. I'm happy to say that this movie would be at home with the likes of the more disturbing ones.

Everything works so well in this film, from the directorial style to the acting to the gorgeous cinematography, but I would be remiss if I didn't mention that this film is SLOW and extremely deliberate. While the few scenes of actual violence are beyond disturbing (with one scene so shocking I didn't even know how it got past the ratings board), but the rest of the film was a dreary, depressing familial drama(?), although that wouldn't be the appropriate label for a film about a pair of siblings who are taking after their father, a vicious serial killer. There was just so many scenes of this brooding woman, allowing life to beat her down, and when her brother finally got to work, it happens quickly, and then we are back to scenes of her moping around, looking crestfallen and despondent. I understand why this was done in the context of this style of film, but it's a real drag when you get that rush of brutality to only come back down to so many scenes of mediocrity.

If you're a fan of movies like Martyrs, Inside, High Tension, ect. This movie will be right up your alley. It's extremely and deliberately slow, but stick with it. The pay off may be worth it, depending on how patient you are.

Amelia's Children (2023)

Total waste of time. Bad on so many levels.

[3/10 · 12 March 2024]

I mean, what can I even say about this movie that I absolutely despised? Can I talk about the good elements of it, the parts I enjoyed, the parts that worked to create an interesting narrative? I wish I could, but I honestly can't think of a single redeemable quality in this entire film. The characters were unlikable, the story wanted to be grotesque but wouldn't show you anything to actually induce fear, and even the cinematography was basic and had no passion. The times the movie wanted to be creepy were so few and far between, that the only thing that ended up being truly nightmare inducing was Amelia's face after years of cosmetic surgery.

It's truly incredible how you have a movie about a witch that has children with her own sons and then eats them to regain her youth, a horrifying premise in and of itself, and you end up making the most mundane and least scary movie possible. I just don't understand how this even happened. It's like the creative team read the premise and then decided to not ruffle any feathers, not offend anyone, and not really create anything truly horrific, instead opting to alude to the witch and use dream sequences to sometimes show what she does, but never having the cojones to actually do it.

This is the worst kind of horror movie to me. A movie that uses a great premise but ends up yielding a tame, inoffensive movie where nothing really scary happens, everything is suggested and not actually shown, and the conclusion ties nothing together, leaving the viewer to wonder why he even wasted and hour and a half of his life on this movie. I really wish I would have read reviews for this film beforehand, as I would have wanted to be warned before investing my precious time on a film that wouldn't enrich my life in any way.

This is why I'm writing this review, to save as many of you from watching this movie as possible. Do not make the same mistake as I did, as life is way too short to spend it watching these types of movies that contribute nothing of value to your life. Read a book, take a walk, listen to your favorite album on repeat. Anything is preferable to watching this film.

The Seeding (2023)

One of the worst films I've seen in the last 10 years

[3/10 · 6 March 2024]

Usually, I try to look at the upsides to every movie I watch. I really tried to do the same for movie, but it just made it so incredibly hard to so do. I mean, who was the target audience for this movie? Horror fans aren't going to like it, it's not a drama and it certainly isn't a comedy, so whom exactly was this film meant to appease? No one is going to like this movie because there is nothing about it worth liking. Aside from the awesome cinematography and the performance of the lead male actor (a performance wasted on this embarrassment of a film), there is nothing else that is even remotely worth commending.

Even writing this review, I found myself growing increasingly agitated at having wasted almost 2 hours watching a film that ultimately made no sense, and really didn't enrich my life in the end. My goal in watching movies is to find something that inspires me, or at least helps me see things in new and interesting perspectives. All this movie managed to do was frustrate me and annoy me in equal measure, and I would not recommend anyone watch this movie, no matter how bored or devoid of content you seem to be. It is a meritless endeavor that will take more from you than it is willing to give, and I implore each of you considering watching this movie to read a book instead. You will find much more value in the written word than wasting you time with movies that do not respect it.

This movie gets 3 stars for the cinematography and the magnificent acting by the male lead.

As an aside, there is a novel I read a long time ago titled "Woman in the Dunes" by the author Kobo Abe. The gist of that novel is very similar to what happens in this movie. I'd consider reading that book instead of watching this movie. You will have a much better time. I promise.

Hidden Away (2014)

Bait and switch. Still a good movie, but I feel jipped.

[7/10 · 4 March 2024]

So, of course this is a gay film about boys who realize their hidden feelings for one another, lots of drama, furtive glances, hidden desires bubbling to the surface. We get it. That's why we watch these movies, to see two dudes realize they like each other and consummate that somewhere within the hour and half movies of this ilk are allotted to tell their stories.

