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Reviews
Screenplay: You, Me & Marley (1992)
A staple of British Columbia's "Knowledge Network" programming
I still have a copy of this film on VHS that I taped off of BC's Knowledge Netwrok TV station. I remember scrambling for a tape when it was rerun for the third time. The previous two times I had caught it in the middle of one of its insanely violent sequences that disturbed me deeply when I saw it at the age of ten. There were moments where I was unsure if it was a documentary or reality. I recall the scene where a juvenile delinquent is taken out to an old shack by vigilantes and has his hands repeatedly smashed with a wooden club. "Put your hands on the table! Put your f***kin hands on the table!" SMASH! "AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!" "Put your hands back on the table! Put your hands back on the table!" SMASH! "AHHHHHHHHHH!" I also recall that one of the actresses in the film turned up briefly during the Uma Thurman overdose scene in Pulp Fiction shortly thereafter. A fascinating piece of ultra-violence.
Casper and the Angels (1979)
Weird, Weird, Weird: Forgotten Satruday Morning
Hanna Barbera were always shameless when it came to recycling elements and attempting to inject life into tired ideas. Often this would encompass adding a cutesy animal sidekick ... or in this instance ... setting the character into outer space.
Casper the Frindly Ghost was one of the flagship characters for Paramount's HarveyToons in the 1940s along with Baby Huey, Herman the Mouse and Lil Lotta. Long after the demise of Paramount's theatrical cartoon department, Hanna Barbera was leased the rights to the Casper character from Harvey Comics and they came out with this strange hybrid of various Saturday Morning elements.
Like many Hanna Barbera and Filmation cartoons of the 1970s, Casper and the Angels takes place in the future, and in outer space. The Jetsons, Frankenstein Jr, and Space Ghost featured original characters but by the seventies this notion had given way to existing characters being sent spaceward. Classic examples of this of course are Josie & the Pussycats in Outer Space, Gilligan's Planet, Partridge Family 2200 AD, and this, the last of the bunch: Casper and the Angels.
Casper the Friendly Ghost works for the "Space Police" and is teamed up with Harry the Ghost who is a giant ghost covered in fur who wears a bow-tie. They are paired with a pair of female agents (human) who both sport futuristic outfits and have cameltoe. The two women are loose caricatures of Laverne & Shirley (although the Laverne type character resembles Barbara Streisand more). Together they fight "space criminals" and eat "space food" fill up their cars with "space gas" all in twelve minute episodic incidents. Like several of the cheap cartoons from the era, the show has a disembodied sounding laugh track, but not even the laugh track sounds very amused, as it goes long stretches without laughing.
Brewster McGee (2000)
Mediocrity in Black and White
Brewster McGee is a laboured made-in-Vancouver comedy with very little going for it. It was obviously a student film and features broad actors each doing a different accent. The character of Brewster is an arrogant, foul mouthed, redneck, who lives out of his car, and parks in a fast food parking lot every day, spouting his philosophies to his best friend, a hippie. They befriend an emotional fast food employee, hang out and ... the end.
The film is extremely short, and perhaps for the best. If it has anything going for it, it's the stylish black and white cinematography. The end credits border on Ed Woodian territory as they go on for a full twelve minutes, listing the crew while simultaneously giving us a tracking shot of Vancouver's notorious East Hastings Street.
Big Timers (1945)
Where is Moms Mabely!?
Despite words to the contrary on both the back cover of the VHS and cheap budget public domain DVD of this film, (and the IMDb credits listings as well), I can assure you that Moms Mabely does not appear in this film, not billed as Jackie or Moms or anything else. Her name is not in the credits, and after viewing the quickie musical I discovered why ... because she is not in the movie either. Despite that major disappointment, it is still another fascinating low-budget song and dance film with an all-black cast from director Bud Pollard, who specialized in these kinds of pictures.
The film starts with a statement written on the screen, "This story is about the poor folks who work for the rich folks." Stepin Fetchit plays a butler who mumbles and drinks martinis. He seems to be a character suffering from mental illness of some sort, as he swats at flies in the air that aren't there and compulsively scratches at his neck, mumbling all the while. Like most of the low budget all black musicals, the story is nearly non existent, and simply used as a way to tie together many song and dance routines. A woman hosts a show in her apartment and presents, "... the boy with the crazy feet!" He tap dances (without the sound of any tapping) to the music of an all female swing band. He jumps up on top of the piano at one point tapping up a storm. The girls play an instrumental called 'Start Swingin' and also back up Stepin Fetchit on a strange number. Fetchit sits at the piano and performs a drawling rap, most of which goes by so fast it is hard to catch. Much of it seems to be "put it down! put down the pork chop ... the cat'll get it later ..." He then moves into a comical, if not totally confusing song and shuffle with an African American dwarf dressed as a bellboy. The film is quite short at 36 minutes, and Fetchit's mumbly character is fascinating and fun to watch. It was filmed on a cheap set in Fort Lee, New Jersey. I wondered if perhaps I missed Moms Mabely somehow, but I watched Boarding House Blues (1948) directly after and it stars the missing comedy queen. The face and voice of Moms in BHB is unmistakable. It does not appear in Big Timers for even a second. Too bad.
