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Reviews
My Tutor (1983)
Sinking to oblivion
To the extent this movie is remembered at all, it's remembered as a better-than-average example of an 80's teen sex comedy. That's not much of a compliment, but the movie at least had a sympathetic female lead (instead of a snooty and scheming girl who deserved to have her clothes ripped off) and it made attempts to include romance and tenderness with the sex.
Like the rest of the genre, this movie will probably continue to sink into oblivion. Matt Lattanzi may be a wonderful human being for all I know, but he's not a strong screen presence. Someone should have told him that being stiff and expressionless is not the same thing as projecting quiet confidence. The soundtrack is dreadful. Many of the supporting actors, however, especially Arlene Golonka and Crispin Glover, are amusing in their minor roles.
Blame It on Rio (1984)
Lots of blame to go around
Michael Caine's character has problems. He's a plain, nearsighted, insecure man in his mid-40s. He's married but his wife doesn't seem to love him anymore. He has a poor relationship with his only daughter. But his most immediate problem is that a stunningly beautiful young woman, played by Michelle Johnson, is pursuing him too ardently, kissing him, groping him, and trying to initiate sex at every opportunity. What's the poor fellow to do?
This movie should be taken out of the Comedy section and placed under Science Fiction. Only an intergalactic brain chip can explain the actions of Michelle Johnson's character. Let's see - 3 billion men in the world - she can pretty much have her pick - she goes with an clumsy, aging loser. This goes beyond a middle-aged male fantasy into something so delusional, you just hope that everyone involved voluntarily submitted to therapy.
There's not really anything funny here. There are some quick attempts at wit from Caine, who often seems to playing Hawkeye Pierce more than a new character. Joseph Bologna is like fingernails on a chalkboard. Michelle Johnson is no actress - she has one crying scene that wouldn't pass muster in a high school play - but she is beautiful and she does take her clothes off. So buy the DVD, skip to scenes 4 and 9, and forget the rest.
Willard (2003)
Can't sink your teeth into it
This is a horror movie that has some weird atmospherics, but not really very much horror. The problem, as at least one other reviewer has pointed out, is that the rats really aren't scary or menacing at all. They are clean, well-behaved mice who have been trained since birth to please human beings in exchange for regular feedings. Attempts to make them look savage through dark lighting or slow-motion close-ups never work.
More interesting than the movie itself is the documentary on the making of the movie that comes on the DVD. It recounts the many problems in making the film, such as finding a leading man, and doesn't sugar-coat the fact that this film was a critical and commercial failure.
If you're looking for a movie where a lonely loser creatively seeks revenge on his tormentors, a much better choice would be Christine, a John Carpenter film based on a Stephen King book.
Chasing Liberty (2004)
Never Gets Off the Ground
Whether or not you buy into this movie depends on your view of Mandy Moore's character. Is she a stifled young woman with an understandable desire for more freedom, or is she a whiny, unpleasant brat? I vote for whiny, unpleasant brat. Granted that Service Service protection could crimp one's dating life, most teenagers would gladly trade places with the beautiful and privileged Anna Foster. How many 18-year-olds get a luxury trip to Prague?
So a movie where you don't have sympathy for the major character isn't much fun. And there's no relief in the subplot either, which has a male Secret Service agent trying to seduce his female partner by making crude remarks that easily meet the legal definition of sexual harassment. Watching Mark Harmon's performance as the President was uncomfortable too. Harmon was a star quarterback at UCLA and a sex symbol in the 1980's, but here he looks small, physically frail, and barely awake.
I enjoyed the photography of Prague and Venice and that's about it. If anyone wants to take me to those places, I promise to be a lot more grateful than Anna Foster.
Valley Girl (1983)
Good but cheap
Valley Girl was a low budget, frantically filmed teen picture that became a modest box office success. The movie launched the careers of director Martha Coolidge, star Nicolas Cage, and the band Modern English. Unlike most teen films of the era, Valley Girl wasn't about seeking sex and humiliating pompous authority figures. It tried to be a real love story involving characters you would care about. Give the cast and crew credit for accomplishing a lot with a little, but you never forget that you're looking at a cheaply made movie.
The plot is a likable, if predictable, romance between Randy, a streetwise character played by Cage, and Julie, the beautiful valley girl played by Deborah Foreman. The comedy is in watching each character step into the strange world of the other. The popularity that the film still enjoys is due to Cage's acting talent, the great soundtrack highlighted by Modern English's "I'll Melt With You", and the beauty of Deborah Foreman. Foreman never had a great career, but she found a niche playing beautiful girls who weren't impressed by money and status. That gave her a cult following, especially among guys who lacked money and status.
The film has some real limitations though, as Coolidge discussed on the DVD. Raunch is mixed in with the romance because there was a contractual obligation to have four scenes of nudity (not Foreman though), and the "f" word gets a frequent airing too. There are no deleted scenes on the DVD because Coolidge didn't have the luxury of shooting anything extra, so scenes and subplots that don't really work were left in the movie. The prom scene at the end of the film is simply pathetic. It's supposed to be the big prom for prosperous, status-conscious Valley High, but it's just a punch bowl and a banner at an old gym.
Valley Girl is a decent film, but it will be remembered mostly for giving Coolidge and Cage a chance to do bigger and better things.
Sheena (1984)
Low Expectations
This was never meant to be a movie you'd want to put in a time capsule. It was only supposed to be a pleasant adventure based on a comic book. In some ways at least, the film succeeds. The plot is a coherent tale of greedy villains vs. underdog heroes, although it has the normal implausibilities of adventure films (bad guys are experienced soldiers with automatic weapons but can't hit a thing). The movie was filmed in Kenya and has some spectacularly beautiful photography of African plains and wildlife.
Even in a movie with modest aspirations, though, it is surely a bad sign when the best acting is done by animals. The chimpanzees were the best, although the lions and elephants also turn in fine performances. The human cast doesn't fare so well. Tanya Roberts has the look of a beautiful woman who can fight, but you'll want to hit the mute button whenever she recites her lines. A good appearance at least puts her one-up on co-star Ted Wass. In a movie which tries to combine adventure, romance, and humor, he has no toughness, charm, or wit.
And a cautionary note to anyone who thinks the comic book heritage of this film and its PG rating might make it a good choice for children. This film has nudity and graphic violence that normally isn't allowed with a PG rating. I think this film came out just before the PG-13 rating was created. If Sheena were released today, it would be at least a PG-13 and maybe even an R rated film.