baconfats Reviews

Witchouse (1999 Video)

The loser beginning of a loser franchise....

[3/10 · 24 May 2006]

I have a hard time with Dave DeCoteau movies. Like most Albert Pyun suckfests, they drag, are confusing, and the gore is mishandled. Unfortunately, Witchouse is no different.

Set in Dunwich, MA, the film was shot at Full Moon's Castel Studios in Romania. Exteriors were shot in and around Bucharest.

Best Quote: Jack: "We're not in high school anymore, Bob. Why don't you put down the bong and realize that!?"

There's not much to recommend here except for the sets and the Killjoy-ish teeth on the witches. The home wiring lesson from our applied-sciences major hero, Jack, is neat and actually becomes important later on....

I've got a laundry list of problems with the film, but I'll stick with 3 here:

1. The fake thunder and lightning is incessant. VERY, VERY ANNOYING. Only halfway through the movie and I was yelling at the screen...

2. The pace severely drags at several different points. So much of the movie is plot dumps and throwaway scenes that when anything resembling "film magic" happens you feel relieved. The "seance" is actually a 5-minute monologue. Ugh.

3. The deaths are really poorly executed (hehe, no pun intended...man I kill me!). Usually a Full Moon highlight, the deaths in this film are incredibly ill-shot and dull. The opening "knifings" are 8th grade level home movie quality.

The only reason this movie gets a "3" from me is because I think they tried.

Retro Puppet Master (1999 Video)

2nd best of the franchise...

[8/10 · 24 May 2006]

Six-shooter, Tunnel Sergeant, Dr. Death, Pinhead, Cyclops, and Blade help the young Andre Toulon take out Sutek's Egyption henchman in the best sequel this series has seen.

Retro Puppet Master is atmospheric with many sets, quality acting and some fun puppet FX. What it lacks in gore, it makes up for with an interesting well-paced plot.

Best Quote: Dr. Death: "Don't you know, my friends? Smell the sulfur, see the smoke..."

This is easily the best Dave DeCoteau film I've seen. The actors do a more-than-credible job: Jack Donner as "Azfel" turns in an inspired performance, and the young Toulon does well with the puppets. Oh, and the ring-needle is cool.

John Massari's score is a nice symphonic take on the original Puppet Master tunes by Richard Band, keeping the movie playful and eerie. It's rare for a Full Moon score to actually add something to a film, and this one does.

Unfortunately, Dave Allen didn't seem to be affordable enough for Band and Co. in the late-90's and beyond, so all of the puppet action is done rod and string. There's no stop motion such as the famous and funny scene in the original where Pinhead's looking for his pinhead. And, of course, as with all of the Full Moon fare of this time period, RPM was shot in and around Castel Studios in Bucharest, so most of the bit parts were cast to Romanians: hearing their "Parisian" accents was a bit annoying.

All in all, this is probably one of the top-10 Full Moon films. It's certainly the most inventive of the Puppet Master sequels.

Witchouse II: Blood Coven (2000 Video)

Nothing happens!

[4/10 · 24 May 2006]

Another Witchouse (this one, Blood Coven), another Romanian shoot. The film, like the first, is set in Covington county, MA, but was shot in and around Full Moon's Castel Studios in Bucharest. The "haunted house" exteriors is a local crematorium.

Best Quote: Soderquist: "If Clark could only use the power in his nasal passages for good instead of evil..." The only thing (or, I should say, person) keeping Blood Coven's head above water is the casting of Andrew Prine (of Grizzly fame!) in a dual role. While he's not given much to work with in an uninspired script, there's something about him that is eminently watchable.

You'll notice a bunch of "home movie" footage, I guess, cashing in on the Blair Witch craze the year prior (although director Bookwalter says it's an homage to his old movies directed in Cleveland...please...). The townspeople interviews shot in video were the only compelling thing in the flick, to be honest.

The build-up is OK. But the last fifteen minutes are some of the poorest creature v. human battles I've seen. Maybe worse than the Power Rangers. The special effects are so poor, and the action so dull, you'll be amazed that Band had this Bookwalter guy direct more crapfests for Full Moon.

Save your money.

Killjoy (2000 Video)

Great teeth, bad movie.

[2/10 · 24 May 2006]

Another evil clown movie. Why is Killjoy so special? Ah, here's the catch: we've got ourselves an "urban" evil clown movie. I guess "urban" means everybody's black, and the bad guys are wannabe-rapper, blunt-smokin' gang members. Geez, strike another drum for stereotypes...

I especially enjoyed our high school heroes enjoying cocktails at nightclubs and living with their girlfriends/boyfriends.

Best Quote: Jamal: "If we're gonna stop this clown mf'er, we gotta split up!" D'oh! To be honest, there is nothing to recommend this movie. About the only positive thing I can figure is Killjoy's gnarled-up yellow teeth. My main problems with the film is the lack of pace, ho-hum killings, non-existent sets, unfunny clown "mayhem", wooden acting, and Richard Kosinski's wannabe urban score.

The Thing (1982)

Carpenter's best

[10/10 · 8 May 2006]

This movie is Carpenter's "ten". He nailed the special effects, but more importantly the lonely, isolated characters, already on the verge of a blowup before the "thing" shows up.

The pacing is so well done you don't realize you're being led around by a master. Although The Fog, Precinct 13, and Halloween 1 are super, The Thing is the REAL DEAL.

The cast is typical Carpenter: TV actors (Wilford Brimley), or second chance actors, or one-note deadpan actors (Kurt Russell), and they all do the job necessary to not distract from the suspense. Because suspense is key here and it does not let up.

AC/DC: Stiff Upper Lip Live (2001 Video)

The best AD/DC yet!

[10/10 · 10 December 2004]

Though the boys don't break any new ground with song selection, this concert from the huge Olympic stadium in Germany is the best AC/DC concert available for purchase.

The camera work and sound are first rate. The stage is, like all AC/DC stages, huge and fun. Brian Johnson doesn't lose his voice till halfway through the show.

From the opening walking Angus statue to big Rosie, the bell, and the guns, everything is top notch. Special features include a look at the boys backstage, except there isn't much audio of what they're saying, just music video-like clips.

Easily an A+ for fans!