But not once in this entire film do the boys even so much as hold hands, let alone kiss. I was expecting at least a small peck, even a romantic caress, a passionate kiss in the rain. For the entire movie, we are given the suggestion, the inkling, the promise that they were going to fall in love and that we were going to see the full force of that love presented on screen. The most we got was a few dream sequences where they almost kiss, some horseplaying that almost leads to a kiss, and a scene in the bathroom where they almost kissed, but their lips did not touch once throughout this entire movie.

Now I'm not saying this as someone that watches these movies solely for that, but when you have a romantic film (even if it's gay), show some damn romance! It might have as well been a bromace for all that happened! I've had more intimacy with some of my straight friends than was shown in this movie. I guess since they were teenagers they had to limit what was shown, but I've seen similar films that had no problem showing love between boys or men, no matter how little of it is actually shown.

This is why I titled my review "Bait and switch'; they baited you with a promise of a sweet love story where two boys fall in love, and it was more like two friends share some super intimate moments without showing any of it on screen. It's still a good movie, great even, but don't make a gay movie and not have anything actually gay happen. Then it just becomes a disappointment.

Hellbent (2004)

Pleasantly surprised at how entertained I was by this movie

[8/10 · 1 March 2024]

I watched this on a whim one might after I spent over 40 minutes browsing for something to watch and I was glad that I settled on this movie. I imagined I was going to get some corny C-movie, the likes of which were very common in the late 90's-early 2000's, but I was really shocked at how funny, charming and overall well made this film ended up being. Of course it's still a B-movie, and the budget was obviously limited, but what an entertaining and well executed film this ended up being.

The cast was hot and talented, the script was clever and didn't try to be something it wasn't, and even the special SFX gore and dismemberment were done as tastefully and realistically as the budget allowed. I really cared about the four friends and what they went through in this film, and although it's not the happiest ending, I feel like each one gave their best performance and really elevated this film to the heights it reached.

The only thing I didn't care much for was how it ended. No real resolution, and we didn't get to see the aftermath of how the events affected the survivors. It kind of ended in the typical/cliche way horror movies ended back in the day, and it was the only real sour note in an otherwise pleasant film.

Overall, one of the better gay films I've seen, and it really stands out as a movie from an era where gay movies just weren't good. You'd be hard pressed to find many gay horror films that are this well made, with this good a cast.

Highly recommended for fans of gay films with a hot cast and horror movie aficionados.

Rebel Moon - Part One: A Child of Fire (2023)

D.E.I. warriors, UNITE! It's as bad as everyone is saying it is.

[4/10 · 27 February 2024]

I have a personal theory that keeps being proven true with every Netflix film; the more ethnically diverse the cast, the worse the movie or television show ends up being. Without fail, every single movie or show where D. E. I. Is the basis for the casting ends up subpar of just downright embarrassing, and Rebel Moon seems to continue this god forsaken trend. Gone are the days where the best person for the job is given the role, the best actor, the most fitting or qualified. Now the roles are given to the right skin color, gender or sexuality, and SURPRISINGLY, it's yielding the most horrendous results. Who would have thought hiring people based on superficial traits over say, talent or merit, would ruin filmmaking this profoundly? I am truly shocked, meaning, I am not shocked at all.

Every single new addition to the film was a check box of "diversity";

White male villain? ✅ The POC FEMALE lead? ✅ Latino character? ✅ Black character? ✅ Asian character? ✅ Ethnically ambiguous? ✅

(Notice how the only genuine casting is the white male villain, because we can't have any other ethnic group ever be the bad guys, now, can we?)

I groaned audibly every time they got to a new planet and the D. E. I. Checklist marked off its "representation". Perhaps if they spent more time writing a competent story or building a believable world over obsession over how many people of color they had at any given time on screen, we might have gotten a half decent, and dare I say, entertaining film. But Netflix gonna Netflix, and their racial quotas matter more than their ratings, so they'll just sweep this under the rug and do it again with another film until they get the hit the desperately crave but will never get.

Zack Snyder was a director I defended and I used to take great job in celebrating his style and vision as one of film-makings great bad boys. Now I see that he can be easily bought to make a movie that they want you to make, and will happily forfeit his artistic integrity just to see his name on the credits.

There are very few redeemable qualities in this film, the character designs, set design and sci-fi design being the only ones, but everything else, from the subpar or hammy acting (except by Ed Skrein), to the SFX overload, to the ridiculous plot, to the under-baked and verbose script felt like an afterthought (why did they talk so much and why did so little of it matter?), and the ridiculously bad action scenes, which all took a backseat to the utter importance of assembling the United colors of Beneton Avengers.

A ridiculous movie made by ridiculous people who focus on stuff that doesn't matter to try to build an interesting world and fail on almost every single regard. Imagine if Star Wars had been forced to have racial and gender quotas and this is the movie you would have ended up with. Netflix, we don't subscribe to your service for this. Do better, in the sense of making actual movies for people who enjoy watching them.