Zach & Avery of Fergus (2004)
Not Bad except for that guy!
I thought this movie was pretty decent for what was apparently such a low-budget independent effort. The director, Sean Devlin, obviously has a pretty good eye, and a lot of the film is rather beautiful, poetic even. Unfortunately, the character development is rather rushed, and I wasn't left with the sweet feeling inside that the final shot perhaps suggested I should have had. This movie could have been really good ... had it not been for that damned guy who starred as Avery. He was absolutely horrible, an over actor of the greatest degree. He belongs in perhaps an attack of the giant sasquatch type film, where his mugging, and overacting would be better suited. Other than having him spoil many scenes for me, the movie was surprisingly good. I hope Devlin makes more.
The Ballad of Billie Blue (1972)
Erik Estrada: Christian Action Star
The Ballad of Billie Blue was Erik Estrada's second ever film role, and remarkably, it was also his second role in a "Christian Action Film." His role here is not as big as his previous one in the fondly remembered 1970 Christian exploitation flick, The Cross and The Switchblade, and in fact, The Ballad of Billie Blue is quite difficult to track down.
In The Cross and the Switchblade, Estrada played a troubled member of a Hispanic gang that was warring with an all black gang, their turfs being Harlem and Spanish Harlem respectively. Pat Boone played the travelling preacher who arrives in NYC to "save" them.
In the Ballad of Billie Blue, Estrada plays essentially the same character, that of a young Hispanic hoodlum, however, he has a very small role (despite the VHS copy that I rented called "Breakin' Out STARRING ERIK ESTRADA ... which was obviously marketed to cash in on his C.H.i.P.s fame). The Ballad of Billie Blue is the story of a country music star who starts drinking and drugging heavily (the character is played by Ray Danton who played a rapist in the 1959 juvenile delinquency picture, The Beat Generation) at the height of his fame. One night while drunk and high in a motel room, he clocks someone over the head with a bottle, killing them. For this Billie Blue goes to prison, where he is chained at the ankle to Erik Estrada. Marty Allen, the old hack comedian best known for being one half of the 1960s comedy duo Allen & Rossi, has a role as a mean spirited press agent, always harping on Billie Blue. Allen & Rossi, although it is forgotten today, had the thankless job of following the Beatles on Ed Sullivan when the liverpool lads had their American television debut.
Billie Blue sings several terrible country pop songs throughout the film, which provide us with many of the film's campiest moments. While serving time in the state pen, Billie Blue is turned on to the ways of the Lord by a visiting minister (not Pat Boone). Eventually he is released from prison, and upon first stepping out, he hears the sounds of gospel music in the air. He follows it to a church downtown, and pushes open the doors. There he stares up in awe at a giant neon cross. The shot freezes on the cross and instead of the words "The End" appearing on the screen it says, "The Beginning." For the record "The Beginning" instead of "The End" has been used in Red Planet Mars (1952) The Phantom Planet (1961) and In the Year 2889 (1968), probably several more.
Yan ku shen tan (1974)
Weird but often dull
"I like women to hit me. Feels good."
The Association is filled with weird moments such as that comment, but is often too talky to be a fully satisfying King fu pic. Byong Yu's character is a no nonsense member of a Chinese police force, committed to breaking up an underground prostitution ring. Over the course of an hour and a half we are treated to: 1) Exploding skulls during the opening credits sequence. 2)A rapist who has his eyeball ripped open with broken glass. 3)A group of satanists performing an abortion by having a white woman in a red gown, surrounded by flames, dance around the pregnant woman to a gogo music soundtrack. 4) The hero fighting a blind man (we see only the whites of his eyes).
As exciting as all that might sound, we have to put up with twenty minutes worth of boring dialogue in between each of those choice moments. There are also some lame romance scenes in which lovers run through the woods to sultry Love Story style music with harpsichord.
I purchased the film for $2.00 on the Norstar Home Video label at The Kingsgate Mall in Vancouver.
The Brink's Job (1978)
Character Actor Smorgesborg (smorgesbord?)