A message to Ed Skrein; What were you thinking taking this role? You are a master of your craft and one of the finest living actors. You deserved SO much better than this film, which you carried single-handedly, might I add. Your agent did you dirty, and I suggest firing him and finding someone that will get you the roles your talent and skill truly deserve.

Lemonheads (2020)

One of the most difficult film I've ever watched

[8/10 · 26 February 2024]

I usually avoid Indie Rights films like the plague, and it's one of the many production companies I associate with poor film making. Having watched the sensational Castle in the Ground, I was looking for similar films about drug use and addiction that didn't glorify it, and this popped up as recommended. Although the production company title screen would have immediately put me off, I said, "Let me give them one more chance" and I'm glad I did. This has to be one of the most well acted, powerful films I've seen about addiction since Castle in the Ground, and I am glad that I stuck with it and watched it to teh very end.

I could write a review about the film, what transpires in it and how it's harrowing and visceral. But really, it's the acting that truly elevates this film. The entire cast played its heart out, and I just sympathized with everyone, in particular, the younger cousin. He really took that role and ran with it, and it looked like he was really suffering from withdrawals through the entire film (I hope he didn't method act his way through this one).

I think I'll just end my review with this; I absolutely abhor drug use of any kind, but addiction fascinates me, as I like to understand something when I have such strong feelings about it. This movie does a great job of showing how drugs not only rule the lives of these people, but how it ultimately destroys them. Not an easy watch, but an important one.

The Animal Kingdom (2023)

One of the most stunning films I've seen in years

[8/10 · 24 February 2024]

While Hollywood is on it's death spiral by focusing on political and feminist nonsense, the rest of the world is pumping out hit after hit. Argentina with When Evil Lurks, Japan with Godzilla Minus 1, and now France with this marvelous film. A film about a father and son who must endure hardships in order to keep their family whole, the type of movie you wouldn't see Hollywood making anymore.

There is so much to take in about this lovely film, from the beautiful directorial work to the wonderful cinematography, but it's the cast that really shines in this movie. Both the father and son were cast perfectly, and even the supporting characters, like the Birdman, really made you care and sympathize with what was transpiring in the film. Interestingly, watching this movie, we followed along with three separate stories; the father looking for his wife, the son whose life has been altered in more ways than one, and the birdman, who simply wants to make his namesake proud. It's the story of three separate men, but it's also the story of manhood, and how it endures even when faced with the harshest trial and tribulations.

I watched this movie in awe, because it's the first time in a long time that I've watched a movie made for people like me. I was just so moved by the struggles of each of the men in this film, and how they each dealt with their hardships and all came out stronger in the end. It's a true testament to the enduring nature of the entire male gender, and really makes a man proud to have XY chromosomes coursing through his body.

One of the best, most original films I've seen in years. Everything from the acting to the CGI worked in harmony to create something that will surely leave a lasting impression. I'd be hard pressed to find a real film buff that would dislike this movie in any way. Yes, it's that well done.

Lovely, Dark, and Deep (2023)

Absolteky atrocious. One of the worst films I've seen this year.

[4/10 · 24 February 2024]

Where do I even begin with this mess of a movie? There is so much that was poorly done about, I don't even know where I should start. It's like someone took an interesting premise, someone else wrote the most boring story surrounding it, and then you had someone completely different write the script. Disjointed, all-over-the-place storytelling that left you with more questions than you started off with, and that is never a compliment.

The first inclination that this was going to be a bad film was that it took almost 40 minutes before anything of note transpired. The initial 40 were spent with the lead wandering the woods, making her rounds as a park ranger, while also looking for someone. When the movie does get going, it's at a snails pace. I'm not joking when I say that for every minute something even remotely interesting is happening, there are 20 minutes of nonsense. Drone flying over the woods, the woods creeping upside down, trees, more woods, trees, trees, trees. That's the gist of this movie. It was almost like an advertisement for the National Parks, and this movie is probably less exciting than a ranger training video.

It's a movie that, the more you watched, the more you could tell that it didn't really have a firm direction to begin with. It was like a movie made by various people who didn't share their part of the story until the end, and the movie suffered greatly because of it. The last half hour I watched on 8X speed because I just couldn't be bothered to give this movie any more of my time.

I'm starting to notice a trend in these modern Hollywood horror films; every time a horror movies showcases any signs of D. E. I it's been awful, and you can throw this one right in the pile. It looks like the focus is on superficial elements that are more important than telling a decent story that people might actually enjoy, and that in itself is a real travesty of modern day Hollywood. I'm so glad that movies in the rest of the world aren't adhering to that nonsense. Hollywood really isn't worth the time or energy if they keep pumping out crap like this.

A total and complete waste of time. Please, for the love of all that is decent and pure, listen to me; your time is much to precious to spend it watching movies like these. Avoid this movie at all costs. It's just not good by any metric you throw at it.

Night Swim (2024)

Another failed Blumhouse horror production

[4/10 · 11 February 2024]

This is a movie made for children and teenagers. I knew this going in that I wasn't the target audience and based on the end result, I am certainly glad that I am not in any target group that considers movies like this to be entertainment in any capacity. It's a movie made by committee, where profits matter more than the actual artistry of the finished product, and it's just so disheartening to see Blumhouse drop the ball over...and over...and over again. I am struggling to think of even one Blumhouse horror film that wasn't a complete waste of time and I am coming up empty. I don't know why i keep giving this studio a chance. There are plenty of production companies that make me rush to turn the movie off before it even begins; Gravitas Ventures, Uncork'ed, ITN Productions, Breaking Glass.... If a movie starts up with any of those name popping up on the screen, I know it's a waste of time and immediately rush to stop it from going any further. I guess the marketing department at BH is more more compete, since they reel me in with a good premise and a decent trailer and I am left sorely disappointed time and time again.

At this point, I'm just going to actively avoid this studio because they don't make movies for actual horror fans. They make movies for tweens on their first dates or High School seniors out for a night on the town. You know, movies that require a low barrier of entry and no actual IQ ponts to follow along with the threadbare plots. But for an adult, this movie is a waste of time. It's like reading a romance novel, once your finished with it, what have you actually gotten out of the experience other than slight nausea and a bit of a headache?

If you are over the age of, oh, 21, avoid this movie. If you are a horror buff like me, pretend it doesn't exist. If you enjoy cinema that enriches your life and brings meaning to your existence in even a small way, this movie probably wasn't even on your radar to begin with. I'd rather be in that last group than the group this travesty of a film was made for.

4-stars for the acting alone. When you get competent actors for a High School play, you at least appreciate the effort.

That Is All (2019)

An infuritaing exploration of male sexuality

[5/10 · 3 February 2024]

I was LIVID when the ending credits started to roll, and I asked myself, 'Did I really just sit through two hours of that?". I mean, I've seen plenty of Gay themed films in the last few years, but none came close to making the proverbial steam escape from my ears like this movie has, so let's dive in as to why this movie just chapped my ass in so many ways.

1. The star of the film, Ryan, is smoldering. He has the face of a Calvin Klein's Obsession model and whoever cast him in this knew exactly what they were doing. Honestly, had they chosen a less attractive lead, I probably would have scored this much lower, and would have more than likely turned it off. Although he is a dreamboat, he is an utter BORE throughout the majority of this film. He spends day after day doing the most banal tasks, and when he finally starts feeling some excitement in both his real life and his love life, he still ends up being a closeted, repressed man that would rather live in misery than ever admit to being happy. Early in the movie a friend asked him, "Would you still be my friend if I voted Conservative?" and with the answer he gave, he sounded like you average Canadian "accepting and tolerant", "I'm an Ally" Liberal. But not so liberal that he would ever or should ever be associated with being gay, or seen being with another man, right? It made me really disconnect with this character almost immediately, and the sympathy I initially had for him quickly turned to apathy.

2. Ryan pursues a female member of his basketball group, and gets her to go on a few dates, sleeps with her, yet treats her with nothing but apathy. The girl is smitten with him, and he treats her like an afterthough.

3. Ryan then decides to have a secret relationship with the boyfriend of one of his good friends. So, he's been friends with this guy for a seemingly long time, and he doesn't think twice when he pursues an affair with his boyfriend. Where are his morals? Where is his loyalty?

4. Ryan then sleeps with a female of his friend group. Everyone knows she fancies him, and his roommate actually told him not to toy with her emotions. Again, no morals or loyalty.

So, we can surmise from my previous points that Ryan is the trouble in our little drama. He is the "It's not you, it's me". He is everyone you've ever dated that you fell head over heels for and for him, you were just some fun to be had. I guess evoking this level of emotion from at least one viewer is an accomplishment, but when you have an almost two hour movie that is mostly clips of people doing 'stuff', it really highlights the problems with everyone involved. And when I say stuff, I literally mean that most of the movie is comprised of people talking, having boring parties, watching old movies, smoking weed (I absolutely despise drugs so that was gross to me), and just sitting around being absolute bores for most of the movie. The only real beauty we saw was when Ryan was being his authentic self, but I guess his story was never meant to have a happy ending.

The more I think about it, the more I find myself not totally hating the film, but wishing that it was so much more. There were so many ways the movie could have ended, and the way it did just seemed like what happens when you live an unfulfilled life, and that in itself is a tragedy I really don't care to see much of, even on a television screen.