Whatever that word is, this movie is it. A who's who of nineteen seventies character actors. Peter Boyle was churning them out like crazy in the seventies, appearing in Slither, Hardcore, Where the Buffalo Roam etc. Alan Garfield and Paul Sorvino in one movie together!? Alan Garfield who was in Mother, Jugs and Speed, Slither, Busting ... and Paul Sorvino who was in Where's Poppa, The Gambler etc. And then Warren Oates as well!? The most recognizable character actor of the decade!! Warren Oates was the Steve Buscemi of the 70s. Cockfighter, Race with the Devil, Bring Me the Head of Alfredo Garcia, The Border, Dillinger etc. etc. etc. The Brink's Job is funny and tight, with a once in a life time cast for 70s movie buffs.
Tunnel Vision (1976)
Prophetic but not Good ... i'm serious, prohphetic!!
Saturday Night Live, National Lampoon, and SCTV alumnus are all together in a sometimes funny sketch film.
However, it is very interesting to watch now, at the start of 2005. Twenty years after this movie is supposed to take place, look at how many of their gags have become absolutely true: There is a mock movie trailer, that probably wasn't even clever at the time, for something called "The Pregnant Man" which came true with Arnold Schwarzenegger's dumb movie "Junior" There is a commercial spoof, that probably wasn't even clever at the time, for something featuring Sammy Davis Jr. and Jackie Onasis called "Celebrity Wrestling" which has now come true with a popular show called "Celebrity Boxing" There is a mock movie trailer, that probably wasn't even clever at the time, that features John Candy in a movie about a severed head. Watch this trailer and look how similar it's shots and plot are to Frank Hellenlotter's Basket Case!! And finally there is an ad for a late late show documentary about "a dead dream, the only two left ..." The name of the documentary is ... THE LAST HIPPIES! LOL.
Four prophecies come true!
The Muppets: A Celebration of 30 Years (1986)
Fantastic and Rarely seen
I was six years old when I saw this on TV, it was one of the first things my family ever recorded with a shiny new VCR, and it was something we had on tape for fifteen years (until my brother taped over it ... grrrr!).
The through-line that connects all the clips of Jim Henson related projects is an awards show style format. Every Muppet you've ever seen is in the audience sitting around their respective dinner tables. All the Fraggles sit at one table, all the Muppet Show monsters at another, Sesame street characters make up another table etc. etc. etc.
On stage is a long table and podium ALA Dean Martin's Celebrity Roasts. Kermit, Fozzie, Piggy, Ernie, Bert, and a few others sit along that long table, all dressed in tuxedos! They each come and introduce different clips of the Muppets history, with EXTREMELY funny banter that puts the pathetic banter of real awards shows to shame. Ernie and Bert introduce the Sesame Street clips. Ernie pulls Bert's nose right off his face, laughing wildly. Bert gets annoyed, asking why Ernie did that. Ernie uses the gag to set up the clips saying, "That's the old nose joke, Bert! Don't you remember? The first time we did that was over fifteen years ago!" The special also shows rare footage of commercials Jim Henson made, clips from his old Sam & Friends show, and Rolf the Dog on the Jimmy Dean Show. All around this special was amazing, I wish they would rerun it or put it out on DVD.
My Wife Is a Call Girl (1990)
Bad 80s Hair, Bad 80s Smut
My Wife is a Call Girl is a good example of how dated porno films can be. In the case of 1970s porn, it has kitsch and retro appeal simply because it's so dated. I don't know if we've reached that point for 1980s smut, since the casio synthesizer music isn't quite as fun or enjoyable as a wawa peddle. Moustaches and sideburns seem a lot funnier than hairsprayed perms and aerobics outfits.
My Wife is a Call Girl stars still famous porn star, Randy West, as a salesman who tells his wife he is off to the big salesman convention. In reality, he drives off and hides the car somewhere, with plans to spy on his wife, who runs a call girl service on their enormous acreage. Most of his wife's clients on this given day are salesman skipping out of the convention.
There are five sex scenes in total, only one which is even remotely sexy, involving the wife, a salesman, and guess what ... an aerobics instructor! Fortunately, she left the spandex at home for this scene, and is the only "actress" who would be considered attractive by today's standards.
The movie is only about a half hour long, and makes one wonder, if the internet porn of today will look incredibly ridiculous by time we enter the next decade.
Smokey and the Judge (1982)
Uninteresting Exploitation Film
Makin' It (1980) Three female prisoners are paroled and collectively decide to form a soft rock band. Only catch is, the conditions of their parole state they are not to enter any venue that sells alcohol, nor to have contact with fellow parolees. This spawns an hour and a half of parole officers and state troopers trying to track them down, interspersed with horrible songs the girls perform in various roadhouse country bars. This movie isn't even worth watching for camp value. No one of note acts in it, other than Rory Calhoun who starred in Motel Hell the same year.The music is of a new wave meets disco kind of nature, so maybe if you like that kind of stuff then ... no, nevermind, you still won't like this piece of junk.